Ten

25 November

I couldn’t stay angry at him. Whatever he has done before to me that annoyed the hell out of me. I couldn’t seem to remember any of it. Weird.

***

      And with that, the first never-ending apologizing series process of Kim Woobin, was done. After waiting for like twenty years to hear him apologize to me, which never came, I did let everything go and try to forget it. And when I was in a really good mood, I could even see it as a humor. But then I snapped, because just like my wasted effort to let it go, I couldn’t seem to really forgive him. The word ‘apologize’ was like opening the door of an almost healed wound. The annoyance and anger that was never unleashed freely topped with the shame that I went through when I was still in the elementary school came flooding my mind. Then I realized how different this feeling was, in compared with the anger that I felt when I found him with another woman, this was much severe.

“How in the world he doesn’t know the reason?” I shouted numbly.

And I still couldn’t get his answer to my question when Woobin texted me six hours later.

Woobin: Are you done with your anger?

Minah: Not yet.

Woobin: Come on, Minah. You couldn’t possibly be angry forever just because of that. I already apologized. Besides, it was a long time ago. Just let it go.

Minah: It might be a long time ago for you but not for me and I couldn’t just ‘let it go’. Okay?!

Woobin: Why r u being so difficult about this?

Minah: Oh, now you ask?

Woobin: Ooops. Sorry. What should I do to make you forgive me?

  Minah: Just leave me alone.

When I was sure that for the first time ever Woobin finally decided to really listen to my plea, I received a text filled with his apology exactly 24 hours after.

I know you told me to leave you alone, but I can’t. I’m really sorry for everything, Minah.

I left the text unattended for two days and I was thinking about really breathing easy when my hand phone rang with the name Kim Woobin on the screen. Again, I let it slide unattended. But when my mailbox was starting to be full with his apology messages in different varieties, started from full of jokes and humor, full of tender followed by anger and threat to just barge into my house when I still didn’t want to answer his call, till some of the most sincere apology that I’ve ever heard that it made my eyes glassy.

I don’t know how and when it happened, but now my heart wasn’t filled with anger toward him anymore, the remaining was only a speck of aggravation. Yes, I might have forgiven him but that didn’t mean that he ought to know about it. I was planning to torture him further by ceasing all sorts of communication between me and him so that he would sincerely regret everything that he has done to me. And I would still be firm on my action should I didn’t receive his text message three days later.

Woobin: Minah, if you’re still keen on not talking to me then I will call your parents and tell them what you’ve done at Jeju.

Minah: Go ahead. I bet they will just laugh it off.

Woobin: But they will not laugh right if I tell them what happened at the hospital?

Minah: You terrorist. Eventually threatening.

Woobin: Ke ke ke.

  Minah: Oh, now you laugh? Just so you know, it’s not a praise.

Woobin: I laughed because finally you’re talking to me.

Minah: Forced to.

Woobin: C’mon. I SWEAR TO DEATH, I’M SORRY!

Minah: :-(

Woobin: I promise I won’t do any of it ever again.

  Minah: :-|

Woobin: Sweetheart. Please.

Minah: Cut the sweetheart out.

Woobin: Pumpkin?

Minah: NO!

Woobin: Bunny?

  Minah: Woobin, stop it.

Woobin: I love it when u say my name.

Minah: This is texting. I’m typing your name and not saying it.

Woobin: I can call you so that you can say it. How’s that?

Minah: Oh my godddddddd… Okay, fine.

Woobin: Fine, what?

Minah: Fine. I’ll forgive you as long as you stop filling my mailbox with your messages.

Woobin: You sure?

Minah: I’m sure.

Woobin: So you’re not mad at me again?

Minah: A little, but it will go away.

Woobin: Should I push my pinkie as a token of our truce?

Minah: Don’t push it.

How can I stay angry or annoyed at someone like Kim Woobin? In less than four months, he is able to eradicate this hatred walls that I’ve built for like twenty years to shield myself from being hurt by him. All these times I had spent with all of my past relationship, I’ve never felt more amused than with his presence for the last three weeks. So what if for example he did sleep with another woman or perhaps other women, he always makes time to text me. And so what if he was the source of my annoyance during my elementary school era, he did say sorry to me with all those words ever invented by human already. That shows how at least he cares for me, right?

Basically that day was the day I could finally let my past asleep. And even though I haven’t got a concrete answer, I refuse to feel disturbed over the fact that even if Woobin has been super sweet, but he never express his intention to take our relationship into the next step or a more serious level. It’s okay, we can always be friend first, right?

***

“Where do you want to go on New Year?” Insung oppa asked me when we agreed to visit our parents on Christmas Day when we got our leave. We talked by the porch while waiting for my Dad to wake up from his nap and Mom finished her brownies.

Like me, both my brothers didn’t stay in the same house as my parents when they started to work. After all these years spent renting a house, finally Insung oppa succeeded on buying a house for himself. As for Jisub oppa, despite still staying in that rented house, I believe he will follow Insung oppa’s step soon enough. If only my income were as big as theirs who is currently working under that mega mining company owned by England and America, I would surely chose to buy a house instead of renting a unit for myself. My Dad made sure to drill the fact that a house is a long term investment into our head, even though we brought it through loans from bank with higher interest, but at least the money that we’ve spent will not go into wasteland in compared with renting a unit or a house.

“Not sure. My office got the invitation from Empire. Maybe we all will go there,” I replied.

A couple days before, I received an invitation from Stephanie Lee, my 23 years old client, to celebrate New Year together at her club. My Boss told me to go and mingle with Stephanie Lee’s friend as she saw the opportunity in the form of networking due to the circle that I’m going to mingle with is filled with rich and spoiled kids who might require the services of a web designer. I felt like throwing a punch into her head when my boss said that. Even though I didn’t mind to celebrate New Year inside the most “IN” club at Seoul