Chapter 25. Jessica : Break Free.

I never felt so awkward before, so embarrassed. No one was in the bedroom yet I felt so self-conscious. It felt like ten thousands people were staring at me, judging me.

From the few choices of lingerie in the Victoria's secret bag that Sooyung had successfully sneaked behind my back, I had chose the safest one. The most comfortable I could find. A long night dress made of laces and intricate patterns, with spaghetti straps so thin the strings looked like they would break apart at a single touch.

It was easy to see Sooyung rolled her eyes at my choice, since she had about five more items in the bag. Items that literally screamed me. Thongs, brasserie and bustiers that I seriously thought belonged to an illicit massage parlor instead of a household.

I grimaced at my reflection in the mirror, deciding it would be better if I just hid under the blanket. With one push of a button, my wheelchair moved toward the bed. In a well-practiced yet still taxing moves, I transferred myself onto the bed then got under the cover. The thought of Yuri catching me in such outfit made me felt all hot and bothered.

Yes. I did this for Yuri. One week after he caught sight of the Victoria's secret bag, I finally had the courage to use the lingerie. I didn't want the momentum to pass just like that. I felt like this was the right time. I missed the intimacy shared with my husband. I knew it had been too long for him too. For every time he had been so patient and understanding, this was one great way to say how thankful I was for him.

Even with that one noble goal ahead, I still felt this nagging reservation. I was my old self no more. So many scars lined my body after the incident. The cesarean incision had left a mark on my lower belly. There was this long bump across my leg as a result of the surgery to install the plates that held my fractured bone together. I didn't even bothered to count the small ones across my chest and my legs.

And then there was this limitation of movement. These still unresponsive nerves of mine. Ghosts that lingered after spinal cord injury. I didn't even know if I could feel him, if I could give him my usual best.

Now, under the cover, I really wished for a magic spell to remove every inch of scars I had. I really wished for a magic spell that would bring me to instant recovery. The clock was ticking and I knew my man was on his way home.

“Why is the house so quiet?” Yuri's voice startled me. I tried to feign sleep but he came to bed in a speed of light, pressing his palm on my forehead. “Baby, are you okay? Why are you in bed so early?”

I cracked my eyes open, holding the cover up to my neck.

“You're not having a fever, aren't you?” He then put the back of his hand on his forehead. “I can't tell because I'm sweaty as hell after the basketball game. Where is our thermometer?”

“I'm fine.” I croaked while he rummaged through the drawers of the bedside tables.

“Really?” He came to the bed again. “It's not even 10 yet, why are you already on bed? And where's Jihye?”

“She's in her room.” I directed my gaze at the glass door that connected our bedroom with Jihye's. Our daughter always slept in the crib beside our bed before. For tonight, I put her on her own bed with the baby monitors at the ready.

“In her room?” Yuri looked confused now. “Why?”

I had no idea how to answer, could do nothing but hiding my face under the cover.

“Wait.” Yuri tried to pull the cover down but I held it tight. “Jess, what-”

With a little force, he easily tugged the cover away. No mistaken the surprised look on his face.

I tried to cover myself again, but he didn't let me. After a few seconds, a mischievous grin bloomed. His eyes sparked. “Oh.”

The way his eyebrows rose suggestively made feel embarrassed and amused at once. “Yulllll.....”

“I see.” His grin went wider. “Let me clean myself first.”

“No. Yul.” I held him by the wrist when he kissed my forehead.

“Be patient baby.” Another wide grin shone through. “Just a quick bath here.”

“No. I meant-”

“I smell like dead fish.” He comically sniffed his armpit before patting my thigh. “Hang tight.”

While my husband practically skipped to the bathroom. I cursed myself for not changing before he came. This suddenly felt like a very bad idea. What if I ended up being nothing but a cold vegetable under his sensual touches?

Wait, maybe if I was quick enough I could get changed into the usual pajama and pretended to fall asleep. I looked for my wheelchair but apparently, Yuri had pushed it away from the bed when he tried to find the thermometer a moment ago.

I was doomed.

My brain practically whirled to find a way out but then I heard him, whistling in the bathroom. His favorite song I hadn't heard for a while.

How could I kill his excitement?

With a heavy sigh, I fell back onto the pillows. Maybe this was meant to be. Maybe it was, just like Sooyoung had often said, a way for me to free myself from all reservation.

I reached for the hairbrush on the bedside table, brushing my hair to perfection. Then I took a lip balm from the drawer and made sure my lips were well-moisturized. A few spritz of my favorite Issey Miyake's came next. If I was about to do it, I might as well do it all the way.

“You are perfectly fine without this.” Yuri grabbed the bottle of lotion from my hand when I was about to apply it on my legs. “No cosmetic will ever do your beauty justice, love.”

He was in nothing but a towel, sitting on the edge of the bed with that smoldering look in his eyes. “But let it be known that I'm willing to do anything for you.”

He lathered his palms with the lotion, then rubbed it up my legs while hiking up the dress up to my thighs.

“Yul...” My hands stopped him, embarrassed of the nearly sixty centimeters long post-surgery scar.

“Let it be known that I love each and every inch of you without exception.” His hands moved down, his lips kissed the heel of my feet.

I sighed, closing my eyes as my head slowly reached the pillows. Whatever anxiety left in my mind, I chased it away. This should be all of me, for my one and only.

Down there, Yuri's hands massaged me sensually and I knew it was just a beginning.

I knew I was about to be blown away.

“Good morning, beautiful.”

I knew this voice by heart. My man. My husband. The sweet smell that followed was not of him though. It was my Jihye, the jewel of my heart.

Her incoherent babbles reached my ears first. Then when I open my eyes, I saw her sitting on the bed trying to fit her little fist into .

“Good morning, birthday girl.” With a huge yawn, I sat up and stretched my hands out. The bed dipped and I felt Yuri's hand around my waist. His lips landed on my cheek as the distinct smell of coffee and aftershave invaded my sense.

Jihye crawled slowly toward us, little hands nearly disappears in the sea of blanket. She fell to her side at one point, babbled, then rolled over and tried again.

Both Yuri and I were ready to help. My hands were already shot out to help Jihye up. Yuri practically thrown himself forward putting two pillows on each side of the mattress to prevent Jihye from falling off the bed.

In our eyes, Jihye was our fragile daughter that needed to be protected from any harm. Every change of behavior, every fever, every unusual cry would make us worry. We put her safety first, knowing that she might not be as strong as babies who were born on term.

Despite our concern, Jihye proved to us that she was a warrior of her own. Each day, there was always happy moment of watching her doing new thing, no matter how insignificant it was. Like how she crawled to us at the moment, with twinkling eyes and a gummy smile that shone brighter than the morning sun.

“Good girl!” I exclaimed as she finally reached my spot and tried to climb onto my lap. Both my hands now could be freely used and I happily helped her up. I hugged her, reveling on the sweet smell of her soft skin. “My little princess has grown so much, hasn't she?”

Her tiny hands grabbed my hair as more saliva and babbles came out between her rosy lips. Then, after satisfied of tugging my hair, she t