“You know,” Yoochun said, decisiveness in his tone, “this is my favorite place on the ship.”

Wedged under a bulkhead, legs crossed under him and the steady hum of the ship against his back, Onew told him, “Not many people would agree with you in that statement.” He closed his eyes and soaked in the warmth of the room. Like a reflection of the space around them, the rest of the ship was predominately cold. Even the crew’s personal cabins were colder than Onew personally preferred. But the engine room? It was always warm. It was like a hotbox at times, but mostly it was where Onew could toe his shoes off, not need to wear a jacket, and fall asleep anywhere feeling comfortable and happy.

“Why not?” Yoochun asked, feet swinging from where he was lounging in the hammock Onew sometimes slept in.

With the glow of the low lighting above them, and the way Yoochun had popped his collar open against the heat of the room, Onew thought he looked very attractive. He was an attractive man in general, and Onew had not missed the lingering looks Yoochun had sent his way. But it wasn’t Yoochun’s fault. He didn’t know about Joon, or what had happened. All he knew was that Onew slept alone at night, and it was extremely unlikely that any of the crew would mention what had happened to make that a fact.

Onew leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Because most of the members of this crew are extremely social creatures. Kyuhyun, for spending a good deal of time on the bridge by himself, flocks naturally to others. The Captain and Leeteuk? They can’t stand being alone, maybe because their memories haunt them. Ryeowook lurks around the kitchen for a reason, too. People have to eat, and frequently. By sticking to the kitchen, he gets to interact with almost everyone several times a day.”

Yoochun’s eyebrows pulled together. “What about the other one? Mi?”

“Zhou Mi,” Onew said, and he had to admit, “I think Mi the only one of the rest of the crew who’s at peace with solidarity. He’ll follow Kyuhyun around like a lost puppy if given the chance, but that’s only because he’s in love with him in the way that people rarely love each other. So what I’m saying is that this crew is social by nature, and this engine room is a very lonely place to them.”

Yoochun swung back in the hammock. “I think that’s crazy talk. This is the heart of the ship. It’s warm and comforting. I come here and I feel at peace. I feel like, for just a second, I’m not running from anything.”

Onew pursed his lips and wondered if he ought to say anything. Finally his curiosity won out and he said, “By now you must assume that everyone here has had ample time to read your bounty. It’s been reissued by the Alliance. You’re running from the Alliance?”

“Not because I did something to the Alliance.” Yoochun peaked over at him. “It’s a long story. I’ll tell you sometime, but suffice to say, I know some things the Alliance would like to torture out of me. Before I helped Jaejoong escape from his father, I was helping curry information between important people. I’m running because I know that there’s no going back to where I was before. My cover is blown. And if I ever stop running, I’ll either end up getting people I care about killed, or I’ll be killed myself. Neither is very appealing as an option.”

“Well, as you might imagine, a ship is great place to lay low for a while. And this ship rarely stops moving for long.” Onew wondered, “Are you with us because you don’t have a better potion at the moment, or because of Jaejoong?” Would Yoochun be leaving them as soon as possible?

Onew wasn’t sure why he cared, other than the fact that Yoochun was easy to talk to, and was quickly becoming a friend.

“Maybe a little of both?” Yoochun shrugged. “Jaejoong is my brother, as far as I’m concerned. We were essentially raised together, looked out for each other, and there is no one I trust more with my life. I think this crew is exceptional, and I also believe that you all are going to love Jaejoong like family before the year is out. You’re already taking a risk keeping him on. But is this the life for me? Is there something better for me out there? Those are questions I don’t know how to answer. I barely know how to ask them. For right now, I’m here because it’s the best place or me. That might change in the future, but not in the near one.”

“It’s not just Jaejoong we’re going to love,” Onew said, feeling dissatisfied. Was that what Yoochun really thought? “I know things were a little rough in the beginning, but it’s not like we’re accepting Jaejoong and just bringing you along because we realize you’re a package deal. You don’t know the Captain, so it must be hard for you to realize what he’s done, but you’re a member of the crew. He’s not having Leeteuk or Mi keep an eye on you. He values your option and what you can contribute. Maybe you will find something better for you later on, but you are a member of this crew right now, and the Captain will protect you just the same as he’ll protect Jaejoong. The crew is his family, and you’re family now.”

Onew wasn’t sure that he’d won Yoochun over with his words as the man slunk further into the hammock and turned his eyes towards the bulkhead above him in thought.

“What about you?” Yoochun asked unexpectedly.

“Me?” Onew questioned.

Still not looking his way, Yoochun asked, “What are you running from?”

Onew felt his stomach drop a bit. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Rocking in the hammock, Yoochun continued, “Don’t you?” He sighed loudly. “I’ve seen your face, Onew, when you think people aren’t looking at you. When it’s just you and your thoughts, I’ve seen the heartbreak that’s so deep in you it’s impossible to hide. You’re running from something, too, and its made you into something you weren’t before.”

“Yoochun,” Onew eased out.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Yoochun insisted. “The kind of pain I see in you, it’s probably the kind that words don’t do justice to. Talking about it can’t be easy, so I’m not asking you to tell me anything. You should just know that I’ve also seen the love the crew has for you. And what’s the point of having family if they can’t help each other out in the worst of times?”

Yoochun wanted Onew to tell him. He was asking about Joon, even if he didn’t know he was.

It was startling to Onew to realize in that moment that he’d never actually spoken about the incident that had taken his lover’s life. The crew knew and they were terrified to say anything about it, so there was no one to tell. It wasn’t even Onew who had written to Joon’s mother to break the news, and when she’d written to him, her words had been delicate and deliberate to avoid blunt words.

He wasn’t even sure he could get the words out.

“Onew?”

Onew inched forward on the warm ground so he could see Yoochun a bit more clearly. “That’s not my actual name.”

“No?” Yoochun threw his feet to the side and sat up. “Everyone calls you it.”

Onew nodded. “It’s my nickname. My actual name is Jinki, and I was using it my entire life until a few years ago when I met a man who decided it didn’t fit. He said Jinki was too stern of a name for someone who looked as happy as I did all the time. He insisted on calling me something different--better he decided, and that’s where Onew came from. And in return I started calling this man, who’s name was Changsun, Joon. I … I loved him very much.”

With concern, Yoochun said, “He’s not here for a reason, correct?”

Onew felt shaky and nauseas, but he’d started now and he had to finish.

“I know the crew is fairly big right now, but in the beginning it was just the Captain and Leeteuk, who’s his very old friend, and Kyuhyun who wouldn’t take no for an answer and refused to fly with any other ship after getting on look at the Tohoshinki. It’s a saying, you know, that the ship chooses the pilot, not the other way around. Anyway, I was the fourth to join, and it was hard in the beginning. The Captain had to make some tough calls, and they weren’t always legal.. We were puling this job about four months after I joined, and they needed me down on the ground with them. It was just supposed to be so they could have an extra set of eyes on the ground to look out for any sort of backup, but we were surprised and cornered. We got caught.” Onew felt a chuckle force its way out. “We’re pretty good criminals now when we decide to act illegally, but we were terrible back then.”

Patiently Yoochun waited, and Onew couldn’t express his appreciation enough.

“We were attempting to lift a good deal of ration bars from this real jerk who’d stolen them from the local terraformers,” Onew continued on. “The plan was to give about half of them back to the settlers, who desperately needed the rations to get through the upcoming cold months, and sell the rest to make some profit. Joon was one of the guys who caught us. I think they were supposed to kill us. I’m sure of it. But Joon didn’t want to hurt either myself or Kyuhyun. He knew we weren’t the muscle, and we weren’t threats, either. He saw us as innocent and when someone tried to make a move in his stead, he killed them. He protected us, helped the Captain out, and that’s essential how he ended up a member of the crew. Now that I think about it, the Captain has a knack of finding good guys hidden in with the bad.”

“So you two fell in love over that?”

“Hardly,” Onew had forgotten what it was like to speak about Joon. It was burdensome in a lot of ways, but also freeing in others. “I didn’t think there was anything worth redeeming about him for a long while. I also didn’t think he deserved a pat on the back for doing the right thing when the alternative was killing a bunch of innocent people, and who knew how many other bad things he’d done? I didn’t even want to talk to him, and I warned the Captain to keep Kyuhyun away from him. That’s why he said I was too stern, and he wanted to call me Onew, because he thought if he had a happy moniker for me, maybe I’d smile at him like I did other people.”

“Kind of charming,” Yoochun snuck out.

Onew grinned a bit. “He was a total charmer. And he was relentless. He broke me down bit by bit, and proved himself a hundred times over, always hoping that each time would be moment when I changed my mind about him. He taught Kyuhyun how to defend himself. He helped the Captain establish the first contact that we ever had, someone we still work with from time to time, and he worked with Leeteuk to improve his sharp shooting, reflexes and things that have saved our lives. How could I not eventually give in? It seems inevitable now when I think about it. I let him call me Onew finally and he kissed me. I …” Onew felt himself fall apart in that moment, eye burning with unshed tears.

“You can stop,” Yoochun said gingerly. “I don’t want you to be in pain if this is too much.”

“I just,” Onew almost gasped out, “I miss him so much.”

The best moments of his life had been spent with Joon. They went everywhere together, to the farthest reaches of the ‘verse and saw the most amazing things. They laughed together, cried together and made love so fiercely that Onew couldn’t imagine anything more perfect waiting for them in the afterlife. Joon was his best friend, his protector and the only person who could make him smile when he was feeling his lowest.

Onew heard Yoochun rise from the hammock that creaked a bit, and soft footsteps clanked on the grates of the floor until Yoochun was in front of him, kneeling down.

Onew looked up to pure concern on Yoochun’s face. He hated that he could make another person hurt as well, even if it was only sympathy Yoochun was feeling.

“I didn’t even get to burry Joon’s body,” Onew said. “I wanted to take him home to his mom and let her do it with me, but we left him behind.”

Evenly, Yoochun asked, “He died on a job?”

Onew gave a shivering nod. “On occasion we get contracted out for protection of some sort. There was, um, there was a town that was being pressed for protection money. When they refused to pay, the guy pressing them, some who thought having money and power meant he could push others around, decided to institute a blockade. The town needed to be able to trade, and they also needed their supply drops. We were hired to make sure everything got through that was supposed to. It was supposed to be a cooperative effort, between us and the town.”

Yoochun offered, “There are some pretty impressively intimidating guys here.”

Onew agreed, “The Captain and Mi and Leeteuk and Joon were confident. But things went sour. The man issuing the blockade had informants within the town and things went south quickly. There was a shootout and there was some confusion, the way I hear it, about who was on what side and even the visibility of the gunfight was low.”

“You weren’t there?”

“No,” Onew said. “Joon never felt comfortable if I went with him on jobs, no matter the danger level. He said he couldn’t think if he had to worry about me, and the truth is I’m a greasy monkey. There’s not a lot I can do on most jobs. So no, I was here on the ship.”

It was still a haze to Onew, the exact moment the Captain had come back to the ship, bleeding from his shoulder, Mi limping and Leeteuk barely conscious from a nasty wound to the head. Joon wasn’t with them at all, and as Onew had demanded to know where he was, Kyuhyun had already been taking off.

Shaking himself back to the present, Onew said, “In the beginning I thought Joon was just this thug that had a moment of clarity. I thought eventually he’d end up getting someone on this crew hurt. I never imagined that he’d give his life protecting one of us. Yoochun, Yunho told me that Mi was busy trying to move a group of innocent townfolk out of the way when someone tried to shoot him in the back. He wasn’t paying attention, because he can be careless when he’s concerned about people, but Joon saw. The shooter was too far away to get to, and Joon had exhausted his clip, so he made a different call. He shoved Mi out of the way. He took the bullet meant for him.”

Yoochun put an arm around Onew, and it felt better than Onew had expected.

“It was a lethal shot?”

Onew leaned against Yoochun’s shoulder. “Bullet to the brain.”

So many times Onew had been unable to fight imagining what it had looked like. Joon surely hadn’t suffered, but he must have jerked so wildly from the impact. There had to be visceral everywhere … the dark stains covering Mi when he came limping back to the ship, shaking and dazed. The kind that had him vomiting in the bathroom for an hour afterwards while Kyuhyun begged and pleaded with him to open the door and let him help.

“Then,” Onew added, “they started firebombing the town. Joon’s body … there wasn’t anything left to go for. There was nothing to give his mother. That was nine months ago.”

Nine months or nine years, Onew didn’t think he’d ever be okay.

Yoochun held him tighter, tucking Onew’s head under his chin. “I’m so very sorry you had to lose someone you love like that.”

“I am running,” Onew supposed, voice cracking. “I’m running from the pain of knowing he’ll never sleep next to me again. I can’t even get into that bed sometimes. Or maybe I’m running from the clothes that are still in the closet, and his razor in the bathroom--how about the pillow that smelled like him for days afterwards, or the birthday present he’d bought for me days before the job, that’s still wrapped and shoved under our bunk.”

Yoochun rubbed a hand along his back and Onew fought to reign in his emotions.

“I’ve never lost someone in the way you lost Joon,” Yoochun said, hand never stilling. “I can’t imagine the pain that you still feel to this day. Losing the person you love with all your heart? Only someone who’s gone through that can empathize. But I want you to know that you are so strong. I saw it the first time you inched your way out of the engine room to peek at Jaejoong and I. I saw it in the first dinner we all had together, and I continue to see your strength now. I think I’m no good at this, but weaker people would have completely fallen apart by now. To grieve and still be so strong? You’re amazing.”

“I don’t feel strong,” Onew managed.

“You probably just can’t see it in yourself,” Yoochun reasoned. “Don’t worry about it. I can see it for you.”

Onew felt the first tear escape and he burrowed closer into Yoochun’s chest. “Part of me is gone now. What feels like the best part.”

“Hey now,” Yoochun said, his thumb swiping at the tears. “This Joon sounds absolutely fierce, the way you described him. How would he feel knowing you’re crying over him right now? The dead don’t care for tears. Isn’t that what the old religion preaches? The dead care that we remember them, cherish their memories and never let them be forgotten. Are you ever going to forget Joon?”

“No,” Onew vowed, wiping at his own tears. “Never.”

“Then no tears,” Yoochun said, pulling them both up to their feet. “You need to think of all the best things about him, at all times. You remember when he made you happiest, and all the laughter and the feeling you felt when you kissed. That’s how you honor him. That’s what you do. Okay?”

Taking in a few heaving breaths, Onew palmed at his eyes to get rid of the rest of the tears. “Thank you.”

Yoochun cracked a tentative smile. “Honestly, I’m just parroting back all the things I learned from my religious studies. Jaejoong was a firm believer when he was young, so we learned together. It’s dropped off a lot now that he’s grown and he understands that religion can’t really save anyone, only comfort them, but I still remember the teachings.”

“I’m not really religious,” Onew admitted. “I never followed the old religion. Not like Changmin who swears by it, though that’s probably just his Companion training. But thank you. I mean it.”

Yoochun insisted, “You get to grieve, Onew. You get to grieve for as long as you feel you need to, and you can feel sad and hurt. But you can’t let it consume you. The second it starts to define you, it isn’t about the grief anymore.”

Onew put a hand on a nearby bulkhead. He wasn’t sure why he felt so compelled to tell Yoochun his deepest secrets, but without much self control, he offered, “I think I’m going to leave the ship.”

“Leave?” Yoochun looked surprised. “Why? Where?”

“Joon’s mother invited me to stay with her for a while. She knows I’m struggling. I can barely stand to look around and see nothing but Joon everywhere. Leaving the ship for a while might clear my mind. It might do me some good. I hope it will.”

Yoochun let go of him in a way that left Onew feeling cold. He crossed his arms and declared, “That’s even crazier than people not liking the engine room. Onew, this ship is your home. The crew is your family. This is where you belong, even if it’s hard on you. Didn’t we just talk abut how running from things we have to face is a bad idea? If you leave, and you get as far away from the good memories as the bad ones, how can you feel okay again?”

“Maybe I don’t want to feel okay again!” Onew snapped angrily. Maybe he just wanted--

“Woah!” Yoochun yelled loudly, listing suddenly to the side at the same time as Onew.

And it wasn’t just them.

Onew stumbled, almost falling into Yoochun who caught him swiftly and braced a hand up against a nearby wall.

“What the hell is going on?” Yoochun shouted, gripping Onew securely as the ship tilted again, this time in the opposite direction. “Who’s flying this ship?”

“We’re in a stable orbit,” Onew said, distracted by the unnatural vibrations going on around them. It felt like the ship was threatening to shake apart, which was disturbing to say the least. “The ship is on autopilot, but Ryeowook should be up in the cockpit right now.”

Yoochun finally let go of Onew and said, “I get the feeling that if he broke the ship Kyuhyun is going to kill him.”

“We need to check it out,” Onew said, already heading to the door. “Come on!”

At a dead run they made it up to the cockpit in mere minutes. Out of breath, Onew thought the first unnatural thing in front of him was that the doors to the cockpit were closed. They were almost notoriously always open. Kyuhyun liked to be able to shout things from the cockpit down to others, despite the intercom system they had, and it also helped make the room feel less claustrophobic to anyone else taking a turn at the helm. There was no way Ryeowook would have closed the doors, there was no reason to.

Yoochun gave a heavy grunt as he them open, and immediately he was shouting, “Onew!”

Onew saw Ryeowook’s body a second later, sprawled out on the ground, limbs at awkward angles and blood smeared from his temple to forehead. “Ryeowook!” Dropping down next to him so hard that his knees hurt, he was able to see the wound on Ryeowook’s head more clearly. It looked like he’d been struck by something hard and sharp.

“What the hell happened?” Yoochun questioned, lunging for the controls as the ship listed again. “What’s going on?”

Alarms were blaring around them, lights flashing and Onew, who knew nothing about flying the ship, could tell that their navigation system was impaired somehow. A second later he caught sight of a control box without its protective casing, wires exposed and some cut.

“I’ve got no control,” Yoochun said, flipping switches in a way that indicated he knew at least a bit about piloting. “Propulsion has been disabled, navigation is down, and we’re in a decaying orbit. We need to get control back immediately! What’s going on with Ryeowook?”

Onew had basic medical training. It was first aid that he’d picked up from various doctors the ship had had for however short a time, and it was enough for him to know that a head wound mean he had to check Ryeowook’s pupils. Onew made sure to keep Ryeowook’s neck untouched, then he lifted one eyelid, then the other, and said to Yoochun, “His pupils are sluggish and blown. He’s got a concussion for sure. We can’t move him, either. We don’t know if his spine is okay or how he fell.”

Heavy shoes clattered up the stairwell nearby and Onew turned juts in time to see Leeteuk charging up the stairs. He stumbled to the side and crashed into a wall as the ship tilted back into place, but it didn’t stop him demanding, “What’s going on?”

“Ryeowook’s down,” Onew said quickly, “we need Jaejoong.”

“This is more important!” Yoochun said, an unnatural and frantic urging to his words. “This ship is completely disabled right now.”

Leeteuk sidestepped Ryeowook and Onew to join him at the front of the bridge. “Explain. What isn’t working?”

“Everything!” Yoochun gestured a bit wildly. “Take a look at this. You know this class ship better than I do. Tell me what is actually working.”

“Leeteuk?” Onew asked, flinching as a second, emergency noise sounded.

“We’re dead in the water right now,” Leeteuk confirmed, his fingers flying over the controls. “This is …” He broke off and moved over to the exposed panel. “Damn.”

“How bad is this?” Onew demanded. He could feel the shudders and shakes of the ship intensifying. “Our orbit is compromised?”

“It’s decaying,” Yoochun said. “Whatever knocked out our guidance system here, broke us out of the steady orbit over New Haven we’d been in. We don’t have long before the planet’s gravity us out of space, essentially. And when that happens, without any way to control our decent?”

They’d burn up and explode. Hopefully not in that order, if they were very lucky. Onew had no desire to cook in his skin.

“You mean whoever knocked out our guidance system,” Leeteuk said.

Onew’s eyes widened. “You think someone did this deliberately.” It was such an unexpected suggestion that Onew could barely think of how it was possible.

“I do,” Leeteuk said. He pulled his spare pistol from his boot holster and handed it over to Yoochun. “You two stay here and get Jaejoong up here to look at Ryeowook. Do what you can to salvage our orbit before it’s too late. But do not leave this room.”

“Wait!” Onew surged up to his feet. “This is a Mako class freighter. They have notoriously difficult navigation systems. So there’s a backup in the engine room. It’s archaic at best, but I might be able to control the ship from there. At least long enough to get something up here fixed, but it’s all manual.”

“Go,” Leeteuk said, nodding firmly. “Yoochun, take him there personally. Don’t let him out of your sight. As far as you’re concerned, he’s the most important person on this ship right now. Get him to that navigation unit.”

Yoochun squared his shoulders. “I’ll protect him with my life.”

Feeling a little light headed, Onew asked, “Where are you going, Leeteuk? What’s happening? What are you thinking?”

Leeteuk slid his primary pistol out of the holster at his hip and checked the chamber before telling Onew, “Someone deliberately disabled this ship. It’s clear by the cut wires that this is sabotage. And there’s only one person on this ship that we don’t know anything about, who might have the slightest bit to gain from this.”

Onew’s head cocked. “The guy we picked up from the Moon Hub?”

The hammer of the gun cocked and Leeteuk gave a firm nod. “As of right now you two consider him dangerous and a threat. I’m going to find him now, but watch yourselves if you come across him before me.”

Leeteuk was taking off in a blur as Onew shouted after him, “We can’t just leave Ryeowook without any protection!” But Leeteuk didn’t stop or offer any extra words.

“Come on,” Yoochun said, pulling Onew up by a strong grip. “We have to get you down to the engines. You have to get control of this ship.”

“I am not leaving Ryeowook if we have a madman on this ship, clearly hellbent on getting us killed.”

“Onew.” Yoochun’s hands settled on the sides of Onew’s face and the hold was so intimate Onew froze. “If that guy was in here and really wrecked out navigation, he could have killed Ryeowook without any trouble. He clearly doesn’t see Ryeowook as a threat. But if we don’t get to the engine room and get control of this ship, we are all going to die. You want to save Ryeowook? Then let’s do that the only way we know how to. We’ll call for Jaejoong right now, but we have to go. Do you understand?”

Onew gave a mute nod. “Okay.”

“Good,” Yoochun said, and then suddenly he was leaning forward. The kiss was so sudden and so quick that Onew nearly missed it. And for the moments afterwards where everything was going numb, he wasn’t even sure he was capable of thought again.

“Yoochun …”

Yoochun seemed to realize what he’d done only a brief second later, and his eyes were wide with shock. “I’m sorry … I just … you look so beautiful right now …”

The jolt of another tremor forced Onew to start thinking again. “Later,” he said to Yoochun, not sure what else there was to say right now, not with his mind blanking on him and his heart swelling like it had the last time Joon had smiled at him. Instead Onew bypassed the conversation completely and instead lunged for the intercom. “Jaejoong?” Onew called out frantically. “Can you hear us?”

There was no reply and Yoochun said from Onew’s side, “The intercom must be dead, too. We can’t wait any longer.”

Onew felt Yoochun’s warm hand close around his own and suddenly he was being tugged from the cockpit. “Wait!” Onew called as the descended the stairs outside quickly.

“We’ll pass by the infirmary on the way!’ Yoochun yelled over his shoulder, never letting up on the grip he had on Onew’s hand for a second.

Yoochun’s fingers were warm. They were warm and secure and they made Onew feel just a little less scared despite the situation around them.

It was weird.

Onew had felt scared in general, maybe scared of what he himself was feeling and of the depth of his despair, for so long. Nine long months. He felt scared when he woke up, every time he looked in the mirror, and most certainly the moment he’d considered ending his own life. The fear was as normal as the pain.

But now, holding Yoochun’s hand … in fact from the moment he’d opened up about Joon and Yoochun had held him close, the fear was receding. It was pulling back like the tides and in its place was something much different.

Safe. Yoochun made him feel safe.

The pain and grief was still there, so overwhelming in Onew’s heart, but the fear was steadily being replaced by a feeling of safety that Onew could have wept from.

“Here!” Yoochun said when the infirmary was in sight.

Something wasn’t right with the infirmary, either. Onew had expected clutter on the ground, and shelves emptied from the suddenness of the ship losing its navigation. What was not expected was the absolute chaos visible through the open door. It looked as if a tornado had swept through the infirmary and destroyed a great deal of things.

“Jaejoong!’ Yoochun called out, and it was then that he let go of Onew’s hand.

Onew wanted the familiar grip back immediately, and it made him think all at once of the brief meeting of their lips. The kiss had only been chaste, but the brush of Yoochun’s soft lips against Onew’s own … it hadn’t felt wrong. It hadn’t felt passionless, either.

Onew felt like a cheater. He felt like he was the most horrible person in the world. Joon was the one he loved. Joon was his partner and they would have been married by now if he’d survived. It wouldn’t be Kyuhyun and Mi getting married from the shock of almost losing each other. So why was Onew remembering how nice the kiss had been? How it had felt special?

“Jaejoong! Answer me!”

Yoochun plowed into the infirmary and Onew wasn’t far behind, trying once more to block out the feelings and the memory of the kiss. This wasn’t the time, and it couldn’t be the place.

The most notable thing about the infirmary, at least in that moment, wasn’t the destruction, but instead what was missing.

Jaejoong most certainly wasn’t there.

For years there had never been a steady presence of a doctor in their infirmary. Onew had gotten used to being the one to patch the crew’s cuts and bruises, and for forever passing by an empty and dark room that never smelled as much like antiseptic as it should. Yet now, in such a short time, Onew had come to associate the room with Jaejoong. Maybe that meant that Jaejoong was always meant to be the doctor, or maybe it was an association made because he’d saved Changmin’s life. In any case, it was weird now to see an empty room.

Weird, wrong and suspicious.

“Jaejoong!”

Onew turned a bit in a circle. “What happened here? Where is he?”

“Maybe he went looking for us?” Yoochun said, looking the most uncertain Onew had ever seen from him. Yoochun was naturally a confident individual, and it did his features injustice for him not to look that way in the moment.

A strangled groan caught their attention and Onew peeked around the high infirmary bed that he now realized Changmin was also missing from. He’d been sleeping in the bed again after his sudden relapse, with Jaejoong reluctant to let him out of sight for a while.

“Changmin!”

Onew tripped his way past wayward boxes of surgical gloves, bottles of cleaning bleach and miscellaneous objects to find Changmin mostly hidden from sight, curled up on his side and barely conscious.

“What happened?” Onew asked, turning him gently onto his back while cushioning the back of his head. “Changmin?”

Yoochun crashed down beside them, too aggressive as he asked, “Where is Jaejoong? What happened to him.”

“Calm down,” Onew snapped at him. He turned back to Changmin and asked softer, “Changmin? Are you with us?” It wasn’t exactly clear, with how lax Changmin was, with heavily lidded eyes. “Minnie?”

With a fevered gaze, one that was worse than the last time Onew had seen him, Changmin nodded slowly. “Something is wrong with the ship,” he mumbled.

“I know,” Onew said, pushing back Changmin’s bangs to get an honest feel to how hot the man was. “We’re working on fixing it. Can you tell us where Jaejoong is? Did he go looking for help?”

Onew could feel Yoochun practically vibrating with a lack of patience next to him.

“Jaejoong,” Changmin wheezed out, coughing just after that. “He … there was …”

“I have to go look for him,” Jaejoong said, springing to his feet. “Changmin is too sick. He had no clue what he’s saying.”

“There was a man,” Changmin finally manage to get out.

“Man?” Yoochun asked, freezing.

Onew bent further over Changmin, asking, “What kind of man, Changmin? Leeteuk?”

“No.” Changmin shook his head, then it lolled to the side. “I don’t know who. He … I woke up. He was fighting with Jaejoong. I … got pushed. I’m not … I don’t know what’s going on.”

Onew turned fearful eyes on Yoochun. “Changmin’s never seen Xia. They never ran across each other on this ship.”

Yoochun’s grip tightened visibly on the gun. “This man took him?”

“I don’t know,” Changmin mumbled. “I’m hot.”

“You’re okay,” Onew soothed. “You’re going to be fine.”

“Onew.”

A heavy, powerful hand settled on his shoulder, and when Onew looked up at Yoochun, the look on his face was unrecognizable.

“What is it?” Onew asked at a whisper.

Without the slightest bit of emotion to his words, Yoochun said, “You need to go to the engine room now, Onew. You need to get control of this ship back.”

“Where are you going?” Onew asked, standing slowly. Yoochun had implied in so few words that he would not be accompanying him like they planned.

Onew watched Yoochun carefully as he readied the pistol in his hands. “Jaejoong has a very lucrative bounty on his head right now. Someone who isn’t one of us disabled our navigation system, lured us away from the main area of the ship where this infirmary is located, and now Jaejoong is missing and Changmin just said there was a man he didn’t recognize here. What do you think I’m thinking? Where do you think I’m going?”

“You don’t even know where Jaejoong is.”

“I’ll find him,” Yoochun said confidently. “Can you get to the engine room without me?”

Onew rolled his eyes. “Of course I can.”

“Then be careful,” Yoochun said by way of parting, and then he was stepping out of the infirmary to hunt down his friend.

“Onew?” Changmin called out weakly.

“Changmin,” Onew said, peeking back over the bed at him. “Just stay there. I’ll be back for you soon, I promise!”

He had to prioritize the ship. He had to do what Yoochun hadn’t. His goal was to get to the engine room, put the ship back in orbit, and keep them from burning up in atmo. There was nothing else more important, not even Changmin and Ryeowook who needed medical help, or Jaejoong who was potentially kidnapped.

“I’ll be back!” Onew told Changmin one more time. Then he was running, flying down the hallways towards the engine room.

He felt a surge of victory when the engine room came into view. He tried to recall exactly where the control panel was as he dashed nearer. It had to be in the far back, where the more intricate wiring ran. He only had to pry loose the--

The explosion was the last thing he expected. It knocked him off his feet and the heat from it seared him badly. In less than a second he was smashing into a wall, his body flashing with pain and then everything was going dark. There was nothing after that.