These are some notes I made while beta-reading:

• Chaptered (as of chapter 3)
• Narrative: First-person, past.
• Consistent tenses (albeit, some misconceptions)
• Average variety in vocabulary
• Lack of variety in sentence structure
• Occasional spelling errors
• One/two liner dialogues with not much description

Tenses

I applaud your effort in maintaining the tenses throughout the chapters. Unfortunately, tenses aren’t always clear cut. In some occasions, we have to reconsider the tenses.

• Contractions

Contractions are two words combined together with an apostrophe, omitting some of its letters. Examples are: It’s, We’re, there’re, he’s, would’ve, didn’t and the lists goes on. For a list of commonly used contractions, click here. 

The tense of the contraction, follows the tense of whatever words they were before combining. For example,

He’s = he + is (present)

‘Is’ is in present tense, therefore he’s is also present.

Hence, it will be inappropriate to use he’s in a sentence that is in past tense.

Example:

He refused to go into the dark room, he’s a coward.

Edited: He refused to go into the dark room, he was a coward.

Didn't = did + not

Did is in past tense, therefore didn't is also past.

• (I’m not sure how to title this section)

There are certain words that must be followed by words (mostly verbs) that are in their root/basic forms. These ‘special’ words are can/could, shall/should, do/did, will/would, etc.

Examples:

• Seunghyun shouldn’t be (present) here, Daesung never invited (past) him.
• I would have (present) to ask you to leave.
• Jiyoung did not think (present) Daesung was (past) being serious when he asked (past) that question.
• He hasn’t and couldn’t forget (present) about Jiyoung; something he never admitted (past) to anyone else but himself.

Notice that it only affects one word and the rest of the words in the sentence maintained the proper tense of the sentence.

• Dialogues

Basically when you write a dialogue, you will need to re-determine the tense since the dialogue which the character spoke was at that moment, in the present.

• “Sorry, I don’t (present) know where Dr Daesung is (present). Please wait (present) a moment.”
• “Hey, are (present) you coming (present) later?”

This is true for all occasions. However, there’s an exception (of course there is!).

Exception: when the character was talking about a past event.

• “Jiyoung was (past) always shy as a kid. Not anymore.”
• “Seunghyun had met (past perfect) Daesung before.”

It is possible to have both in a dialogue.

• "I don't know (present) why she is even here. She did (past) not even register last week."

• Eomma patted my back, slightly pushing me.

Oh yes, it is now time for the sentence that had both of us confused and made me question my understanding of the English language.

So I did some research and came to 2 conclusions.

Conclusion 1: Present Participle acting as an adverb

Present participles are used in forming continuous sentences. Many things can happen when you add ‘-ing’ to a word. One of the results is the word becoming a present participle. Daesung is currently attending to a patient.

 Seunhyun is reading her favourite book again.

Occasionally, a present participle can act as an adverb. An adverb is a word that describes a verb, adjective or another adverb.

Therefore in the sentence: eomma patted my back, slightly pushing me;

‘Pushing’ a present participle, acts as an adverb, describing the way eomma patted his back.

Conclusion 2: Gerunds  (Gerunds and Infinitives Part 1, 2006)

A gerund is a noun made from a verb by adding ‘-ing.’ The gerund form of the verb ‘read’ is ‘reading.’ We can use a gerund as the subject, the complement, or the object of a sentence.

Examples:

• Reading helps you learn English. (subject of sentence)
• Her favorite hobby is reading. (complement of sentence)
• I enjoy reading. (object of sentence)

Gerunds can be made negative by adding "not."

Examples :

• He enjoys not working.
• The best thing for your health is not smoking.

Click here for more explanation regarding gerunds.

By definition, gerunds can never be in past tense. Therefore the word pushing (a gerund) cannot be in past tense.

I’ll leave it to you to decide on which conclusion to agree with.

Sentence Variation

• Short sentences

You have a lot of short sentences here and there; sometimes even one after another.

Fortunately your short sentences are complete and not fragmented. However it is still a concern as it makes the story very staccato-ish.  Combine two or more sentence when you can.

 Here’s an example from your story:

Aunty Kwon came towards us and ruffled my hair. She squatted in front of me and hugged me.

Edited: Aunty Kwon came towards us and ruffled as she squatted in front of me and hugged me.

• Sentence Structure

There wasn’t much variance in the structure of your sentences. They mostly start with the subject.

Examples:

Seunhyun looked at Daesung with kind eyes.

Edited: With kind eyes, Seunghyun looked at Daesung

Daesung was shocked when he found out that they were the same person, his heart skipped a beat.

Edited:

Shocked, John’s heart skipped a beat when he found out they were the same person.

Always add variation to your sentences, it creates colour in your writing.

• Here’s a picture I found which describes this section perfectly.

Word Choice/Placement

• Overuse of ‘that’, when there are better alternatives or when it isn’t necessary
  1. It’s only one thing that I didn’t have: a partner to love and to be loved by.
  2. I might know the word, but I didn’t know the feeling until I felt that myself.
  3. …whether that he purposely hurting me by making me listen.

Edited:

1. There was only one thing I didn’t have: a partner to love and to be loved by.
2. I might know the word, but I didn’t know the feeling until I felt it myself.
3. …whether he purposely hurting me by making me listen.

• Misplaced words
  1. “You seem don’t like it.”
  2. “Why you don’t know?”
  3. Autumn actually is my second favourite season.

Edited:

1. “You don’t seem like it.”
2. “Why don’t you know?”
3. Autumn is actually my second favourite season.

• Word Confusion

Alternatively vs Alternately:

Alternatively: affording a choice of two or more things, propositions, or courses of action.

Alternately: to take turns repeatedly and regularly with one another in time or place

Alternatively means doing something different instead of something else. Hence, there are options of what you can do. Alternately means switching between two alternatives.

I love eating pizza, alternatively, I eat spaghetti.

In this example, pizza and spaghetti are both good options to what he should eat for dinner.

I love eating pizza and spaghetti, I eat them alternately.
This means, on Monday, he eats pizza for dinner. On Tuesday, it’s spaghetti and on Wednesday it’s back to pizza.

Alternatively is about having choices, this or that. Alternately is about switching between the choices.

Life vs Live:

Life: a corresponding state, existence, or principle of existence conceived of as belonging to the soul; the general or universal condition of human existence

Live: to have life, as an organism; be alive; be capable of vital functions; to dwell or reside

Life and Live have many definitions and are often mixed up by people. Life is existence whereas live is the act of existing with life. Life is a noun. At the same time, live which gives the meaning of existing with life, is an adjective. (Difference Between Life and Live, 2014)

Click here for a simple table that explains their usage.

Click here for an exercise to test your understanding. 

Preposition

Prepositions, in my opinion are one of the hardest things to grasp completely in English, mostly because there is no definitive formula to them. A lot of it is often based on grammatical logic, sometimes idiomatically and occasionally what sounds natural.

Your commonly mixed up prepositions are:

At vs To

In vs On

Click here and here for simple exercises to test your understanding. I suggest doing them both, it might help. You’ll need to scroll down for the exercises.

Click here and here for explanation of the commonly used prepositions. I strongly suggest reading them when you have the time.

All the best to your future writings :)

Until then~

Works Cited

Difference Between Life and Live. (2014, October 6). Retrieved Febuary 28, 2016, from DifferenceBetween.com: http://www.differencebetween.com/difference-between-life-and-live/

dimsumexpress. (2011, December 2). At vs to and on vs in. Retrieved Febuary 28, 2016, from Learn English Online: https://www.englishforums.com/English/AtVsToAndOnVsIn/qxzdm/post.htm

Gerunds and Infinitives Part 1. (2006, November). Retrieved January 2016, from englishpage.com: http://www.englishpage.com/gerunds/part_1.htm

Orr, F. (2011, July 24). “Alternately” or “alternatively”. Retrieved Febuary 28, 2016, from English Language & Usage: http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/35440/alternately-or-alternatively