Instead of eating the sandwich I was given, I continue to break small pieces off one at a time and feed them to the ducks and geese that live in the park. There are so many things on my mind and it’s making me not even want to eat anything. All I did was come back; I didn’t even speak to him. It’s clear to me that I’m not welcome here. But I already knew that anyways.

I could feel Jay’s eyes staring at my back from behind so I turned my head to find a confused look on his face. I sighed and turned myself away from him once again, only to have him get up from the picnic table and come around to sit on top of it next to me. “Chae, what are you doing?” He asked, glancing at the side of my face before looking at the ducks.

“I’m feeding them, what does it look like I’m doing?” I responded with a hint of annoyance in my voice. What a dumb question that was, coming from him.

I could hear a faint chuckle come from him as he shook his head. “I meant, what are you doing here in Seoul?”

I thought the first question was dumb enough, but that one was even worse. “I guess I could ask you the exact same question, Jay. What am I doing here?” Not only could I ask him that, but I could even ask myself that too…. “You’re the one who dragged me back here.”

“I did not drag you back here; you’re the one who got on the plane back in Los Angeles. If you didn’t want to come back here, you could have just stayed where you were.”

“I got on the plane because you dragged me through the airport and then threw me over your shoulder once we got passed security!”

He took a pause before taking his hand and pushing me over, raising his voice back at me. “Shut up Chaerin!”

A low groan passed my lips as I sat back up, giving the ducks and geese the rest of my sandwich before elbowing Jay in his side with much force. He grunted and held on to his aching side while giving me a slight glare in the process. I nodded my head at him, “Uh huh, you know that you did.”

After taking in a deep breath, Jay threaded his fingers through his hair briefly before looking forward. “Okay you’re right, I did. But you’re going to thank me one day.”

“Thank you? Hahahaha! With a hammer I’ll thank you.” Me thank him for bringing me back to this hell hole? “Damn Jay, you should be a comedian.”

“Yah, I’m serious. And back to my first question, what are you even doing here? All you’ve done for the past week is stay locked up in your room. It’s amazing that I actually got you out today.”

“Well, what do you expect me to do after last week?” I looked over at him with a questioning expression, waiting for him to give me a good enough answer.

“I definitely didn’t expect you to lock yourself in your room and cry all week after that bull Jiyong spat at you .”

“I didn’t cry all week—“

“Yes, you did. You think I didn’t know? I sat by your door for hours every night this week listening to you cry because you refused to see anyone.”

My eyes closed and my head turned away from him, angling it towards my lap. I felt so embarrassed but was trying not to show it. A sigh was echoed from him while his arm wrapped around my shoulders and a kiss was placed against my temple. I took a moment to myself and thought about how pathetic he must view me as right now after knowing I was crying all week.

It sickens me that he thinks I was crying over what Jiyong had to say about everything last week. I mean yes, I cried only a little at the party but that’s only because—okay yes I cried because of what he said. But so what, I have feelings too don’t I?

“I wasn’t crying all week because of what he said,” I reopened my eyes and stared down at my lap, breathing in and out slowly. “I was crying over what I miss and what I have missed after being away for two years. You of all people should know that.”

“Okay now that I can understand, it all makes more sense now.” While nodding, he pulled his arm from my shoulders and looked ahead at the many people having fun in the park. “I know what he said was hurtful, especially since he said it all in front of everyone. But don’t let that or him shut you down again, Chae. You don’t deserve that.”

“I’m sure a lot of people would definitely disagree with you on that last part, but I hear you.”

“Of course they would, because they’re all s.”

Silence began to come between us as I dazed out while staring at a guy teaching his girlfriend how to ride a skateboard over on the sidewalk. I remember the day Jiyong and I were at this very park doing the same thing. But the only difference was I was the one teaching him how to ride a skateboard. I didn’t know it but a small smile formed on my lips just thinking about the memory. He fell on his the first time he tried to ride it and I remember I was laughing so hard at him. While thinking about that day, another one came to mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

“You two are so dead!” Youngbae’s voice echoed throughout the eighth floor of the YG building as Minzy and Chaerin were filling the stairwell with laughter on their way down them, fleeing from the wrath of the guys.

“Holy !” Dara shouted and pointed at Jiyong and Youngbae’s face when they passed her. “What the hell happened??” She couldn’t help but laugh at them because it was absolutely hilarious.

“Shut up!” Jiyong groaned and continued running down the hall, stopping once he got to the stairs with Youngbae. “Should we take the elevator?”

“The elevator….the elevator?? Dude that takes too long!” Youngbae hit Jiyong’s arm and looked at him like he was stupid.

“Well it was just a suggestion!” While rubbing his arm, Youngbae rolled his eyes at his hyung before darting down the stairs, Jiyong quickly following afterwards. “They’re girls, they can’t run that fast.”

“Dude, Chaerin runs track!” Jiyong shouted, almost tripping on one of the stairs.

“—“

The guys sped up their pace to try and catch up with the girls but they had already made it three floors down.

Once Chaerin and Minzy had reached the fifth floor, they pushed open a door and ran down the hallway, looking over their shoulder here and there. “Let’s hide in here!” Minzy stopped at a storage room, opened the door and got the approval from Chaerin. She looked around afterwards to make sure no one was watching them before shutting the door behind her.

Seungri peered around the corner and brought his phone to his ear, speaking in a low tone. “Yeah they’re in the storage room on the fifth floor.” As he approached it, he very slowly attempted to turn the door knob and found that it was locked. “They locked it too, but there’s another entrance on the other side, hurry up.”

“Did you see the look on their faces when they woke up?!” Chaerin lowered the sound of her laughter with the covering of , falling backwards on the floor where she was sitting.

“That was priceless, I swear!” Minzy exclaimed while pulling her phone out to view the pictures of the work the two had done on Jiyong and Youngbae’s faces. “This is so going on the internet!”

“Ha ha ha so funny!” Youngbae shouted after sneaking in through the other door, Jiyong, Seungri and TOP on the sides of him. The girls quickly stood up, Chaerin not even being fazed by their arrival because she was stuck in a whirlwind of uncontrollable laughter.

Minzy shook her head at Chaerin before placing her hands on her own hips, “It was very funny, extremely funny!”

“Nice eyebrows, Youngbae!” Chae managed to let out, her face being red from so much hilarity of the situation. “Nice Jiyong, it’s that small! Ahahahah!!!!!” She jumped up and down slightly before putting her arm around Minzy’s shoulders, her eyes turning into crescents.

“My is not that small!” Jiyong shouted at her, furrowing his eyebrows in the process. The girls had drawn on his face and shaved Youngbae’s eyebrows when they had passed out in the practice room.

“We got you guys so good!” Minzy pointed at them before the guys slowly began to come closer to the two. “Hey now, four against two, that isn’t fair.”

“You’re right; the two of you against ten would be fair then.” Youngbae nodded before he and the guys were hit with a massive amount of skittles falling down from the air vent above them. “Dude!” They all started shouting and trying to cover their heads, managing to look up to find Bom being the one to have done it. “Really noona?!”

“Oh hell yes! Run guys!” She shouted while laughing as Chaerin and Minzy slipped out the door while the guys were slipping on the skittles in the floor as they were trying to run out after them. Seungri busted his on the floor and took a pile of boxes with him. “!” Youngbae tripped forward and released a heavy groan as he laid there, “You just wait, you s!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

I chuckled softly at the thought of that day before running my fingers through my hair.

“What are you laughing at?” Jay nudged my arm, and I shook my head. “I was just thinking about something, that’s all.”

“You’re always thinking, Chae. Pfffffffffffft.” He rolled his eyes in a playful manner. “At least you’re laughing and not crying, right?”

“Shh.” I brushed the palm of my hand over his face gently before looking elsewhere, exhaling softly. I guess he’s right. I would much rather be happy than sad anyway. I scanned the park a little bit before my eyes stopped on a familiar face. My jaw instantly clenched together and my eyes began to narrow at him. No.

He didn’t see me, I don’t think. I was too focused on him to notice the other people that were with him. But when I did, my mind went blank and I felt like my heart stopped for a second. A woman with dark hair and a slim figure was smiling and holding on to one of Jiyong’s hands as they both had their focus on two young children, a boy and a girl. They looked as if they were twins.

Jay noticed who I was looking at and he instantly jumped up from the table and smiled excitedly without even thinking. “Aye guys!”

The two kids lifted their eyes to Jay and pointed at him while yelling, “Uncle Jay!” He jogged over to them and quickly grabbed them in his arms and hugged them tightly as they did the same, squealing in excitement.

Jiyong and the woman met Jay and the kids half way with big smiles on their faces and began to hold a conversation with each other. I furrowed my eyebrows as I watched the scene quietly, my attention never leaving them. Jay soon placed the kids down and then the little girl clung on to his leg. “Uncle Jay, daddy lets me listen to your music! You talk about money and hoes!”

The woman smacked Jiyong’s arm and gasped in utter shock, “Jiyong!”

“Baby girl, shh!!!” Jiyong laughed and picked his daughter up from the ground after she released Jay’s leg. “That’s our secret!”

“I’m going to be like Uncle Jay when I grow up! Getting those es!” The little boy nodded proudly before he was once again scooped up in Jay’s arms.

“Hey now, language! Jiyong what are you teaching your kids??” With the raising of his eyebrows, Jay looked over at Jiyong before chuckling.

“Dude I’m teaching them your music since you’re not around anymore!” Jiyong chuckled while pecking his daughter’s cheek, Jay then shrugged his shoulders and nodded in agreement to his words.

While in the midst of everything, I noticed Jiyong was staring at me and I felt my heart skip a few beats. He didn’t have an angry look on his face like I had expected, but I couldn’t guess the feelings he had by seeing me there. I parted my lips slightly and glanced away for a few seconds before looking at him again. His eyes pulled off of mine as the woman he was with gave him a peck on the lips and he immediately turned his attention back to her and the kids and Jay. I inhaled deeply before I got up and grabbed my purse and Jay’s keys from the table, walking away from the scene as I watched my feet.

I couldn’t explain the feeling that was building up inside my chest. I didn’t know if I wanted to cry or if I wanted to scream; but once I got to Jay’s car, I wasn’t looking back.

******

I walked inside of a Starbucks and bought myself an iced coffee, taking a seat at a small table by the window. My hands rubbed over my face slowly before I stopped them over my eyes and sighed heavily. My emotions were bouncing everywhere inside of me and I couldn’t control them. Once I finally got myself to calm down, I took a few small sips of my coffee and then looked out the window. “So stupid…”

My phone began to vibrate and when I checked it, I found a text message from Jay asking where I was and what a great job I did on stealing his car. I hesitated in replying but I did so anyway.

“Chaerin?”

I looked up from my phone to find a woman standing at my table with her eyebrows raised. “Dara?”

“Oh my god, it is you! Wow you look so great! What are you doing here?? You’re back!”

Okay, I definitely didn’t expect her to react like this after seeing me again, but it’s actually pressure lifting. “Yeah, I’m back for now. Jay dragged me back here, you know how he is.”

“Wow, it’s about time girl! It’s great to finally see you again! Let me hug you!” She smiled widely after putting her coffee down on the table and I couldn’t help but chuckle and get up to hug her. “Here, have a seat.”

We both sat down at the table and she kept the bright smile on her face. “How have you been?”

“Hmm…I’ve been great actually, up until now. You know since I’m back here and all.” I shrugged and gave her a light nod, taking another sip of my drink.

“Ahh, I see. I’ve seen your work in America; I’m a huge fan of your work over there! You’re finally making your biggest dreams come true. I’m so proud of you!”

I gave her a smile and thanked her for her words before silence began on my half. I always loved Dara but after everything I thought she would hate me like everyone else does since Jiyong has his own story to the situation.

When she noticed it, she lost her smile and gave a concerned look. “What’s wrong?”

While shrugging, I glanced out the window. “I just didn’t think you would be this thrilled to see me again.”

“Why would you think that?”

“Because of everything…”

“Oh Chae, of course I’m happy to see you again. What happened with you and Jiyong was all between you two. No one has the right to take sides in a situation like that.” Her answer caused me to look back at her in a slightly surprised manner. “We all miss you, especially the girls.”

“Thanks Dara, that means a lot.” Dara has always been such an understanding and decent person. I guess I should have expected her to feel the way she does about it all in the first place. But then again, I also knew that Jiyong had to have turned everyone against me. 

I looked over to find Jay and Jiyong entering the door. “Here we go again..” I mumbled to myself quietly and attempted to gather my stuff before Jay’s voice rang out. “There’s the culprit,” he sat down next to me while Jiyong sat beside Dara silently. “You stole my car!”

“Yeah so what else is new?” I rolled my eyes slightly and looked elsewhere, crossing one leg over the other.

Dara smiled and gave Jiyong a brief side hug before she looked at everyone and clasped her hands together. “We are all here together!”

“Unfortunately.” I bluntly stated and then felt my foot get hit by Jay’s, glancing at him with a slight glare.

While trying to dismiss my comment, Dara turned her head to Jiyong and nudged his arm slightly, “Where are the kids?”

 “They’re back at the house with Kiko as of now,” He responded to her question while propping his elbows up on the table, rubbing his palms together slightly. “Speaking of the kids, Jay you’re going to have to come to the house more because they miss you a lot.”

“I can tell because you’re letting them listen to my music!”

“Wait, you’re letting them listen to Jay’s music?!” Dara smacked Jiyong in the back of his head and shook her own at him.

“Yah! They have to see their uncle somehow!” Jiyong rubbed the back of his head and groaned lowly, thumping Dara in the arm softly as payback. “Bad noona.”

“Tsk, bad Jiyong.” She popped him in the face playfully before chuckling and picking up her coffee.

“Aye so that party was lit last week, we need to have another one soon.” Jay suggested while leaning back in his chair comfortably.

“There’s another one Saturday night at a club downtown, you’re coming.” Jiyong nodded firmly.

“Well obviously I’m coming. I love parties.”

“No what you love is hooking up with women,” Jiyong chuckled.

“Yeah…at parties!”

“Jay you’re such a ,” Dara shook her head in disappointment.

“Hey it’s not my fault women come begging to me with their needs,” While shrugging, he took out his phone to check his messages.

I picked up my coffee and finished the rest of it then proceeded to get up and put the empty cup in the trash can. “Jay, I’m leaving now.” I reached for the keys on the table and he grabbed them before I could.

“No you’re not,” He glanced at the other two before looking back at me. “We have things to discuss.”

“I’m not in the mood, can I please have your car keys, I want to leave.”

“Chaerin.”

“Fine I’ll walk.” I my heels and walked away from the table with much irritation building up.

Jay sighed and placed his hands on his face for a moment before looking at the remaining two.

“And then there were three,” Dara chuckled faintly before watching Jiyong get up as well.

“Actually Dara, two.” He glanced at the both of them before walking out of the shop.

After his departure as well, Dara looked at Jay with her eyebrows raised. “Do you think this is a good or a bad thing?”

“Honestly? I think both.” He bit his bottom lip softly before moving to sit beside her.

I looked up at the sky after hearing a loud crack of thunder to find it filled with dark clouds after I crossed the street, having no place in particular to go to. I walked slowly and tried to take my mind off of things but of course that wasn’t happening. A few moments passed before I realized who was now walking beside me with his hands in his pockets. Really now? Come on dude.

“So are you ever going to talk to me?” He asked, taking a glance at me before looking forward again. I didn’t give him a response and apparently that was funny to him because I could hear his soft chuckle. “Fair enough.”

“Why are you following me?” I asked without looking at him.

“I’m not following you, I’m just a regular human being walking the streets of Seoul in this about to be thunderstorm we have coming.”

I rolled my eyes and looked elsewhere. “Yeah well I don’t want you around me.”

“The feeling is mutual, babe.”

“I am not your babe, don’t call me that.” I came to an abrupt stop and looked at him directly in the eyes, tension swelling in my chest. He stopped and returned the look. I noticed the clenching of his jaw and then I flinched slightly to the sudden loud thunder once again. I brought my eyes back to his and for some reason, the both of us just stared at each other.

“What are you looking at?” He asked after a few moments had passed.

“A bastard.”

“No ,” His tongue ran over his bottom lip slightly, leaning his weight on one foot.

“What are you looking at?” My eyebrows lifted and I folded my arms.

“A conniving ,” He bluntly stated.

My eyes narrowed at him and then I looked away, starting to walk ahead again. Of course he followed me, and this was going nowhere.

“Look Chaerin, we need to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk to you.”

“I don’t care what you want or don’t want.”

“Yeah I know, you never have.”

He grabbed on to my wrist and stopped me, looking at the side of my face as I refused to look at him. “Really?”

“Yes really,” I yanked my wrist away from his grip and continued walking. “Don’t touch me ever again.”

Once more, Jiyong grabbed my wrist and then pushed my back against a building wall placing his hands against it to trap me between him and it. “Chae—“

“Move.” My eyes were low but my head was held high. I would have pushed him away from me but I didn’t even want to touch such a human being.

“No I am not moving, I told you we need to talk.”

“And I said that I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Yet you are.”

I gave in and placed my hands against his chest in a fast manner, forcefully pushing him away from me.

He stumbled backwards and chuckled sarcastically, looking to his side before back at me. “Are we back to that? Huh?” As I attempted to walk away once more, he grabbed me by my waist and pushed me back against the wall, leaving little space between us. “Can you just ing listen to me for two seconds?!”

“One, two. Time’s up.”

He gave me a slight glare and his hands tightened on my waist. He brought a weird feeling to me by being this close to me. It actually made me nervous, which is extremely surprising considering our history. Not a bad kind of nervous though. I swallowed silently as his breath brushed over my face back and forth.

“Chaerin, look at me.” He requested in a soft tone, staring at the eyes that refused to look at his. When I still wouldn’t, he released me and took a step back.

“You amaze me, you really do.” He shook his head slowly as I kept my back against the wall, feeling a raindrop fall on my face.

“Why… Why did you do that to me, at the party... In front of everyone. Why?” I hesitantly asked in a low manner.

“Because I was angry,”

“You were angry? What about my anger?”

“What about yours? What did I ever do to make you so damn angry with me Chaerin?”

“You ruined my life!!”

He paused for a moment to take in my response, confusion filling his expression. “I ruined your life?”

“Yes you did! And you never ever stopped to think about how I felt!”

“How the did I ruin your life? Firstly, you’re twenty two years old; you have your whole life ahead of you. So tell me Chaerin, how the did I ruin your life?!”

“Like you don’t know, ha.” I faked a chuckle, pushing myself off of the wall as I looked up at him.

“No I don’t know! Because you don’t talk to me!  That’s your problem! You pushed me away constantly!” He gave a small gesture between us. “This, was everything to me, I did everything to make us work and you threw it all away because you didn’t care!”

Oh yes here we go again, just as I expected. Always thinking that I don’t care. Maybe I should get the award for the most careless person.

“Why do you all think that I don’t care, seriously?”

“Because you’re a cold hearted selfish , that’s why.”

“Oh and what are you? The best person on Earth?” I raised my eyebrows at him while placing my hands on my hips.

“No I’m not, I’m far from that. I’ve made mistakes and bad choices but at least I take responsibility for my actions, unlike you.”

I slowly shook my head, getting soaked in the now pouring down rain. But I didn’t care, and it seemed like Jiyong didn’t either.

“You know, I honestly don’t know why you even came back. I can’t even talk to you like a normal person. At least I tried, like I always have. Again, unlike you. You weren’t always like this, and then everything changed.”

“People change, Jiyong.”

“Yeah, even the best ones.”

I got silent and closed my eyes, dropping my hands to my sides while basking in the cold rain hitting me. Multiple thoughts raced throughout my mind, but I couldn’t decide on which one I wanted to discuss with him at the moment. Until one did. “Why are you even trying now?”

“Because I care,” He ran his fingers through his wet hair as he looked at our surroundings before looking back at me.

“But why?” I asked confusedly, raising my hands at my sides gently before dropping them down. “What is there to gain now? It’s all over. And so are we.”

Jiyong pressed his lips together before biting his bottom one, giving the conversation a pause to think of the right way of putting his next words. The best way was to just behonest, “I guess I was wrong then.” And being honest is what he did. With that, he didn’t even bother giving me another glance or moment of his time as he turned and walked away.