Listen to Entrust by Infinite : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZZi42OrTRE

“It’s from New York.” My mother gave me an ear-splitting smile as she handed the phone to me, waiting for my reaction to the potential news.

“H-h-hello?” I called out. My father watched with pride as I smiled and nodded, murmuring a thank you.

“Guess I need to pack up,” I said, leading to an outburst of joy from my parents.

I stared at my bruised feet. Five years ago, I would show them off to my non-dancer friends, taking joy in their disgusted faces for they didn’t understand the beauty of the pain. Dancers had the worst feet but it was the art of making those difficult jumps and pirouettes look easy that was worth it. The adrenaline that would rush through our veins when a standing ovation would greet us, filling our tiny waists with more pride than it could stomach.

I wasn’t that feeling that right now.

I left the dance studio with a heavy heart, the vibrations of my colleagues’ congratulatory words buzzing like an annoying mosquito. I wasn’t going to lie to myself. I wasn’t happy.

Now what?

Five years ago, I would have been ecstatic. But five years ago, something had happened. Five years ago, I had met HIM.

It was in Vancouver, where I had been a part of a teenage dance troup showcasing the Nutcracker’s contemporary version. It was a much-awaited performance and though I hadn’t been in the lead role, being the Sugar Plum Fairy in this piece was not a bad deal either.

Our performance hall wasn’t as big as the ones back home but the tickets had sold out in less than fifteen minutes and there were many demanding an encore.

If only that encore hadn’t happened. It’s ironic, but had our performance not been so good, maybe I would have been different today.

“This time the reaction was better!”

I nodded at Seohyun’s words, her generally meek face now flushing with excitement.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” I hugged my friend and rushed to the restroom. Wait, where was it again?

I took turns and more turns, unable to find the loo sign. I shuffled my legs in unease when suddenly, the sound hit my ears.

Bass. Nothing but bass. Like a heartbeat, it thumped through my chest and magnetically moved me towards it.

I wrapped my arms around myself and peeked inside the studio next to ours. There was a lone boy standing amongst a crowd of older kids, watching as his taller counterpart moved to the beats.

Hip-hop, I squirmed and was about to run away when I saw the boy’s first move.

I still cannot describe what happened, but watching the passion and courage in the boy’s dance had stirred something inside me. It was a dance battle and he had lost, but even after the loss he looked happy. He laughed and the laugh sounded carefree, hopeful, like he knew he could trust himself to win next time.

I had scandalized my troupe when I suggested fusion. They ridiculed my words, saying this wasn’t some corny dance movie where contemporary and hip-hop could be combined and appreciated.

“You know it’s different in Japan,” my Korean friend Seohyun had said in a low voice. “It’s either hip-hop or contemporary and ballet. Plus you’re already catching the attention of a lot of scouts, so don’t waver please.”

Seohyun’s words were smart but the more I tried to dismiss it, the more I thought of the boy’s laugh. He was confident he could succeed, he was confident he could do better. But I can’t laugh like that. I had no time and space for that.

The lights went on and I trudged along the crossing, the regular chaos of Shibuya doing anything but making me feel more lonely. I wondered what would have happened if any of these salarymen would have heard his laugh. Maybe they would have had more strength to pursue their bold thoughts.

I walked down the pavement , waving my arm as soon as an empty taxi came into sight, when suddenly it happened.

I froze in my steps, staring at nothing, my arm hanging above me like a puppet’s string. No, it’s not possible. Could it be….

I heard the laugh again, this time sounding more real than before. I looked around, crazily spinning around, even bumping into a few irritated people.

“I’m sorry,” I bowed lightly, trying to follow the sound. He laughed again and my head spun to the left. My eyes widened as I saw a man on television, his body moving with the sound of laugh, his eyes folding into crescents as he gave a wide smile.

“Excuse me, who is he?”

The woman at the counter jumped at my appearance, shifting glances between me and my finger, pointing towards the latest LG television set.

“Aah, him… They’re Infinite.”

“Infinite?” I asked.

The woman gave a kind smile, a hint of excitement in her eyes. “Want me to put on their latest music video?”

I blinked then nodded. I wasn’t mistaken. The laugh… it was the same. But could it be? How was this even possible?

I watched as the boy I had seen five years ago danced infront of me, his moves more slick, more sharp, each step effervescent with the next. As soon as the song ended, my doubts cleared.

It was him.

“Excuse me, but do you know if they’re coming to Japan any time soon?”

                                                            ************************************

I laughed, like I always do, as SungGyu imitated Sungjong’s attempt to sing a manly serenade to SNSD’s Tiffany on a variety show, only to have Hoya break his bubble with one single line.

“All he did was say ‘be mine’,” Sungjong complained. “I mean, how tacky is that?”

“Yah Lee Sungjong!” SungGyu shouted jokingly. “You forgot? That’s how Tiffany sunbae fell for our Hoya!”

“Plus that was our song once!” I reminded, breaking into laughter again as the members continued making fun of him.

We were on our way to our third Japanese fanmeeting, confident after last night’s non-stop practice and praise from our choreographer. Our hoobaes, a girl group that had our dongsaeng Yoo Ji Ae in it, were busy making waves in Korea. It was only fit for their seniors to be dominating the other side of the sea, right?

I loved our Japanese fans. Not that the Korean fans were less better, but during our first performance of BTD on a Japanese show, I was shocked when despite no barriers and guards, the Japanese fans watched our performance three feet away from us in complete discipline. They would hardly scream our names out, only doing so at the beginning or the end of our songs. Our Japanese had improved and surprisingly, I was getting better than Myungsoo and Hoya.

Okay, so I liked the Japanese fans slightly more.

Like always, the fans were lined up in straight lines on both sides of the steps. We got out one-by-one, waving to the girls (even some boys) as they cheered for us with cutely made placards and banners. As I passed the last row, a face caught my eye. I turned around to make a heart as an excuse, feeling a tug in my chest as I saw the same girl widen her eyes at me.

I walked with the members, who were grinning at me.

“What happened to ‘wild lips’ Dongwoo?” Sungyeol joked. But I was too distracted to laugh or grin.

As much as it sounded stupid, I had definitely seen that girl somewhere.

But where?

                                                ****************************************

“Encore! Encore! Encore!”

I covered my ears with the ski cap, tightening my gloves and nodding my head to the cheer. Screams erupted and the boys jumped on the stage, dancing to a song that I knew as Entrust.

I had to wait for Infinite’s Christmas fan-meeting to see him again. His name was Dongwoo and he was the rapper and dancer of the group. Seohyun too was a fan of them but I preferred not to read up on her Infinite Facts slam book. Deep inside, I felt like I didn’t need to.

The song was… bouncy. As the members sang, I bounced on my knees, grinning widely as I saw Dongwoo’s awkward interaction with the girls on the other side. My heart skipped a beat when suddenly, he saw me.

He saw me. Then he blinked. Finally, he started walking.

The song became a distant echo as I watched him move closer and closer, until his hand outstretched towards my face. The girls next to me begged me to take it, cheering for me as I kept one hand on my cap and the other on his palm.

From my peripheral glance, I saw the members do a double take at us. So this wasn’t planned, I thought, growing more confused. Dongwoo hadn’t seen me that night, this could just be a coincidence right?

Infinite was smart, as despite me not being part of their stage, they took the opportunity and surrounded me, sitting me down on the chair where the guy called L had played the guitar and sung a Christmas carol in Japanese. They took care to focus more on the audience, but I noticed how Dongwoo kept flitting towards me, moving faster when Hoya sensed him and wrapped an arm around me.

The song ended and I bowed to the seven guys, stalling at Dongwoo who made the fans scream when he hugged me.

“Backstage,” he whispered and I kept a poker face. Being a performer had it’s pros.

                                                            ******************************

“Hyung what was that?”

I’ve definitely seen her somewhere. The way she walked, no matter how ridiculous it sounded, made it even more concrete. The way she held herself, her posture…. I had DEFINITELY…

“What the hell was that??”

SungGyu nudged me and I woke up from my thoughts. “What?”

“You can’t do that unless there’s a special prize event and all! You’ll risk us losing our fans Dongwoo!”

“Calm down,” Hoya muttered. “The Japanese are different. I saw a few schoolgirls even push her on stage. By the way, nice choice. She was cute.”

I nodded, my mouth running dry when someone knocked at the door. “Excuse me?” a soft voice asked.

All the members looked at me, but I ignored them and quickly opened the door. The girl blinked at me and I grinned.

“Could we…” I fumbled.

“Thank you.”

I stopped thinking. “What? Why?”

The girl smiled and again, the familiar feeling tugged at me. “I’m supposed to be in New York right now, training with one of the best dance companies in the world. I’ve been trained in ballet and contemporary dance for thirteen years but here I am, singing along to a language I don’t understand.”

The girl paused. “Five years ago, I saw a dance battle take place. It was between a fifteen year old boy and a much older looking man. Though I’m not into hip-hop, it took me one glance to figure out who would win. There was no miracle too, the older man won. But do you know why a ballet enthusiast like me stayed to watch? It’s because that boy… he struck her heart in ways no dance had ever done. More than it being a different genre, the fact that he was bold enough to dance, lose, then laugh about it hit me like a wind and ever since then my orthodox expressions began to waver.”

The girl stopped talking and the silence made me notice that the members had too. I blinked at the girl and asked a question whose answer I already knew. “What does that have to do with me?”

The girl smiled, this time with shyness. “The dance battle took place in the summer of 2006 in Vancouver and I was part of the Nutcracker dance troupe that had danced there.”

                                                **************************************

My heart was bursting out of my chest now and after finally revealing my identity, I bowed and quickly ran away.

I had only come here for a thanks. Then why was this encounter still feeling incomplete?

“WAIT!”

I froze. Why would his voice do that to me? I waited as he appeared before me and broke into a smile.

“You’re Amaya Murakami, right?”

My eyes widened in disbelief. “H-h-how did you….”

“DAEBAK!”

Suddenly Dongwoo started jumping up and down, laughing as I stood like a statue infront of him. Once his moment of joy ended, he sighed and raised an eyebrow at me.

“If I had known my dance skills were going to bring you to me then I would have stopped worrying altogether!”

I shook my head, still not understanding what was going on.

“I saw your performance, the encore one. Everyone was talking about it and though I was an alien in Vancouver, your dance somehow brought me back home. It’s a paradox really. I received strength after watching you dance and since you were already so famous, I kept hoping I would see you again. But I didn’t know whether you were still in Japan plus the number of Amaya Murakamis here…”

I gulped as Dongwoo crossed his arms and nodded with finality. “But we’re here now.” The wild look in his eyes settled down and all that was left was happiness. I beamed at my reflection in his eyes, I somehow looked prettier, and nodded.

“Want to say hi to Infinite? We’re not as cool offstage so don’t get too surprised.”

I laughed and shook my head. Dongwoo widened his eyes. “You don’t want to meet them?”

“What? No! I mean.. yes! Yes, I want to meet them.”

Thirteen years of doing gravity-defying jumps and splits couldn’t hold me down and here I was, going weak in the knees with just one smile. I tugged on my ski cap and followed the lead of my childhood crush, reminding myself to choreograph a piece on Christmas miracles.