“It was two days ago when we went to Kota Kinabalu, Sabah to shoot for our summer pack. We were still practicing for our upcoming “special dance video” from our 1st  year anniversary series. It really freaked me out that RapMon Hyung had the chance to do the “Suga part” with Jungkook. I like you. A lot, but of course I would have preferred doing the part with Jungkook.

I clearly remember the daydreams I had when we were told to have a little “fun part” in the choreography. Oh yeah... Jeon Jungkook has been my crush ever since I saw him the first time. I liked everything about him: he’s funny, an amazing dancer and don’t even get me started on his voice. I melt away every time I hear it. I was amazed that he is good at everything.

Do you know how hard is on stage for me?! Do you know how hard it is having a crush on your band mate? Especially in our society it is hard coming out to someone. The only one I can trust is you. As you know, I came out to you a while ago, when you asked me if I had a crush on Jungkook. I think it was the NO era I finally gave in because you caught me crying after Jungkook did a lot of fanservice with V. Thinking about that moment again I sat on the floor leaning against the wall. I must have been really outa space because I didn’t notice Jungkook approaching and sitting down next to me. I was ripped out of my thoughts when he stared talking to me.

“Is everything okay?” I was startled, what you could clearly see.

“What?” I looked at him in the eyes as I always did, I couldn’t help it. They were like a trap. A beautiful trap.

“What’s wrong? You look sad.” He nudged his shoulder against mine and smiled. I think I blushed then…

“No…uhm…I’m just worried ..”, I responded.

“Okay, then”, he put his hand on my lap, looked me even deeper in the eyes and added: “You can always come to me. No matter what.” Then he stood up and walked away to practice. I must have stared at Jungkook’s b___ while he was walking away, because when I looked at you, you had a really judging look and smile on your face which literally screamed “so obvious”.

When we were at the airport, Jungkook was still talking to V. the feeling that the two of them were secretly in a relationship grew stronger within every time they laughed or smiled at each other. I tried to hide my feelings as good as I could, but it was hard. Even though I love him already the feelings seem to grow stronger every time I look at him. Also because of that it becomes harder and harder not to show affection towards him. I stopped counting and hitting myself for daydreaming about us. Daydreaming about making him laugh like Taehyung does. Hugging, taking care of him and even kissing him and other things. But I can’t and I also I’m too scared to even try or ask him anything about it. Touching also seems too obvious. I don’t want him to know or just get suspicious and walk away from me if he doesn’t feel the same. The worst thing to me would be losing him.

That’s why I kept it to myself. This row of thoughts always comes to my head when I am jealous. A tear flowed down my face thinking about losing and never being with him. I guess you knew. You ran up to me, wrapped your arm around my shoulder and said “Everything will be okay. Why don’t you tell him?”

“What if he-“ I sobbed.

“What if he is gay? What if he likes you but thinks the same way you do? And even if he doesn’t like you the same it does not matter.” You said, if he doesn’t see how beautiful I am he doesn’t deserve me...and that he can’t walk away from me because we’re technically all colleges. I instantly felt better…so… thank you.

“Hey, Jimin! Come here! Look what Taehyung found! I love this song!” Jungkook calling me made me feel even better. Only knowing the song was found by V kind of ruined it for me. He was also smiling at me that . Actually, it is not that I don’t like him… I just don’t like him being with Jungook all the time.

“Here take the right one.” He knew I liked the right side of the earphones better. How sweet he remembered something small like this.

“I have to pee.” V said and left to the bathroom.

“K” Jungkook said coldly, looking for the song on his phone. He put it on and expectantly looked at me with a smile.

“How do you like the song?” he asked. Maybe they’re not dating I thought. I think you could see how happy I was at Jungkooks cold response to V.

“Jimin?..” his eyes caught me.

“Yes?” it felt as if I was paralyzed when he also put his hand on my shoulder.

“Jimin how do you like the song? Something just be wrong with you. I am worried. Remember, you can always co-“ he was cut off by Namjoon Hyung.

“Guys who wants to share a room? Suga and I will share one since we have to work on the album.”

“I want to share a room with Jimin.” He suddenly exclaimed. Then Jungkook leaned in closer whispering “Is it okay for you?” Sounding so hot that it gave me shivers I started thinking about what hit m____ sound like. “Jimin?? Okay, you will tell me everything later baby. K?” He came even closer to make sure I look him in the eyes. Then he winked at me and walked off to V again.

Baby?! Did he really just call me baby? HE CALLED ME “BABY”?!  Maybe it was because he wanted to tease me with the stage name I almost got… but if he did he would have called me by the full name. But he sounded sooo hot. He was so close to my face it drove me crazy. I was not, in any kind of way, allowed to get a b____ at the airport, so I thought of the smell of Jin Hyungs feet after practice.

In the plane Jungkook sat right next to V. Again, they laughed, pushed each other and played around again. About an hour later he came sitting next to me. He didn’t talk to me though. He just listened to music or watched some kind of movie. A little later he told me that V was pissing him off, that’s why he came.

The lights in the plane turned off. Most of the people were asleep.

“Do you want to tell me now?” he suddenly asked me as if he has been waiting for this moment. I looked at him thinking about whether I should take the chance and tell him or not. But I didn’t want to do it at that time especially in a public place.

“I can’t... right now. I’m sorry.” I said.

“So you will tell me someday..??” he looked at me just like a puppy and I knew that I’d either tell him someday if I’ll ever stop loving him or it could also be quite possible that I can’t keep to myself anymore soon. So I said “Yes, I promise.”

“Promise?”, he held out his pinky.

“Promise” I said smiling, consenting the pinky promise.

We went straight to bed when we arrived at the hotel. Jungkook instantly fell asleep. I was watching him for a few minutes before I also fell asleep. Even though he drooled quite a bit he still looked like the most beautiful thing to me.

Today we did most of the shoot - as you know – and I have a plan for tomorrow… I think that’s about it.>

“Wow that was really quite a long story…” J-hope says. He came to my room about 1 hour ago while Jungkook is out having dinner with V.

“Jup, I know….sorry”

“Well,” he smirks “what’s your plan?”

“I didn’t really plan anything… well I thought about something…”

“Tell me” He stands up to sit down right next to me on the double bed.

“Well, Jungkook likes diving right?...” I begin.

“Yeah, he does.”

“So….Arghhh this is so embarrassing...”

“Aish, come on. You know you can talk to me about things like this. It can’t be that bad. I mean... You’re at least finally trying to show Jungkook how you feel...”

“Okay…but do not laugh at me!”

“Yeah, okay”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” He puts his hand on my lap and smiles at me. I take a deep breath.

“I have a plan…and that…that plan is...”

His smile disappears.