That afternoon, I went to Yokaru and his finacee's apartment. I close my eyes to make me feel normal or like a friend (you can say it that way)

I try to encourage myself by saying "You can do it, say it, say it, say it!" 

Then I bumped into him. AHHH!!!! Yokaru!! then from his side, is her >:( 

I took another breath, "Hi..." 

he patted my head. "Hi" he laugh. "What do you want? I heard you weren't feeling well...?" 

At first, I looked down cause I was trying to say it....

he tried looking down at me. That's it! I have to let it out, "Yoka....ru.." I mumbled...yup..you know it, I started crying again. I know its annoying, but it was too hard. I thought I could actually do it. But since I am here, I have to keep going. 

" I am so sorry" I paused and looked away. "I am not feeling too well..." Then I looked at him and cried even harder

"I don't think I will be able to make it your....." I wiped the tears off my face..."I am sorry...I am just too happy for you two!" I fake smile. "But uhm..." All of a sudden, I stopped...

Then again, "Grandma needs me ASAP so I have to go to her before she ends up hurting herself again..."

He frowned and touched my shoulder, but normally, he would hold me and say, its ok. But instead without holding back. He said, ok.

I was so surprise and walked away as quickly as I could.  Jon was about to take me but then I heard him saying to his finacee that he was going to send me off at the airport since I wasn't going to show up at his wedding. She agreed. 

While at the airport, he hugged me like a friend and told me that I was starting to act like a little kid cause he has never seen me cry before. I laughed. 

I walked away slowly, holding my breath. I try not to think of him. Suddenly, "Wait!" he shouted. I stopped. "When are you coming back?" he ask.

I told him I didn't know when I was going return. He then waved good bye. 

Oh boy, its harder than I thought...