Chapter 9

In the morning Jinki woke up in an extremely chipper mood. He sang a happy tune as he got dressed. He opened Gwiboon’s door and with a million kisses all over her face, she woke up giggling and threw her arms around grandpa Jinki.  He stood up and she was clinging on like a little monkey so today’s nickname was MonkeyButt.

He took Monkeybutt to the kitchen for breakfast after changing her diaper, the two of them were giggling and singing and making a mess of the kitchen by the time Minho and Eunsook finally made it down the stairs and into the kitchen.

“Morning” He sing songed as he set the food on the table for his family then walked back to the stove to turn it off.

“So, good night last night father-nim?” Minho smirked at Eunsook.

“Perfect actually.”… He hadn’t planned on bringing it up today, it just came out. He was in a good mood and he wasn’t going to hide it anymore and it would be foolish to keep up the charade when they both new about his past already so he continued bravely … “I know what you two did. Taemin told me everything.”

“He… he did?” Eunsook asked nervously.

 “Yes. I know you only want me to be happy so I am not mad you looked through my things. I do not want you two to think I’m a coward because I never told you.”

“We don’t.”

“Thank you. Always know, I do not regret marring her. I loved your mother very much and she loved me. I love you, Minho, and Gwiboon. I had a first love and yes it was Taemin.  Yes, I am gay. Your mother did not know I was though. See, your mother had a first love too. We both knew we had someone else in our hearts when we first met. Her boyfriend just like mine had to marry someone else. But Mom never knew I was in love with a boy, she naturally thought it was a girl and I of course couldn’t ever confess the truth. Maybe she did know it was him, but we never spoke about it. Maybe she did know, but knew it would break my heart to bring up the topic of my breakup with my ex who I clearly was still in love with. Over time me and your mother fell in love with one another as we helped each other get over our ex’s. We supported each other; we knew what it was like to be lonely without our “other half” and somehow we ended up being that half for each other. Basically In the end she didn’t ask the name or gender of my ex or ask me if it was Taemin and I didn’t admit it was him I was in love with. So His name, his gender; Taemin is the only “lie” I’ve ever told your mother. A part of me thinks she knew it was him but because I never told her it was him, it’s like I lied. I wish I told her but our generation didn’t speak of things like this. It was extremely taboo.  I’m tired of lying to you guys and myself. I felt guilty for thinking about Taemin more and more lately especially after everything your mother and I went through together. But  after seeing him last night and then finding out what you did, I’ve come to believe it’s your mother, somehow from heaven, that lead you to my closet. Maybe she wanted you to find those photos and letters to help me bring Taemin back into my life. I never would have went looking for him or ever spoke to him again if it weren’t for you.  Thank you for reuniting me with my best friend. I have no idea if I will ever date again. But I know for sure I want Taemin in my life. And that is where Taemin and I stand. There are things about us that are the same and things that have changed so much. It’s fun getting to know each other all over again after all these years. I still have issues, having to deal with a lifetime of shame and guilt and hiding, it of course didn’t go away over night but with your guys help, love, and support and the help of Taemin I know I will make it through this.”

Showing her full support and understanding, Eunsook stood up and walked over to the stove and hugged her father. The hug made Jinki finally realize he had started crying during his speech. He closed his eyes tightly, a tear rolled from his crinkled lids as did tears from his daughter. His secret revealed after decades of concealment, he felt the weight of burden lift from his shoulders. Even Minho got a little choked up; he blinked his eyes to hold back tears of his own. Eunsook murmured reassuringly over his shoulder “I’m proud of you, Dad. I love you.” She pulled out of the embrace, looked him in his watery eyes and thumbed over his damp cheeks. “Mom approves, I feel it. We just want you to be happy. We are all here for you.”

“Thank you.” He softly said.

“I bet she knew it was him along. As you comforted her over her brake up she did the same for you, and didn’t matter your love was a boy. You were hurting just like she was, having had to be torn apart from your first loves. She knows and she loved you just like you loved her. Trust me, she knew and was fine with it because you also love her; it was a true love. Have no fear anymore dad. Mom was always a caring person and understanding but even if she didn’t know, she knows now and is cheering you on from heaven along with us here. Dad fighting.” She wiped a tear from her eye and hugged him one more time then she “beeped” his nose and made him laugh softly.

He wiped his eyes “Thank you so much for understanding, Sookie.” He cleared his throat and wiped his tears off his cheeks and said chirpily lightening the mood “Ok ok, enough. Let’s eat before the food gets cold. He said blushing and walking over to his seat next to Gwiboon.

The family dug into their meal. Minho and Eunsook asked him so many questions. “What was the name of mom’s ex-boyfriend? Did he know she passed away? Did Taemin look the same as he remembered? Why did they break up? How did he meet Taemin? Why did they have nicknames? Jinki never answered that last question. He told them “The nicknames are too personal, that’s private.” To which they said “fine” then the family shared a laugh.  The casual conversation and their non judgmental but genuine interest helped Jinki get use to the idea of them knowing his “secret.”

After breakfast Minho took Gwiboon upstairs to brush her teeth and Eunsook stayed in the kitchen to help her father wash dishes. “So, how do you feel?”

“I’m feeling ok. I’m nervous for Gwiboon though. Do you think people will make fun of her because of me?”

“pfft no. And I’d kick their if they did, dad. Sorry for cussing.”

Jinki chuckled “It’s ok. Thank you Sookie.” He turned to her, handed her a dish and kissed her forehead. “Well, I’m over thinking it aren’t I? Like how would kids know anyway when she goes to school.”

“They’ll find out one day maybe if you were dating or something but you’re not. So I don’t see how they would. And our little Monkeybutt loves you so she’d probably punch them in the nose if they talked bad about her papa.”

“True” He picked up another plate and mumbled as he began to lather it up “I’ll have to buy her boxing gloves and teach her how to Box.”

Eunsook burst out laughing. “Dad”

“What? I’m just sayin.” He laughed

“Thank you again Sookie. I do feel better. You know I’ve never talked about any of this with anyone, only Taemin. It feels nice.”

“It’s going to be ok dad. And I’m glad I could help.”

“Bonding time. You said last night you wanted bonding time. It worked. I miss hanging out with you. I like this.  Me and my favorite baby hanging out doing dishes and talking about teaching our Stinky Monkeybutt how to fight. This day just keeps getting better.”

Eunsook giggled “I love you dad.”

“I love you too sweetie.”

“Wait a minute did you just say I’m your fav? ooooh I’m telling Gwiboon.” She teased.

“Don’t you dare. I’m a parent I am not allowed to have favorites.”

“You just said I was your favorite”

“Ok let me rephrase” He snickered at his daughter’s cute playfulness. “You are my favorite daughter she is my favorite grandchild.”

“pfft, we are your only ones dad”

“Oh look at that the dishes are finished.” He smiled and “beeped” her nose, teasing her he left the room. She laughed and followed him out of the room.

……….

The rest of the day was a great family day, they planned his Birthday. Minho made a list of the food his father in-law wanted and what kind of cake he wanted. Well, Gwiboon wanted vanilla cake but he wanted chocolate but she was too cute so he gave in and suddenly wanted vanilla cake for his birthday too. What can grandpa say: Babies are his weakness. They went shopping for the ingredients later after they came home and put the groceries in the kitchen they all went out to the movies. At the end of the day they had ordered pizza for dinner, and let Gwiboon stay up late too.

Eventually the wonderful day ended. Gwiboon fell asleep on Grandpa’s lap, he carried her to bed for her parents as they went to their rooms. After kissing her goodnight and tucking her in. He said his goodnights to his daughter and her husband and wondered back down stairs to the living room. He called Taemin to tell him he told his daughter and Minho about his past. Taemin congratulated him. They ended up talking for an hour if not longer about their day and random things.  Jinki hadn’t had this good of a day in a long time. In his steps of coming out of the closet, he knew what he must do next…

After his phone call he had a small conversation with his wife’s photo on the side table next to his comfy chair. Telling her the truth he had hid from her. He started to feel better, he knew then she would have understood why he did what he did years ago. And he knew she would be comfortable with the possibility of him seeing someone else. He finished his conversation with her with a question “Should I ask Taemin out on a date?” He paused in a peaceful silence for a long while feeling her presences. Many minutes later he smiled and whispered to heaven again …… “I love you.” He kissed her photo and placed it back down. He stood up and before he shut off the light he looked over his shoulder at her photo one last time and whispered “Thank you.”