A day passes.

And then another one.

And then another.

And then another.

I have not left my room in all that time. My head hurts from how much I have been crying.

People would try and come into my room. Talk to me. Tell me jokes and funny stories. Reminisce about the old times.

All to try and figure out what is wrong.

They get the hint pretty soon, though.

    The number of people who come to my room starts dwindling. I am assuming Zelo or Officer Hwang or Himchan deduced that I needed space.

    According to Zelo, everyone is working on the plan right now. There are teams attempting to find leads and possible weak spots in KCC that we can attack, as well as individuals who are scouting out different gang members to seek information. Everyone is physically training. Officer Hwang and Yongguk have apparently not left each other’s sides this entire time. They are all contributing to the effort.

    All of them.

    And here I am.

  Just lying here.

    Every time I delete a photo it feels like I am deleting a part of myself.

    When I blink, I see his face on the back of my eyelids.

    , I want to talk about him. I need to talk about him.

    But who am I supposed to do that with? Who the hell would want to hear me talk-

    Sora.

    Anguish pumps through me. I swallow back a sob.

    It’s okay. I don’t care about him. I’m over him.

  I am done with him.

    I make the mistake of looking at my phone.

    New Message: Student Council Group Chat

    Seolhyun: HELLO THREE CHEERS FOR THE CUTEST COUPLE ON CAMPUS HYO X JOONMYEON

    Kyungsoo: [image]

    I swallow. Kyungsoo has sent a candid photo of me and Joonmyeon. I don’t know when he took this, but judging by my shoulder-length hair and Joonmyeon’s slightly rounder face, it must have been freshman year. We are bent over a book in the library, smirking about something.

    Was he faking it? Did he have to force himself? Did he want to wrap his hands around my neck and strangle me?

    His laughter echoes in my ears.

   No more.

    Please forget, Lia.

There is this idea called dharma I learned about in my introductory Philosophy class last year. It is one’s obligation to do their duty without any attachments.

A person who follows their dharma will lead a blissful existence after death.

    Suffer now, reap the rewards later.

    I hate myself for being so ing weak.

And then one night, after hours and hours of tossing and turning in bed, attempting to sleep, something snaps in me and I shoot up.

My brain recounts every horrible thing Joonmyeon has done. Every lie he has told, every person he has killed, every bit of misery he has caused me.

He does not deserve me.

My hand reaches through the dark, fumbles around until it lands upon something cold and smooth.

Without another moment of hesitation, I grab my knife by its handle and rip it through my thigh. Pain floods through me and holy , finally, yes, I feel something other than grief and regret- I know this is going to leave a scar, but I’m mothering Kim Lia and have so many scars across my body that it is miraculous I am even alive right now. And yes, I am alive. I have gone through hell and back. I have been through too much to give up at this point.

I’m going to do this. I’m going to ing do this.

    This time, when tears stream down my face, they are not of sadness.

They are of pure spite.  

A/N: I KNOW THIS RLY DOESN'T COUNT AS A CHAP LMAO but i felt like i needed a transition.

what to do when you are coming up with tons of interesting story ideas but dont want to start a new fic????

also guys. lmfao. im learning how to code. LMAO. it rly does all come full circle