Listen to A-Cha by Super Junior : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZlBa8W3zHk&feature=related

Sungjong watched as the lithe girl carried two boxes full of second-hand books in her arms, trudging up the staircases with heavy steps. He unknowingly smiled when he saw her puff up her cheeks and widen her eyes to alert herself. “Come on Gena,” he heard her encourage herself.

“Want some help?”

Gena yelped as she recognized the voice and quickly pasted a grin on her face. “Ah Sungjong! Yeah well… “

Before she could say anything, the tall boy swiftly took one box and winked at her. “Don’t be so stubborn. Even a feminist needs a breather now and then.”

Gena blinked as she watched his lean but strong back walk away from her. All she could hear was her heartbeat that had bounced off at the sight of his wink and all she could see was the memory of when a certain realization had struck her.

“Five! Six! Seven! Eight!”

I covered my ears as cheers reverberated across the hall. It was only a rehearsal but the dance society, especially this particular performance, was bound to make everyone go crazy. I scoffed and shook my head. Just because seven guys sing ‘be mine’, they lose their heads. I prided myself for looking at the hard-working boys with nothing but acknowledgement of their talent and nodded my head to the music while setting up the posters for our annual school function.

“Tteokbaro.. bwa….”

I recognized the voice and smiled to myself. It was none other than Lee Sungjong, the hidden gem of Infinite, our high school’s male dance group. Sungjong and I had been friends in elementary school but when I had shifted to Japan for some time and returned, things weren’t the same. My father had left our family and my elder brother had resorted to surviving by himself. I decided to surround myself with girls and elements that would remind me that even as a woman, I could be strong and successful. Over time, my narrow-mindedness had decreased, mostly thanks to Sungjong’s friendliness. He was,in one word, effeminate. But more than just being a pretty face, he was confident of himself and instead of resorting to extreme man-hating measures, I toned down to someone with a balanced self-esteem.

My reminiscing ended in a flash and I turned around to cheer for Sungjong when suddenly, the sight of my childhood friend yanked my voice away. His movements seemed more definite, his image seemed brighter and I gulped as I saw his fierce gaze shift to me with a smirk.

What…the…hell..

“Yah Sungjong ah.”

Sungjong turned around and smiled when I placed the box next to the one he had been carrying. He was now helping Myungsoo, an Infinite member, set up the ‘Woollim High Christmas’ banner straight. Upon seeing me, he stepped down from the chair and followed me a few feet away from his friend.

“We uh…” I my lips and took a deep breath. Sungjong waited and when I didn’t say anything, narrowed his eyes.

“Gena? Are you alright?” Electricity zapped through my veins when he lightly brushed his hand against my arm. I raised my hand to rub the back of my neck and took a step away from him, slowly jogging away.

“Nothing! Just…” I racked my brain for an excuse and remembered something. “Luna wanted to invite you guys for the carol session. Best of luck!” I waved at him and ran off. For four years now, I had been feeling confused around Sungjong. This wasn’t the first time I had wanted to clarify my thoughts to him, maybe he would help me out by saying something and remind me of our platonic friendship. But months passed and Sungjong grew… in many ways. Apart from the physiological changes, the brightness that would stirrup in his voice and actions began settling like a fire in his eyes. He was still prettier than all the girls in our school, but every student of Woollim High had the tendency to make sure they didn’t upset him. A small high school scuffle remained as a reminder to everyone that never had Sungjong claimed himself to be delicate. There was a man hiding inside him, not being cocky and over-confident but seething to come out at the right moments.

And I knew this. I noticed it. Ever since I had started scurrying away from his sight, I had unconsciously harboured every single detail of his life and his words in my brain. I would sleep thinking of him, I would wake up thinking of him. Every so often, I would go out on forced group dates and be fakely reassured that I was still not interested in a relationship, only to be slapped by a vague wistful voice in my head that wished for Sungjong to be next to me.

In short words : I had a major crush on Lee Sungjong.

A laughter alerted me and I looked up, pursing my lips at Luna and Sungjong sharing a joke. Maybe if I hadn’t been such an outright women rights activist, I could have easily slipped into her shoes and afforded to be close to Sungjong. But this was my life and though the thought made guilty, I couldn’t cost my ‘image’. Just one more year in high school, then he would be out of sight and out of mind.

“It’s just a crush,” I whispered to myself. “Crushes pass, they fade away. Focus Gena!”

Another laughter erupted from the duo and this time, I saw Luna coyly holding his forearm. I stared at Sungjong, my mind going blank as it waited for some sort of response from him. Suddenly he turned around and our eyes met.

That’s it.

“Hey I’m leaving.” Without bothering to explain, I left my society’s stall and wore my jacket, wrapping the muffler around my neck and burying my head in it. Hot chocolate is a good idea, I thought and walked out of the school gates and towards the Christmas fair in the next block.

“Get your head in the game Gena,” I muttered to myself. “You’re eighteen years old and you’re still cowering from a crush? Lee Sungjong? You’re a feminist, a hard-core feminist who has won every single gender-related debate in the past three years and you can’t even win over this stupid little feeling…”

Suddenly I was pulled away, my breath catching in my throat when I felt my back slam against a wall. I was ready to serve a rabbit punch when the familiar face stopped me.

“Sungjong?”

Sungjong glanced at my raised fist and wrapped his hand around it. My stomach flipped and I tried wrestling out of his hold, only for him to shush me.

“Enough,” he said. I widened my eyes at his tone.

“Sungjong, when did you--?”

He kissed me. Before I could even decide what I was going to say, he kissed me. My open eyes blinked at him as he pulled away and gazed at my expression.

“There, it’s sealed. Lee Sungjong, the ‘swan’ of Infinite has kissed Kwon Gena, the president of the Gender Society. Does it matter anymore?”

I continued blinking at him. “What are you talking about….”

Sungjong shook his head and gave out a chuckle. “You think I’m stupid? You think I haven’t seen you stare at me that way? You think I don’t notice how you stiffen up when I enter the room? We used to be friends Gena, do you really think I’ve forgotten everything about you?

“I know your life hasn’t exactly been a joyride but four years have passed and safe to say, I’ve been in love with you ever since. I wasn’t confused one bit about my feelings when you returned from Japan and started acting cold, hiding the warm and approachable Kwon Gena who used to hold hands with me when I was sad, who used to play with me when other kids wouldn’t. It wasn’t because you intrigued me. It was because I recognized that feeling of wanting to hold you and comfort you.

“But I waited. I knew you would fall for me, so I waited. One day our eyes met and I knew it had happened. But you never came Gena. Four Christmases passed and you didn’t pull me under the mistletoe, you didn’t confess and most of all, you didn’t accept. What happened to the strong Gena?”

I kept quiet as his words began to sink in. Sungjong’s concerned look changed into a firm one. “But no more of this. I’m not letting this Christmas pass without an answer. Kwon Gena, do you like me or not?”

I gulped and my instincts made me look for an escape, only to have his arm block my way.

“Do you like me or not?” Sungjong repeated, his voice turning more steely. The ferocity that had made me fall for him returned and I blubbered, “I’m not sure.”

He smirked. “We’ll have to make sure then.”

This time the kiss was free, powerful and when even after what seemed like eternity he didn’t pull away, I opened my lips and kissed him back. My hands began exploring his face and his hair and warmth spread inside my body when he s his arms around my waist. I broke the kiss and as Sungjong rested his forehead on mine, I breathed.

“I think I’m sure now.”