Story Link

Title [3/10]:

Your title is simple and common. Yet, I think it can be beautiful in some types of fanfic. In your fanfic I understand the choice of the title but for me the rest is still unclear… I think you could relate it a bit more.

Description/Foreword [3/10]:

Your description is interesting and is related to the story.

When I started to read it, I smiled because I thought I’d have a good fanfic to review. But soon I noticed how you wrote your description… It can be an original way of doing so, indeed, but for me it’s a bit boring – I mean, you use too many dots, and don’t develop sentences. That’s what you could change, develop your description a bit more.

Originality [4/10]:

There are a lot of fanfics like those but I’ll let it pass. Your writing is okay and consistent so… :D

Plot/Writing [15/22]:

Hmmm, you’re still at the beginning for me to mention anything about this story’s development. But I liked how you are taking your time on introducing the characters and your slow flow. You’re basically presenting the characters individually, that’s good.

Your writing is fine, your vocabulary is also cool, you have a wrong punctuation and mix verb tenses a bit.

- This happens every time I don't tell her when someone she knows comes over and, I don't tell her. 
( Also, you are repeating "I don't tell her" so you should delete the last one or delete the first one modifying it a bit.)

 - Amber was on a live singing show as the judge. Amber's stage name is J King; short for Amber's middle name, Joseph King. He was known as the strictest and meanest judge in South Korea. 

- Amber is currently listening to one of the contestants sing. Her name was Song Hyun Le. She is the daughter of Song Shin Long, the Vice President of the largest music company in Asia, Asia Top Star Entertainment. All the judges knew she was a bad singer, but they were being nice because of her father.

I’m sorry, don’t get offended, but…. I’m still confused!! I’m always thinking Amber is a girl!!! Is it right or wrong?? Arghhhh, I’m sorry! Oh, it's a boy lol I almost thought I was going to review my first Yuri fanfic lol But it's wrong haha I misunderstood him as the other F(x) member.

I also felt strange that Amber accepted his fate of stopping to be a singer so quickly and is warmly being a baker now. And also his quick love confession hehe

Your way of writing is not boring, it’s good. You just need to refine some things and you’ll improve!

You have a line to chapters and don’t change the subject quickly, that’s good too!

Characters [7/10]:

Your characters were fine. I hope you can develop them a bit more, but they’re overall fine.
The fact that your story flow is running slow helps a lot!

Grammar/Vocabulary [15/23]:

Your vocabulary is cool and your grammar is not bad. I didn’t find a lot of mistakes but I can’t say either you are good at grammar. Weird, huh?

So, I corrected most of it:

- "Amber, come on just go in or I'm going to force you." Jonghyun said while dragging me in to the door.

"No way, what if people notice me?" I said freaking out resisting from being dragged in to the door.

"They probably would, but no one is in here." Jonghyun said after successfully dragging me in the bakery.

- "Thank you," I looked at her name tag. "Krystal." I said while smiling making my dorky smile. I watched as Krystal blushed a little.

- "Cause, I knew you would go be all fangirling over him on me."

 - I walked to my studio and sat down in one of the chairs. I was sitting there for a while thinking of about what to write.

- It slightly whimpered. I looked at its dog tag and found the phone number, but, the rest was faded. 

- I walked back to my house and thought it was a bit early since it was 8 AM.

- I layed laid down for a bit and felt its paws on my tummy. 

 - I felt Jo my cheek so, I opened my eyes. I looked at the clock seeing that it was 10 AM. I grabbed the my phone and dialed the number.

 - "Alrighty then." She said happily. Krystal began to rub the alcohol on my wound for a minute.

 - "Krystal, you’re back! What was taking you so long?" I saw a girl running out of the shop.

 - The girl had seen / The girl saw me and got really excited. 

 - We all knew know her dad is was important, but I think they are being too nice to her. 

 - "Yes I do. KnNow, will you excuse me?" I got up out of my chair and told my manager we were going home. He nodded and gave me my keys and mustered up my belongings.

 - "We saw you today on that singing show today." My Dad said to me.

 - They paused once again. "You’re going to gonna work here." They silted warmly after saying that. "Krystal! Dear, please come out."

 - "Well I didn't know, or now did I?" I replied back knowing that my heart was aching.

 Pay attention to your punctuation and those mistakes… you do it often!

How much I enjoyed your story / Overall Excitement [6/10]:

Actually I’ve been busy so It was a bit hard to start reviewing. I read a bit of your fanfic but I wasn’t into it, I didn’t finish reading. Now I started and finished it in minutes. Because your fanfic and chapters are small it’s a lot more pleasant to read and I read it quickly.

I enjoyed your story. I find it cute even though it’s still the introduction of the characters. I hope you can find a way of make it deeper, I mean, add other characters and make the fanfic more addictive, don’t follow always the same path of being in the bakery and fighting to get Krystal’s love and such. Add twists or side stories of other characters to make it more interesting.

Your story was not really boring but it can be if you keep writing always in the same line and don’t change your plot a bit.

Bonus [2/5]:

You have a cute background, but you don’t have a poster! It made me sad!

Anyway, it is fine! I liked it!

Nothing to say about Chapter Titles…. Your chapters are consistent but small. 

Total: 55/100

I think I'm starting to soften a bit haha No, not at all. You deserved it.. I'm sorry for being that strict! I just can't help it! Sorry!

Anything you need contact me! I'll be glad to help you!

I didn't give you any more extra points because I re-read the review and added some points on some categories. So I didn't think it was fair to add more!

Request from us anytime!! Hwaiting for you! Sorry for taking so long!