About 20 minutes later found me sitting in the bath tub, the hot water spraying down upon my shoulders and hair as I stare unseeingly at the ground.

This wasn’t working…

I had been trying so hard and it just wouldn’t go away...

“L.joe!” my friend calls out, clearly not having fallen back asleep as I’d previously prayed, so that my return to the bedroom wouldn’t be so bloody awkward.

Today was going to be really hard…

My head just wouldn’t stop pounding-

“L.joe-!!”

I wince at his loud tone, and poke my head put of the tub and around the shower curtain-

“What-?” I attempt to yell back.

“I bought you these from downstairs-“ he says, casually strolling into the bathroom and holding out a little silver packet of medication for me.

“Y-yah!” I cry, yanking my head back behind the curtain and curling my legs into a tighter ball against my figure. “Thanks, I’ll come out in a minute…”

“You’re not trying to drown yourself in there, right-?” he continues with a touch of humour, leaning against the bathroom sink, just behind my protective screen.

“I’m kinda tempted- not gonna lie…” I moan, my stomach clenching with nausea once more, as my heart tries to slow itself back into a normal rhythm.

Why Is he still out there-??

A fleeting memory of the boy rubbing his hand across my back enters my mind, and I feel my skin erupt in goosebumps once more.

“You should really have these then dude,” Chunji continues, clearly making himself comfortable, as he rattles the packet in his hand. “Do you feel like eating something or-?”

At the mention of food I feel my mouth water dangerously and the sensation to gag tugs at the back of my throat- “N-No… no food,” I groan, reaching up to turn the shower head off and leaning my head with a thud against the cold tiled wall. “Can you pass me my towel-?”

A sudden ball of black fluff is shoved quickly through the curtain and lands in my open arms as I hurry to wrap it around myself without losing my balance.

Yanking back the plastic screen, I look up to meet Chanhees’ gaze, phone in one hand and drugs in the other as his gaze flickers momentarily down to my wet exposed chest.

“You look like , man-“ he compliments with a crooked smile.

“Mm… thanks,” I murmur, running a hand through my wet hair.

We make our way back to my room where the teen gracefully busies himself with his phone as I quickly find a fresh hoodie, pair of jocks and shorts to put on before throwing back some Panadol.

“I’m just gonna lie down for a bit longer…” I say, crawling back under the bed covers now that the other boy was safety sitting at the foot of my bed.

I couldn’t get feelings if he was all the way over there, surely…

“Sure thing-“ he says with a knowing look, and chucking another water bottle at me. “I’m going to play your Gameboy, is that cool-?”

“Mmm…” I hum, pulling the drink closer to my chest and feeling my eyes shut without a moments’ hesitation.

I really needed to stop drinking like this…

                                                                                                            ********************************

When I next woke, I was aware that I was in a half dream- like state, as I couldn’t seem to fully open my eyes, yet I could feel the warmth of another body pressed firmly against my back. Rolling over I feel my head pang with distant pain and my eyes squint tight in discomfort.

“Urghhh….” I whimper softly, trying to swallow against the dryness of my still very parched throat and sensing the presence of Chanhee laying across from me once more.

An arm moves out of the warm blankets before me and I try to settle back into sleep when Chunji begins to gently rub at my left shoulder blade.

“Byunghun, I told you that you needed to give up drinking…” he says, quite clearly awake by the alert tone to his softened voice, “I really should have been more careful when we went out last time-”

Huh…?

I struggle to comprehend all of what he is saying as blissful thrills of heat pool happily into the centre of my stomach from his touch.

“You must feel so right now…” he whispers, hand hot against the fabric of my hoodie as I reach out to feel for the front of his t-shirt.

His touch momentarily pauses, and I feel the pull of sleep dragging me under- almost as strong as the desire to have Chanhees’ body against my own.

My finger- tips grip into the cotton of his shirt, before moving over his waist line and pulling him closer until all I can breathe is that heavy all too familiar scent of my best friend…

“Mmm…”

“L.joe a-are you awake-?” the teen murmurs quietly, hand dropping back down to touch briefly at my shoulder.

….

Those soft constant patterns start up once more against my skin, and down my back as I feel my lips twitch into the slightest curve of a smile.

                                                                                                                     ********************

That evening we ordered KFC to be delivered. Chunji had said that I needed something fatty and riddled with oil to soak up any residual alcohol that may be left over in my gut. And I wasn’t about to complain with that choice- particularly as my nausea had resolved upon waking up the third time around and my head no longer felt like I’d been run over by a train.

I was ravenous for something to eat and as we sat perched atop my bed later that evening I dove straight in with a drumstick in one hand and can of Pepsi in the other.

“Promise you won’t throw up again tonight-?” The teen jokes, biting into a piece of chicken himself, “Not after eating such delicious chicken-!“

I can’t help but crack a smile, and I shake my head innocently back at him. “I won’t. I told you already, I feel fine-”

I mean, fine was a bit of a stretch-

But I definitely felt better than I had this morning and that was a start.

“Mm, I’ve been thinking about some stuff from last weekend…” I begin, a good 10 minutes into our dinner.

“What stuff-?” Chanhee asks, a strange frown of concern gracing his forehead.

“Well… about er- interacting, with people from that place we went to…” I continue, awkward nerves bubbling into my chest as I struggle to broach this topic with the boy.

But I really don’t think I have a choice right now-

I have to say or do SOMETHING- because my current course of action, that of drinking my feelings away, just wasn’t working…

And I feel like all of these strange emotions are going to make me combust-

“Huh-?” the brunet speaks, dropping his chicken in shock. “You want to see someone-??”

“Er- well, um…” I stutter over myself and feel the heat beginning to rise in my cheeks. “I don’t want to see someone per se- I just figure I should try this whole thing out… somehow-?”

Oh god, this was embarrassing…

Looking like a deer in headlights, my best friend shakes his head back at me, “Try it out-? What on earth does that mean-??”

“Urghh….” I moan, pushing my own food away to run a hand through my hair. “I don’t know Chunji! Just- I mean, that’s why you took me there in the first place, right-??”

His big light brown eyes blink back at me, and something akin to panic flickers across his expression. “Um… well, yeah. Sort of… I guess...” He murmurs, suddenly unsure of himself. “But you can’t just hook up with randoms or something-!“

I can’t help but laugh at this, “Jesus Chunji! I wasn’t planning too,” I chuckle, grabbing for my can of Pepsi once more as he continues to scowl back at, unconvinced. “But yeah, I mean- I guess I would have to try eventually, right-?”

Because the person I really wanted just wasn’t available…

“Why-??” he demands, agitated now as he puts his plate down on the floor beneath us.

“What do you mean why-?” I laugh, confused to the strange anxiety now rolling off of the other boy in waves.

I was supposed to be the anxious one here!!

Not him…

“I haven’t exactly got a- um… a partner, where else am I supposed to start-?” I question, biting my lower lip as I try not to think too hard on the process of trying to flirt with another dude-

That just seemed far too awkward for me…

“B-but… I thought you liked someone already…?” the teen mutters quietly, unable to meet my gaze as he looks at the bedsheets between us.

My heart thuds loudly against my chest wall, and it’s like the air has suddenly become stuck in my throat.

…

He hasn’t forgotten about my confession, has he-??

“Er… maybe, but I don’t think that’s going to work out, so-” Looking away I try to ignore the drop in my stomach as I say these words aloud.

…

Of course, it wasn’t going to work out…

“B-But… I want to be your first…” his quiet voice almost squeaks out.

…

My eyes dart back up to the boy sitting before me, noting the sudden pink hue to his cheeks as he refuses to meet my gaze.

“W-what-?” I stammer, feeling my mouth run dry for a completely different reason.

His hands clench into the fabric of his shorts and he turns his head down to stare at the floor.

“Chanhee, I-I’m confused…” I continue, my palms growing sweaty as my heart struggles to remain calm.

This couldn’t be true-

He couldn’t be saying what I thought he was saying-??

“My first what-?”

He doesn’t respond, instead he reaches a hand up to grab at the soft brunet locks that make up his fringe, tugging in anxiety as his face reddens.

“Chanhee-“ I prod with urgency, as the need to reach out a shake the other builds up inside of me.

Why was he being so bloody quiet-??

“E-Everything…?” he breathes quietly.

My chest explodes with emotion and before I can stop myself I’m leaning over and grabbing the teens chin, pulling his face up to meet mine as his eyes flicker nervously between my own.

“You can’t just say these things and then take them back…” I whisper, scared to even speak right now lest I scare the other away.

, what was happening…

He was so bloody close to me-

I could almost reach out and taste-

A sudden movement stops me mid thought and the feeling of Chunji’s lips meeting my own makes my vision swirl-

A breath of air rushes out of me, and my hand curves around the side of his jaw to pull him in as I move my lips in return, smooth and warm as my skin tingles with want.

Oh god…

My body alights with heat and I feel a trail of sensation trickle down my spine and into the pit of my stomach as I run my tongue across his lower lip.

And it’s here that he breaks away-

Pulling back, I can’t help but feel a sensation of loss until I open my eyes to find his own warm gaze staring intently back at me.

“I- I’m not going to take them back…”

I press my thumb against his wettened lips and watch as his gaze flickers back down to my own, making my heart clench in desire.

“How can you be so sure…?” I breath lowly, want building up in my bloodstream, the longer I sit here breathing in his heady scent. “Y-you said ‘everything…’ t-that covers a lot of things, Chanhee…”

I try to keep my voice steady but the nervous tension wracking my body right now has a low husky tone emanating in its place.

“You said you liked it when I touched you…” the teen whispers, blush deepening across his cheekbones as a flicker of drunken memory stirs in the back of my mind. “A-and that made me want to touch you more…”

My groin burns with want, and I pull him roughly against me, moulding my lips over his own once more as I feel his body relax against me.

I bring my other hand up to grip at his upper arm, holding him firmly in place as his tongue meets my own and a humming sound fills my ears-

He tastes like salt, salt and musk and I can no longer tell where my tongue starts and his own ends as my lips burn-

And, wait- I think that’s my heart- it’s pounding so loudly in my ears that it’s all I can hear, and surely Chanhee can hear that too-??

A sigh leaves the boys mouth, sweeping across my lower face as I clench my fingers tighter into his arm-

“Byunghun…”

My name has never sounded so bloody as it did in this very moment, and I almost choke on the moan that leaves my throat as he reaches out to gently pull my shoulders back.

Disconnecting with a wet noise, I blink wantingly back at him as a soft nervous smile slides onto his face.

“Byunghun, w-we should probably put this away or something-“ he states, directing my attention back down to the box of chicken between us and the packets of hot chips and gravy.

Oh, right-

“Ah- sorry,” I mutter quickly, pulling myself away from the other teen and trying to clear the raspy tone to my voice. He chuckles across from me and gets up to help clear the bed.

“I don’t understand what’s happening right now… but I like it-” I say, unable to control the word vomit coming from my mouth.

I catch his embarrassed smile, as he goes over to my study table with the remains of our dinner.

“I don’t understand either…” he says gently, as I get up to help- pulling my shirt down at the front as I feel the tightness of my pants. “But I think you can maybe help me with that.”