Was this his...diary?

I remember giving the book to him a year ago for his birthday. Back when he was...himself.

Would it hold the reason why he changed?

Hesitantly, I flipped open the book, and began to read.

Entry 1

Dear Journal

Yes, I have decided to call you a journal, not a diary. Something about diaries associates them with girls. I don’t know what it is, but anyway.

It’s a minute to the end of my birthday :D Yes, Baro the Awesome turns 19 today. Rated movies, here I come. Kekekeke.

B1A4 was great to me today, they even got me a cake! With my name on it! I had a bit of a problem with all the pink chocolate hearts though. I think it was the guys trying to prank me, but they tasted good, so I was happy.

By that, I mean the hearts, not the guys. Oh God, I don’t even know what they taste like. I think the freedom to watch rated movies is getting to me.

MOVING ON, I got prezzies from them too :)  Sun Woo is a happy boy. Leader-hyung got me a manuscript book (I liked his present the least though) and a pencil. I think he really needs help with those raps. Shin Woo bought me a new cap, and it’s really cool. It’s black and white, and has netting in sections, so it looks good whether I have it on or off. It’s also got this flame pattern in white across. I think he stole my old Christmas wish list or something. Aish, I’m never going to figure out how he reads our minds like that.

Channie was the cutest, he got me a Best Rapper in Town mug. I couldn’t help but strangle his cheeks after dinner tonight.

And...Deullie got me this notebook, which I’m writing in now.

Aish...if there’s anyone more confusing in the world than Lee Jung Hwan, I’ve yet to meet him or her. It’s not that he’sconfusing...I just mean...confusing to me.

You know what, forget it. I’m giving myself a migraine writing from the light from my hand phone, and Channie’s telling me to sleep. I’m just going to think it over tonight.

Sincerely
Cha Sun Woo

Tears were flowing down my cheeks as I looked at the entry again. I missed this Sun Woo so much, reading this from him now was just like driving daggers into my chest. And what did he mean when he said I was confusing? Flipping the pages, I looked at a new entry.

Entry 4

 Dear Diary Journal,

Argh, I’m still getting used to the Journal thing. Curse you, traditional stereotype. My good mood has been affected.

Okay, now that that’s over, onto the good news. We performed at Music Bank today, and as you know, journal, I’ve been getting the English for my part in the Beautiful Target rap wrong over and over again during our rehearsals. Either I’d trip over my own tongue or forget what I was supposed to rap. Aish. It was annoying.

But! But! Today, a miracle happened :) I actually got it correct during our live performance!

Excuse me while I do my victory jig on the bed.

Okay, Leader hyung just told me off for jumping on the top bunk :( good mood destroyed once more. But anyway, I did it! We were all going ecstatic backstage after that, I was jumping around like a maniac. Everyone was hugging me XD

Right, so...after the hugging, Deullie came up to me personally and hugged me (again) with that goofy smile of his, and we pretty much spent the rest of the evening talking.

...And that’s why I am so happeeeeee! I don’t care what Leader says, I’m doing the victory dance again.

Aigoo, I hope Deullie didn’t notice how hard my heart was racing when he hugged me. I just wanted to hug him back, but I think I kind of froze and out. Aish, that’s the only part I regret about today.

Even though I’m confused as heck about my feelings for him...I’m pretty sure they go past just friends. Sigh...just wish I knew what he felt.

Gawd, I sound like a teenage school girl writing about her high school crush. Nooooo, Jung Hwan, why are you doing this to me?

Sincerely (sobs),
Sun Woo

Entry 11

Dear Journal,

Okay, this is serious. Baro is in trouble, big time.

I pretty much thought what I felt for Deullie was a crush and nothing else. But it’s grown way beyond that. I’m beginning to find it automatic to wait for him after practice, or to follow him to the public bathroom when he doesn’t want to go alone, I even let him borrow my caps! I don’t let my parents touch those! What is going on with me?!

I’m also at a loss to whether he likes me back, because he goes and does one thing, then another, which completely contradicts the first.

He’d accompany me when Jin Young and I are composing, fooling around on the couch in the studio or making faces in the glass. Did I mention that he’s unbelievably adorable when he does that? And while I wait for Leader to dish out the tunes, he and I would get into play fights on the couch until Jin Young throws something at us to make us stop so he can focus.

I’m totally in love with him more comfortable with him at times like these, but right after that he does things which just make me feel...like he doesn’t care.

*cue sad teenage girl crying music*

I know I’ve no right to hold him back...but when he’s with the others...he doesn’t make me feel like I’m...special.

No Baro, don’t cry. Don’tcrydon’tcrydon’tcrydon’t...crap...now I’ve got tear stains all over the page.

I mean, Sandeul just goes and runs off whenever we’re with people! He keeps in contact with loads of our associates, and even when he meets people he doesn’t know yet, give him a minute and they’ll be all over him like they’ve been friends for years.

People aren’t attracted to me like they are to him. It all comes naturally for him, but I have to think, to act, to actually try, in order for people to think anything of me. To tell you the truth...I’m a shy guy (Ooh, shocker). The bad boy of B1A4 isn’t sociable. I make friends easily enough, but I hate seeing Sandeul’s attention on others all the time. It just makes me feel...

No, I am not jealous. No no no no no.

I’d just like his attention a bit more. Yes, that’s it.

Right, since I’m an emotional mess right now, I think I’ll just wash up a bit then sleep. I hope Channie didn’t hear me cry.

Sincerely
Sun Woo

I was stunned. He...felt that way about me? I’d never have guessed it. Though it made me a little happier to think that we felt the same way about each other, the emotion was quickly extinguished when I remembered that this was a long time ago, before he changed.

Did his feelings for me change too?   

Author's Note:

Wahhh this one wasn't so good :( I promise the next one will have more emotion.

So you can see Baro had feelings for Sandeul from a long long time ago...he just kept them buried. Does he still feel the same now?

Kekeke,
WhiteWings19