- Agassi…we’re here. He said almost in a whisper with his all-time natural grave and deep voice. However today, his voice sounded even more serious that it usually was.

- Oh…already? aren’t we early?

- We’re actually 20minutes late. He explained sorry. Not about the fact that we were late but about the fact that he knew I wish we had more time not oblivious to the disappointed and nervous look I had.

- Are we? I said trying to sound detached.

- Agassi…he marked a pause and I knew he was about to switch to the other side. – Sara-yah… If you don’t feel like meeting him today we can postpone it to later. I’ll just go and tell him that something came up. Spoke openly the person who was my grandfather’s secretary, right arm, confident and longtime friend. I sighed.

- Thank you ahjussi…but…that’s not going to fix anything…it’s not like I can hide forever…I’d have to face him one day or another, and seeing how grandmother is acting the sooner is the better. I explained as he nodded. I got out from the car and was surprised to see him follow. I raised an eyebrow.

- You’re coming with me?

- Of course I am, I absolutely don’t trust that bastard. He spoke already one step ahead.

- he’s not that terrible…I stated following him but still relieved to have him by my side. An amused stare was the only thing he responded with.

Silla hotel, was the place he chose to meet. I didn’t agree in the first place but since Hana was off that day I ended up accepting the location. Last thing I wanted was her, or any of my friends getting involved in the upcoming drama I was the only responsible of. None of them had to cope with it, and certainly not Hana who wouldn’t hesitate one second to compromise her professional ethic if anything; a word or gesture went wrong during that meeting. Something I was sure would happen.

- Thank you for coming…I really thought you wouldn’t make it…he spoke sort of tensed but lamely trying to hide it. This was absolutely not what I was expecting to hear. I felt even more uncomfortable.

- Sorry…I…I was caught in the traffic jam…

- You know that’s not what I am referring to. He spoke bluntly. I frowned. Couldn’t he simply let this slide?

- What are you referring to then? I asked not really trying to put an act. He slightly scoffed and I feared he would state out loud how absolutely not convincing I was but he didn’t. Instead he went straight to the point:

- You’ve been avoiding me. He spoke staring at me. I held up his stare. Coming up with an excuse at this point was completely useless. The usual white tea I had asked from a small sign I gave to the hostess from whom I always order as soon as I entered was already being served. I stood silent as she was quickly setting it on the table probably feeling the tension over and disappeared immediately.

- You’re not even denying it…he spoke more to himself before drifting the subject: - I heard you were sick…feeling better?

- Yes…I spoke after sipping in my hot tea. – Just a bad cold…from the…you know…from that night…

- I told you to dry your hair…he reminded friendly…too friendly making me feel even more nervous. I just didn’t get him.

- Yeah…I know…I answered trying to follow his tone but god, I sounded so fake.

- I know I’ve been harassing you to meet and I’m sorry about it. Truly. I actually don’t blame you for avoiding me, especially that the circumstances we’re meeting in are quite unpleasant... but time is running against us…I don’t know about your grandmother but my mother is already out of control. She’s on… organization level…plus what’s going on with Wooky and your friend…it’s scaring the hell out of me…he spoke out of complete honesty. I looked at him. Intensely. This was not going to be easy. I sipped in my tea again. I cleared my throat. Took a breath.

- Do you have a plan? He looked at me a little taken aback as he was sensing something already but quickly got over it.

- I do…I mean yeah few ideas I thought about... but obviously, we need to discuss it…together…

- Ok. Go ahead. I’m listening…I asked him to proceed almost sounding arrogant. Something he didn’t fail to see I guess from the way he threw a Prada briefcase on the table I hadn’t noticed he had. I raised an eyebrow. – What’s that?

- My plan. He simply said. His mood was starting to develop; I could see glimpses of his usual temper. The one I started to get used to, the one I’m way more comfortable with. I took it and opened it. Two files were in there. One called number one. The second number 2.  

- You surely did some homework…I joked ironically.

- My freedom is on stake. I take this very seriously. He stated implying more than he wanted to. I ignored and opened the first file. The comfortable expression I was trying to fake quickly faded away. Pictures, of me and Hyukkie since kindergarten to my college entrance, pictures of his birthdays, mine, Chuseok holidays, Soellal holidays, summer holidays, family gathering, friends’ gatherings, travels, weddings, and even a funeral. His grandfather’s funeral. I was 12, and he was devastated. I felt a wave of pain invading me as the memory popped into my head but quickly got a hold of myself. This wasn’t the time. Hundreds of questions were running through my head, the most obvious was how did he get access to such private photographs including the ones that were clearly taken illegally. but that wasn’t the real question if I was going to be honest with myself.

- How is Lee Soohyuk relevant to your plan? I asked with a poker face throwing back the file number one on the table. He scoffed. He wanted me to ask him the other question but I wouldn’t give him that pleasure.

- You really don’t see where I’m going with this?

- I actually have my idea but I want to hear it from you.

- Aren’t you some sort of childhood lovers?

- We’re childhood friends.

- Whatever. the fact that you’re in denial is another story, from what I checked both your families are extremely close and you’ve been promised to each other since forever, he’s the perfect key. You just have to tell your family that you love him breath him can’t live without him anything you want and this…our marriage plan gets cancelled…

- That’s impossible. My grandmother will never buy it.

- Why not?

- Because…she asked me about it few weeks ago right after Sunny’s wedding I clarified the fact that we were only friends. I didn’t know what she really meant at that time…

- Well that’s only because you thought she was suggesting to marry him instead of me…you can tell her that you freaked out at that time and that you lied…

- It won’t work.

- How do you know that? You need to try first !

- I’m not going to try something that I know won’t work...

- How can you be so positive?

- Because I know her, forget it ok…next.

- Then run away with him. He suggested actually very seriously and my deadly stare was the only thing I could reply.

- Next. I ordered as he tried to add something by the stare he was holding but resigned.

- Next is in the second file. he indicated. I took a breath and opened it. I felt like a bullet was shot straight to my brain and closed it immediately. Almost ripping it off from the way my hands were firmly closed around it. I couldn’t bring myself to mutter anything my eyes said it all.

- You seem to be surprised.

- What do you want? I simply said. I felt him stiffen a bit maybe he wasn’t expecting that kind of “surprised”.

- I didn’t mean to-

- I said. What do you want? He sighed. He took his time.

- He could be our only help.

- How is that?

- He’s the only one who can oppose your grandmother.

- Why would he do that?

- He’s your fath-

- He hadn’t talked to me once in the past 15 years ok. 15 years. I spoke with the lowest tone I could gather. – do I need to say more? I suggested more as a threat as the only thing he could do was to held my stare. I put myself back in the chair trying to ease my mind as he said something I didn’t think he would dare to:

- then don’t you think having your back on this scheme our families are planning could be the least he could do for you after ignoring you for 15years? he asked with the same low tone. I widened my eyes. Then I felt it, what it was like to have an angel and a devil fighting on the top of your shoulders. There was nothing funny about it. I was struggling to keep my sanity. The fact that I was angry, terribly angry and hurt was quite understandable to me, but the fact that I felt “disappointed” as well was way beyond my reason. I was disappointed on him. But wasn’t disappointment result of expectations that were not fulfilled as we wished they would? What on earth was I expecting, what was I wishing?

- Next. I simply muttered as my little angel who stared at death in the eyes was trying to catch her breath. She knew she wasn’t finished yet. He looked at me for a long time almost trying to look for an additional explanation I won’t be giving.

- No next. I guess we’re getting married then. He spoke carelessly putting his back on his chair his anger threatening to come out as silence filled the space again. My hand was shivering from the tension running in my body. I sighed, and leaned against the chair.

Things were about to get serious.

- Wait a second…he started as realization slowly hit him after I hadn’t picked up his last sentence. – it can’t be that…you’re not…you’re not willing to do this aren’t you…you…haven’t changed your mind haven’t you…He asked me and I saw for the first time fear in his eyes. I gulped and looked away. I couldn’t stand that look.

- I’m not willing to go by your plans…if that’s your question…

- But you’re not coming with another one either…you’re not willing to help either…do you even realize the gravity of the situation? if you were, wouldn’t you be more cooperative…all you’ve done so far was notifying me how implausible were my solutions…

- You mean the solutions that oddly are compromising MY reputation?

- What do you mean?

- If you’re not happy with that marriage, why don’t you confront your mother and open up about your longtime girlfriend?

- You think I would be sitting here if I could…

- Why are you blaming me then?

-  I’m not blaming you…it’s just that…He defended his anger threatening out to come before pausing. He took his time to phrase what he wanted to say: - I…I’m thirty-one. Soon 32. I’ve been troublesome to my parents since I could remember. There’s not a bad thing that I didn’t do. I had serious alcohol issues from 16 to 19, then I got into drugs to the level that by the age of 21 there wasn’t a rehab in the world that I hadn’t try. I had bad frequentations, so bad that I got once kidnapped and was beaten to death I actually still don’t know why. I got conned several times as I tried to launch businesses by myself, I’ve been threatened, blackmailed by several women I should’ve not got close to in the first place and had every single time my parents took care of it. I can’t anymore. I’m thirty-one. I felt a wave of emotions invading me. I wasn’t sure what was the source of it. I clenched my teeth. – I’m not telling you this so that you pity me…I absolutely don’t regret anything. That I went through made me exactly who I am today. My point is…you absolutely don’t have the right to come here and tell me about your reputation…if one of us should get his hands dirty it should be you…he spoke this time threatening. I took some time to think about what he just said.

- So basically I have to pay for the fact that you lived your life recklessly when I haven’t and get involve in a fake scandal so that you can get away with this marriage…I stated calmly.

- Because you’d rather marry me? 

- I’d rather keep my family safe from any source of humiliation. I threatened also.

- Oh my god. He spoke this time convinced. – Oh my god… he added with more emotion in his voice…this…this is impossible…you…so you did change your mind. Hatred, anger, betrayal…his voice was all full of it. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t have to. I was done now. I felt almost relieved, almost. At least I didn’t have to beat around the bush anymore. He held his forehead. I knew what he was doing. Trying to keep the monster away from me. I also knew that he wouldn’t be able to hold on for a very long time.

- What…what made you…when exactly did you…just explain it to me…I just want to get it…he asked after a long silence trying to find his word as his brain was filled with anger. filling. It started to scare me. But I brushed it away. I ignored. I didn’t have any answer to his question. Myself wasn’t quite aware of what, when did I change my mind.

- It’s not relevant.

- It is. It is to me. Relevant.

- I don’t know. I spoke frankly starting to feel annoyed at his bossing manners and useless interrogations. If he wanted to relieve his anger on me why wouldn’t he just do it.

- God…he laughed to himself shaking his head as an indication of how unbelievable the situation was to him. It was for me too. I just didn’t have the right to show it. Yet. – so we’re doing this huh…we’re getting married…he spoke then laughed out loud attracting glances from all around the lounge where only few guests were left. I haven’t realized how he, I both of us were intimidating and the tension we had set all over that space. Not a lot of people could handle it, including me. He was starting to lose it. I ignored. – there’s just one little detail I want to make sure you get before making up your mind even though I realize you made it up already. I don’t know exactly what ed up went through your silly head to make you take such an insane decision but just in case you might have felt how do I say that “taken aback” or “moved” … by the way I might have treated you lately please note that it was not out of any form of sympathy or worst; affection… but only out of pity and nothing else. “Pity” yeah… that’s the only emotion you inspire me. And I’m pretty much sure it is going to remain this way. I felt a knot form in my stomach. – I’m not sure what the hell your imagination got you thinking but you’ll never look anything but a pitiful abandoned child to me. I used to pity you from a very long time ago already but funnily or not actually this feeling just keep on growing the more I get to know you. I could see him coming. The monster. But I wouldn’t die to him. I just held his stare. Waiting for him to spill all of it on me. – I can’t believe I’ve been fooled by little piece of like you…god I knew you were ed up but this…This goes beyond my imagination…how much of a frustrated psycho you can be to agree on this union? What do you think exactly? that I am going to be the nice oppa…that I’ll treat you well…that I can make you happy ??? get your together if your friend Choi -bin managed to get on my friend’s head-. I couldn’t help but stop him… with a water slap. I looked very composed even if deep down I couldn’t believe what I just have done. I don’t know what took me, I didn’t think I just did it and I certainly not regretted it. I felt the space and time froze around us at that right moment. I saw suddenly two men that I thought were clients stand behind him as he stopped them with a hand gesture without even looking at them. I scoffed.

- Agassi. Let’s go. Asked behind me Ahjussi as I could feel another presence with him. He didn’t come alone either. I closed my eyes. That was another scheming of my grandmother. She knew this would happen.

- One moment…I asked as the lounge manager was politely exiting the last clients present with us. I was surprised to see him in the first place, he’s usually in his office. Today he was part of the backup the vampire had probably planned. He also knew this would happen. It was so embarrassing. I tried to put my mind together.

- Yah Ju Ji Hoon…I started calmly as he raised an eyebrow marking a pause as he was drying his face.

- How did you call me-?

- Do you feel better? I cut his words faking a concern exception. – did you get your mind together or shall I add another glass?

- You… crazy -

- Watch your mouth sir I won’t allow you- tried to defend me ahjussi.

- Who the hell is this old-

- You better shut the up if you don’t want to lose your job in the next 20 seconds useless bastard…I spoke again frighteningly calm as the latter widened his eyes waiting for his boss to say something.

- Who do you think you are to threaten my staff?

- Who do you think you are so that you staff threatens my family? I answered instantly as he quickly stole a glance towards Kim Bi-Seo who felt the urge to add again:

- Agassi…let’s go this time…

- Family? He asked amused when his eyes were splitting fire.

- Yes, “family”. I marked a silence waiting for ahjussi to give us some privacy then I whispered: - …probably yours doesn’t mean too much from the way you’ve been carrying yourself until now but just to be clear mine means everything to me…everything…there’s nothing that I could or would do to harm them, who they are and what they built… the hardships they went through so that I would live this life. I never did embarrass them and never will and yes I’ve lived a boring life never got in any trouble never did drugs and never got arrested for whatsoever but if you think that it makes you a better person than I am or more experienced than I am then I’m afraid I’ll have to add debility to the already long list of your flaws…

- Yah you…

- What? you don’t regret anything because it makes you “who” you are…don’t make me laugh…because what the hell you think you are? what kind of a great human being it made you to have lived the reckless lifestyle you did and the shame you brought to your people? Tell me…are you now devoted to your parents, or even to your family business? Are you sponsoring addicted or convicted people? are you fighting hunger in Africa? I don’t know what are you doing that makes you such a great person that should justify how you’ve been living and more important how I should be the one getting my hands dirty for the both of us? Enlighten me… I paused again as his eyes were about to stick out, he had a terrifying smirk. – I don’t think you even took some time to reflect on your actions…last time I checked you were still living pretty much the same way you’ve been all these years; the only difference is that you learned how to not get caught.

- Don’t play the smartass-

- You’re right…I’m ed up…I know I am too…if my family needs me to marry you then I’ll do it…I finally said it. my voice started to tremble. – I’ll live- no actually I’ll die by your side if I have to.

Silence was the only thing he managed to respond with. My heart was beating like crazy. I had finally said it. it felt like an eternity. I felt like standing up. I felt like leaving but oddly my legs wouldn’t answer.

- You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into-

- Don’t ever…ever insult my friend again…he raised an eyebrow as I was ignoring his threat with another one. He stood silent and I almost jumped on my seat when he threw aside everything that was on the table. I managed to look compose as his men got closer again. Not to defend him from me but more or less him: from himself.

- Or what? OR WHAT? He shouted again this time throwing the whole table. I slightly jumped again on my seat and before I could realize Ahjussi had his arm in front of my body while the men he or grand I wasn’t sure at this point brought; were siding me.

-  You need to calm down sir. He spoke to him as he suggested in a whisper to me that we should leave again. My body couldn’t move. All I could see was him. His eyes and the hatred he was sending to mine. It paralyzed me. I needed it somehow, to take it. all of it. so that maybe it could bring a piece of bravery that could help me put an end to this nightmare. He paced around like a wolf before attacking his prey. His temple was tensed, his teeth clenched. He put his fist to his mouth and literally bite it to calm himself down. I felt like throwing up because of the nod in my stomach. My whole body was shivering.

- We should go sir…

- Wait wait WAIT…he said debating with the latter who seemed quite calm compared to the other jerk or insulted Ahjussi. Now that I think about it, he didn’t appreciate either when his junior stepped in earlier. His voice sounded familiar but I wasn’t sure from where.

- Yah…you…you…How…how could you do this to me? He said this time and never did he look so vulnerable to me. He felt, sounded and looked betrayed. – you…you said I could trust you… that we were on the same team…that you’ll fix this… he shouted his pain out as everyone was now oddly looking at me. His men, ahjussi men…ahjussi also who looked terribly confused but couldn’t meet my eyes. How could he scream out his feelings, his sadness and anger in front of everyone. I hated him for that and envied him terribly. That’s a strength I never think I could have even in my next lives.

 - I…hesitated for a moment. - I guess I lied… I ended up blurting out to put an end to all of this. They all widened their eyes. So did he, holding a glare at me that I thought would last forever. He slightly scoffed. And before I could realize it he launched himself towards me. Everything happened so fast that I still have hard time processing what went wrong. In a blink I was taken 10 meters away, so was he…by his own men. “I just want to talk to her…get off me…” I could hear him scream as I was dragged away. “get off me…” he begged pacing around. He was repeating the exact same phrase each time with a different emotion. Each time with more and more anger despair and madness until he lost completely control of himself that they had to knock him down to prevent him from his destructive side. “stop it Ji-hoon-a” I could hear the one I thought his voice was familiar say as the latter was calling out for “hyung”. Now I could remember who it was and from where I’ve heard him…he came with his family too. I just treated them like trash. “don’t look” I heard from afar ahjussi say in a whisper as he had his arms around my shoulders and while I was lost in my subconscious trying to understand the vision of horror that took place in front of me and most important that I was the only responsible of it. seconds later I was in the car already my grandmother’s men following us behind. My teeth were chattering. I was trying to stop them but I couldn’t I was looking through every window as someone was following me.

- you’re safe now…he spoke and I could hear the pity he was feeling towards me.

- No I’m not…I mumbled my voice close to crack… - I just don’t understand…why…why is she doing this to me? I managed to add before breaking down and getting taken away by a sobbing crisis. I tried to stop but I couldn’t It was too late I caused a breach in something I tried to repress for too long. All this fear, this anxiety, the doubts, the anger was finally burning to an end. That day for the first time in a very long time I slept well. I had finally accepted my faith.