But then they find themselves making this mistake over and over again.

They find each other, whether it be in the deserted back hallways of the school, or the moments after they are leaving class, or even, once, the park near the school, where both of them decided to take a walk at the same exact time on the same exact day- and coincidentally came face-to-face with each other.

Again. Yoongi is convinced that the universe, while simultaneously wishing to drive them apart, cannot help but bring them together as well.

For a few moments, while his arms are wrapped around Lina and her head is tucked under his chin, he feels like everything is going to be okay. Everything is somehow going to work out. The danger that both of them are in, their different associations with rival gangs, god, just the pure history between them- it is all forgotten once they are clasping each other so, so closely, away from the watchful eyes of others.

But then Lina’s phone will buzz with a text and she will hastily cover up the screen before Yoongi can see. Or Yoongi’s watch will flash with an alert from upper management, indicating a new mission. And then the two will jerk apart from each other, as if the other’s skin is made of scalding hot coals, and hurry away from each other. One of these times, after Yoongi’s watch has started beeping and he hastily stands up, Lina throws a scathing comment at him.

“Been assigned to hurt another innocent person?” she says in a tart voice.

Yoongi glowers at Lina. He slowly moves towards her, taking in her nervous expression as she backs away from him, until he has cornered her against the wall.

“Yes, that’s right,” he murmurs. “I’m a criminal who kills whomever he’s told to. I’m wicked, Lina. So why do you keep coming back to me?”

Yoongi does not have to stay to see the hurt in Lina’s eyes.

She avoids him for a while after that. Refuses to look at him, touch him.

But then on a cold November day when Yoongi sees Lina sitting alone in the library, her hair falling over her eyes as she pores over her textbooks, he cannot take it anymore. He strides to her in 3 swift movements and clasps her towards him and does not let go. He can feel her trembling beneath him; he buries his head in the crook of her neck and whispers sorry.

It is the first apology Yoongi has ever given Lina.

Ever.

    Yoongi can tell that Lina realizes that, too.

It is the night of the Christmas Ball.

Yoongi is wearing a tuxedo- god, how he hates these constricting suits. Annoyed, he tugs at his tie as the rest of his friends joke around with Ami.

All of the 4 Flames, X.E., and Seven Stars members, milling around, acting all jovial and friendly, pretending like they all do not want to kill each other, makes Yoongi want to throw up. He curls his lip, looking away from a 4 Flames executive laughing with a Seven Stars team leader whom he knows tried to assassinate the latter last year. Fake. They are all fake. He lounges by the posterior of the ballroom, sipping a glass of wine.

And then a flash of red catches his eye.

Yoongi’s eyes widen.

Lina is standing on the other side of the room, flanked by her parents. She is wearing a strapless scarlet gown that snatches the breath away from his throat. There is a tense, nervous expression on her face as her mother and father guide her to different executives, introducing them to her and chatting with them. Lina forces a smile on her face but Yoongi can see how angry she is beneath it all, how repulsed she is.

    Suddenly, a thought strikes him: does Ami know Lina’s true identity?

    He notices that Lina’s eyes are anxiously darting around, as if they are looking for something. He could very well be the object of Lina’s searches, but Yoongi has a feeling that it is Ami she is looking for.

    He could help her. But what would be the fun in that? It would be too easy.

    Yoongi continues to watch Lina as she pointedly tells her parents something and then frees herself from their grasp. She strides over to the refreshment table, grabs a glass of wine, and downs it all in one go.

    A smirk curls his lips.

    He stands up, maneuvers through the throng of partygoers. Lina does not see him approach, too occupied in her own worries.

    Until Yoongi lowers his head so that his lips are right next to Lina’s ear and whispers, “Has Ami seen you yet?”

    Lina whirls around, a furious expression on her face.

    “Nuh uh uh,” Yoongi says, his smirk widening. “No animosity at this ball, remember? This is the one time all the gangs are able to get together and enjoy peace. You don’t want to ruin that, do you, Lina?”

    Lina subtly looks around, and then grabs Yoongi’s wrist and pulls him to a door near the end of the ballroom that leads to a dark, empty hallway. She leads him around the corner, takes a right, a left, all the while glancing behind her shoulder to ensure that they are not being followed. When she is satisfied with the distance from the main ballroom, she whips around to face Yoongi.

“What the hell do you want with me?” she growls.

    “I don’t know,” Yoongi hums. “I’m pretty bored. Maybe seeing you crash and burn would be interesting enough?”

    White-hot anger overtakes Lina and she raises a fist to punch him in the face, determined on knocking that condescending sneer off his face. But Yoongi is too fast for her. Almost lazily, he catches her hand.

    “Let go of me,” Lina fumes.

    “But what if you try to hurt me again?” Yoongi drawls. “I don’t feel like getting hit today.”

    “You ing deserve it,” she hisses, and then, before Yoongi can block her, brings her foot up and kicks him in the shin.

    His smile drops. He grabs her wrists and pins her to the wall, his gaze so cold that it causes shudders of apprehension to run through Lina.

    “You realize that I’m the one with the upper hand here,” Yoongi utters, looking her straight in the eyes. “I could take you straight to Ami right now. I could expose you for who you really are?”

    “Why are you so hellbent on making my life miserable?” Lina frustratedly exclaims. “What did I ever do to you? All I wanted to do was stay away from you. But you always come after me. Why, Yoongi? Why?”

    And then suddenly, a familiar voice behind them says, “Yoongi?”

    Jungkook.

    Lina blanches. Because if Jungkook is behind them...

    There is a high probability that Ami is with him as well.

    Yoongi’s eyes widen, and before Jungkook or Ami can take a step further towards them, he quickly yanks Lina towards him and kisses her.

    An ache of longing diffuses through his body as he clutches her towards him. It has been so, so long since his lips have been on hers, since he was this close to her in this particular way. Their kiss is all angry push-and-pull. All a rough struggle for dominance. They feel like they are venting out their hatred to each other; not necessarily their hatred of each other, but of their hatred of every single thing about their situation. The fury that the other continues to be such a large aspect of their lives despite their best attempts. The displeasure that things are not working out they way that they want them to- or even anticipated them to.

And above all, the loathing that they feel towards themselves for the fact that they still love each other, no matter how hard they try to forget each other, no matter how much they try to avoid each other.

They are kissing long after Jungkook and Ami are gone. Yoongi deepens the kiss, shoving Lina further up against the wall, eliciting a moan from Lina. His hands are desperately roaming all over her body as if they have been separated for years and this is the first time he is seeing her and he cannot get enough of her. The scent of her coconut shampoo- that coconut shampoo, the one he always loved- overpowers his senses and god, Yoongi’s entire body is aching with desire and he wants her badly, so ing badly-

And then an image of Lina’s blank, broken expression, right after he told her the truth about who he really was, flashes through Yoongi’s mind.

No. He has to stop. He knows how this is going to end. And if he keeps going... he is just going to hurt Lina even more.

Gently, Yoongi detaches from their kiss.

Lina stares up at him, dazed, her features arranged into something reminiscent of the empty look that Yoongi was just thinking about. She simply looks at him for one second, two seconds, three seconds.

And then her face cracks.

“Why?” she whispers, her voice weak. “You could’ve revealed the truth to Jungkook and Ami. Why did you have to protect me like that?”

Yoongi swallows. He cannot bring himself to say a word.

“What are we, Yoongi?” Lina asks, her voice utterly soft. “What are we doing? What is this?”

She lets out a long, shaky breath. Yoongi wants nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and whisper that everything will be okay, comfort her until she drifts off to sleep in his embrace.

But who is he kidding? The only place that will happen is his dreams.

Lina is crying. Yoongi wonders how many countless other times he has made her cry.

“Lina,” he whispers, taking her hands. “Us- this has to end. We can’t keep doing this to each other anymore.”

She hastily swipes at her eyes, nodding rapidly.

“Will you be okay?” Yoongi murmurs.

It takes a few moments for Lina to answer.

Then she breathes, in the slightest voice, “Will I ever be okay?”

Yoongi can feel his heart breaking.

This is for the best, he tells himself. This is for the best.

He leans over, gives Lina one lingering kiss on her forehead. Their gazes connect for just an instant.

And then he turns and walks away.

A/N: u have this blog post to thank for getting rid of my temporary writer's block

so the first day fof the new semester is tomorrow and i am not ready.... today im going to go buy new clothes & MAKEUP!!! this is my first time buying foundation/concealer/etc, usually i just wear eyeliner. I WANNA LEARN HOW TO CONTOUR HAHAH. but yeah does anyone have any makeup tips for me

my goal is to be KaushalBeauty on youtube like THIS IS GOALS RIGHT HERE. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ll1H4oIXD-A