Title: 7/10

I am a big fan of oxymora and your title was exactly that. It is a tad bit cliché-d, no doubt. I’m sure this phrase is well-used in other forms of art like movies or songs etc. People may or may not be intrigued. Its overuse may put some people off. But hey, there has to be good reason why it is so often used. Nevertheless, it did its job of catching my attention.

*You might want to decapitalise your second the so it becomes: The Beginning of the E

*On the topic of titles, I’m curious as to why you decided to name all your chapters with the title of you story.

Description/Foreword: 6/10

I would like to first point out that perhaps, you might have mixed up between your description and foreword. I suggest you switch them. Your description and foreword did the job of introducing to your readers the setting and background of your story. Though, I felt the part about the baby should have been left out. Also, there were a number of grammatical errors (I’ll elaborate in the relevant section). Here is my take on it without changing the general gist of it:

(words in bold are my edit)

Description

The arranged marriage between Taehyung and Mihye was the one of the craziest decisions that their family took. It was only to ensure the both families were not separate. How are Taehyung and Mihye are going to deal and face each other when their relationship are akin to that of a cat and a dog?! Will this marriage will be a success? Their families hoped too much from this marriage. they both will have a baby soon, so that their family will have their heir of their family busniess.

Foreword

"What? An arranged marriage with this guy? Are you out of your mind, dad?!" - Park Mihye

 Arranged marriage is such a funny concept. All your life you are taught not to speak to strangers and suddenly you are asked to sleep with one!

"I’m also forced to do this neither. But I agreed for the sake of the business merger between our families." - Kim Taehyung

It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged Marriage. It's like asking someone which is better; if suicide is better or being murdered.

Character: 5/10

There was very little character development. Mihye seems to be carefree and impulsive, quick to jump to conclusions and easily swayed. This character of her remains with her throughout the whole story. As for Taehyung, at first he seemed like an arrogant, self-absorbed narcissist. But we later find out that he was actually caring, considerate, a little possessive over Mihye and a tad bit self-sacrificing. So yes, some change in character. You did well in portraying your characters’ personality through your narration; I was able to tell right away their personalities. I have to say though, that Mihye’s character was very flat, lacked depth and could easily fall into the female lead stereotype.

Plot\Storyline: 15/30

The story started with the premise of two teenagers (I assume, because of how you write them) who have to be wedded because of a business merger between two families. And that was the last we heard about the business merger. There were no implications expressed as to what might happen if the two did not wed; how important it was for them to be wedded. Therefore, the plot lacks the gravity of the situation. Supposedly, Mihye detested the idea of marriage much less an arranged marriage “It's like asking someone which is better; suicide or being murdered.” She compares marriage to dying yet in the first few chapters, she seemed to be easily accepting of the idea and falling for Taehyung.

As for the romance, it was too quick. You set Mihye up to strongly dislike Taehyung yet, over some spilled sodium liquid mixed with some type of acid, she started falling for Taehyung; really deep and really fast. This also makes Mihye seem fickle. The conflicts in this romance involved the appearance of another guy, Kelvin and Taehyung’s ex-lover. Thus, misunderstandings ensued. And those misunderstandings were easily and quickly cleared up because the conflict itself lacked depth and complexity.

I do like however the ending of the story which suggested a beginning for another story for their daughter, Sarang. It was a nice and sweet finishing touch.

I thought that your narration was done really well. You chose to adopt a first person’s point of view (Mihye) which makes it very personal. The reader was able to understand Mihye’s thoughts and personality easily. The delivery was conversational, as if Mihye was talking to the readers. However as the chapters progressed, you started shifting point of views (POV). It is okay to change POV when it is well-intended and when it is a recurring theme. So I started noting down when you changed POVs and they didn’t seem to have a real purpose or meaning. When you changed to 3^rd POV, you still narrated conversationally and Mihye’s personality bled through it and into Taehyung’s personality. Changing POVs between chapters can be overlooked when it is well intended. Not only did you change POV within a chapter, you changed it within a paragraph, more than once. That’s committing a huge literary blunder. Most of your story was dialogues with one or two lines of description, sometimes even no description at all. Use the five senses to describe how the character is feeling, their thoughts and actions when the dialogue occurred.

Originality: 8/15

Arranged marriage is a well-used genre thus it is that much harder to have originality. Originality could have been in the form of premise, conflicts, characterisation or resolutions etc. I felt if you had expanded in these areas, your story would have better originality. Instead, it was rather general and cliché-d; the new guy appearing when the couple just started acknowledging themselves as a couple and the reappearance of an ex-lover (who also happens to have a terminal illness). I think you intended to have a plot twist with Sarang’s split personality (the ex-girlfriend, not the daughter) but it got buried under the grammatical errors as it was hard to understand what you were trying to convey.

Grammar/Errors: 10/20

There were plenty.

• Your tenses are inconsistent throughout the whole story. Sometimes you chose to make past tense the wrong word.

Example: (chapter 3) I calm myself from the shocked.

This sentence has a completely different meaning than what you intended.

Edited: I calmed myself from the shock.

• You have confusion over making words plural or singular.

Example: (chapter  2)  I heard Mrs.Lee giving an instructions.

Edited: I heard Mrs. Lee giving instructions/ I heard Mrs.Lee giving an instruction.

• Missing punctuations, missing or overuse of determiners such as ‘the’ and ‘that’, missing verb: mostly ‘is’.

• When there is a ‘to’ involved, whatever verb that comes after, retains its original root form.

Example: Mihye went ahead to study for the upcoming exams.

Notice I didn't change the tense for ‘study’ even though the sentence is in past tense.

• You had full on (albeit Romanised) Korean phrases in your English-written story. I’m very lenient on this, especially with oppas, noonas, hyungs and unnies. I mean, I get it. But some people might not be able to understand those phrases. As for you Mandarin (mandarin is my 3^rd language too!), it was well-intended as the characters were actually speaking another language. Much thanks for the translation (maybe you could do that for the Korean as well). However, there was too much of Mandarin. Know when to limit yourself.  You could have lessen it by:

“How dare you Kelvin!” Taehyung roared his frustration towards Kelvin in Mandarin.

• Example of spelling errors: marrige vs marriage. MiHye > since you decided to go with ‘Taehyung’ without capitalising the ‘H’, keep it consistent with Mihye too.

Here are some sentences that made me pause:

(chapter 1) It's a massage from the same number.

Edited: It's a message from the same number.

(chapter 1) ''I'm deadly like serious!''   (this has a different meaning than you intended)

Edited: ''I'm dead serious!''

(chapter 1) If I were to have a slow talk with my mom (again, a different meaning than you intended)

Edited: If I were to have a talk with my mom slowly.

(chapter 2) I can see my environment is so silent. (how do you ‘see’ silence with the eye?)

(chapter 6) I will make MiHye come to see the since.

(chapter 21)Taehyung embroidery to see MiHye.

(chapter 24) “Illuminate me then! I want to know and understand you”

Edited: “Enlighten me then! I want to know and understand you”

Overall Enjoyment: 2/5

The story was a little bit too basic and predictable. It could have used much more development and complexity. The grammar did not help either, it made the story hard to read. I strongly suggest getting a good beta-reader.

Total: 53/100

Personal Note from Reviewer

I understand that this was your first fanfiction ever. Furthermore, in your second language; I wouldn’t even dream of writing a story in my second language. So for that, kudos to you. I hope that you are not too discouraged by the score. It’s only natural to make mistakes on your first try. I’ve made plenty of the same ones especially with the POVs and Korean mania during my first few attempts. Keep on reading and writing to improve yourself. I hope you’ll have fun writing fanfiction and all the best for your future stories.

~Until then