I walk this empty street on the boulevard of broken dreams, where the city sleeps, and I'm the only one and I walk alone  

 

“…when I was at medschool, the Professors told me there were two ways to determine death of someone..,” he paused, feeling his throat is hitched, “..one of them is brain death.”   His tears start to fall when remembering the state of the person he is holding right now. He cannot contain the sadness in his heart alone, and his eyes do the job to ease his pain even though his body has been tired of witnessing himself crying.   “…I cannot believe they told me that you are not legally alive right now. I.. I don’t want to believe them, because I know you’re alive.” Chanwoo keeps talking, doesn’t bother with the fact that the other person is not even responding, “…isn’t it unfair? We’ve been separated for years, we should live happily ever after together like those movies we watched. We should be on vacation right now, I should be calling you hyung because you were born few minutes before me, and I should be telling stories about all the truth that you’ve missed.”   Chanwoo’s cry gets louder as he tightens his hands that wrap around Junhoe’s body. His head is placed on the nape of Junhoe’s neck. The tears fall into Junhoe’s body, and he doesn’t care if his brother is now soaked in his tears, because he is unsure when to see him again.   “You cannot die now.. you cannot die without knowing the whole truth.”   “Chanwoo..” someone calls him softly. Chanwoo didn’t bother to look at who’s calling him, because the way he sounds has told it all. He sleeps on the sickbed and still has his hands enclasping Junhoe’s body as he doesn’t want to let go. His sob only gets harder when the other person lands a hand on his shoulder and pats it softly.   “Let’s talk.” Jinhwan shortly said, more like a command. Chanwoo shook his head lightly in return, “..can we just talk here? I’m afraid they’re going to turn off the machine when I’m gone. I’m afraid they will kill Junhoe.”    Jinhwan sighed. His heart broke at the view that he is witnessing right now, so he tries to look away from Chanwoo for few seconds before puffing his cheek to hold his tears, “…they won’t turn it off unless you sign the consent form. You can sue them later if they do.” Jinhwan assures, his hand still pats his younger brother’s shoulder, “..and no, I don’t want to talk with you here. I don’t want Junhoe listen to this.” his voice gets vanished at the end of the sentence because he tries hard holding back. Jinhwan covers his mouth with the back of his hand, trying hard to hide the sadness in his expression. Chanwoo gets surprised at what he just heard before he moves his head to meet Jinhwan’s eyes, while Jinhwan automatically beams a smile when the younger finally notices his presence.   “…you—you believe that he is still alive?”   Jinhwan nods, “He is alive, and he is my brother."   Slowly, Jinhwan helps Chanwoo to get off of Junhoe’s body, and gets down from the sickbed. His face is a mess, his eyes are swollen due to tears, and his lips are trembling. Jinhwan quickly hugs the younger and buries his head on his chest. He slowly takes a deep breath before whispering, “..let’s talk outside, okay?” and he can feel Chanwoo’s chin nodding on his head.   Jinhwan holds Chanwoo’s hand along the way they walk together. They both do not know where they will go to, but they just keep walking around the hospital. They didn’t say anything nor spare glances at each other, but they seem to enjoy each other’s company. Jinhwan is the first to steal glances at Chanwoo, and he can see that the younger’s face is filled with absentmindedness. They both walk until they find themselves outside the hospital, seeing the flashes from the cars and ambulances, which are contrast with the dark of the night, blinding their eyes. Jinhwan still leads the way until they arrive at the park beside the hospital, both plopped themselves on one of the benches.   No one wants to break the silence, and it extends for fifteen minutes since they've sat down on the bench. Jinhwan is busy with the river view in front of him, while Chanwoo is busy with his mind. Both stay quiet until Chanwoo falls his head on Jinhwan’s shoulder. The older can feel the weight of the younger's head as well as the regular breathing from Chanwoo, and Jinhwan slowly puts his hand on Chanwoo’s to rub it softly.   “What are you thinking now?” Jinhwan opens a conversation between them, and as soon as the question ended, Chanwoo shuts his eyes. Jinhwan’s question is actually rhetoric, because he knows that no matter how much Chanwoo tries to sort what’s on his mind, there’s really nothing there but Junhoe.   “I don’t know.” is his answer instead. He inhales quite amount of oxygen, and the smell of the flowers in the park join to fill his nostrils, “..I am torn.”   “As a doctor, I know that holding on to Junhoe like this is totally wrong. I should’ve signed the consent form and let them do the organ harvesting or turn off the machine…” tears are about to fall on his face again as the pictures of how his life will be without Junhoe start playing on his mind, “..but as a brother, I can never do that. I cannot be that realistic and rational.”   Jinhwan’s heart sinks when he feels tears start damping his shoulders. He cannot count how many times Chanwoo has been crying for today. If crying one drop can get him a buck, Chanwoo will probably be a millionaire right now. At this very moment, Chanwoo's not the only one that is torn, because Jinhwan is too. On one hand, Jinhwan wants to stop Chanwoo's tears from falling. On the other hand, he has no better idea to help relieving Chanwoo’s heavy heart right now.   He chooses to be quiet instead.   “Are you here to encourage me signing the form, hyung?” Chanwoo suddenly asked, “..are you here because Dr. Yang called you and asked you to tell me the right thing to do?”   Jinhwan lightly shakes his head. He feels a bit disappointment at his heart to hear such doubt from Chanwoo, but he cannot really blame his brother right now because the reason of his doubt is actually the pressure that he has been receiving since Junhoe is convicted brain-dead. If Jinhwan were put on Chanwoo's shoes, he would probably act the same way, or even worse.   “..I remember years ago, I was a jerk to you. I was rude, harsh, and everything that I’m very ashamed of, until you donored half of your liver and gave me life because you said you didn’t want to lose me. You didn’t want to be alone nor lose your only friend in your life. At that time, I realised that you have been going through a tough life.” Jinhwan paused, giving himself a break to reminisce everything. He bits his lower lips as he remembers how he calls Chanwoo as a failure, the person that broke his family, and his heart is now breaking to realise that the younger boy was not even seventeen years old back then.   “You take care of a father that doesn’t want to call you ‘son’. You take care of a mother that doesn’t even remember you. And you tak