The letters seemed to blur before his eyes, and Jisoo thought it would be less depressing if he pegged it on sheer physical exhaustion.

He let out a sigh, reaching up to press the heels of his hands against his throbbing temples. Papers were strewn about his desk, books stacked haphazardly on every free surface, and if he wasn't paying attention a stray pen or other pointy object tended to poke at his exposed elbows.

Usually, he wouldn't be able to stand such a mess, but for some unfathomable reason he couldn't summon the energy to set things in their proper place. Not at this time.

His eyes fell on the blinking screen of his phone - 4 new messages, the notification said, and already he had a sneaking suspicion about who they were all from.

Seungcheol, certainly - especially after he heard what happened in the cafeteria (the other boy wouldn't let up about it, really.) The other one would probably be from Jihoon, asking what he'd want for dinner - it was the younger's turn to buy that night after all.

Jisoo supposed Seungkwan was another good bet, the next one of his friends who remained entirely fixated on the situation between him and Jeonghan (still, Seungcheol took that title, hands down.)

He couldn't think of who the last one could be, or rather he didn't want to reflect on who he wished it would be-

-and Jisoo thanked the heavens when a loud knock interrupted his dangerous, dangerous train of thought.

"Yo, yo, yo wassup Josh?"

Jisoo couldn't stop his grin as he came face to face with his excitable blonde visitor, the other practically bouncing on the balls of his feet from all his unspent energy. He changed his mind - if there was anything he'd thank the heavens for tonight, it was the unfailing happiness of one Kwon Soonyoung.

"Yo, yo, yo wassup Hosh?" Jisoo reciprocated his greeting with a complex high five, Soonyoung letting out a loud hoot when they finished.

"You're getting better and better at that, hyung." The younger spoke, grinning brightly. Jisoo chuckled, before stepping aside and inviting his friend in with a dramatic flourish of his hand.

"Thank you, good sir." Soonyoung gave him a mock bow before stepping inside their apartment. "Jihoon around?" He threw the query over his shoulder, already making a beeline for the fridge. Jisoo shook his head in amusement.

"He hasn't come home yet." Jisoo spoke with a shrug, before heading back towards his desk, unconsciously dragging his feet with each step. The prospect of school work just didn't seem appealing right now. "He said he'll be studying out today, but he'd eat dinner at home."

"Sooo...if you text him right now and say that you'll be going out, I'm guessing he wouldn't mind and just grab dinner wherever he is?" Soonyoung's tone was careful, innocent; his smile practically angelic when Jisoo turned to look at him suspiciously.

"I guess." Jisoo replied cautiously, his alarm growing by the second as he watched Soonyoung's ever-widening grin. "What are you up to, Kwon Soonyoung?"

"Well..."

 "Thanks for coming with me, hyung!" Soonyoung yelled over the near-deafening music, the flashing lights of the club making his pale blonde locks look polychromatic. The whole place seemed to vibrate with the thrum of the bass, and from Jisoo's vantage point at the edges, the crowd looked ready to swallow him whole - a sea of slick, fevered skin and tightly-packed bodies.

"Well, you did say you needed a designated driver." Jisoo's hand tightened on Soonyoung's arm, a grip that had the younger wincing slightly. "I'm just doing my job as your hyung." He joked lightly, but from the way his eyes flickered back and forth it was clear Jisoo was out of his comfort zone.

Soonyoung swallowed down his sudden feelings of guilt, instead giving Jisoo another bright smile.

"This way, hyung. I promised to meet Seokmin by the bar." Jisoo barely registered Soonyoung's words before he was pulled through the mass of people, and for a moment he felt suffocated by the heavy press of bodies.

How Jeonghan could do this on a regular basis, he had no idea.

Jisoo couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief when they reached the bar, though if he were being objective their destination didn't inspire any, none at all. A long stretch of dark-colored counter, far too sticky to be hygienic, but at least there were fewer people loitering around. Jisoo gratefully took one of the empty bar stools, trying his hardest to hear Soonyoung's chattering over the din.

"Hey hyung. Is it ok if I try looking for Seokmin?" This, he partially yelled into Jisoo's ear and though his heart was already beating out of his chest, Jisoo gave his permission with a nod. His eyes remained trained on his friend's back as he wove his way once more through the crush, and when Soonyoung finally disappeared from sight he gripped the edge of the counter in an attempt to steady his nerves.

"Drink?" Jisoo was sure his expression as he turned around looked comical, if the bartender's amused smile was any indication.

"Not a regular, I take it." The stranger spoke teasingly, a dimple appearing in the corner of his mouth, and Jisoo was able to register in the midst of his daze that he was in fact quite good-looking.

"Don't worry-" The bartender punctuated this statement with a wink. "-I'll be sure to teach you the ropes."

Jeonghan felt Seokmin come up from behind him, looping his arms over his shoulders. "See Soonyoung anywhere, hyung?" He spoke loudly into his ear, his head swiveling back and forth as he tried to look for a familiar blonde in the sea of people.

"No, but you texted him right?" Jeonghan yelled back, his own gaze searching the crowd for their friend, recognizing a few faces but not seeing the one they were looking for.

Then, without warning, a body barreled into the pair, causing Jeonghan to curse and Seokmin to burst out in laughter. "Jeonghan-hyung, Seokmin!"

"Whoa - calm yourself, Soonyoung." Jeonghan tried his best to steady the three of them, Soonyoung's unexpected attack causing them to teeter in place (it didn't help that the younger boys were intent on greeting each other - their continuous exchange of 'Soonyoung!' & 'Seokmin!' positively endearing if he still wasn't off balance.)

"Oh god, please don't tell me you're that drunk already." Jeonghan spoke dryly when the three of them finally got untangled, though he couldn't help but notice Soonyoung kept his arm comfortably around Seokmin's shoulders.

"I'm not a lightweight, hyung and you know it." Soonyoung shot back easily, before exchanging a glance with Seokmin that Jeonghan couldn't read.

What were these boys up to-

"Hey hyung, let's go over to the bar? I'm not dancing the night away without some alcohol in me." Soonyoung grabbed Jeonghan's wrist and began dragging him through the crowd, Seokmin trailing behind the pair and chattering excitedly.

"Thanks for coming out with us tonight, hyung!" Seokmin knocked his hip lightly at Jeonghan's as he drew up to his side. "You don't have anything important this week right?" Seokmin's gaze was expectant, but when Jeonghan only replied with a shrug, his expression immediately transformed into one of worry. "Hyung~"

"I got it under control, Seokmin." Jeonghan interrupted him before the younger could continue, ignoring the hurt that flashed across the boy's face. He didn't want to talk about these things, not with Seokmin, not with anyone really and the only reason he came tonight was once again so he didn't have to think about a certain someone-

"Hey, isn't that Jisoo-hyung?"

Too much surprise in their expressions. Too much innocence in their tones. If those two boys could expire from glaring alone, they would have already been dead.

"I can't believe you guys!" Soonyoung and Seokmin's eyes darted to one another at his outburst, and before Jeonghan could even turn on his heel they leapt into action, grabbing either one of his arms and holding him in place. "Let me go, dammit! I can't believe you would bring him here, of all places-"

"You guys have to talk it out, hyung-" Seokmin held on for dear life as he spoke. Damn, but Jeonghan was strong. "-and you wouldn't agree to meet any other way. We had to be sneaky about it!"

"Seriously, hyung - this is all getting out of hand. We're all worried about you two and this situation won't get any better if you continue to avoid each other-" Jeonghan had nearly broke free, and Soonyoung thanked the heavens for his childhood training in Taekwondo for he was able to hold onto him (just barely.)

Jeonghan heard their words but they simply wouldn't penetrate the fog of his anger. Jisoo broke up with him, not the other way around - he should be the one coming up to Jeonghan, the one trying to set things right. And though it grated on his pride he knew, deep down, if Jisoo ever asked for his forgiveness-

"...hey, wait a minute. Who's Jisoo-hyung talking to?"

The confusion in Soonyoung's tone had Jeonghan's eyes snapping to Jisoo's direction-

-and the vein of his fury transformed into another emotion all together.

Jisoo didn't know why he accepted the first drink, or the second (or the third.) He blamed it on the bartender's insistence, and the fact he felt so damn uncomfortable just sitting there, wondering where Soonyoung went-

-and perhaps some part of him wondered why Jeonghan liked this stuff so much, why the other boy constantly drank himself to a stupor, leaving him to deal with a hungover boyfriend the next day.

And, Jisoo couldn't help but conclude, if the reason was this light, airy feeling - as if everything, even the suspicious stain on counter he'd been eyeing before could no longer bother him - Jisoo could totally understand.

Then again, that could be the alcohol talking.

"Did you like it?" Once again, the bartender came up to him, grinning that same toothy grin. Jisoo had been somewhat suspicious of it at first, but then again the man did give him three free drinks, so he couldn't be that bad. "Want to try something else?" Before he could even reply - the last logical part of himself saying no - another glass was already pushed into his hands, refreshingly chilled against his warm palms.

"Thanks." Jisoo mumbled, staring at the beaded rim of the glass in rapt fascination, his regard so intent that he almost didn't catch the question the bartender (he really should ask him for his name again) threw at him-

"Hey, do you have any plans for the rest of the night? I get off my shift soon, so..."

-though someone else, a very particular someone, heard every single word.

"Ah Jisoo-ah, this is where you got to." He slid his hand over his shoulders, wrapping his fingers around his neck and squeezing gently. Friendly, almost, if you didn't see the glint in his eyes. "I got worried."

"Jeonghannie!" Jisoo exclaimed, turning to the other boy. And Jeonghan told himself he wouldn't react, wouldn't let it get to him, but the unguarded happiness in Jisoo's expression upon seeing him-

-it both broke and mended, wounded and healed.

"A friend, Jisoo-ah?" Jeonghan's lips thinned, hearing the familiar way the bartender addressed him. He was about to open his mouth, a reply hot on his tongue though he had no idea what he'd say exactly-

"No, Jeonghan will never be just a friend."

Jisoo's voice was soft, so soft, but still he heard every word of it. Jeonghan's eyes flew to the other's face in shock, and such foolish, foolish hope...

Then Jisoo slumped forward, his voice almost slurred as he said. "Jeonghannie, I'm so dizzy..." At that, the other boy quickly snapped back to his senses (though it almost hurt to do so), glaring at the bartender for good measure before propping Jisoo up in his arms, taking most of the other boy's weight. "C'mon-" He murmured. "-I'm taking you out of here."

As soon as he secured one of Jisoo's arms over his shoulder, his own curled protectively around his waist, Jeonghan maneuvered them around slowly, only to come face to face with Seokmin's worried gaze. Soonyoung immediately moved to Jisoo's left, apologies spilling from his lips, and Jeonghan only offered him a curt nod in return.

"I'll deal with you two afterwards-" His words were practically a growl. "-but first let's get Jisoo home."

 Getting Jisoo home proved a lot more challenging than he initially thought.

Jisoo, first off, was dead weight. If there was no one supporting him, he toppled like a log (a sight that nearly caused Jeonghan's heart to leap out of his chest, him stumbling forward in his haste to catch him.) Thank heavens Jisoo brought a car - Jeonghan couldn't imagine carting him through public transportation in his current state.

"Drive, Soonyoung." From his tone alone, Jeonghan was still clearly pissed at them both, and the pair knew inciting his anger any further wouldn't be wise (mild-mannered Jisoo they could deal with - his seemingly angelic counterpart was another matter altogether), so they did what they were told with nary a complaint.

Seokmin helped Jeonghan get Jisoo into the back (a feat in itself since Jisoo wouldn't let go of them both), but eventually they had him lying across the backseat, head cushioned on Jeonghan's lap while Seokmin sat with Sooyoung up front.

Jisoo's mumbles were the only sound that broke the tense silence. Seokmin shifted uneasily in his seat, back ramrod straight, and Soonyoung's hands tightened spasmodically on the wheel, palms sweaty. They were waiting for Jeonghan to say something, anything but the older boy remained quiet, which only ratcheted the tension up further.

(something Jeonghan did knowingly, to punish the boys a little for their scheme.)

Still, he couldn't help but his fingers carefully through Jisoo's hair, unsure if it was for the other boy's comfort or his own. All he knew was that he always loved the feel of Jisoo's soft curls against his hand, and he would take advantage of this single moment, as much as he could.

"Oh god-" Jeonghan's eyes narrowed, glaring pointedly at the back of Soonyoung's head at his sudden utterance. What could it be now?

"-Jihoon is going to kill me for getting Jisoo drunk." His voice sounded absolutely frightened and Jeonghan wasn't sure what to feel when the much smaller Jihoon seemed to inspire more terror than he did (not that he didn't understand.) Next to Soonyoung, Seokmin seem to freeze in his seat at the mention of his older brother, a strangled squeak escaping his throat.

"We can't let Jihoon-hyung know about this. Please." Seokmin cast a desperate glance at Soonyoung and Jeonghan. "He's going to flip just knowing I went to a club."

"Not my problem." Jeonghan pointed out dryly, taking some satisfaction from the way Seokmin's face paled. "He'll be furious at you both, but as a victim of your little scheme, I'm in the clear."

"Please, hyung! We're really sorry. Please don't make us bring Jisoo-hyung home and rat us out to Jihoon!" Soonyoung wailed, with Seokmin nodding furiously at his side, looking like he was on the verge of crying.

"Jihoon-hyung will punish us and you know it." Seokmin's voice was a whisper, his expression almost haunted. "He will say he doesn't want to do it, but we all know he takes pleasure in making us all suffer." A touch dramatic, perhaps, but Jeonghan got the point.

Jeonghan wouldn't say he wasn't moved (he had a soft spot for the both of them and they both knew it, dammit) but it took Soonyoung's next sentence to convince him completely.

"...besides, wouldn't it be best for Jisoo-hyung that you take care of him during his first hangover?"

Weak, Jeonghan berated himself once he got into his dorm and Jisoo onto his bed, the latter lying diagonally, arms and legs akimbo, on the mattress. Soonyoung and Seokmin had already gone to their respective rooms, which left Jeonghan with an unconscious ex-boyfriend and too many thoughts spinning in his head.

Sighing loudly, Jeonghan rubbed his face with his hands, before running them through his hair in frustration. What the hell was he doing, when he agreed to have Jisoo stay the night? He should have made Soonyoung take him home and let those two have faced the wrath of one Lee Jihoon.

But he was weak and sentimental and stupidly in love, and that basically translated to a loss of all practical reason. At least Minghao was at Junhui's for the night (though he would have been ecstatic to see Jeonghan and Jisoo together again, regardless of the circumstances).

As if he'd heard his thoughts, Jisoo made a sudden noise, wrinkling his nose in sleep, before he turned and plopped himself down on his stomach - it was one of his favorite sleeping positions.

Jeonghan could only verbalize the pain he felt at that adorable scene with an inarticulate groan.

He'd already taken off Jisoo's shoes and outerwear, leaving the younger in his long-sleeved shirt and jeans. He refused to even contemplate the idea that he change the rest of his clothes, though he did have his old set of pajamas which Jisoo loved to borrow (when they were still together.)

A glance into his drawer confirmed it.

At first, Jeonghan didn't understand at first why Jisoo liked that pair so much, but when the brunette had worn it, the sleeves too long for his arms and that one missing button near the bottom causing the shirt to gap open ever so slightly...

...Jeonghan his heel, heading towards his desk as if his school work had suddenly called to him. Accounting seemed like a brilliant idea at that moment, a welcome distraction from his dangerous, dangerous train of thought.

Despite his earlier doubts, Jeonghan was actually able to get some work done, and the relief he felt at seeing his printed reports all neatly stacked on his desk - it was heady indeed. He stretched his arms overhead, the beginnings of a yawn on his lips (he'd been at it for a few hours), when a sudden noise made him freeze-

"...Jeonghannie?" A confused murmur.

Jisoo was awake.

"Jeonghannie...where am I?"

Jeonghan turned to see Jisoo propping himself onto his elbows, one hand going to rub the grit from his eyes. "Oh dear-" The other boy moaned as he fully sat up, fingers immediately going to his temples. "Why does my head hurt so bad?"

Jeonghan, by then already acting on impulse, moved from his desk to the edge of his bed in record speed, water and medicine already in hand. "Here-" He said softly, handing both to Jisoo. "Take this. It'll make you feel better."

Jisoo nodded quietly, his eyes never leaving Jeonghan's face. "What happened?" He asked, voice somewhat subdued.

"You drank a little bit too much, I'm afraid. And I'm not talking about water." Jeonghan's tone was tinged with amusement, but the concern in his eyes was evident as he watched Jisoo grimace slightly, before taking the medicine as prompted.

"Gosh, I can't even remember what I drank." Jisoo groaned, flopping back down on the bed as soon as Jeonghan took the glass from him. "How can you like this stuff when it makes you feel like this afterwards?" He complained, throwing a full-lipped pout Jeonghan's way.

It was so ing endearing that Jeonghan wanted to punch him.

"I have a higher tolerance, you lightweight." Jeonghan said with a laugh, placing the empty glass back on his desk before moving to sit next to Jisoo again. He didn't even think when he placed his hand against the other boy's cheek, heart stuttering a little when Jisoo moved to press his lips against it, his eyes falling shut.

"You should go back to sleep." Jeonghan spoke softly, gaze never leaving his face. "I won't guarantee you'll feel as good as new upon waking up, but at least you can ignore the pain for a few hours." He joked lightly.

Jisoo was silent for a long moment that Jeonghan thought he already had fallen asleep, but with a startling clarity to his gaze, the other boy opened his eyes and looked at Jeonghan. Just looked.

"Thanks for letting me stay here." Jisoo reached up and caught the ends of Jeonghan's hair, running it lightly through his fingers. Jeonghan swallowed at the action, holding himself perfectly still lest the other boy stop. "Thanks for taking care of me." Jisoo's voice was a little lost and a little vulnerable and the ache in Jeonghan's chest multiplied tenfold.

"Of course. Always." Jeonghan found those words, somehow and Jisoo's mouth curled up in a sad smile upon hearing them - an expression that hit him straight in the gut.

Not always, Jeonghan. His eyes seemed to say. Not anymore.

But it seemed Jisoo didn't want to think such sad thoughts either, because he let his fingers rest on the back of his neck, touch electric, as he pulled him down lightly. Closer.

"Sleep with me?"

He breathed the words, gaze slightly unfocused. Lips parted.

And Jeonghan was lost.

He had his arm wrapped around the other boy's waist, his body held flushed against his.

Jisoo's breathing had evened out, and from the little moonlight that filtered through the parted curtains, Jeonghan could see the individual stands of his brown hair, curling softly against his nape.

It was like all the nights they spent together, every single damn one, and yet it felt totally different. Fragile, almost, as if half of it were a dream, so easy to shatter the moment he moved wrong and was sent plummeting back to reality.

A part of him railed at himself for his foolishness, at his naivety, as if all of this meant things were fixed and right and whole. That he was whole, with Jisoo once again by his side.

But in that space between one breath and the next, Jeonghan knew with absolute certainty, that he'd give in to this illusion of happiness - delicate, brittle - at least for tonight.

He closed his eyes and pressed a kiss against Jisoo's nape, settling more firmly against his side...

...and though he told himself not to think, not to wonder any longer, the question that plagued him all day, every moment since he'd received that terrible, terrible phone call-

-it echoed in his soul.

Why did you break up with me?