Title: 6/10

Your one-worded does not give away much information nor does it allow much intrigue but it does its job of setting the tone for the story. They were plenty of mini betrayals in the story but so far, I have not come across the central, core betrayal. Maybe in the later chapters?

Description/foreword: 7/10

The description has crucial points about the story that does raise the level of intrigue. However, it was rather too long and too much information, hence taking away any mystery o suspense you might have in store. I suggest shortening and combining some of the sentences. A general guide; if you have paragraphs, it might be just a bit too long. Here’s my take on it:

Sehun, the heir to the southern pack, is forced by his father to mate with Luhan, the omega child of the northern leader, in an attempt to end the centuries old feud between the two packs.

In an attempt to end the centuries old feud between two packs, Sehun - the heir of the Southern pack - is forced to mate with Luhan, an omega child of the Northern pack’s leader.

Luhan hopes to be the perfect mate and in time succeeds in winning for Sehun’s heart. But all is not as it seems, for years Sehun has been in a secret relationship with fellow pack member, Kai, who will not let go of his lover without a fight. The peace treaty between the two packs is also a sham, with Sehun’s father constantly plotting against the northerner’s, and enlists Sehun‘s help to defeat them.

As family secrets are uncovered and truths are revealed, Luhan is torn between supporting his mate and helping his northern family. In the end he must choose whose side he is on, and who out of the two he must betray.

Character: 7/10

There was not much character development in the story thus far, even though the story is near its end. I hope in the coming chapters, the characters will experience more growth. However, you did really well at setting up the main characters.

I love the fact that Kai was unforgivingly pragmatic, laced heavily with his brusque manliness and confidence. Yet, he was highly insecure with his relationship with Sehun. Luhan was the ‘victim’ of this story, mostly because of his self-blaming personality and always needing an authority figure or always being dependent on someone. Previously his father and/or Yifan, now Sehun. You have set up for Luhan’s character to grow, especially with his omega father saying that omega does not equal to weak. So it was great when Luhan *spoiler* finally stood for himself and slashed Kai’s neck. So I really hope that you don’t let him revert to being ‘weak’. Sehun is the hero who cannot stop himself from taking the world’s pain on his shoulders mostly because he is too indecisive to decide which ones are more important to him and focus on it.

So hopefully there would be growth in them in the coming chapters.

Plot/Storyline: 24/30

The plot was easy to follow even though it was riddled with ridiculous amounts of ups and downs. As a reader, I felt like I was running a back-to-back marathon without enough time in between to catch my breath. Just when I thought one conflict was over another one comes along right after. I get that this is to keep the story more gripping and climatic. However, be careful to not overly introduce new conflicts. If not, the story might end up like those television sitcoms where every episode starts with a new conflict then ends with a resolution; over and over again for every episode – it gets old and tiring and makes the story lack depth. It makes it seem like the story does not have a true plot, a direction. In the description, you set a direction, “Luhan is torn between supporting his mate and helping his northern family. In the end he must choose whose side he is on, and who out of the two he must betray.” I have yet to see the internal conflict in Luhan as per in your description. It is great that your conflicts that had been introduced thus far had the purpose of building up to that choice that Luhan has to make. The conflicts seem to provide premise for Luhan’s decision – to side with Northerns or Southerns. Nonetheless, the split in his decision has not been made obvious enough. Readers should be able to see why was it such a dilemma for Luhan, why was it so hard for him to make a decision. Some of the outcomes of the conflicts were semi-predictable. However, you built enough tension to keep me excited about what would happen next.

Originality: 10/15

There are plenty of Wolf AUs out there and even more arranged marriages plotlines out there. However, what set your story apart were the nature of twists and conflicts that kept on coming as well as your scenes. It portrayed the characters thoughts and emotions well. You committed to the Wolf AU with the idea of ‘heats’ and ‘knotting’, though I don’t see them morph that much. I wonder if we would get to see them as wolves in the coming chapters; maybe in a battle between North and South?

 
Grammar/Errors: 18/20

Your grammar and spelling was on point with rare occasional mistakes. I suggest do a little proof-reading to correct them. You have a good command of the English language and your concepts are there so reading your story was a breeze. Be careful with prepositions and homophones. Those were mostly where your mistakes were.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5

I thought I could read one or two chapters before heading to bed. Boy was I wrong. No thanks to all the conflicts you threw at me, totally binged on all 17 chapters that were available. By the time I finished, it was already time to wake up. So yes, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Hope that the following chapters will allow character growth and plot maturity.

Until then~

Total: 76/100