It seems i don’t write much these days, even though i have so much going through my head everyday. I tend to have ideas hit me late at night and want to write about it, but also want to sleep, then i wake up and i no longer feel like doing it. Not because i lost interest in the idea, but my energy disperses until i actually can put it to use. I guess this is just another thing that comes with having depression; loss of energy.

My grandpa died the other day. No need to console me as i myself do not have depressing feelings over his death. The only thing i felt was guilt for not being sad about it and only have the feeling of “yup, that happened.” I feel a little sad for my grandma for i love her dearly and she did just lose her husband. But i also felt very glad for her as she was liberated from taking care of man in a hospital bed because he had alzheimer's disease. She could never get out because she had to look after her, now that he is gone she can finally drive around, travel, and be free. She herself said she had been let out of her cage, but she did say it after the hard part was over. I guess i just don't have enough memories of my grandpa like i do with my grandma. I also relate more with my grandma and truthfully i love her much more than i ever loved my grandpa. When she dies, then, i'm sure i will definitely cry.