"I didn’t feel lonely, and never stood out;

You are so pretty, but I thought you would slide by as always..."

The first words you heard drifting late at night a few months after you'd moved in next door to the studio. You'd always hear a soft voice singing at night since the first day you moved in. But it was to be expected, living close to the studio that BAP practiced, filmed and trained in day and night. Someone was always singing or easily spotted when heading out of the building for a break, and while it was nerve wracking to be around such famous celebrities at first, you grew used to seeing them and they got used to you living next door. 

In the recent days, it had been about 4 months since you'd been living next door, and you had befriended them all after being invited over to be a part of a music video. The boys were all so fun to be around that you'd often forget they were idolized so much by so many fans. It was starting to be normal to see them and hang out with them whenever they wanted to. 

Lately though, you'd been hearing a soft voice repeating the same melody and mumbling words that you couldn't make out until today. You hadn't expected to hear those exact words though; who could it be out so late and who were they talking about?

You were curious to investigate, but decided to bring your phone with you so you wouldn't trip over things and cause trouble like you often ended up in. As you edged closer to the source of the tune, you saw a figure writing in a notebook, and it resumed again with the same words you heard before: "I didn’t feel lonely, and never stood out; You are so pretty, but I thought you would slide by as always..." and it continued, "Whenever you do something
I like all the things you do, When there are no dreams in other rooms, I want everything alone with you."

Your curiosity got the better of you as you stood on your tip toes to glance over the railing on the back porch to peek into the adjacent house. The figure was writing and humming a slow tune, probably the words you'd just heard.

You craned your neck to see if you could identify who it was when suddenly- you felt yourself tip over the railing. "AAHH!!" you yelped, toppling into the flower bush in front of you. You had leaned just a little too close and were too busy creeping that you didn't realize you were too high over the railing. 

As you were attempting to dust yourself off and try to get away without being noticed, you heard a figure come running over. 

"Hey, are you okay?" You looked up at the concerned figure.

"Jongup...oh, hey...yeah...I'm fine!" You hastily scrambled to your feet. 

"Did you get scratched anywhere? I can get you a bandage." He furrowed his eyebrows in concern. 

"Oh, nah, I'm just a little dusty," you said, flustered. You swallowed nervously. "I, uh, was just out here for some fresh air, but um...I'm pretty clumsy.." 

Jongup's face lightened up. "Alright, well, let me know if you do need something, I'm usually up for a few more hours if you need anything." He smiled.

"Yeah, thank you..." you were trying to avoid eye contact. "Better get some sleep now though, I'm way tired..."

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow!" He was about to walk off and paused. 

"What's wrong?" You asked, not quite meeting his gaze.

"Um....this," he reached a hand out and took off the flower petal stuck to your bottom lip. You blushed instantly, your face growing warm at the contact. 

"Oh..." You let out a nervous laugh. "Mm...thanks...I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Sure..." he seemed a little lost, but you nervously ran off before you could say anything else.

Once you were back inside, you grabbed a glass of cold water and nervously drank it to soothe your nerves. Had he seen that it was me? Did he know I was listening to him?

Your mind and heart raced. Jongup was the shyest of the boys but certainly not lacking at all. He was always so sweet and respectful to everyone he talked to, and you'd found yourself crushing on him quite a bit lately. But you'd never been able to muster up the courage to talk to him one on one or outside of the studio sessions since he always seemed to be doing something or being alone.

A knock on your door broke your train of thought.

Instinctively you reached into your pocket, but realized you didn't have your phone on you. Crap! I must have dropped it...

Another knock came. You scrambled to check who it was. It was Jongup again. 

You opened the door. "Um, hey..."

He smiled at you in the way he always easily seemed to. "You dropped your phone, but you ran so fast before I could give it back to you."

"Ahh...thanks...um, so...I didn't leave anything else, right?" Why am I asking him this?!

He chuckled. "Nah, that's all it looks like. You should rest up, it's late."

"Yeah...you too! Um, Goodnight, Jongup..." You fretted again, taking the phone.

"Goodnight Byul!" He walked off again with a little wave.

You shut the door, clutching the phone to your chest. It buzzed.

I hope you didn't fall asleep yet! I have a favor to ask you...

12:48 am. Of course he was still up late, texting you.

Hyuk...do you ever sleep? You texted back, shaking your head and walked upstairs to your room.

You know, you're still the only person who calls me by my first name. Should I just change my alias again?

You rolled your eyes. Okay...Dean, what can I do for you? Will you sleep if I do it?

Yes pleaseeeee...I need you to listen to this clip of music for me. Tell me what you think of it so far?

You chuckled, setlling down in your comforters. Alright, send it to me.

A few minutes later, you opened the attachment on your phone. 

The track was faded in from a groovy beat to the sound of his higher-falsetto style singing. "....she's twenty twenty twenty one now..." It had such a fun beat that you picked up immediately. A small breakdown followed before fading out. 

Well....? Hit me with it. 

You replayed the song clip. It was definitely going to be a hit if he added to it. I love it! it's just funky enough for me to groove to.

I'm glad. You know...do you remember when we first met?

You paused at the text. My crazy mess of a 21st birthday? I'm surprised I remember anything from that day...

Good thing you remember me, otherwise...where would we be? 

You swallowed a suddenly nervous gulp. He was always teasing you with these borderline flirtatious texts, yet the two of you were closer than two peas in a pod. Everyone that knew him, including his friends at the studios, the makeup and hair noonas, even the artists he collaborated with were envious of how close the two of you were with each other. One too many times you'd gotten the side eye and people would point as if trying to make assumptions that you two were dating, but you two knew your friendship was more than dating rumors- you were the thickest of theives, the bestest of friends, and Dean always left his mysterious half-anwers to keep everyone guessing and to keep you just out of the gossip but interesting enough to keep them on their toes. You both appreciated how much he looked out for you yet couldn't deal with the constant teasing because of some of his hardcore fans. He had just started making his music come through the airwaves and it was like a movement starting with fans going wild for what more he had in store. 

Did you fall asleep for real...? Your phone buzzed again, breaking your train of thought once more.

Oh, sorry, it's just been a long day...I kinda got caught creeping today...

Creeping?! Oh snap...who's the new boo? There's finally someone worthy enough to compete with me? I'm gonna have to bring my stamp of approval with me this weekend...

Noooo nothing like that...I...It's nothing...it's just, not even a crush so...

It's definitely more than that. I see it in your eyes when we hang out...tomorrow. Wait up for me, I'll be the first thing at the door.

Say it like that again, and people will think we're married...smh. You laughed to yourself, shaking your head at his texts.

You know, that's always an option...how about this weekend? :P

Yah!! How about you come over first and get these silly feelings out of my mind....

Feelings aren't silly...they're a reminder that you're still living.

And then he would jump headfirst without warning on topics like this. It wasn't that you didn't believe in love, but your own situation at home was what prompted you to move out of your house in the first place. The "marriage" you'd witnessed growing up was a constant illusion of "happy" to everyone else, treading on the thinnest of lines to show how well your mother and father could act like they were happy together. Granted, they hadn't chosen each other, but it was the hardest thing to face growing up. They both showered you with love and affection, but never each other. Marriage was a way for them to show the world that they were able to raise a family, but not raise love within themselves for themselves. It was like a house of masks showcasing the "ideal" family but for you, being backstage meant to see the ugliness of a relationship that could never find the balance and happiness that was given to you. Seeing two individuals living their own lives separately but trying to pass it as working together made your perspectives of relationships nearly fall apart. You had plenty of friends, but your true self was a secret. You had loving and supportive relationships, but couldn't trust in the reality of a significant other.

Until Dean.

He stirred feelings of hope in you, feelings of peace, feelings of restlessness that reminded you of the blood that would pump in your veins when you were upset or excited; Reminders of the breath that would pause when the beat would drop before he played a new song clip. And then, moving next door to BAP amplified those feelings with the passion, energy and happiness that the boys exuded, no matter how hard the days were. They truly brought out the simple happiness that would come forth in your day without you realizing, and you never felt homesick except when Dean was coming to visit you. It made you restless when he would visit you next, yet the boys always made you so comfortable in his absence. They started recognizing Dean when you both were hanging out and they spotted you walking back together to your apartment. After that, the boys had grown more at ease around you, and regularly came over and hung out with you after practices.

And then there was Jongup. 

You shook your head, looking at the time. 1:36 am. How was time flying so fast?! You yawned, stretching and then rolled over after setting the alarm. Even though it was going to be Saturday tomorrow, you were going to have company over and you needed to try to beat him at getting here so you could make breakfast. He had seen your morning face far too often and this time you were going to be prepared. 

Yes, feelings remind me I have you to help me make sense of them. See you in the morning <3

You closed your eyes, pulling your pillow in close and drifted off.

1:35 am.

There was a faint glow from the window from your bed that kept popping up in the corner of your eye that you tried to ignore. It wasn't the first night that you'd see the glow of her phone late into the night. Ever since the first day, she barely slept before 1 am. You'd tried to ignore the urge to ask her who or pursue any way to find out, but oddly enough, you were drawn to her presence. It wasn't anything particular that was alluring about her; she was pretty, as were other girls you saw everyday. 

But that wasn't what drew you- it was the ease and familiar air around her that made you wonder about her. She wasn't shy, a contrast to your quieter personality; she was always very open and friendly with everyone, even with you, who would get caught off guard. Sometimes, you sensed that your quietness turned her away from you, but there was more than one occasion which you caught each other's eyes and could sense a vulnerability within them, something you didn't see often with her rather confident exterior. 

She was like an open book, but with so much written between the lines. You couldn't figure out what hidden messages were being sent to you, yet you couldn't bring it to yourself to pursue the curiosity without worrying that it could shift the rather platonic relationship you had. But lately, she kept crossing your mind, like a restless thought that reminded you that you forgot to do something. 

You found yourself in a constant tangle to let her know yet wait for her to tell you herself. To get your mind off the growing thoughts, you had started composing again, humming a few lines to yourself, like it would make her pass by in your thoughts more quickly. Only, it made you think of her more, and seeing her almost everyday next door didn't help to ease your mind.

And then there was tonight.

You could have sworn you were alone out on the back porch, as you did often in the last few weeks especially. But when you heard the familiar voice yelp in the middle of the night, it had completely thrown you off. Was that really her? Did she know I was out here?

You'd been convinced that it was merely a coincidence that she was out on this night when you were. The look in her eyes were telling you otherwise, like she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Yet even so, an aura of innocence was pleading to convince you that it was a mere coincidence.

It stirred feelings in your heart.

And though you couldn't explain what it was, you needed an answer. As if the universe had heard you, when she turned her face, the petal stuck to her lip broke the tension and gave you a moment. She warmed into a blush instantly at the slight touch when you took the petal off, fleeing like a deer into the night.

She...feels.