My best friend’s name is Kim Joonmyeon.

He’s a . Plain and simple. When I first saw him, laughing with his obnoxious friends about some stupid football game that happened the night before, I thought he was your typical rich brat. And in some ways, he is. He spends money on the most ridiculous things sometimes- one day, he’ll blow 50,000 won on dessert, and the next day he’ll buy these ridiculous matching sweatshirts for us to wear, just to piss me off. Sometimes, he forces me to go with him to these ridiculous Austrian operas and bird-watching tours. Luxuries that only the wealthy have time for.

But then he’ll wrap his arms around me and tell me how freaking amazing I am. He’ll send me hilariously cheesy pickup lines at 3 in the morning- just because he knew they would make me laugh. He’ll lend me his shoulder to cry on no matter what happens; and then go and chew out whatever made me cry (even if it’s the yellow fire hydrant across the street that I stubbed my toe on).

And then when I woke up from a terrible nightmare the first day I slept over at his apartment, he rubbed my shoulders and wouldn’t let go of me until I had a good night’s sleep.

Joonmyeon’s incredibly handsome but he’s always modest about himself. He’s the smartest kid in school but he’s never conceited about it. He’s from the upper class but he’s never pretentious to anyone.

I wouldn’t have survived without him. He is the person that I love the most. That I want to protect the most.

How ironic that he’s been plotting against me all this time.

“What’s the matter?” Joonmyeon smirks. “Cat got your tongue?”

I say nothing. His smile grows wider. He lessens the gap between our faces.

“It was getting annoying acting like I liked you,” he insouciantly informs me. Every word that leaves his mouth is like a knife to my gut. “All the chirpiness and the enthusiasm- how tiresome. I always had to talk like this.” He pretends to clear his throat, and then raises his voice two octaves. “Morning, Hyo! How’s it rollin’? I bought some tiramisu for you. Love ya!”

Nauseous. I feel absolutely nauseous.

No wonder I didn’t recognize his voice. All this time, Joonmyeon was faking a kind, cheerful persona.

His mask has slipped off. I am seeing the real him.

Everything I have known about this man is a lie.

Get angry, Hyo. Fight back. Take him on.

Please get angry.

But I cannot.

I’m not angry. I’m not sad.

I feel empty.

I feel exposed. Not just because I am in nothing but one of Joonmyeon’s old tshirts and my underwear, sprawled out in front of him.  

But because I have bared my soul to Joonmyeon. I have told him everything about me- my likes, my dislikes, my dreams, my fears. Everything except for my gang involvement.

Which he already knows about.

How stupid I must have looked.  

“Well, well,” Joonmyeon purrs, his bare torso so close to mine that I can feel the heat radiating off his skin. “Isn’t this a sight to see? The famous Kim Lia, who’s always yelling about something, won’t say a word. You found me, darling. Go ahead. Ask away.”

I finally find my voice.

“I loved you,” I say, my voice cracking.

Something flickers in Joonmyeon’s eyes.

But it is gone before I can identify what it is.

“I know,” he murmurs. “You begged me to keep Kim Joonmyeon safe. At least you’ll get your wish. I don’t plan on going anywhere.”

My mind is reeling. “How- but why? Why would you do all of this?”

“Why? Why did you do this?”

“Because you’re a monster, Kim Lia.” Joonmyeon looks utterly at ease- except for his eyes. His eyes are callous. Cruel. Furious. “You went around Seoul, leaving a trail of destruction in your path. You stole. You maimed. You killed.”

“How long have you known about me?”

He smirks. “Since you were 16 years old.”

My insides go numb.

“I’ve watched you, Lia,” Joonmyeon drawls. “I’ve observed every little detail about you- like how your knives are your weapon of preference, since your parents were killed with guns. And I’ve seen the destruction you’ve left in your wake, wherever you go. The ironic thing is that you entered the gang world to seek revenge on a certain group of people. But those same people are why I’ve tracked you for the last three years.”

It takes a few moments for what he has said to sink in.

“No way,” I whisper. “You can’t mean-,”

“ZE:A.” Joonmyeon’s fists clench. “You murdered the people I cared the most about.”

My eyes widen. “But- that- how did you know ZE:A?”

A bark of laughter escapes his lips. “How would a wealthy boy from the upper class be acquainted with a lowly street gang, you mean? Let me explain. You see, I didn’t always want to take over my family’s construction company. My father pulled all sorts of backhanded tricks and illegal practices to maximize profits, and I wanted no part in it. So one night, when I was 12 years old, I packed a bag and ran away from home. I ended up accidentally wandering into the gang district, and almost got killed by some guy who tried to mug me- before a certain Park Hyungsik rescued me. He took one look at me, shivering in the cold and crying my eyes out, and took me back to his place.”

“ZE:A were all like my brothers. Any time I was feeling down, or my father beat the out of me, or I was lonely, I went to them. They were -poor- they couldn’t even afford cup ramen for all of us half the time- but they always made sure I was comfortable. They took me to all the places I could never see, did all the things my parents never had time to do.” Joonmyeon chuckles. “Did you know that they taught me how to rollerblade?”

My stomach is sinking all the way to the floor.

“And then you killed them.”

    Joonmyeon maintains his cool facade. But his hands are trembling in fury.

    “They were my family, and now they were gone. So I hunted you down. Checked the footage from the bar they were at, asked around and identified you as Kim Lia. To my surprise, we already had ties to each other.”

    “What? How?”

    He sneers down at me with hooded eyes. “Ah, ah, ah, Lia. I’m still talking.”

    I clamp my mouth shut, forcing myself to fall silent. A million questions are racing around my mind.

“I am the one who sent an agent to recruit you into the Crime Relocation Program. I made sure you were sent to SNU, and that both of us were selected to be in the student council. I spent an entire year befriending you, making sure you trusted me, liked me. And then finally, when I was sure that you wouldn’t suspect me at all, I arranged for you to find a note in your classroom that was a false plot to kill Jimin and Namjoon, so you would re-enter the gang world.”

Bile rises up in my throat. I have to steady myself on the kitchen counter; my knees feel like they are about to collapse.

    “Who do you think gave Kim Himchan that bingo book with your parents’ name in it? Everything you’ve done for the past three years has been planned by me. You ruined my life, Kim Lia. And now, I’m going to ruin yours.”

“Kim Lia! Get back here, right now!”

I angrily whip my head around. “Stop it, Mom! I’m not a baby anymore, okay?”

“You’re not going!” My mother towers above me, her arms crossed in a gesture of unyielding stubbornness.

“It’s just a party! Everyone’s going to be there! I can’t just not go!”

“You’re not going to leave the house wearing that.”

I clench my fists. “Are you kidding me? It’s just a crop top and a pair of shorts! The girls at school wear much worse than this. Why do you always have to be so annoying?”

“Your father and I didn’t raise you to be like this!” I haven’t seen Mom this mad since they found out I had been lying about getting good grades for an entire semester. “Do you think your father cleans office buildings till 2 in the morning for you to go out and party? Do you think I work 15 hours a day so you can goof around like this?”

“You’re always talking about how much you have to do. I go through hard stuff, too! I just want a break!”

“Listen to me, Lia!” My mother grabs my shoulders. To my surprise, there are tears in her eyes. “The only way you can get out of this place is if you work hard! I don’t want you to be like us, okay? I never want you to go through what your father and I have been through! You can’t get into these kinds of things!”

For a moment, I hesitate. She’s right. I know the reason why her and Dad are so tough on me sometimes is because they want the best for me. I’ve seen how kids in this area end up. If they don’t turn into alcoholics, druggies, or criminals, they simply slog away at dead-end jobs their entire lives. Street sweepers. Trinket sellers. Hard, unhappy lives in a hard, unhappy place.

My parents love me. And I love them.

But I’m sick of all the pressure they put on me.

So I yank myself away from my mother’s grip. Grab the house key on my way out and slam the door.

If I had known that in approximately 148 minutes later, when my father came home and my mother was opening the door for him, a group of gangsters would race by in their cars and land bullets in both of their heads, I would have made sure that the last time I saw my mother alive wasn’t when she was sobbing at the kitchen table.

Tears are sliding down my face.

“I don’t regret it,” I whisper in the faintest voice.

“Excuse me?”

“I said, I don’t- ing- regret it!”

And there it comes- the famous Kim Lia Fury that drives grown men to their knees. I shove Joonmyeon away from me and aim a punch at his gut, which he blocks just in time. He counters with an attempted jab to my solar plexus, which I quickly deflect with my knee. I angle my body upward and almost plant a foot in his face before he whips out of the way, his arm wrapping around my neck.

“Your little friends ing killed my parents!” I holler, flipping us around so that Joonmyeon’s back is against the kitchen counter. So he can fight, huh? Well, then, I’ll give him a fight. I slam him against the hard edge of the counter; he hisses in pain and loosens his grip on my neck just the slightest, allowing me the opportunity to elbow him in the stomach and escape from his grasp. “I’m sorry, rich boy, but ZE:A ed up my entire life.”

“Now things are getting fun,” Joonmyeon smirks. He deflects my punch and hooks his foot around mine, using his body weight to tug forward and knock me off my feet. I topple to the ground. Before I can launch another hit at him from the floor, he straddles me and pins my arms up.

“Here’s the thing, princess,” Joonmyeon drawls. “ZE:A were just drag racing on your street that night- I was supposed to be there, but I had a meeting.”

“Oh, pity. You missed out on your chance to see a drive-by shooting up close! Does the upper class have simulations for that?”

His grip on my wrists tightens. “Think about it. When you were in the gang world, did you hear anything about ZE:A committing murders or performing rash killings? They were just a small gang that barely got by with petty thefts.”

I curl my lip. “What are you trying to say?”

“ZE:A were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. They didn’t kill your parents.”

The world stops spinning.

“You’re lying,” I finally whisper.

“You know I’m telling the truth.” He lowers his lips so that they are right above my ear. “You just don’t want to believe it because it’s easier not thinking about how you killed nine innocent people in cold blood.”

A/N: GUYS THANK U SO MUCH ILY.... god im literally so exhausted i have 18 parties to go to/had to go to and i'm so tired lmao i ended up ditching two already what a show. i've been watching a TON of leafyishere btw (i know i hate myself too) but YEah hes like weirdly entertaining smh

other A/N: lmao i graduated today it was so boring and stupid and i also spilled chocolte all over my gown and cap and top 10% thingy it was such a show jesus christ

but right now im at my friends house and we made no-bake oreo pie and had thai takeout and are building a fort!!!!!