"Jaebum ah, we're sorry... Your cousin... His unexpected cardiac arrest led to sudden cardiac death. Nothing can be done to save him now." Jinyoung placed a comforting hand on Jaebum's shoulder, hoping that Jaebum was going to be fine.

Jaebum stared at the white sheet covering his dead cousin's body, eyes empty and emotionless.

He wasn't sure how to feel.

His cousin suffered for so long. Through his whole life he was always struggling with his heart issues, and now that he's gone, Jaebum wasn't sure if it was a good thing that his dear cousin's sufferings ended, or if it was a bad thing because his cousin left him.

"Jaebum ah... Do you want to talk to me in my office?" Jinyoung looked at Jaebum sincerely, hoping that his former best friend wasn't too affected by the passing of someone who has suffered for so long.

Jaebum nodded lightly before he weakly turned, walking towards Jinyoung's office at the other block. 
Jinyoung sighed as he followed Jaebum from behind, not wanting to disturb Jaebum too much.

When they reached his office, Jaebum leaned against Jinyoung's desk before tears naturally fell.

"I haven't thanked him for so many things..." Jaebum looked down, only too see his tears fall on the ground.

Jinyoung looked at Jaebum, unsure of what to do. He wasn't good at comforting people— except Mark. Mark was easy to comfort. It only took him one small touch or peck, Mark would feel better. But this is Jaebum. Jinyoung had no proper words to use to make him feel better. He was used to seeing people cry over deaths of their family members or even friends, so it was hard for him to say anything. Saying it's okay would only be waiting for a punch on his face— it was obviously not okay.

"I'm sorry... I couldn't save him on time..." That was all Jinyoung could say.

"It's not your fault. Our team tried. But when the whole team reached, he was already dead. It was my fault for not monitoring him. For not realising that he had a cardiac arrest earlier. Since his ward is an A-class ward, there's no one around to keep a look out for him besides me..."

"Look, Jaebum. It's not your fault. You don't have to blame yourself. Just take it as his time is up and he ended all his sufferings. He suffered throughout his life, so you should be happy for him now."

"I know. But it's just hard to let go... It's not easy. He has been there for me through thick and thin. He is that one cousin who treats me like his own brother. You've met him back in college, you should know how he treats me. It's such a huge loss and it's devastating. He was the only one who was there for me after I lost you. Do you know how painful it is to lose the only person whom you could rely on?" Jaebum's voice cracked, his tears flowing non stop.

Jinyoung sighed, not knowing what else to say.

"I just really miss him... Ever since he was admitted to this hospital— way before I transferred here, I didn't visit him much. I feel so guilty for not taking care of him well like he took care of me."

"You were busy with NHS, and that's not your fault. Stop blaming yourself or feeling guilty for something that you've never done wrong. Im Jaebum, this isn't the Jaebum I once knew. If the old Jaebum was here right now, I'm sure that Jaebum would say the same thing."

Jaebum looked up, looking at Jinyoung, confused.

Jinyoung still remembers.

"Thank you, Jinyoung." Jaebum forced a smile before he stepped forward to give Jinyoung a long hug.

A hug that he missed for so many years.

A hug that still meant something more than brotherhood.

—————

"Honey, why did you leave without telling me?" Jinyoung sat on the couch in their living room, beside Mark, asking his husband who was only spacing out.

"Dear? Mark." Jinyoung tapped Mark on the shoulder, causing Mark to jump slightly.

"Y-Yeah?"

Stop overthinking.

"I asked, why did you leave without telling me?"

Snap.

Mark internally panicked. What should he say? He really didn't know. He couldn't say he forgot because Bam Bam informed Jinyoung about him leaving first.

"I thought you were busy with the patient who had a cardiac arrest. So I didn't want to bother you." Mark was fighting the urge to bite his lips. He didn't want to expose that he was lying.

Please don't ask why he cried.

Jinyoung wanted to asked him why he cried— Bam Bam told him that Mark was clearly crying and his voice was shaking. He wanted to know why, but he decided not to remind Mark again.

"Oh. You could've called me at least. I was so worried that something might've happened." Jinyoung sighed, moving closer, cuddling with Mark who immediately flinched.

Jinyoung got confused.

Why did Mark flinch?

"S-Sorry." Mark said softly, regretting his actions.

Jinyoung didn't understand what he witnessed.

"What's wrong?" Jinyoung cupped Mark's face, turning his head so Mark will face him. 
Jinyoung looked into Mark's eyes and only saw two things.

Hurt and Insecurity.

"What's going on? Why are you-"

"I saw..."

Jinyoung became even more puzzled.

Saw what?

"I saw you... and Jaebum..." Mark could almost feel his words getting stuck in his throat. He wanted to say it quickly, but it was way harder than he thought it would be.

"Jaebum? Me? What are you-" Jinyoung paused when he realised what Mark was talking about. Jinyoung's hand slowly let go of Mark's face, comprehending what happened.

He saw the hug.

"The..."

"The hug?" Jinyoung completed Mark's sentence, receiving a nod from Mark in return.

It pained Jinyoung to see Mark so doubtful of his own husband for the first time. It pained him to see Mark being so insecure and hurt over a misunderstanding.

"Mark..." Jinyoung's hand raised to caress Mark's face, but Mark inched backwards again.

"Mark... It's not what you think it is, okay? I hugged him because that patient who got a cardiac arrest— he's Jaebum's cousin. The patient got a sudden cardiac death, and Jaebum was devasted over it, so I comforted him. He hugged me to thank me. Don't worry, please? It's just a misunderstanding..." Jinyoung looked into Mark's eyes, hoping Mark would understand. The last person he would want to be misunderstood by is Mark. His one and only.

Mark only looked at Jinyoung with tear filled eyes. It's the first time he felt this insecure. It was an emotion that Mark couldn't explain. It was painful, like something was tugging on his heart, like something was telling him to be depressed about it.

"I'm just afraid... I don't know why, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid that you might leave me. I'm scared." Mark didn't even realise that the tears which filled his eyes to the brim already started rolling down his cheeks.
"I'm scared that Jaebum might not be what he seems like. I-"

Mark was shut up by a strong hug that held him tight. He wanted to struggle, to ask Jinyoung to let go, but the magic started working on him again. The hug made him feel safe, it was enough to make him feel calm.

"Mark. No one is leaving you. Especially not me. That's the last thing I'll ever do."

"Can you please promise me? That you'll never leave me and you'll never let Jaebum get between us?" Mark asked Jinyoung, sincerely praying that the promise would last.

Insecurity is really an .

"I promise. Now, can you please just trust me? Don't doubt me, don't feel insecure. What I really need from you now is your trust, and that's what you need for yourself too. Please?" Jinyoung didn't know how many times he pleaded Mark in a day.

Uncountable.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry I doubted you. Insecurity just ate me up. I'll trust you."

Jinyoung tightened his arms around Mark, giving Mark's back a small rub before he let go to lean in and give Mark a peck on the forehead.

"I'm not blaming you. I just don't want you to get hurt. You know, when you hurt, I hurt too."

Mark smiled sadly, before he stood up, heading towards the stairs.

"Where are you going?"

"Our room. I'm really tired, so I'll go to sleep first." Mark smiled at Jinyoung before he headed up the stairs to the 3rd level.

Mark washed up and switched off the lights in the room, pulling his blanket up till his neck, hoping to get a good rest after a long and tiring day. He had to replenish the sleep he lost.

He closed his eyes, but his mind wouldn't stop working. He opened his eyes, sighing and closing his eyes again, shutting it tight, trying to think of a black hole.

But he still couldn't sleep.

He sat up, ruffling his hair, frustrated.

What's wrong with him?

He needed sleep, he knew it, but as much as he needed and wanted it, his body wouldn't cooperate. Time past quickly and he was already in bed for more than half an hour, but he still wasn't asleep.

Mark took his phone from the side table, scrolling through his contacts, looking for someone.

Psychiatrist JunSu.

"Hello? Junsu hyung?"

"Oh, Mark? What's up?"

"Hyung, I can't sleep. It's been like this for 2 days." Junsu heard Mark sigh from the other end of the line.

"Oh? 2 days? That's bad. Why is that so?"

"Actually, I called to ask you the same question. Why can't I sleep?"

"Well... Have you been facing stress or any emotional problems lately? Any work pressure or something?" Junsu heard the other line go quiet for a while, before he heard a loud sigh again.

"I have been insecure about things, and I have been worried over things."

"That's probably the reason why. Your emotional tornado is back, isn't it, Mark? The last time I heard you say such a thing was... a few years back when that woman spiked your drink and tried to seduce you at the staff party."

Mark swallowed at the mention of the past. It wasn't a pleasant experience at all. He even had to go through rehab for a while.

"I don't know, hyung. You're going to be at the hospital tomorrow, right? Can we meet up for lunch? I have to talk to you."

"I have an appointment during lunch time, so can you meet me after lunch hour?"

Mark thought for a while, thinking about his schedule. From morning to lunch time— 1 appointment, 1 minor surgery. After lunch time— 4 appointments after 3p.m.

"Sure. But before 3p.m."

"Sure. I'll see you tomorrow then. And please, try to sleep. If you can't sleep, try taking the sleeping pills I gave you last time. It should not have expired yet. Check the expiry date before consuming, though."

Mark's eyes widened when he heard about the pills. It's been almost 3 years since he touched those pills.

He almost forgot.

"Pills. Gosh. Thanks hyung. Can I have a nrw bottle tomorrow? I'm afraid it will expire soon."

Junsu put the phone away from his ears,  eyeing on it as if he was looking at Mark before he put it back up to answer him.

"Sure, but please make sure you control the dosage. Consume it only when you really need it, understand?"

Mark nodded to himself, reassuring Junsu that he would know his limits before they ended the call.
Mark turned to the drawer beside the bed, searching for a set of keys, using it to unlock the drawer under it.

There it is.

Mark held the bottle up, checking the expiry date.

Just a few more days before it expires.

He opened the cap, pouring out a pill, popping it into his mouth.

Let's hope this works.

—————

The same beeping alarm went off, and Jinyoung started flipping around the bed, wondering why Mark didn't wake up to plant a kiss on his cheeks like he does every other morning.

Jinyoung turned to face Mark, opening his eyes only to realise Mark was still asleep.

He must be really tired.

Jinyoung switched off the alarm before he lightly shook Mark.

"Mark~ Marky~ Wake up, Love." It was Jinyoung's turn to give Mark a kiss that morning.

Mark started fidgeting in his position, slowly opening his eyes which needed time to adjust to the sudden brightness.

Mark slowly sat up only to feel extremely heavy headed.

Almost like a hangover.

"I overslept?" Mark asked while rubbing his temples, heaving a loud sigh.

He forgot that pills are only helpful for a night. Totally not helpful for a day.

"No, you didn't. You just happen to sleep through the alarm today. Are you okay, dear?" Jinyoung asked when he started to realise how Mark was rubbing his temples non-stop.

Mark slightly panicked as his mind started searching for lies and excuses.

"I'm okay. I just feel a bit dizzy. Probably because I slept too early."

Does that even make any sense?

Jinyoung raised an eyebrow, nodding awkwardly.

That didn't make much sense, did it?

"I'll get you some warm water." Jinyoung kicked off the blanket that was covering his legs. He was about to get up from the bed until Mark grabbed his wrist.

"It's okay, Jinyoungie. Let's go wash up and go to work."

Jinyoung raised his eyebrows before he sighed, nodding in defeat.

Whatever Mark says.

"Okay. Let's go." Jinyoung offered his hand to Mark, who smiled as he accepted the help.

—————

Mark and Jinyoung were waiting for the lift at the hospital, and when the lift door opened,

Junsu hyung.

"Oh hey Mark, hey Jinyoung. You guys are early today. Its only..." Junsu lifted his left hand, looking at his watch.

"7.45a.m."

Jinyoung smiled as he bowed to his hyung, and Mark smiled slightly, nervously playing with his fingers while biting his bottom lip.

Don't say anything about the pills or appointment in front of Jinyoung. Don't.

Junsu glanced over at Mark and realised Mark's behaviour.

Expected.

"Are you guys busy as usual today?" Junsu jokingly teased, trying to make sure Mark knew that he was keeping quiet about the appointment.

Jinyoung chuckled before he shook his head,

"No, I guess not. Not much surgeries today. Just a few more appointments. How about you?"

"Not much either. Just more in the day. Less in the evening."

Thank god it wasn't mentioned.

"See you again, hyung." Mark quickly ended the conversation and pulled Jinyoung into the lift, quickly pressing level 7 and 8 before he repeatedly pressed the close button.

"What's wrong?" Jinyoung placed his hand over Mark's shoulder sensing that Mark was worried over something.

"N-Nothing. I saw Jaebum. That's all." Mark's eyes landed on his shoes, biting his lips again.

"You sure?"

No. Jaebum smirked. He smirked.

"Yeah. See you later, Jinyoungie." Mark gave him a peck on the lips before the lift door opened at level 7, where Jinyoung's office was located.

"Bye, dear."

—————

Mark sighed as he removed his labcoat, hanging it on his arm as he walked towards Junsu's office, hoping that no one from the cardiac unit would see him in the psychology and rehabitation building.

As soon as he reached, he lightly knocked on the door before entering almost immediately, not waiting for any response.

"Ah, you're here."

Mark smiled, settling down on the chair in front of Junsu's desk.

"Thanks. For not spilling the beans."

Junsu took a while to comprehend what Mark meant, and he nodded, smiling.

"I'm a psychiatrist for a reason, Mark." Junsu paused, leaning back on his chair before he continued

"I'm not going to force you to tell me what's going on, but you can if you want to."

Mark kept quiet. It was a stupid problem, so why mention it?

"It's nothing much, I guess."

"You guess? Then it's clearly not nothing much, Mark. The fact that you even need pills. Think about it." Junsu smirked, knowing that it would drill into Mark's mind.

Mark blinked, sighing in defeat after.

He was talking to a psychiatrist after all.

"Well... You know Jaebum? The new assisrant surgeon on Jinyoung's team?"

Junsu raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, that small eyed guy? Why?"

"Well... In university, he tried to stop me from meeting Jinyoung's parents. And now he's back after Jinyoung ended their friendship back then... I guess I'm just overly worried that he might be back to get Jinyoung."

Junsu crossed his eyebrows, only starting to think.

"You developed severe insecurity problems eversince the time you got spiked, Mark. That's why you can't seem to drop the worries about Jaebum. But..."

Mark raised his eyebrows when Junsu paused. He could see Junsu thinking hard.

"If he has ever thought of stealing your loved one in the past... I don't think he would drop that idea completely by now, especially when he is on Jinyoung's team."

Mark's eyes widened.

"Hyung, what do you mean?"

"No matter what, people still think about the things they did in the past, be it whether they see it in a good or bad light. Jaebum probably remembers what he tried to do very clearly-"

"He does. He apologised to both Jinyoung and I for it."

Junsu's expression tensed up.

Not good.

"Jaebum would probably really have dropped the idea if he didn't meet Jinyoung again, but he did."

Mark furrowed his eyebrows, confused.

"Hyung, what-"

"I mean, Jaebum might still have the aim to break you guys apart. Because, when he met Jinyoung and you again, it's like opening an old scar to be a fresh wound. He might not know it himself, or maybe he would— because the human mind is very manipulating. You can even start manipulating yourself without knowing. Jaebum will only be able to lie to himself for a while, though. He will soon think about whether he still has feelings for Jinyoung or not, and that's when he will pressurise himself to realise he either does or does not. You-" Junsu stopped when he heard Mark whisper to himself, audible enough for him to hear.

"He smirked..."

"He smirked? Wait, Mark. You mean he smirked at you? When?"

"This morning..."

Junsu leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk.

"Mark, I suggest you be careful."

Mark only looked down, sighing.

"Thanks, hyung."

"No problem. Call me if you need anyone, okay? Don't bottle it up. By the way, your pills." Junsu handed him a familiar white bottle.

"Thanks, hyung. I owe you one."

"No you don't. Now you should probably head back. You have appointments soon right?"

"Yeah. Thanks." Mark stood up, wearing his lab coat before he walked out, holding the bottle tightly in his hands.

'I suggest you be careful.'

' Jaebum might still have the aim to break you guys apart.'

Mark walked on, thinking about whatever Junsu said without focusing on where he was going.

He continued walking until he accidentally banged into someone.

Again.

"I'm sor- Mark hyung?" Mark heard a familiar voice. He looked up to see Yugyeom who was currently staring at something else.

His bottle of pills.

Mark hurriedly stood up, dusting of the dirt on his lab coat, before he quickly put the bottle into the pockets.

"Hyung... Aren't those sleeping pills? Why do you have them?" Yugyeom looked at Mark worriedly, hinting a bit of anger in his voice.

"I-.. It's not mine." Mark started biting bis bottom lip.

Shucks.

"Stop lying, hyung. Why are you even taking such pills? Is this why you keep losing focus?"

Mark's eyes widened.

"No, no. I only got the pills today." Mark looked down, sighing.

"Hyung what do you think you are doing? You know very well what these pills can do to you. They cause heart palpitations, and they cause you things like hangovers. You'll start losing focu-"

"Yugyeom ah, please don't tell Jinyoungie..."

That was all Mark wanted to say. He didn't want to make it clear of why he needed those pills. He just didn't want Jinyoung to know.

"But hyung, he is you-"

"Just don't, please, Yugyeom ah." Mark looked at Yugyeom with pleading eyes. He didn't want Jinyoung to worry. Jinyoung would be mad if he knew. Jinyoung never supported the idea of those pills. Especially after Mark nearly had an overdosage in the past.

Yugyeom sighed, shaking his head.

"Hyung, you can't keep-"

"I'll let him find out himself just please don't tell him. I can't let him know..."

Yugyeom sighed in defeat.

"Fine. But make sure you have some self control." Yugyeom then walked away, heading elsewhere.

Mark sighed in relief and quickly walked back to his office.

'He will soon think about whether he still has feelings for Jinyoung or not'

——— A/N ———
Hello guys!! Sorry this update took so long!! I was busy :(((( Sorry abt this chapter cuz its a bit disappointing imo ><

Thank you guys for subscribing and constantly commenting <3 i truly appreciate it XD

The next update might take a while too, cuz im busy with school matters rn >< please wait for meee ><