Chapter 8. Jessica : Rebound?

“Always remember to take things slow, Jess. One step at a time.” Youngae Unnie gave me a hug, rubbing my back as she slowly let me go. “And in case you find it hard to talk to anybody else, ring me. I'll always be available.

“Thank you, Unnie.” It was hard but I managed to keep my tears at bay. This woman in front of me, who was beautiful inside out, was a psychiatrist recommended by my friend Sooyoung.

Eight weeks ago, Yuri had succeeded in talking me out of my stupor. Together, we had arranged to get me some professional help. And now, I was all better thank to the help of Youngae unnie and the full support from my husband and my family.

No more living in a black hole.

No more feeling helpless.

Youngae unnie's approach had been different from what I had had thought it would be. Instead of talking to her from a cold couch in a closed room, we had spent most of the therapy session in this beautiful zen garden on her backyard instead. Under the sky, among the bamboo trees, while listening to the splashing water from the koi pond, she had managed to lure me out of my depression.

Sometimes Yuri joined the heart to heart session too. We talked a lot, to each other, to Youngae unnie. One of the most important things I had learned from my therapist was how to let go of things that don't mean to be and channel the energy to appreciate what I have.

Yes. I was finally able to let go of my child. The sadness remained but I no longer let the feelings eat me up. I had slowly learned to seek comfort in the presence of my loved ones, in my work, in my daily routines.

“Ready to go?” I felt Yuri's hand on the small of my back. “Thank you for everything, Youngae-ssi.” He bowed to Youngae unnie.

“My pleasure, Yuri-ssi. Bye for now.”

I bowed at the good unnie too, before following my husband to our car.

“I'll miss Youngae Unnie.” I gazed away as the Bugatti Veyron sped up.

“Hey... “ Yuri cupped my face, looking into my eyes for a brief moment before focusing back to the task of driving. “You can still meet her whenever you need to. It's just the routine appointment that ended today.”

I eyed the man beside me, the rare combination of good look and good heart that I had had almost taken for granted. If hadn't been for his love, I would have fallen apart long time ago. I took Yuri's hand in mine, kissing his knuckles before pressing my cheek against his palm.

“I'll miss you.”

“Do you want me to cancel my trip?” He sounded so earnest, so willing to give up everything for me.

“Nope.” I smiled at him, still reeling on the feeling of his warm palm against my skin. “I'll be too busy anyway.”

“I'm sorry I can't be there for the launching.” He braked slowly, focusing on me again. “Don't get overworked, okay?”

“It's okay.” A sigh escaped my lips as I thought of the few days we'd spend apart. “Go get that deal from Qatar and I'll be here happy and healthy when you comeback.”

He smiled, tugging at my hand and gave it a kiss. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Areum! You stop running and come here now!” Sooyoung yelled at her daughter who was running around the crowded backstage.

“No!” The little girl in diaper just giggled, hugging my foot to hide herself behind me.

“Jess. Tell her to wear the clothes. She can't come out like that. This is a fashion show, not her usual play date.” Sooyoung shoved the spotty tule skirt and fuchsia shirt my way.

“You let your daughter wear nothing for a play date?” I laughed, lifting Areum up and let her perched on my waist.

I had never been in such a hectic backstage before. But I thought it served me right for having so many kids to model for B&E Baby and Kids collection launching. Half of the kids here were professional models but the other half were my friends' children or kid celebrities that I had invited to shake up the runway.

Hyoyeon was on one of the corner, trying to stop her twin girls from messing around with the giant rubber duck that was actually a property for the show. The Song's triplets were busy dancing around themselves in their matching army vest. While Jinki was crying in my mother's arms.

I shook my head in amusement. We had fifteen assistants hired to help around with the kids, but it still sounded and looked pretty much like a kindergarten in sinking Titanic here.

“Areum. My pretty princess.” I kissed Areum's cheek, pointing at the entrance to the runway. “The uncles and aunties out there will take our photo. Don't you want to show your dad the photo later?”

She nodded vigorously.

“Then put on these pretty clothes okay? So you will look pretty in the photo too.”

“Okay.”

“Good girl.” I patted Areum's head, handing her & the clothes back to Sooyung who was rolling her eyes at her daughter.

“And you Jinki, what's wrong baby?” I took Jinki from my mother. Snout was creeping out of his nose and I waved at one of the assistants who was currently holding a box of wet tissue.

“No walking. Tied.” The little boy shook his head while I tried to clean his face with the tissue.

“Tied? Do you mean tired?”

He pouted his tiny lips and nodded.

“What if Aunt Jessi carry you? Will you go out with Auntie?”

“Cookies.” His rounded cheek puffed out as he opened his palm and shoved it under my chin.

I laughed again. “Okay. I'll give you cookie but you have to walk the runway with auntie once more. Understand?”

“No walk. Tied.” His little head leaned on my shoulder as he batted his eyelashes at me.”Cookies fwist.”

“Aigoo. Such a skilled negotiator just like your mom huh? Arasseo, we just need to go out there for a moment and then we can have lots of cookies with a tall glass of milk. Deal?”

He nodded, staying still as I made the second attempt on cleaning his face.

“Okay everybody. Final walk!” Kei clapped his hands. “Jessica noona comes here.”

“Smile, every body.” I took my place behind the line of models with Jinki in my arms and Areum in tow.

“Uh oh, he should be walking with Areum before you. Not in your arms.” Kei pointed at my clueless nephew who was busy his thumb. “You look like a baby sitter instead of the designer, noona.”

“Well... I'm a very stylish baby sitter then.” I grimaced . “Come on, let's go.”

“But the program said-”

“It's okay, Kei. We've worked so hard, let's just wrap this up with a bang.”

“Fine. Screw the program.” Kei threw his hands in exasperation. “Sarang have you gave Seola the bouquet yet? Good. Everybody, stay focus but please don't forget to smile! Show the world how cute you can be in your B&E. In three, one two three!”

The music played. The models started the final walk before I came out from behind the curtain. People clapped and cameras flashed as I walked in the middle of the runway with Jinki on my hip and little Areum holding my skirt as she