The water was hot, steam coming up from the surface into the cool air. The bathroom door being open didn’t help that very much. Jinki had his head back against the thick towel Jonghyun had folded up for him after helping him into the bath. The temperature helped relax some of the tension in his body and the soft wave soundtrack playing from just inside their bedroom both worked to detox him in a way. The cd was given to him by his therapist, as a way to calm his anxiety, about two weeks ago when he went in for his session and to check how his stomach was healing up under the skin. Bubbles covered his legs and stomach, as requested. Seeing the scar reminded him, and it was easier to relax when it was covered. He was so lost in his thoughts and trying to do the same to the waves crashing against his consciousness, that he almost missed the soft sound of the tiny bell they clipped on Gwiboon’s shoulder now that she was up and about. Jinki couldn’t follow her as closely, or as quickly anymore, so the bell helped Jonghyun find her when she left Jinki’s line of sight.

He shifted his head to the right and a soft smile pulled at his lips when her tiny little pigtails bounced just past the edge of the door. When she lifted her head up, her eyes were wide and searching. It took her a moment, but she found him and crawled until she was in the middle of the door before plopping back on her and giggling.  “Hi, Pumpkin.” Her hair was still wet, new onesie on her, and he could smell her baby lotion all the way from where he was. “Did you run away from Pa?”  

A string of happy bubbly noises came from her and Jinki laughed softly, grimacing a little at the shot of pain that traveled through him. When she tried to walk onto the tile flooring of the bathroom she pulled her hand back quickly with a scrunched nose. It was hard for him not to laugh at her, as she tried again with the other hand only to find the same result. She looked up at him and whined as if it was his fault.  “Oh, Sweetie.”

Just as he was about to call for Jonghyun he heard his husband's soft mutters, and the “Ah hah, there you are you little wiggle worm.”

As he scooped her up Jinki smiled, “She is your daughter. If she wasn’t wiggly I would question her origins.”

Jonghyun stuck out his tongue and bounced her on his hip. “I was trying to get her to sleep, but she wouldn’t have it so I thought letting her crawl a little would tire her little out…. But obviously, I lost her for like a second.”

“She’s quick for such stubby legs.” Jinki softly said as Jonghyun softly sat with her on the floor just outside the bathtub. Her hand smacked against the porcelain of the tub and when Jinki placed his hand near her’s she was quick to curl her fingers on both hands around it. She tried to pull it toward her, but being as heavy as it was with his elbow still in the water, Jinki had to move it for her. With a raised eyebrow he followed where she was tugging until she had his knuckle between her gums. “Am I only worth what part of my hand you can chew Pumpkin?”

Jonghyun pushed at Gwiboon’s cheek and made a high pitched voice as he said, “Why no Daddy, worth much more.” The man beamed over at his husband, and Jinki almost completely melted.

When Jonghyun moved to take Gwiboon away and Jinki’s hand was let free, he lifted up to push through Jonghyun’s hair with a soft, “Come back?”

“Twenty minutes tops.”

----

Once Jinki was helped out of the bath and dressed in his pajamas Jonghyun went to get his sleeping pills and a glass of water.  Jinki smiled as they were dropped into his palm, but instead of taking them like normal he put them on the bedside table and looked up at Jonghyun. “Is something wrong Jinki?”

“I’ve been thinking,” Jinki ran his tongue over his lips, “And talking with my therapist the last couple weeks, and she thinks that I’m ready to tell you all that happened.”

Jonghyun swallowed thickly before gently sitting on the edge of the bed, “But do you think you're ready to tell me?”

“Ye-yeah,”

“That doesn’t sound very sure Baby.”

“Sorry,” Jinki shook his head and smiled over at him, “Yeah. I’m sure. If you want to hear it.”

“Of course!” Jonghyun was careful to climb over his legs and wiggle under the covers. He was unsure about where he was wanted, but then Jinki lifted his arm with a smile and Jonghyun melted into his side gently.  

Jinki’s hand was slightly shaking as he grabbed Jonghyun’s wrist and lifted his hand over to rest just on top of his scar. A little gasp left Jonghyun’s lips as he moved to take his hand away. He knew what the scar meant to Jinki, what touching it meant, but Jinki’s hand kept it there. His lips were pressed just above his ear in his hair, eyes fluttering closed for a moment before they opened when he spoke, “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. I know you blamed yourself, I know you still do, but the only thing you have to take credit for is getting me through this. You’ve always been my strength Jonghyun, lately, you’ve just taken more of a burden.”

“Jinki…”

Jonghyun’s fingers were soft and hesitant as he moved over his skin. Jinki’s voice cracked right at the beginning, but he recovered, “I’ve been dealing with my scars, physically as the one under your fingers and mentally… and I want to apologize for how your feelings have been ignored.” He pushed his fingers into Jonghyun hair on the back of his head, “While I almost died, and lost you and Gwiboon, you almost lost me. You would have had to live a life raising Gwiboon with the memory of me over your head and the blame I know you have dripping into you. I’ve been selfish, you deserve far more and better than I have given you.”

“No.. Jinki it’s okay. You were recovering.”

“Doesn’t make it right Babe.” A soft kiss was pressed to his head, “I was about to put Gwiboon in her car seat when the gun was pressed into my back. I keep thinking about what would have happened if I had been quicker if she had already been buckled in. I think about how she would have been in that hot car all alone, for I don’t know how long, and I think about how I wouldn’t have been able to trade her for the laptop, and you would be in danger because you saw them.

“I was so scared that they would take Gwiboon away from me, that I couldn’t protect her if she wasn’t in my arms, and when I finally got to the place I barely was able to stop myself from falling on her when they knocked me out on the back of the head. They beat me,” Jinki swallowed thickly, eyes squeezing shut as he tried to get through this. “Gwiboon was screaming in another room. I didn’t know if they were hurting her, or if she was just scared.. If she heard me each time they hit me and that it increased how afraid she was. They kept asking me questions, about a project I didn’t know about, and they threatened to have Gwiboon hurt. I was desperate.. I couldn’t have them hurt her.

“I spent the entire time thinking I was going to die. I had accepted it. I was just focused on getting Gwiboon to you and protecting you from them. I was willing to die for you and her, and I’d do it again. I can’t get their faces from my head, the screams of Gwiboon from the other room, the way you looked above me when I got shot… when he touched Gwiboon’s cheek. He touched my baby girl with his filthy hands… I…” Jinki’s breath shuddered as he fought his sadness from coming up completely, “I thought about you a lot while I was waiting for you to finish getting them what they wanted. About that trip to the States you wanted when Gwiboon was a little older, the memories I would miss out on… but also how I’d never see your smile again.”

Jinki wiped Jonghyun’s tears away softly, “But you did… you will.”

With a gentle smile Jinki held Jonghyun’s face, “I will. Every time you look at me with as much love as I feel for you, it reinforces everything I did was worth it….you’re worth it, our life is worth it. I love you Jonghyun. I may be a little broken and rough around the edges, but your love will soften me like it always has with time.”

Jonghyun swallowed slowly, tongue coming out to wet his lips as he stared up at Jinki. “I can’t wait until you can handle weight on your stomach.”

A smile was slow spreading across Jinki’s face, “I miss you plopping on me too.”

“But this will do,” Jonghyun mumbled as he laid his head on Jinki’s shoulder and squished his cheek against him. “This will do just fine.”

Jinki’s lips were soft on Jonghyun’s hair, but they stayed there as his eyes slid close.

-------

When the smell from the kitchen hit his nose Jinki carefully stood up from the bed after wiggling on his slippers. Gwiboon was bouncing in her swing hanging in the door frame leading into the living room, giggling up a storm with her little legs working to propel her as high as she could. He ran his hand over her head of hair softly before moving his eyes to his husband moving around the other side of the room. Jonghyun beamed brightly when he took notice of him, a skillet in his hand as he worked to flip whatever was in it. It took Jinki a moment to realize they were chocolate chip pancakes. “I promised didn’t I?”

“Babe~” Jinki softly breathed out as he moved over to wrap his arms around Jonghyun’s middle. The smaller man leaned back against him gently, sweet smile on his face. Jinki kissed his neck with a brush of his lips, “You didn’t have to.”

“I know,” Jonghyun let the pancake fall onto the plate on the side of the stove before pouring more batter into the skillet. “I’m just really happy you’re home and healthy now.”

Jonghyun could almost feel his smile against his skin as Jinki said, “You and Pumpkin will love this, but you’re safe to lay on my stomach.”

“Really!?” Jonghyun turned quickly in his hold, bright smile stretched upon his face, as he wrapped his arms around Jinki.

A kiss was placed on Jonghyun’s nose. “Mhm. Meant to tell you last night, but I was exhausted.”

“I’m not sure who’s gonna be more excited,” Jonghyun gazed over at their baby girl, “Gwiboon or Me.”

“Definitely me.” Jonghyun snorted as Jinki groaned, “Do you know how much I miss sleeping on my stomach?”

“You can be a burrito again.”

“You can do your job of being a jetpack more seriously.” A moment later Jinki whispered, “Jonghyun?”

“Yes Baby?”

“You’re burning the pancake.”

“.”

Jinki gave him one more kiss to his cheek before slipping over to get Gwiboon into her highchair. She nuzzled her cheek into his shoulder and at her thumb. Jinki just held her for a moment, enjoying having her so close, and when he placed her in her chair he kissed the top of her head. “Daddy loves you Pumpkin.”

She gurgled, but that was enough of a reply for him.

------

Jonghyun was brushing his teeth when Jinki came to lean against the doorframe. “Hey,”

Jonghyun smiled through the reflection before dipping his head to spit, “Gwi go down okay?”

“It was a lot easier now that I could hold her.” Jinki’s eyes fluttered a little as he yawned, “I’ve been thinking though about the case.”

The toothbrush was turned off and Jonghyun spit into the sink again as he turned to look at his husband, “What about it?”

“Testifying.” Jinki’s eyes showed just how tired he was. “Detective Minho called today and told me they need to know by Thursday morning if I’m going to or not, or the trial will be scheduled for next week without a witness.”

“Do you want to?”

“Not really,” Jinki gave him a tiny smile, “But what’s a few minutes of hell for a lifetime of feeling safe?”

Jonghyun walked over and gently wrapped his arms around him, face pressed into his chest. As Jinki’s arms surrounded him he softly said into the man’s chest. “I’ll be there every step of the way.”

“Thank you.” Was whispered into his hair as Jinki hugged him tightly.

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