***

Yonghwa woke up when he faintly heard Seohyun voice. He looked around and could see her talking on the phone in the kitchen.

“Doryeonim? Do you mean you have called me before and Yonghwa Oppa answered it?” she raised her voice a little in disbelief.

Sad smile spread on his face while he was listening to her conversation with Mrs.Kim. He knew from her stiffen figure that she was flustered to know the different situation between them right now.

He pretended back to sleep when he heard her exhaled deeply and walked back to the living room.

A few minutes later, Yonghwa opened his eyes slowly and sat up on the sofa. He saw Seohyun lost in her thought as she stared blankly to the television.

“Seohyun-ah,” he called her.

“O-oh, you are awake?” she turned to look at him nervously.

“Yes. What are you watching so seriously?”

“It just..,” she check the television hurriedly, “news. I’m watching today news.”

“Hmm.. I didn’t know that you loved to watch news program.”

They continued to watch tv quietly, busied with their own thought.

‘Why didn’t he say anything about my recovered memories? Doesn’t he angry with me? Should I confess to him now? What if he doesn’t want to listen to my reason?’

Her mind filled with many worst-case scenarios.

‘Argh, this silence is killing me. I must tell him the truth myself now, he deserves it.’

She turned her body to face him on the sofa next to her arm chair and called him carefully.

“Oppa” / “Seohyun-ah”

But suddenly he also called her at the same time.

“What a perfect timing. What is it, Seohyun-ah?” he chuckled a little.

“Ah, aniyo. You go first, Oppa. What do you want to say?”

‘Okay, this is it. Let’s brace yourself, Seohyun-ah’ she encouraged herself to accept all the consequences of her actions.

“I’m hungry.”

“Huh?” she stared at him confusedly.

“I am hungry, Seohyun-ah. Why are you so surprised hearing it?”

“Aniyo. It’s just..” she trailed with her sentence.

“Why do you look so tense?” he smiled at her, tried to ease the tension between them.

But then he asked her again, “So, what is it that you wanted to tell me before?”

“O-oh, about that.. I.. I..,” she looked at him hesitantly while fidgeting on her seat, “I will tell you later about that. Let’s order something to eat first. What do you want to eat?”

“Hmm.. Okay. How about topokki? It has been a long time since I ate toppokki with you.”

“Deal. Then do you want to eat it out or order it here?”

“Let’s go out and have a night stroll after dinner. What do you think about that?”

“It’s okay for me as long as it’s not Han River sidewalk. I have kind of trauma of that place,” she showed her frightened expression.

“You? Trauma? Why? It should be me who have trauma of that place. Last time I visited that place with you, I must ran and carried you to the hospital. Aigoo~ I suggest you to start your diet program as soon as possible,” he started to massage his shoulder deliberately.

“It was my cast, Oppa, not my body weight. How many times should I remind you?”

“Arraseo.. arraseo.. Let’s assume it was your cast,” he ruffled her hair mischievously before running to his room to grab his jacket.

“Yah!!” she shouted angrily to him.

***

It was around 9 pm when Yonghwa and Seohyun finally arrived at the top of the hill. They had spent a few hours playing around in the topokki stall before they decided to go to that hill, in order to avoid the Han River sidewalk.

Yonghwa lay directly on the grass while Seohyun was sitting beside him and straightening her legs. It was so comforting to stared at the beautiful sky in silence, just enjoying each others company.

They was wondering if they could have another chance to spent time together like that.

“Seohyun-ah.”

“De.”

“Do you enjoy our time today?

“Definitely. It’s one of my best days in Seoul. How about you? Do you enjoy our time today?”

“Yes, and I will not forget our time together in the last few days.”

“Let’s continue making many beautiful memories in the future,” she stated cheerfully.

Then, Yonghwa sat up straightly next to her and joined her to look ahead toward the sparkling city view at night.

“Seohyun-ah.”

“De, Oppa.”

“I will go back to Busan tomorrow.”

She abruptly turned her head to face him before responded him groggily, “O-okay. I understand, Oppa. I also think that you should return to Busan soon. I bet your office is looking and maybe your boss is angry to you.”

He remained silent.

”You don’t have to worry about me, I will take a good care of myself. And you should do the same or I will give you an endless nagging from here. Do you understand me?” she warned him playfully, “Then last but not least, thank you so much for accompanying me all these times.”

“Can we stop pretending now? We both know that it’s not because of my work. Your memories.. are back.”

“I’m sorry, Oppa,” she lowered her head.

“Can I ask you why did you do that? Why didn’t you tell me about your memories?”

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

“Then why did you lie to me?” he urged her to explain it to him.

“I’m sorry, Oppa. I’m really sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry, will you?! Just tell me why did you do that? You don’t trust me?”

“No, I do trust you. I really do. Even more than that, I love you.”

That halted the series of his questions. He widened his eyes as he heard her answer. But he didn’t utter any respond to her statement. So, she decided to start telling him her reason.

“Do you know what kind of life I had here in Seoul after that night in Han River?”

“...”

She smiled bitterly before keep on going with her story.

“Since our broke up that night, I focused myself solely on my musical career. I tried my best to achive my dream as soon as possible, so I could prove it to everyone that I had a very beautiful dream to fight for. I spent all of my time, days and nights, to practice very hard at the studio. There were few times I lost my voice or sprained my ankle. I also stopped meeting my friends and ignored their invitation for whatever the occasion was, because it was wasting my practice time.

After one year practicing so hard, I got my first leading role and it continued until I lead almost all of musical projects in my theater group. Then the awards began to be given to me. However, that was the time I finally realized that there was no one beside me to celebrate it together. My colleagues at the studio also started to talk nasty things about me because of their jealousy plus my arrogant personality. Sometimes they would also confront me physically and unfortunately no one would stand up for me. And when it was over, I got back home only to find my cold and empty apartment.

It was difficult for me. It was so difficult, Oppa, and I don’t want to walk through that path again.”

Her eyes got teary as she told him how lonely her life was during the past five years.

“Seohyun-ah..”

“I’m sorry, Oppa, for not telling you the truth when I woke up in the hospital yesterday. I didn’t mean to lie to you. It was just because I didn’t want to lose you again. I really need someone to stay beside me.”

“But you did lie to me,” he showed his disappointment.

“It was my only option.”

“No, it was not.”

“Yes, it was. You can see it now, you decide to go back to Busan as soon as you learn about my recovered memories.”

“But you could try to explain it to me and ask me to stay.”

“Will you stay if I do that?”

He turned his face away from her, “How can I?”

“Why not?”

“I can’t, Seohyun-ah”

“Please tell me the reason, Oppa.”

“We’ve tried that years ago, and it was not working. And it will not working.”

“It will, Oppa. I will make it work this time. I promise.”

“You won’t, you can’t.”

Her tears started falling as she sensed how this conversation would end.

“Why don’t you try to trust me?”

“Even if I trust you, the situation will just repeat itself in the future. You will eventually leave me behind once again at the end.”

“Please give me one more chace to prove it to you. I was young and immature back then.”

“I’m sorry, Seohyun-ah.”

“Please, Oppa, please. Can you give us another chance? I know you want it, too,” she begged to him while holding his hand tightly.

“I’m sorry, Seohyun-ah, but I think we should stop here. Let’s end this day and go home now.”

“Oppa..”

“Choa is waiting for me in Busan,” he stood up from his place and started to walk to the car.

“Then let me ask you one more thing. Do you love her?” she asked him desperately.

“Yes.”

***

Seohyun walked straight to her bedroom and locked herself as soon as they arrived at the apartment. They were not saying anything to each other all the way back home from the hill.

“Seohyun-ah,” Yonghwa called in front of her door, but he only faintly heard her sob.

“Seohyun-ah, I will go to Busan first thing in the morning. In case I can’t meet you tomorrow, I want to say that I’m really sorry for today. I believe that you will find your man who love you with all his heart and will never hurt you. Then you will be able to forget me. Thank you so much for everything. I think it’s time for me to say goodbye now. Goodbye, Seohyun-ah, take care.”

Then she heard his steps walked away from her door and entered his room.

‘Please don’t go, don’t leave me.’

***

Seohyun was sitting at the back of her bedroom door when she heard his door opened early in the morning. She leaned her head at the door, listening to the sound of his footsteps for the last time.

Yonghwa stopped in front of her door for awhile before continued to the front door and walked out from her apartment.

Last night, he felt so happy when she said that she loved him. He had never imagined that he would hear those words from her again. However, he was a coward. He was afraid to try. It always his deepest fear to see her retreating back. He could not afford to experience those pains once again.

Moreover, he had Choa who was waiting for him in Busan. He could not hurt her, with his complicated feeling toward Seohyun. So, he decided to step out from Seohyun’s life and pray that she would find the right man in the near future.

‘I’m sorry but I love you. Goodbye, Seohyun-ah’

***

Seohyun slowly opened her bedroom door as she heard the front door closed. She stood still at the hallways, waiting for him to come back for her, but to no avail.

He never came back.

She walked slowly to the guest room which was his room in the past few days. She was sitting on the bed when she saw the old blue box on the side table.

As she opened the box, she found all of their mementos since high school. There were their first movie tickets, her letters for him, his couple mug, sleeping socks. Even his camera with their last photos at the bridal shop was kept neatly inside that box.

And to her disappointment, he left it here, in her apartment. As if telling her that he will forget their memories, and forget her.

She gathered those things in her arms and laid herself on the bed, inhaling his scent on her pillow. Trying to remember his face, his hair, his voice, and his smile.

‘I’m sorry for hurting you. I regret it now.

I didn’t realize it back then, that my life means nothing without you.

It was my fault. Now I will not stop you from your happiness.

I’m sorry but I love you. Goodbye, Yonghwa Oppa.’

---