It was one of these mornings when you would wake up even more tired than you were before going to bed. It was really a bad idea to go for a drink with Hana after the wedding had finished. My head felt terribly heavy and I hadn’t really slept as my brain stayed wide awake reminiscing all the events that happened that evening and I wished some of them had been a part of my imagination…I stood alarmed as I looked at my phone, it was already four o’clock in the afternoon. Really a bad idea…  I had 52 missed called from Sue, 17 from Sunny (isn’t she supposed to be on honeymoon?) and 1 message from Hana:

10:55 you’re inviting me for dinner in my favorite Japanese restaurant next Friday, already made a reservation ;)

I scoffed reading her message, the girl surely didn’t waste any time.

16:07 Yeah love you too Hon’…

I had barely washed up and was heading to the kitchen when my phone went off for what seemed like to be Sue’s 53^rd call:

- So I call you more than fifty times yet Hana gets an answer first? She said exaggeratingly angry and knew that I’d go through a tough moment.

- Sue…haven’t had coffee yet…

- I’ll call you back in twenty minutes…she automatically hung up and I giggled at her 360° mood shift even though she was only delaying her scolding session not deleting it. I was surprised to see my grandfather at home, even if it’s Sunday as it’s usually the day he goes to golf with his business partners friends.

- Good mor- Euh sorry good afternoon your majesty…he teased giving me my morning or afternoon (whatever) peck cheek and I couldn’t play along with the teasing. Coffee? I nodded widely.  I felt my neurons slowly getting back to their usual self and connecting back to reality as the black liquor made it slowly through my veins.

- Is there something wrong? He asked seeing me frowning as I was slowly getting aware of my whereabouts.

- It’s calm…too calm…I said still looking around seeing any preparations going on.

- Well…it’s Sunday and- oh you meant the dinner? Your grandmother cancelled it, she had a last minute lunch and came back quite tired of it. But it’s ok she had forgotten to tell him yesterday…

- Forgot? I hissed at his word.  Since when does she forget anything? I see what they mean by love is blind…

- Well last night was quite distracting don’t you think? He said suddenly waiting for an explanation that I wasn’t ready to give, not yet.

- Arrgghh…but I already told Soohyuk…

- You did? He smirked and I whined loudly ignoring his non-stopping teasing.

- It’s okay, it would’ve been more embarrassing if his parents were involved but it’s just him, you guys could go out for dinner…I’m sure you have plenty of catch up to do... He genuinely suggested and I frowned.

- Can I? I seriously asked. He raised an eyebrow. I mean without you guys making assumptions or anything related to something that starts with an “m”…can I just enjoy dinner with a friend that I haven’t seen in a long time? He looked at me seriously and after a pausing moment he smiled:

- Yeah…of course you can…and I felt relieved at his softened expression.

- Thank yoouuuuuu…I hugged him tight as I stood already.

- Where are you going…black coffee isn’t breakfast…you must eat something

- Well it’s not really breakfast time either and I’ll be dining in few hours. I said leaving for my grandmother’s room. Reason told me to avoid her for at least the next 48 hours but cancelling dinner with Soohyuk and feeling tired isn’t her. Something was wrong, I mean beside the fact that I humiliated her in front of thousand people, knowing her she should be now extremely hyper about the idea of punishing me and shutting herself in her room is not the way she does it. I knocked a few times without having an answer before entering slowly as knocking is more a formality for both us.

- Halmeoni…I shivered seeing her lying on her bed under her blanket in the middle of the afternoon. She looked so fragile, so vulnerable and I hated it. Hey …I said suddenly getting worried. What…what’s wrong? Are you not feeling well? Are you …are you sick? Do you want me to call a doctor? Oh my god I’m calling grand-

- Oh stop it for god sake I’m just tired not dying, am I not allowed to take a nap like other people do? She said all sarcastic and I felt relieved a she sounded definitely as her usual self.

- Well excuse me but you do realize that in my 23 years of life I haven’t seen you take a nap once…

-  I guess today won’t be the first time neither she said now sitting in her bed clearly annoyed by my intrusion.

- Halmeoni …I started showing off my cuteness, she usually doesn’t resist it…about last night-

- Not now…I’m not in the mood Gongju…she dismissed coldly not even looking at me. Ok, I might have understated the situation. Cuteness won’t help me here.

- Look I’m sorry. I know I messed up and embarrassed you in front of all these people but you may have noticed that I didn’t do it on purpose. It was an incident. An incident witnessed by a lot of people but still an incident and-

- I SAID STOP IT! I startled at the tone she used and felt my heart aches terribly as she shouted at me. She does get mad; all the time actually but never expresses it that way. She’ll always stay calm and disciplined; she’ll smile coldly and make you pay for your deed later.

- I …I don’t understand…why…like… are you that angry? I said my voice close to crack. She shook her head not to infirm my words but more as if she was fighting with her own thoughts.

- You …she started a lot calmer, you just don’t know what you got yourself in this this time…I don’t know if I’ll be able to do anything for you …she said looking anywhere but at me.

- Halmeoni…what are you even talking about??? You’re seriously scaring me…

- Just…just forget about it okay…if you don’t mind I’d like to rest now I’m extremely tired. That was way too much of ‘tired’ for her but I wasn’t brave enough to dig further. At least not now.

- Ok…I’ll leave you alone, I just dropped to tell you that I’m having dinner with Soohyuk later as I had told him already to come but since you cancelled grand suggested we could go outside…I hope you don’t mind…I saw her take an interest as I mentioned Soohyuk, she paused for a moment:

- No I don’t…she said not really convinced and I nodded not wanting to stay there anymore. – Wait a second…I turned to look at her and saw her still struggling with herself. I waited for her to split what she wanted to say not leaving my eyes from her.

- This will be the first time and the last time you’ll ever hear me asking you this question. She looked at me dead serious. Do you love him? Do you love Lee Soohyuk?

***

- …And…

- And what?

- WHAT DID YOU SAY?

- Well…I told her the… truth…

- Which is …

- Are you for real now?

- Don’t you ‘for real’ me and answer my question!

- Sue what are you doing here anyway? You said you were calling back not crashing into my place? I said exasperated at my friend who was more putting me through an interrogatory rather than helping me.

- I was already coming at that time I just called you because I couldn’t believe you answered Hon’s text before my 52… I mean 53 MISSED CALLS… Despite all the crazy discussion I had with my grandmother she still has the time to blame me for my “sometimes” IPhone inactivity.

- How did you know that anyway?

- What?

- That I answered her text first…

- She’s the one who dropped me here on her way to work…

- It’s Sunday…and damn we had drinks until 3 in the morning …

- It’s Hana…

- Right…

- Anyway don’t avoid my question we’re not done yet

- Sue…

- What is the truth…I swear Gongju I know you by heart but when it comes to Soohyuk I tend to get confused and I hate it. She said with an irritated voice and I could feel how frustrated and honest she was as she sat back on my bed implying that she was serious now. I stopped as well looking for what to wear and sat on the couch that was facing her.

- The truth is…I don’t know… How can you figure it out when I; myself do not know how I feel about him... I mean I’ve known him since forever. I actually thought that he was my real brother until I turned 6 simply because he’s always done what a big brother would do; take care of me. Then I turned 9 and my grandmother told me that he probably would be my future husband…I didn’t even knew what marriage meant and later when I did… I liked the idea.

- You did?

- I did…because as far as I remember we always knew that our family will choose… right?

- Right…so…she said more waiting for my point.

- So …Soohyuk is perfect for a husband; don’t you think? I’d rather marry him than anyone else…I’ve known him since forever so does he. He’s intelligent, brilliant, and very nice and he’ll never let me down. So I’m fine marrying him…

- But you don’t love him? She asked emphasizing “love”.

- Tell me what “love” is and I’ll answer you then …I said a bit provocative.

- How would I know? She said taken aback already avoiding my stare.

- You do know…you just don’t want to admit it…I rolled my eyes at her not expecting her to really answer as I’ve tried many times before to get her talk about it.

- I tried to think of it many times…she whispered. I froze.

- Think of what? I asked playing the fool. She was laying now in my bed looking at the ceiling and I knew that it was going to be one of these rare moments when she would finally completely open up to me, but I knew as well that she was the most vulnerable and that the smallest wrong move or say from me would scare her away. I put myself confortable as well on the couch and waited for her to talk.

- Love…

Silence.

- And so…do you think you got an answer?

- Maybe, I’m not sure…She added and I kept silent for a few seconds until she was ready to speak and even thought for a moment that she was going to stop there. She took a deep breath and added: I think…I think love is when you fall for the wrong person, a person who’s got nothing to do with everything you knew before, with everything you thought was right, a person who pushes you to reappraise what you had learned and believed in so far, a person who makes you feel everything but you, and no matter how wrong you know it is …that feeling …it just keep on growing…

I kept silent as I was trying to process all she had said. Trying to find the answer to the question she had asked me in the first place and I couldn’t find it, as they were two things I realized at that moment.

First, that was exactly what happened to my parents, and it destroyed them.

 Second, that’s what almost happened to her.

- Is this why you left him? I blurted out and she looked at me. – Because you didn’t want to feel weak…she looked back at the ceiling, took a breath and finally confessed:

- I left him because he actually made me feel weak from the very beginning, and I hated it. When I finally found the strength to pull away, I ironically ended up weaken forever…

That was the first time that she would admit that she had fallen in love with that man and that she had her heart broke. I stayed silent again for a moment.

- What I have with Soohyuk… it’s…it’s nothing like that, it’s not hard to like him, everything is easy with him, he’s my friend and I feel good with him... I think that’s all I need…I think…I think I’m fine with this…

 - I hate Lee Soohyuk…she suddenly whined rolling from side to side of the bed. I laughed.

- He’s the nicest guy ever…you know that…

- Exactly…he’s too nice…he’s stealing you from me and when you guys will be married you’ll never come to me to complain about something he did and we’ll never be bashing about him…at least not as Sunny does about TAE…she seriously said and I burst into a big laugh.

- This is the stupidest thing you’ve ever said seriously…

- I AM DEAD SERIOUS she said laughing now.

- I’ll make sure to bash about him if you want us to…

- Yeah cut the crap…just start to answer your phone when I call you and I’ll be fine…

- I do answer my phone it’s just that I was sleeping and I drunk until 3am with Hana…

- WHAT??? You guys had drinks without ME?

- Excuse me??? You’re the one who ditched us for “some important matter” …what was it by the way?

- Nothing …I can’t believe you guys went without me, getting drunk was exactly what I needed…she said a bit evasive and once again I hated her for her mysteries.

- So did I … or shall I remind you that I fooled myself in front of the worst people of this city and that my grandmother is probably sick of how planning a wedding in the next 48hours…

- Fooling yourself is a thing… fooling yourself with the future king is another thing…

- Yeah king my don’t make me laugh…

- OMG…she screamed now sitting as she realized or remembered something and I feared the worst.

- WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH HIM ANYWAY???

- NOTHING…Nothing…that’s a long story and I’m seriously not ready to give in……… …I am so ING getting married …

- No you’re not …you’ll be fine she said trying to look reassuring but not believing herself what she was saying and I got even more scared…