Tiffany is an inmate serving two years in prison and Taeyeon is a guard.

We all lie to ourselves to be happy.

Whether it was your voice repeating the words 'that I loved you'.

Or the voice in my head telling me I didn't.

I lied to myself, but most importantly, I lied to you.

Taeyeon, we were almost there.

But we never made it.

X X X

I was awakened by the red light before it blared it's screechy alarm. My body moves automatically, my feet finding the floor before I'm comfortable enough to pull myself up. I can see my other bunkmates doing the same thing, some cussing under their breath.

I shivered at the early dawn's damp air and rubbed my hands together for warmth. The officer stepped into our room, mechanically clicking at the tiny counter in his palms at the single sight of all of us. "forty-six..forty-seven.." click click. He turned around and left.

Still, we stood still, grumbling in our heads until the alarm went off. It might take two minutes, it might take twenty. Sometimes they ed up on counting, but when the red light faded away, I was thankful to sit back down.

There wasn't a clock in our room, so I had to roughly guess the time based on the light seeping in from the window. The weak, orange light gave me enough evidence to round the hour to around five-thirty. Breakfast would start in an hour.

Some of my roommates slipped back into their beds, trying to harbor back the heat and warmth, but I opted to take my chances at the shower room.

Still trying to wake up, I kneeled over to my locker, yawning as I pulled out my toiletries. I hear the top bunk of my bed shuffle. I see my roommate, Mint, peering down from the top, eyeing me carefully.

"You taking a shower, H.T?" She whispered quietly. I nodded and stood up.

Mint scratched her head and then her back. "Can ya wait for me? Let's go together."

"Yeah sure." I sat back down, trying to find energy.

She slid down her mattress and hopped onto the floor, her long, black, wavy hair tangled from yesterday's work.

Mint was one of the rare girls in the prison that fit under the 'Others' category for races. Her hair was probably the most simple thing about her. Her special, dark green eyes were one-of-a-kind and perhaps the only one in the entire prison. Her nose and jawline were sharp, and she had high cheekbones that complimented her entire structure, but there was just something about her you couldn't exactly pinpoint.

Mint wasn't her real name, but rather a smaller version of her insanely long last name, Sakatamintz. Weird, I know. Even she doesn't know where her name came from. Regardless of where she came from, she was one of my only true genuine friends at the Snowfield Federal Correctional Institution a.k.a my current home.

", H.T, got any spare soap?" Mint and practically everyone in the prison called me H.T or Hwang. It was a general rule of thumb to call people by their last names.

"Yeah, you might have to wait until I shower first though."

"Or...we can shower together and save water." She winked. "Gay for the stay! Gay for the stay!"

I mumbled and blushed. "Shut up and let's go.."

As expected, the shower rooms weren't crowded. There were a few people, all deliciously savoring their time under the shower head that poured golden hot water. Most of them were the older inmates, or simply people who had to get up to prepare for their job for the day. Mint and I took two spots in the corner, turning the knob on until it was warm enough to get in.

We were separated by a cheap, almost transparent sheet of waterproof curtains. I normally soaped my body last as a routine, but knowing I was going to share, I quickened my body washing and tossed the bar over.

Privacy was a word to be laughed at in prison. It almost didn't exist. According to the paperwork, there were a good 150 women all sharing the same bathhouse. There were rows of stalls, many of their doors broken, so even pissing in the wide open wasn't uncommon. Don't get me wrong, it's not like people would stand outside and watch you piss, but it was still unnerving to know someone could literally just walk in at any time.

Those numbers made showering an everyday battle. If you didn't wake up earlier than the others, tough luck. You were met with a long line of other girls and faced with the coldest water. I usually made an effort to shower before breakfast, which was at 6:30AM, when many of the girls were still battling their sleepiness to bother getting up.

After we finished our quick shower, I stepped into the sides, organizing my belongings and finishing my routine.

Mint stepped out, her hair dripping endlessly on our sides. "I have a love-hate relationship with my hair. Like, God, I know I look bomb y with my long hair, but holy hell does it take forever to dry and maintain. Maybe I should just go bald. Hell, I'd save commission money from buying shampoo and ."

I laughed and played with my own hair. It was mid-length, my ponytail ending slightly above my shoulder. I tried to imagine myself bald, and then I remembered Nick before he left. My smile turned into a lukewarm frown.

Mint sighed. "What's with the frown, princess?"

"I remembered something kind of funny, but then it made me sad. Before Nick left for the army, he visited me once last time. He had just shaved his entire head to prepare for the military and I remember how ugly he looked. Seriously, he looked like a walking thumb."

"Nick?" She paused, trying to remember. "Oh, your boyfriend?"

"Yeah."

"Has he sent you any letters recently?"

"....No, not really."

I turned my face away and looked at the dirty, wet floor. I didn't say anything and she didn't ask.

X X X

Mint normally skipped breakfast, so when she decided to tag along, I definitely questioned it. She gave me that same, bored looking face and grinned. "Rumor says there's gonna be a new CO starting today."

CO stood for Correctional Officer, the official term for the prison guards that watched over us. As of the moment, the positions were filled with mainly males, corrupt to the brim and a bit erted, but it was expected. I acted disinterested and stepped into the breakfast line. She leaned in closer to my ear, tucking my stray hair behind my ear and whispered, "Heard it's a hot female officer." Mint grabbed my playfully and spanked me to move forward.

"I'm not interested." I responded automatically.

"Wait 'til you see her, I guess. I'm only taking credit for it cause apparently Suzy saw her yesterday, and you know that has a good eye for women."

We sat down on an empty table in the middle and ate quickly. It was a common practice to scarf down your food, not because it tasted great, but it was better to get it out of your way and go about your day.

Today's menu was a suspicious looking waffle and an unnamed salad. The generic sugared down syrup did nothing to mask the bland, bitter taste, so I dug into the salad quickly afterwards.

After the meal, I felt defeated, mostly because I had unknowingly bit into a large chunk of garlic. Mint gagged when I spoke, the smell evident in my mouth and sticking around dangerously.

Quickly clearing my tray and table, I rushed back into my room and grabbed my toothbrush. I was horrified when I turned the corner, watching three more girls line up for the insanely long queue to the shower room.

"Great." I mumbled, taking a sneak peek. All the sinks were full, girls hissing at me as I tried to squeeze through. It was no use. Defeated, I shuffled back to the kitchen, trying to spot an extra glass of water.

There was a small crowd of girls squealing at the sight of something, though I couldn't exactly tell what. I walked behind them, tapping the last girl in the group. She turned around and I recognized her as Madison. "Yo, H.T."

I grumbled. "What's this crowd about?"

"Have you heard? There's a new CO starting today. She's inside the cafeteria. I got a glimpse of her. She's kind of short, but really cute! I just hope she isn't an like the others."

"I'm not interested." I say again and try to squeeze my way through. I entered through a tight gap, practically pulling myself out of the tide of girls and busting ahead. The action makes me drop my toothbrush and I groan in disgust.

I reach out to pick it up when a bright blue sleeve beats me to it. I stiffen and back up, giving me a full glimpse of the officer herself.

A wave of nausea hits me suddenly, but I'm too shocked to care.

The officer looked at me innocently, with her onyx eyes and chestnut colored hair. It was wrapped in a bun, a common practice for most of officers. She had make-up on, but nothing heavy. A long nose hooked over her bright, intense, red lipstick. Her features and skin were soft and had a childish appeal to it all.

Everything was familiar. Memories flash and circle through my head. Yes..I've seen those lips before. I remember kissing them.

I quickly turn my attention to her embroidered name above her chest. All it does is confirm my fear.

T. Kim, it read.

X X X

"Tiffany Hwang, will you go to prom with me?"

The questions almost inaudible due to the loud cheers of my friends hollering at the sides. I immediately curl my lips into a smile, but I try to hold it back and stay cool.

I lift the bouquet of flowers up to hide my face, but I'm too happy, too excited to hide my joy. "Yes!" I responded before hopping into her arms. She didn't expect it and neither did I; the both of us tumble over onto the pavement. A breath escapes her lips but it becomes into a laugh. Her arms wrap around me as she tries to pull the both of us up.

"I thought you'd never ask. Of course I'll be your prom date, Taeyeon. I am your girlfriend after all."

X X X

Today was a day off from my usual task at maintaining the library. I sat in the Recreational room near the back staring at the TV, but I'm not processing much. My palm rests above my mouth, an action I now unconsciously fall into due to my bad breath. Taeyeon was standing in the hallway, by the doorframe, her back against me.

Out of all the places to reunite..we had to meet in prison. I groaned.

The last time I saw her was at our High School Graduation, a month after I broke up with her. I remember her shyly asking if we could take a photo together. I said no. I took whatever love and hope she had of me and crushed it under my feet, all because I had fallen in love with someone else.

That and my family had found out about our little relationship. They didn't take it too well.

Still..I found myself glancing at her every so often. I didn't hate her, but I was certain she hated me.

Mint leaned into my face, catching me off guard. "Already looking at the menu, huh?" She teases and elbows me. "You gonna order or what?"

", she's really cute and kind of nice. Well, I haven't seen her do anything douchey yet." Paz, another young inmate sneered in. She takes a quick whiff of me and scowls. "Jesus, H.T, you smell like a vampire's ."

"..What the hell does a vampire's smell like?"

"Garlic and you, apparently."

"Oh geez."

We all turn our attention back to the guard.

"She's already got a nickname. T.K. It's her initials. Or you can be a basic calling her Officer Kim. No one knows her real name yet."

I click my tongue and cross my arms, whispering to them."Taeyeon." They turn their heads at me with a strange astonishing look. "Her name's Taeyeon Kim. T.K."

I take a heavy breath and hope they don't ask more. "We uh, we use to know each other."

BAM!!

Mint and Paz slam the table and jerk themselves forward. "WHAT?!"

"Relax!" I hiss and hide my face, still conscious of my nasty, garlic smell. "It's a long story, can we talk about this later?"

"Don't tell me, you've done this, done that, and done her?!"

"Don't be ridiculous."

Mint scratched her head and stared hard at the guard standing. "Well, why don't you go talk to her?" The three of us must have sat there just looking for a good ten minutes. We might as well have been given restraining orders at how stalkerish we acted. I was convinced she hated me, but seeing as I had to spend the rest of my time with her, I might as well try to start off on a good note.

I approached her just as she was about to leave. "Uhm, Officer Kim?" Her name felt foreign in my tongue.

Taeyeon turns around, a wad of gum between her cheeks. I clear my throat. I hear Mint and Paz chuckling behind me. , I forgot what I was suppose to say!

"...Hwang." She watched me with something that looked like sympathy in her otherwise blank face. "Do you need something?"

Suddenly, I felt shy. My eyes darted around, trying to find something worth talking about. But with the way her feet was itching to turn away, I knew she business to attend to. Finally, I randomly blurted out. "Can I have some gum?"

She blinked and paused for a second, before tilting her head innocently. "Sorry. I'm not suppose to show favoritism to anyone. It's..it's nothing personal." Then she walked away.

Her boots echoed throughout the hallway and I was left alone with my thoughts once again.

Later that night, I shuffled into the cold, firm mattress. The pillows were never fluffy or firm enough to ever give me proper comfort. I habitually slid my free arm under the pillow to give me the much needed height for my head, when I suddenly felt an abnormality stuffed between the sheets.

I cautiously rose up and lifted my pillow.

There, neatly folded and tucked gently, was a single stick of gum wrapped in blue foil. 

I looked up and around the room where most of my roommates had already fallen asleep. I squeezed the foil between my fingers and popped the gum into my mouth.

X X X

Even though I was in prison, there were a large number of things I was grateful for.

For starters, I wasn't bullied.

Stories told by victimized inmates haunted me before I entered the facility. I did my best to stay out of the way, never resting in the spotlight, and just tried to get through. I learned to simply mind my own business, don't linger in places you don't belong, and don't ask too many questions. Thankfully, my roommates weren't too bad. Half of them were older women, ones that didn't care too much but still held motherly instincts for newbies like me.

Second, I made a strong decision not to associate myself with any 'tribe'. Racism was alive and real in this place where filters didn't exist. I befriended whoever, regardless of their skin color.

Third, I had a good, easy job.

In prison, women capable of working were assigned jobs. From the kitchen staff, to working in the saloon, electric shop, clean-up -- inmates ran the entire project. I didn't have too much experience with any of the physical jobs, and I didn't quite have a grand educational background, and it just so happened that there was an extra spot in the library.

I cleaned the place up, made sure to keep track of all the books, and kept my mouth shut.

That was basically it. There were three of us total and we divided up the six day work week. Having a job gave me something to do and unlimited access to books. I spent the first couple months with my face buried in text, trying to imagine a new reality.

It was also where I spent a majority of my time writing letters.

X X X

"The court finds the defendant, Tiffany Hwang, guilty on all accounts of Unlawful Possession of a Firearm in the Second Degree. You shall spend twenty-four months at Snowfield Federal Correctional Facility effective tomorrow."

I was framed. I wanted to scream. That's not my gun.

But alas, none of it mattered. The moment the hammer slammed down, my fate was sealed. I turned around in a blurry, panicked rush and found Nick in tears.

This was the first time I saw him cry.

The next afternoon, I was in the lobby of the federal penitentiary, filling out paperwork and getting searched. The entire experience terrified me, a nervous tickle spreading throughout my entire body. Before I was admitted, Nick had sent me a load of things I might need. Some were denied, like extra food and perfume, but what I kept closest was his letter.

Every night, before the lights dimmed down and everyone began to slumber, I read it repeatedly, savoring each handwritten letter. I hid it deep inside my shared locker, behind a packet of papers. The next week as I slowly started to settle in, he came to visit me.

He looked thinner than usual, eye bags underneath his eyes, but still very much handsome. I was embarrassed that he saw me like this, wearing an ugly, bright orange scrubby uniform. But none of it mattered.

"Tiffany." He said calmly, folding his hands on the table. "I decided to enlist into the army."

"What?" I cried out. "Why?"

"Two years.." His voice began to waver, but he stayed consistent. "Two years without you is a long time. I don't want to waste it sulking in an apartment waiting for you. Time is our biggest enemy, but I want to be productive with it. Think about it babe, two years you'll be released, two years I'll be an amazing soldier. We can start a fresh. I want to create a future for you even after you leave here. I want something we can both look forward to."

Tears began to well up in my eyes again. "But I don't want you to leave."

He held his breath and twirled his promise ring around. "How about this, I'll write letters to you every week and you can write back to me. And then, who knows? Two years from now we'll have a gigantic pile of letters from you to me. I bet we could make a boat out of them."

"That's not enough.."

Nick leaned over and squeezed my hands. "It will be. I will wait for you, so please, will you wait for me?"

...

...

That was three months ago. His last letter to me wasn't anything out of the ordinary. He wrote every week, yes, but it didn't always arrive on time. By the time I received one letter, the date surpassed almost a month. Then one day, it suddenly stopped.

The letters just..stopped coming.

I don't know what happened and a part of me doesn't want to know.