Some time ago (a LONG time ago) I said I wanted to write a little drabble on the scene that inspired this fic, and I did, somewhere in late December. Then I forgot about it and only remembered when I stumbled upon it today. This scene was written by Baro in his diary in Chapter 5, and I wrote it again, this time in Sandeul's point of view.

I reread the piece, was ashamed of myself, rewrote and added many parts, and voila. It still isn't really up to standard but I like it :D And I hope you do too.

Listen to this song while you read:) 

He was gone.

I watched him leave from where I sat in deathly silence on my bunk. My limbs felt deadened to movement. He didn’t see me, of course. He was too focused on getting out without being noticed. No one else was awake, I was pretty sure. They would’ve stopped him.

That left me, alone, suffering in silent pain while the world around me was fast asleep.

The dormitory was blanketed in suffocating darkness. I could only see the fuzzy outlines of the furniture and doorways through the faint beams of moonlight that penetrated our windows. I remained, a motionless figure on my mattress, waiting.

I didn’t know what I was waiting for. Maybe he’d come back, and go to bed, where he’d at least be safe? Was that too much to ask for?

Or maybe, if I even dared to wish so far, perhaps he’d come back and hold me till I fell asleep?

The visualisation shattered me once more. He would never do something like that for me, and I knew it all too well.

Hot tears struck my cheeks, and a stifled, gasping sob escaped my lips. I was cold, alone, and one of the people I loved most in the world was out in the dark, cruel world, hurting himself, and I was helpless to do anything about it.

I began to cry.

It felt like hours of suffering to me. Months’ worth of pain and rejection was flowing out through my eyes. Why couldn’t I find a way to end it? What could I do to make him see how much I loved him?

Talking to him had always been so easy, but now, he just felt distant and cold. Trying to hold a conversation with him like we always used to felt like wringing life from a stone statue.

I don’t know how much time passed, but it didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered except for him.

On certain days I’d wonder if I could just go up to him and tell him. Corner him and confess how much I loved him.

But no. That would be stupid. He’d blow it off or think of me as weak and desperate. He would never love me back. And it would hurt so much more knowing that we’d never be together, for even now, I still clung on tightly to that spark of hope that he would someday love me as well.

I stared into the pale, flaky walls of the bedroom. Closing my eyes for a moment, I succumbed to the sweet serenity imagining his presence beside me now. The calm sensation of his warm, steady breaths against my skin, almost feeling his strong arms around me which I knew would never let me go, the dark eyes that sparkled lovingly like diamonds on velvet.

Tears spilled once more as the fingers I extended to touch his beautiful, peaceful face closed on nothing but thin air. The perfect picture was swept away, swallowed by the vicious, oppressing darkness, leaving me more empty and hollow than ever.

I curled up slowly on my mattress, pulling the blanket until it was suffocatingly tight around me. Inhaling shakily, I tried to calm the tide of emotions that welled up within me. Even with the covers over me, I felt deathly cold.

Go to sleep. He’s not coming home.

I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the pain away.

You love him, but he’ll never love you back.

I in a gasping sob, my hands tightening into fists, my nails biting into the flesh of my palm.

Just go to sleep.

“Hwannie?”

My eyes flew open, and I involuntarily pushed myself to the back of my bed as I stared upon the intrusion to my cries.

“Jung Hwan...are you okay?” My breath caught in my chest.

Sun Woo.

“Who did this to you?” he asked in anger.

This had to be a dream. I almost pinched myself to check, but stopped just in time.

If this was a dream, I never wanted it to end.

“Sun Woo...” A watery smile broke through when my hand touched his face, and contacted with real, warm skin. A new wave of tears blinded me.

I heard the creaking of weight on the metal bed frame, and my eyes widened. He pushed himself lithely onto my bunk, and slowly, he pulled me gently into his arms.

Taking deep, shaky breaths, I buried myself in his embrace, inhaling the familiar, natural scent of his skin, feeling his hair tickle the side of my face. My tears stained the dark fabric of his shirt, but he didn’t seem to mind.

“You’re home,” I whispered, over and over again. Even if this was only a dream, I still felt so safe and secure in his embrace.

For tonight, I could pretend that he was comforting me as my lover.

Sun Woo laid my head gently on my pillow, holding me as he took his place beside me, his fingers softly the side of my face as my eyelids slowly fluttered shut.

And that was how I eventually, gradually drifted into the most peaceful sleep I’d ever had.

*

Don’t wake up. Don’t wake up. Don’t let the dream stop.

The last wisps of the beautiful illusion my mind had conjured finally slipped through my fingers, and I opened my eyes reluctantly.

The room was empty except for me.

I turned to stare at the wall, recalling his soft words, his warm hug, the love and concern I saw in his eyes. What a beautiful dream it had been.

But you can’t think about it now. Remembering it will only make the pain worse.

It had all been nothing but pretend.

I sat up, rubbing my eyes, getting ready to slide down from my bunk, to face reality again. However, as my hand touched the mattress beside me, my eyes widened in surprise.

It was warm.

My heart began to race, as I looked out of my room.

Could it have been real? Could he have really done all that last night?

However, as my eyes landed on his sleeping figure in his room across the hall, my heart sank. He was fast asleep.

Of course. I’m stupid to think that any of that was real. He would never have done something like that for me. I have to accept that and move on.

Shaking my head, I brushed away the thought, sliding off my bed and heading towards the bathroom.

But somehow, that faint spark of hope, the one that told me that maybe, just maybe, last night could possibly have been real, shone through the crashing debris of reality that life flung at me.

It’s ridiculous. It’s stupid. It’s unrealistic and impossible. Holding on will only make it hurt harder when you fall.

But no matter what my mind told me, my heart clung onto that spark of hope like my life depended on it.

Why? Why do you put yourself through all this? Why can’t you give up and move on when you know that he’ll never return your feelings?

The answer to all those questions was surprisingly simple.

It’s because I love him.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Author's Note:

Hello! So how did you find this extra chapter? :) I'm particularly fond of it ^^

Do drop a comment ^^ Thank you!

Oh and I started another story, Shattered Secrets, some time ago. It's a JinChan, so...you know. Subscribe :DDD All that jazz.

Sincerely
WhiteWings19