f r i e n d s

It’s that awkward time of night when it’s between dawn and night. The time when nostalgia hits and when thoughts become courageous in the dark. The foreign city she’s staying in tonight is still alive and restless outside her hotel room window and the adrenaline in her blood from the concert has finally thinned down enough for slumber to seep through her veins. She cracks open the door to the balcony and the white curtains react to the wind with a light dance. At that moment, the door to her hotel room chirps open and a tall male in a simple t-shirt and sleeping shorts enters into the dark room. Seulgi turns herself away from the glittering lights of Shanghai’s night sky and melts right into Sehun’s arms that slip around her tiny waist. With her back slightly pressed against the coolness of the glass door, Sehun raises a hand to tuck her hair back behind an ear before closing the distance between their lips.

In the serene darkness of the hotel room, two hearts compete in a war to see who can be louder until they eventually go deaf. His lips finally leave hers when she’s all out of air and he digs head into the comforting crook of her neck. Her fingers rake through his thick head of hair and in the silence, they hold each other as if they won’t be returning to friends when daylight comes.
 

During the nights when she’s sleeping in his arms, Sehun stays awake and wonders when they’ve become this way. They’re friends but friends don’t sleep in the same bed, nor do they kiss each other the way they do. As friends, Sehun knows all her secrets and insecurities but he also knows how to hold her when she has nightmares and where to kiss to make everything better. In conclusion, Sehun doesn’t believe they’re friends because they were never just friends to begin with but then again, if they’re not friends then he couldn’t love her either. His lips touch her forehead and he whispers three words into the dark, hoping it will reach her dreams.

“I love you. I love you. I love you.”

Friends don’t love one another in this way.

Sehun’s thought about it plenty of times. It’s better being friends then nothing at all but he can’t help the way his heart desires to be more. When she passes him in the company corridors with her members, she greets him with a friendly bow and turns away too soon from his gaze but when night falls, they always find a way to one another. Her fingers fit in the gaps of his a little too perfectly for a friend but then again, if the only way he can protect her is under the name of a friend, then that’s okay. Still, whenever he looks at the beautiful girl smiling next to him, he wonders if she truly knows him like she says she does.

Because if she is his friend, she’d know she loves him too.

Everything is different with Seulgi. Maybe it was because they’re the same age and chasing after the same dreams that they found comfort in one another. Still, they found comfort in a lot of the other trainees including their own members and friends of the opposite gender but theirs was always different. He’d linger around too long and she’d ask for his opinion too often but it felt natural and right in a way. The same way it felt right when she grabbed his hand out of fear during their way home one night and the same way it felt right when he kissed her out of curiosity in the stairwell to the underground parking lot of the company. And oddly, it felt right to continue their little affections in secrecy from everyone else and remain, just friends.

But they’re no longer those curious kids stuck in the practice rooms of SM until the early mornings and instead two grown adults stuck in this grey area between lovers and friends. It’s become too comfortable between black and white to the point where it’s starting to hurt. Sehun doesn’t want to be a friend anymore.

It’s another night and another city for the two idols. Sehun spends the encore of the concert lingering a bit too close to her and she pretends like she doesn’t sense that he’s around. Somehow they get to the final bow and Sehun finds that there are ten other people between them, he counted. He grabs onto the hands next to him that are not hers and bows to the audience and he’s reminded that it’s the same audience that is the reason why they can only be friends.

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