28/02

Fourth day. Thank God, tomorrow is Sunday... But I forgot highschoolers go to school even on Saturdays. That day, though, was not much difficult to stand: we had philosophy, literature and two hours of P.E. But I didn't think about an important matter: philosophy needs to be understood... and Korean people may need help to understand such a difficult subject in a language that was not their motherlanguage...

As expected, I wasn't wrong.

"Selene! Thank God we've you in this classroom!"

"What, teacher?"

"Please, explain to our Korean friends what was Schopenhauer's thought about God!"

"B-but teacher... I already said my Korean is bad!"

"And they already said they speak Japanese too. Go on, I never heard you speaking Asian languages before!"

I sighed. When was the torture going to end? Why in a class composed by 30 people I was the only one to be always on the spotlight? Anyways, I started explaining the stuff in my broken Korean, switching sometimes to Japanese, to the six boys.

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"Selene! You are really amazing! Your Korean is very good... And your Japanese too... it's not easy to explain philosophy in another language, and I understood everything! You should really be a translator... and the thing you did yestarday with latin was good too, I never saw anybody working without a dictionary...!"

".... Aish. Hongbin, you're really insistent. I treated you very badly, I am acting as unpolite as I can because I don't want you near, I am avoiding all of you... what still do I have to do for being left alone?"

"Accept my friendship."

"I accept your friendship."

"REALLY?" He started to come closer with his arms open. Heck no, you won't hug me.

"No, don't come any closer! I... I said it because I thought you would go! I hate you and the fact that you don't give up!"

He stopped. I looked at his face, and I saw something that broke my heart into pieces. He had a tear rolling down his cheek, eyes wide open. I had gone too far. I spent four days trying to hurt him... and now that I did it, I realized how stupid I had been. I started shivering, but before I couldn't say a word, he had already ran away. I was starting to hate myself.

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Hongbin didn't show up for half an hour after break. When he came back, I saw his eyes puffy and red. He had been crying... because of me. I didn't even had the courage to look at him. I packed my stuff and headed to the gym. After I finished changing my clothes, I entered the room and prepared to do some stretching, when something pulled my shirt and threw me against a wall.

"YOU! How did you dare to treat Hongbin hyung that way? I didn't like you from the beginning, but today you have crossed the line! I stayed in silence the first day, I said nothing about you shouting at Hakyeon hyung, and he's four years older than you, you jerk, I said nothing about how you treated Jaehwan... But now I am sick of this situation!"

I was trembling with fear. I never saw Sanghyuk angry, but he wasn't even angry. He was mad. And he was right. I had been acting like a human . I had made people suffer without a reason.

"I... I.... really... I didn't mean to...."

"SHUT UP!"

He slapped my face.

"You what? You can't even imagine how much he cared about you! He wanted to be your friend since the beginning, and you didn't even let him try! You don't know his efforts to understand your attitude, you don't know how much he cried the first time you spoke to him! You are too handsome... He has spent three years to convince people that his face doesn't mean anything, he has fought for his skills to be recognised... and you spit out that sentence, without knowing anything!"

He was crying. I wanted to cry too, but I was really, really scared of him. I couldn't even cry, I didn'have the right to, while he was right about all the points. I had been a very cruel person. I closed my eyes as i saw his hand approaching again, and I felt the second slap.

"Does it hurt? DOES IT HURT? Well you can't even imagine how much your behaviour hurted him! This is nothing! I... I warn you: do another thing to Hongbin hyung, and I swear you will regret it. Don't even try to approach him. If I see him upset again, I will automatically think it's your fault. Make him cry again, and you will be the one who will cry harder. Now disappear!"

And he threw me on the floor, turning on his back and leaving. I waited a few minutes, sitting on the ground, trying to calm down, then I stood up and I told the teacher I was going to do jogging outside. The rain would have covered my tears. As I started to run, I touched my cheek. You're right, Sanghyuk. It hurts, but it's nothing compared to your hyung's pain.