Soojung.

Soojung.

Jongin tossed in his bed, unable to sleep.

There wasn't anything inherently special about the name; it was common enough.

But the name kept rolling into his mind and off his tongue ever since Soojung revealed it. It made sense- a direct translation of the name he knew her by, but it was such a painfully obvious and direct connection that it completely slipped his mind. He figured her real name would be completely unrelated to her fake one; she seemed so closed off, so unwilling to open up, but it turned out she was a bit more sentimental than he thought.

Soojung.

Jongin wanted to see her, to talk to her, but every time he picked up the phone, he was at a loss for words. Days went by and nothing. Would it be so crazy for him to hope that she would call? He was too busy at work to seek her out but it wouldn't matter anyway since she would likely find some way to tell him to beat it. The fact she still worked for Myungsoo grated his nerves and he could almost see the smug triumphant look the er would give him if he tried to find her at Medi K. As far as he could tell though, Soojung seemed to despise him more than anything in the world, but he hadn't opened any doors that told him why. 

Jongin blamed himself. He did. Why couldn't he have just told Soojung the truth behind him and Seulgi? It happened years ago- it was all in the past. Yet, the idea of that story opening more doors had Jongin faltering; Soojung couldn't even give him her real name, so he felt that he didn't need to open up if she wouldn't.

It was an entirely different game now that she told him.

He saw the instant regret on her face that told him she hadn't meant to. In the heat of the moment, it slipped. He was convinced it would take more time and doing to get her to reveal it, so much so that the shock that overcame him at that moment stopped him from chasing her when she ran.

You're a goddamn idiot, Jongin.

He was. By all accounts, he was. But it occurred to him that Soojung was too. By God, couldn't she just trust him? Even just a little bit? Enough to at least tell him her name? Jongin shook his head. No, it wasn't fair to expect that of her he supposed, but it bothered him that she was so reluctant to give him anything. It went to show how badly she had been hurt and the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to clock Myungsoo in the jaw.   

As he woke the next day and got ready for work on minimal sleep, Jongin considered going to Myungsoo himself to learn the truth. The thought was fleeting, lasting no more than a second in his head, but he considered it. Would it be a breach of privacy? There was no guarantee Myungsoo wouldn't be difficult anyways.

It scared Jongin how far he was thinking of going for Soojung, how much she consumed his thoughts, and the power she had over him. Ever since that night he first laid eyes on her at the club, she took hold of him like no one had ever come close to.

Did he love her?

Jongin felt his tongue flick to form the words, to say it out loud. He couldn't. It got caught in his throat, forcing itself back down to the pits of his stomach. He'd never told anyone he loved them. Not his father, not his mother, not his friends, and not his lovers. It was always implied (with the exception of his father) and saying the words made it feel real.

That terrified him. 

***

It was just past 11 PM and the bar was starting to pack as the night came to life. Sunyoung wanted to let loose, to have a drink with a friend, but Jongdae wasn't giving him that.

He was acting weird. 

That wasn't saying much, given how weird he was in general but Sunyoung couldn't help but notice his apprehension whenever they spoke. A little less wit, a little less banter. Something was up and she didn't know what. 

"Alright, spit it out." 

Jongdae looked at her quizzically, hands fidgeting with his glass, the scotch swishing around.

"What?"

"You're being weird even for you. What's going on?"

Sunyoung noticed the visible discomfort- a tick in his jaw and a shift in his arm- and turned to face him, leaning on her hand on the bar. 

"I don't know how much I can help, but I'm a decent listener." 

That coaxed a small smile out of him as he took a long swig of his drink.

"I'm getting married."

Surprise? Not really. Not for Sunyoung. In fact, she was more surprised that he was unmarried when they met. He would've had to dodge a hell of a lot of marriage interviews (or maybe turned them off with his antics).

"Congratulations," she said with a smile. "Drinks are on me."

"Is that it?"

"How do you mean?"

"No questions, no nothing?"

Sunyoung guessed that Jongdae expected her to ask why he was suddenly married when he never made any mention of a girlfriend, why he seemed so miserable for someone about to get married, the like. She couldn't tell him she knew the process, knew the highs and lows. Then again, anyone with a rudimentary understanding of high society or a drama addiction would probably be able to guess.

"What's she like?"

"She's... nice."

"But?"

Jongdae huffed, pursing his lips into a line and exhaling hard.

"I like you."

Sunyoung blinked. Once. Twice. Three times.

What the ?

"You like me?" 

Sunyoung didn't think she was dense by any means. Men weren't all that difficult to understand, but Jongdae never gave her a reason to suspect anything. He was flirty and witty with everyone, whether it was his friends, her, or the wait staff at any establishment. It was part of his nature, something that didn't feel exclusive. 

"Yeah. You really didn't know?"

"I... I really didn't. Sorry, I'm just a bit surprised."

Jongdae smiled bitterly and picked up his drink, bringing it to his lips for another swig. 

"I suppose you were never too conscious of me in that way then."

He wasn't wrong. Jongdae was fun, a really whimsical presence to be around, and a good friend, but Sunyoung never looked at him the way a woman looked at a man. She figured it was mutual. They were drinking buddies, friends, and confidants. They didn't run in the same circles so they could confide in each other and relax a bit.

That was the problem. They didn't run in the same circles. Even if Sunoung returned his feelings, it never would've worked- not without massive heartache and tribulation. The main thing was she didn't think she liked him in the way that would make her want to go through those things. Sunyoung appraised Jongdae closely, listening closely to her own heartbeat and trying to feel the heat creep up to her cheeks.

Nothing. 

Jongdae was a good person, a fun person, a kind and friendly person. But that was another thing- he was like that with everyone. That wasn't even the main issue- she wasn't the jealous type- but rather there just wasn't any chemistry. He was a friend, someone to chum up and have a beer with, and she couldn't feel any sort of urge or want to pursue anything more than that with him.

"No, I'm sorry," she said quietly.

Rejecting someone was painful, not just for the person being rejected but the person doing said rejecting. She saw the flash of disappointment, hurt, and dismay on his face; it was only for a second, but it was there. All too soon, he put on his normal lopsided grin, knocking her on the arm. She felt a familiar lump form in as she forced herself not to cry, smiling softly at him.

"Well, you're missing out," he said after a beat of silence. "And you have bad taste to boot."

"Oh, no doubt," Sunyoung chuckled and paused. She looked bumped his shoulder with her gently. "... Thank you." 

"What?"

"Thank you. For telling me that you... you know." 

Sunyoung couldn't bring herself to finish, letting the sentence hang in the air. He looked at his drink and smiled. 

"Yeah. Friends still?"

The tremor in his voice was hard to miss but Sunyoung pretended not to notice. 

"For sure."

***

She'd ing done it now. 

How could you be so ing stupid?

Soojung huffed as she flopped down in front of the vanity, grabbing a Q-tip to wipe a smudge of eyeliner that got away during her last session. Jongin had been trying to call her, text her, and reach out, but she wasn't ready to see him again. Between work and more work, Soojung was honestly surprised that she even had time to think about Jongin. Life the past week had become a well-oiled machine of working at Myungsoo's during the day, at Jiyong's until 3 AM, and then going home for 4 hours of Nyquil-induced sleep before getting up and repeating the same cycle. Jiyong was happy to see more of her; apparently, she'd slacked off enough for him to notice while she was seeing Jongin. Myungsoo stayed out of her way and good thing too, because it was his fault that she was the way that she was, and with everything happening with Jongin, she was more pissed than ever. He was her villain origin story and if it weren't for Sooyeon and the need to actually survive, she would've never put herself even a mile within his radius. 

"You look like ," Jiyong said dryly as he walked in, leaning against the door frame to the dressing room. "No, actually, you look like what s out." 

"Thanks," Soojung replied and flipped him off. "It's been a long ing week."

"So what's troubling you?" he asked.

"Nothing."

"C'mon, give me a chance," Jiyong said, sitting down beside her in Jinri's usual spot. "Besides, you can't work like this."

"So this is about money," she deadpans. 

"Everything is," he shrugged. "But for real, what's going on? I'm worried." 

Soojung leaned back in the chair, throwing her head back to look at the wall. Would Jiyong understand? No, she didn't think anyone would. What's the big ing deal if some dude knows your name? is probably what Jiyong would say. It was not, she supposed, but it was. Jongin wasn't just some dude anymore. She'd kept almost everyone at arm's length for a long time and for him to wiggle his way through... It scared her. More than she cared to admit. Having feelings? Cringe. she thought to herself sarcastically. 

"I dunno. I ed up, told someone too much about myself, and I don't know how to face him." 

"Ah, guy troubles." 

"Shut up."

Jiyong rubbed his chin thoughtfully. 

"What do you even want out of this?" 

"Huh?"

"It's that easy. It just comes down to what you want. Do you want to kick him to the curb? Do you want me to do it for you?"

"What-"

"Or do you want him to stay? Unless what you want is for this weird limbo where neither of you clears the air, in which case you're ing weirdos." 

Soojung sighed. Did she want to lose Jongin? It would be so easy to cut ties. They were so different in so many ways and plus, all this bull with Seulgi would just go away.

It would be so easy. 

"I don't want us to stop talking. At least not without clearing things up," Soojung said softly after a beat of silence.

Jiyong slapped his hands on his knees, getting up. "Then that's it. That's what you need to do. Go clear the air. And I dunno, if things go south, tell me and I'll put a hit on him."

Soojung rolled her eyes. 

"Yeah right," she muttered. "Wait, Jiyong." 

"What's up?" 

"Can I take off early?" 

***

Sunyoung was surprised to get a call from Krystal at 2 in the morning asking to meet up. They'd exchanged contact information that first time they drank together, but she didn't expect much to come out of it. They were friendly, but they never spoke to each other during their day-to-day lives. 

"I know it's weird and kind of embarrassing but honestly I don't know many people that I can really drink with. Between work and more work, I don't really have time to make friends," Krystal had said almost sheepishly. "I totally get it if you're not down." 

"I'll see you at the Barrel in an hour?" Sunyoung said quickly, not wanting her to rescind the invitation.

"Okay." 

An hour and five minutes later, the two were seated in a booth, firing off drink orders to a perky waitress. Sunyoung couldn't help but stare at Krystal, whose face was painted for the gods. She wondered what kind of work she did. 

"Thanks for meeting with me," Krystal said. 

"No worries at all. I'm just glad someone else other than me isn't sleeping at this hour," Sunyoung laughed. 

"No one has time for sleep anymore. Not in this economy," Krystal said with a wry smile.

"So what's up?"

"Hm?"

"Oh, don't get me wrong- I'm glad you called to hang out and I'd love to do it more from now on, but it's just my intuition that something came up and this isn't a spur-of-the-moment thing."

"Empath much?" Krystal rolled her eyes. "You're not wrong." 

"I rarely am." 

The waitress returned with their drinks- two cocktail specials and six tequila shots- and Sunyoung couldn't help but notice how... sad Krystal looked.

"You know, in my whole life, and mind you this is by choice, I've only dated one guy? Can you believe it? I'm 26."

"Well, there's nothing wrong with that," Sunyoung said. "You'd honestly be surprised how much or how little people date. There isn't really any rule. It's just personal preference, is it n