Chapter 014

✥Kyujong was sitting, shirtless, on the bathtub facing inward and toward the wall while Youngsaeng stood outside of the tub and behind him, focused on drying his hair with a white towel. The two were silent until Kyujong decided to speak up, causing Youngsaeng to slow down with the drying, in order to hear him clearly. “That other night,” Kyujong started, earning all of Youngsaeng’s attention, “where were you and where did you sleep?”

Though the question was sudden, Youngsaeng recalled that Hyungjun had brought it up during supper last night. Little did Youngsaeng knew, but Hyungjun’s words always had an affect on Kyujong, no matter what it was.

“I was in the bathroom downstairs and...I fell asleep there,” Youngsaeng replied, before making circles with the towel against Kyujong’s wet hair.

“What did you have for breakfast yesterday?” Kyujong’s voice was calm and gentle, as usual.

Youngsaeng hummed before answering, “Pancakes,”

“What did you have for lunch? Or, did you wait for me?”

Youngsaeng rubbed Kyujong’s hair against the towel wrapped in his hands to make drying faster, “I don’t remember,”

“Then about supper, were you forced to come or did you choose to come?” Kyujong asked, not making any effort to counter or response to Youngsaeng’s answers.

“I don’t know…, I wanted to see you but at the same time I thought you wouldn’t want me there. I was hesitant—” before Youngsaeng could finish, Kyujong reached up and grabbed the back of Youngsaeng’s hand, lowering it from drying his hair. Until he dropped the man’s hand altogether.

“I like you,” Kyujong confessed shortly after, “it’s the kind of like that a man shouldn’t feel for another man,” he heaved a heavy sigh before continuing, “and since they’re one-sided feelings, I’ve been trying to get over them for a few years now. But I couldn’t, and because I can’t, I’ve only done things I’m sorry for towards you. I may continue to act foolishly only to feel sorry again so please be bold when that happens. I’ll be able to get over you quicker that way,” Kyujong stated.

“Why should I?” Youngsaeng asked, throwing Kyujong aback. Kyujong grew confused instantly and formed a frown with his brows.

“What?”

“Do you feel bad for liking me?”

Kyujong turned to the side, revealing his face’s profile to Youngsaeng but did not bother to turn his whole body around to face the lad, “What do you mean?”

Youngsaeng sighed before throwing the towel over Kyujong’s head and started to dry his hair again, “Is it a bad thing to like me? Feelings between the same gender can happen and your feelings are your feelings so don’t tell me you’ll try to get over them. Tell me after you’ve gotten over them,”

“What are you—?” Kyujong was about to turn his upperbody around to see Youngsaeng clearly, but the shorter forced him to turn forward again by grabbing onto his head and turning it.

“I’m still drying your hair so don’t move,”

Before Kyujong could continue to ask for the meanings behind Youngsaeng’s words, another question rose in his mind, “My necklace,” he began, “when will you return it?”

Youngsaeng kept unresponsive for a brief moment before saying, “I thought you made copies?”

Flustered by the memory of his lie, Kyujong cleared his throat afterwards, “Either way, why do you still have it? Even if it’s just a copy, I still need it back so I can give it to someone else that I believe should have,”

“Are you saying you don’t think I should have a copy?”

“Are you saying you won’t return it?” Kyujong countered Youngsaeng’s question.

“You really won’t let me keep it?”

“Why would you want it?”

“Because you made it,” Youngsaeng answered.

“And because I made it it means a lot to me, so you should return it,”

“Then,” Youngsaeng threw the towel over Kyujong’s head before reaching into his pocket and pulling out the necklace, Kyujong who was oblivious removed the towel and groaned at the sudden attack, “try to take it,” Kyujong looked over his shoulder and saw Youngsaeng holding the chain of the necklace. The globe floated in midair, hanging by the chain alone. Kyujong’s first attempt to grab the necklace, forced Youngsaeng to take a step back while wearing a bigger smile. Youngsaeng also lifted the chain up, to make it impossible for the seated Kyujong to reach it.

With Youngsaeng’s only focusing on trying to keep the necklace out from Kyujong’s reach, he had left his face wide open for Kyujong to make the perfect attack. Kyujong let out a cunning scoff and gestured for Youngsaeng to lean in, when he did, Kyujong took his nape in hand and pulled him forward and closer where Kyujong easily planted a kiss onto his forehead.

For what seemed to be forever, Kyujong finally pulled away and flashed Youngsaeng a smile once they locked eyes, “Keeping the necklace means you’re returning my feelings I have for you. If you don’t want me to get the wrong idea then hand it over soon. Also, I’m sorry about the kiss just now,” Kyujong said before standing up and stepping out of the tub.

Youngsaeng straighten himself before turning to face Kyujong, who was putting the towel around his neck. “Why are you doing this to me?”

“If you don’t like it then return the necklace, and as I said, I’ll take care of my feelings. You just have to be bold and regain the memories you’ve lost. Please try to remember the last seven years and go back to Junghwa. The old Youngsaeng who have all of his memories would want that,”

“I don’t understand you,” Youngsaeng commented, “you keep telling me to remember Junghwa but at the same time you’re kiss—you’re acting like this to me. Just what do you want me to do? What do you want from me?” Youngsaeng asked, raising his voice to wipe the fading smile completely off from Kyujong’s face.

Kyujong sighed before taking the towel down from around his neck, “You want the truth?”

“Who doesn’t?” The look on Youngsaeng’s face was a mix of seriousness and desperation.

Kyujong the top of his lips before answering, “I was hoping you’ll choose me before your memories come back. But at the same time I’m afraid you’ll hate me more when you remember everything. I didn’t ask to have you here so I can help you regain your memories nor do I want to make you remember. I wanted you here, because I wanted to change your mind. I don’t want to know the Youngsaeng who married his college crush, I want to know the Youngsaeng who chose to love his friend even when they’re both men. That’s the truth,” Kyujong said.

He saw how Youngsaeng was at a loss for words, how the shorter man was taken by surprise by all that was said. Knowing Youngsaeng, Kyujong knew he had disappointed the lad. Youngsaeng would have thought that everything Kyujong did for him was for his own good.  

“I heard you were leaving,” Kyujong started when Youngsaeng did not utter a sound, “when you leave please consider me dead. Now that I’ve told you everything, please don’t see me as the caring friend you once thought I was. I’m not as nice as you thought and said I was, Youngsaeng,”

Youngsaeng diverted his eyes from Kyujong’s, breaking their gazes, before taking in a deep breath, “Liar,”

Kyujong frowned at Youngsaeng’s unexpected response, “What I’m telling you is the truth—”

“Stop lying to me,” Youngsaeng’s tone was bold and held a hint of anger, “how can you ask me to consider you dead? What am I to you? If I accept your feelings then you would acknowledge me, but if I don’t then you want to cut off ties again? Did our friendship not mean anything to you?”

Kyujong let out a sharp group of breath before answering, “Don’t misunderstand me Youngsaeng. Our friendship only happened because I had feelings for you and it only lasted because you kept it going. I was ready to give up when you started seeing Junghwa,”

“You call that friendship?”

“No, you called it friendship. I have never looked at you as a friend. I’ve always wanted to embrace you, to go on long walks and dates with you but you made it impossible by turning me down. Even so you continue to approach me as a friend, but I’ve never wanted your friendship!” Kyujong said aloud.

“So this is my fault?”

“No, it’s mine. I should have pretended I didn’t know you and I should never have looked for you for comfort and support back then. It was a mistake on my part,”

“Then, do you hate me for only looking and treating you as a friend?”

Kyujong’s chest was rising and falling rapidly, his blood was boiling after he continued to confess after confession. He had always wanted to hide the thoughts since they weren’t positive. “No,” he said softly, almost in a whispering tone this tone, “I hate myself. I should have tried harder or leave before my feelings got any deeper. I thought we could build a kind of friendship between us but I was wrong. I’m sorry,”

Junghwa was in the cafeteria, eating lunch before she had to get ready for her next class. In her hand was her spoon as she enjoyed chicken soup and in the other was her phone. She was looking at old photos she had taken with Youngsaeng. A gentle smile crossed her face as she swiped through the photo gallery. After finishing her lunch, Junghwa was walking to her office where her heels clicked loudly against the hall’s tiled floor. Upon entering her tiny office with a desk and few bookshelves here and there, Junghwa eyed the flower bouquet sitting on her desk immediately. Once she made a full entrance, she traced the yellow roses with her eyes before heaving a sigh.

“What bouquet number is this now?” She asked herself before taking a seat behind her desk. As she shuffled some papers about on her table, she caught a note hanging from the bouquet from the corner of her eyes. Slowly she reached over, her fingernails making contact with the note before her skin does. She turned the note toward her direction and read it in silence.

Mrs. Heo Junghwa, I’m sending you flowers again. Please don’t think it’s because I pity you, I don’t. At least not anymore. I’m sending you these flowers because I heard exams are beginning for university students. I’m sure you’re preparing exams for your students. This group of flowers is me asking you to go easy on them. While preparing this I remembered how President Kim, Senior Kim Hyungjun, Senior Heo Youngsaeng, and I went to school together. Please think of the students and go easy. If you go easy on the students they will go easy on you. This is from experience Mrs. Heo Junghwa. - From Lee Sungyeol, Kyujong’s assistant who he can’t live without

A smile was drawn onto Junghwa’s face as she let the note rest against the bouquet again. Then slowly she opened her drawer, were a jumble of old notes from Sungyeol were found. “Fine, since you asked I’ll go easy on the kids Mr. Lee Sungyeol,” she said aloud.

“If you’re sorry then act like it,” Youngsaeng said.

Kyujong heaved a sigh, “I have work to do. Please leave the necklace in your room when you leave. Once the cleaning crew finish cleaning out your room, they’ll bring it to me,”

“I don’t understand you at all Kyujong,”  

“Of course not. If you did you wouldn’t have married Junghwa,”

Youngsaeng could only scoff in response before Kyujong turned away and leave the bathroom first.

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