Jiyong was in a café, on an uneventful early Monday morning. He was on his way to shoot a commercial which was going to be shot at a province which was a 4-hour drive from Seoul. He had just come from the studio where he finished a late-night recording session that had to be rushed because his earlier record was deleted. Also his manager couldn’t accompany him to the shoot now because the latter had an emergency. Jiyong’s body and mind was craving coffee so he instinctively told his driver to drive to his favorite non-descript café. It was only upon reaching the coffee place that Jiyong realized that he had a dilemma. Though his driver was there, he couldn’t make him go out of the car, because they had to keep the car running for a quick escape if something happened. With a heavy heart, Ji concluded that he had to be the one to go get coffee for himself. It’s been such a long time that he was out in public by himself, and his heart was pounding wildly both in anticipation and fear for the endless possibilities that may occur once he goes out from the sanctuary of his car.

Jiyong, whose heart was filled with trepidation, stepped out of the car, and walked slowly towards the café entrance, his feet ready to dash back to the waiting car if there was a sign of danger. Upon reaching the place, he opened the door, and with the supposedly discreet motion came the tingling of the wind chimes attached to it, and with the pleasant clash of metal against metal, every eye in the café turned to look at him. There was a line of about 20 people, all dressed up formally. Jiyong concluded that these people were office workers who wanted to get a hit of coffee before they go to their respective places of work. People immediately recognized who he was but fortunately no one bothered him, instead, they urged him to go to the front of the line, which he did, grateful for the opportunity to spend less time outside and to face lesser danger of being caught out in public by himself.

Upon reaching the front of the line, there was a girl there, who was actively waving her hand at the barrista who had gotten distracted by Jiyong’s impending approach and was just staring slackjawed at him. The girl in front probably didn’t see him because she had her back turned to him. Upon reaching the front, Jiyong said: “Hi. Uhm. Can you make me a Café Americano mixed with White Mocha and 4 shots of espresso please?”. The young barrista hurriedly nodded her head and set off to prepare his order, while the girl in front finally turned around and saw him. Jiyong was expecting an intake of breath, full of recognition, or even and “ommo!” but what he didn’t expect was the glare that met his eyes. The girl, no woman, Jiyong corrected in his head, did recognize him, which was apparent from the way her eyebrows raised up and how her eyes grew big like saucers. But then, her face immediately turned into a frown and she stared and glared at Jiyong as though blaming him for every single thing wrong in the world.

Jiyong’s train of thought was broken when the girl spoke aloud, enough to be heard by the entire café: “Just because you’re Gdragon doesn’t mean you can just barge into lines. I’ve been here for more than 30 minutes already, waiting patiently for my turn.  I can’t believe you just did that!”. The woman looked like she was in the verge of tears. Taken aback Jiyong could do nothing but stare at her and that’s when he realized that the dark circles around her eyes were really prominent and her hair and her face a tad bit askew, as though she had pulled out an all-nighter. Before Jiyong could respond, shouts of protest could be heard from the people behind them in the line, berating the girl for speaking that way to Jiyong. The girl just looked at the people shouting at her resignedly, shook her head, and started walking away from the angry mob and out of the café. Jiyong couldn’t help but feel guilty, so much that when the barrista returned, he made a split-second decision and asked her to hurriedly make the mocha frappucino that the girl was trying to order earlier. Upon receipt of both orders, Jiyong hurriedly walked out of the restaurant, almost forgetting to say thank you, but remembering at the last split-second upon reaching the door. A hurried “Kamsahabnida!” rang throughout the café as its door closed behind Jiyong’s almost-running figure.

Upon reaching the parking lot of the restaurant, Jiyong’s eyes scanned the surrounding area, his eyes almost immediately honing in to a figure in the park across the café, a woman whose clothes he recognized, sitting in a park bench with her head down and shoulders slumped. While passing by his car, Jiyong tried to hold both of his hands up, while still holding both coffee containers, trying to signal his driver to wait up. Apparently the driver understood as he nodded at him, but Jiyong could see his driver getting his phone out and calling someone. “Maybe he’s trying to call for back-up” were the words Jiyong thought as he hurriedly crossed the street by running. It had been a long time since he was able to cross a street alone with no body guards surrounding him. The implications of his impulsive actions were only starting to dawn on Jiyong, but instead of feeling fearful for his safety, he inexplicably felt giddy.

The girl’s face immediately snapped up to face Jiyong as he made his way to the woman’s side and his footsteps were within hearing distance. Shock was clearly etched on the girl’s features at first, but she immediately schooled her features and turned her head away from Jiyong as he went nearer and nearer to her. Jiyong was a little bit disconcerted and unsure of what to do, but he still continued on his approach until he was just an arm’s length from her and sat down beside her. The girl still refused to look at him.

Jiyong suddenly got a mental flashback of a time prior to their debut when Jiyong had made fun of Seungri’s Gwangju accent and the latter had been mad at him and refused to look at him all day. Jiyong remembered being torn between guilt and amusement then at Seungri and how adorable yet pathetic Seungri’s attempts were at ignoring his existence. He remembered pestering the Maknae the entire day, and Seungri trying but failing to act as if Jiyong was just air. He remembered that at the end of the day, he made Seungri stay behind without the others and the latter had no choice but to follow him because he was still the Seungri’s future leader. Jiyong remembered himself mumbling an apology to Seungri when the two were finally alone, and seeing the shock in the latter’s face which immediately turned into a sincere smile. Maknae then finally faced him and said: “It’s fine Jiyong-hyung. I’m sorry for overreacting. It was my fault for being sensitive”. Jiyong felt worse because he knew he had been in the wrong and yet Seungri took the blame on himself. Jiyong remembered the sudden protective instinct he felt and suddenly tugged Seungri towards him and hugged the latter. Jiyong remembered that it was the first time he had hugged Seungri. And it was also the first time that a hug spread warmth throughout his entire body and his stomach to flutter as if butterflies suddenly permeated it. Smiling at the memory and realizing that it was one of the incidents that brought him and Seungri closer, Jiyong thought:    “Maybe a sincere apology might work here too”.

“Hi. Uhm. I think you know who I am. I know you do, because it seemed like you recognized me from the café. Not that you have to, because not everyone recognizes me. Or maybe I look a little different in real life. And I’m…. Uhm. Sorry. I’m coming off as condescending. I’m really not. But you wouldn’t really know cause you don’t know me. Not that I’m acting fake when I’m on camera or anything. But of course wouldn’t you also be a little more careful when cameras are surrounding you? But I’m actually how I act like when I’m on camera. I can be on both extreme ends actually. I can be quiet and aloof one minute, and lively and friendly the next. I assure you I wouldn’t bite and I’m not harmful and I…” Jiyong’s incoherent rambling was stopped when the girl finally turned her head towards him. Jiyong couldn’t help but be a little embarrassed and just wordlessly handed out the girl’s coffee. The girl looked at it suspiciously, staring at it and back to Jiyong about 3 times, which prompted Jiyong to quip: “It’s not poisoned, I swear”.

The edges of the girl’s lips turned upward for a moment, and it was palpable that she was trying not to laugh, as she held her hand out to accept the pro-offered coffee. From a hostile stance before, her posture and body language drastically turned softer and much less unwelcoming when she drank from the coffee container. After gulping about half of the coffee, she then smiled at nothing and a satisfied sigh emanated from her. “Awwww that hits the spot!” she exclaimed out of nowhere.

As the girl turned towards him and Jiyong was finally able to see her face, Jiyong was shocked at how her smile changed her aura. Yes, she still looked a little pale and yes her dark circles were still prominent, but her smile made her look adorable and warm and friendly, unlike his earlier impression of her. Again, unbiddingly, Seungri’s image popped into his head again. He remembered the way Seungri would look like during the times when they had to work until the wee hours in the morning in the studio, which is the same as how Seungri looked like without cosmetics whenever they were on tour: haggard , ragged, pale, with his dark circles being more obvious than ever, making him look more and more alike his animal counterpart. Seeing how tired his Maknae was would always prompt Jiyong to crack jokes or smother Seungri until the latter would blearily laugh at his antics and genuinely smile at him. And Seungri’s smile would be the start of a lighter atmosphere permeating everyone because Seungri’s smile not only lights up his face but lights up the entire room and lifts everyone’s mood up.

A soft voice interrupted his thoughts: “Look. I know who you are. I’m sorry Gdragon-ssi. It was wrong of me to get mad at you. I was just having a hard day. Thanks for the coffee. You didn’t really have to give me one, but still I’m really truly grateful”, the girl apparently have stood up and was now bowing before him. As she then turned to leave, Jiyong’s hands suddenly clutched her arm and prevented her from leaving. The girl looked at him, her face filled with confusion.

Jiyong cleared his throat and without meeting up the girl’s eyes, he muttered: “Uhm. Please stay. I haven’t apologized properly yet.”

The girl looked like she was taken aback but did what he told and sat back down beside him. Jiyong realized that he was still holding her arm and so he abruptly let go of her. Silence descended upon them, and yet somehow it wasn’t awkward. Acting on an impulse, Jiyong texted his manager: “Hyung, I’m feeling really really unwell. Could you please ask that the shoot be moved next time? I’m willing to let all the costs for today be taken from my talent fee and I’ll personally pay you and the others the commission you guys would have had had if today’s shoot was continued. Just please reschedule it”’.

Bringing his attention back to her, Jiyong couldn’t help but wonder about what he was doing. He felt like he wasn’t in control of his life today. Like somebody else was acting through him. Like somehow, he had to know this girl. And yet, even when she was a total stranger, he felt a strange sense of familiarity with her. Jiyong unceasingly stared at her while his mind was trying to make sense of why he hasn’t apologized yet and why he still wasn’t walking away from her and this park and continuing on with his life.

Perhaps feeling a little bit uncomfortable with his incessant staring, the girl looked curiously at him and softly muttered: “Uhm. Gdragon-ssi. Why did you make me stay? If it’s for an apology, the coffee did it already. And I should be the one apologizing, and I’m apologizing to you now. I’m sorry for overreacting. I’m sorry for being too sensitive.” The girl said while her head was bowed to the ground.

Jiyong felt a protective rush and finally realized why this girl seemed really familiar. Her dark circles and smile not only reminded him of Seungri, but even her demeanor. She seemed like someone who could carry her weight and fight when she feels like she’s being unfairly treated. A strong-willed woman. But it was obvious that beneath that sheen of strength hid an underlying vulnerableness that the girl is trying so hard to suppress. Yes, just like Seungri. Exactly like Seungri. If Seungri had only been a girl.

Jiyong found himself smiling at the thought and heard himself utter: “Why was your day bad? Care to tell me about it?”.

The girl looked stunned but quickly recovered. Jiyong’s mind once again correlated it to Seungri and his ability to put on a poker face whenever the hyungs’ teasing got out of hand. Why the hell does this girl remind him so much of his dongsaeng?

“Uhm. I was up all night cleaning the cages and ensuring that all the dogs were bathed and well-fed. We have an influx of patient-pets right now and my usual co-worker didn’t show up last night so I had to do everything by myself. But of course even if I’m alone I have to make a good job of it. The animals deserve no less. Oh. I haven’t mentioned what my profession is right? Uhm. I’m working part-time at a veterinary house while studying Veterinary Medicine,” the girl said, her voice peaking then slowing a bit as if she’s stopping herself from saying too much.

Jiyong felt a rush of fondness for the girl. She was really hardworking too and passionate about her chosen craft. Just like his dongsaeng. Smirking at his inner thought’s comparison, Jiyong felt himself getting more and more relaxed, propounding more and more questions at the girl as his interest in knowing about her life story grew more and more. He also could see that as the conversation grew longer, she became more relaxed and freer with her answers. She apparently was a chatterbox, but never to the point of annoying. She had a weird sense of humor, but that was alright as Jiyong found it adorable. She was from Imja Island and was here on a scholarship. She had big dreams and was working her way steadfastly to it. Jiyong couldn’t help but admire her tenacity and optimism in life. It was the first time in a while that he had been interested in someone outside of his own circle of friends and co-workers, and he missed conversations like this, where he wasn’t the focus of the conversation and he was the one getting to know more of someone as opposed to people prying into his life.

The two were lost in their talk and were only brought back to Earth upon the arrival of Jiyong’s fuming manager. Jiyong signalled him to wait for a little bit more.

Jiyong then impulsively hugged the girl and whispered to her: “You have no idea how much of a pleasure it was to talk to you”. Upon pulling away, Jiyong could see that the girl’s face was as bright and red as a fresh tomato. Jiyong found it really adorable and pinched her cheeks. The girl stood still, apparently still in shock with what was happening. Before pulling away, Jiyong surreptitiously handed her his card, and with a wink said: “Call me”.

Jiyong then turned away from the gobsmacked girl and into the grill of litanies and scoldings that poured out of his manager’s mouth as they walked together towards Ji’s car. But somehow Jiyong felt that it was all worth it.

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It was 2 days later and Jiyong was a little put out that the girl hasn’t called yet. His mood was worsened by the fact that Seungri was still in Japan for a recording session for another collaboration with Japanese artist May J. The girl’s apparent apathy and Seungri’s absence resulted into an easily irritated and overbearing Kwon Leadah who the other members had to deal with for the past two days. They couldn’t avoid him though as they had dance practices and recording sessions for their upcoming concert tour in a month.

As Jiyong once again put a halt in their dance choreography as he again felt that there was something wrong with it, his phone suddenly beeped and Jiyong almost tripped over himself as he ran towards it. The other members could only stare in wonder at their leader who upon grabbing his phone, suddenly grinned and shouted: “She finally texted me!”.

Youngbae approached Jiyong and started poking his bestfriend’s stomach. “Wait. This is the first time in forever that you’re excited about a girl! Who has finally penetrated the back-off veil you’ve put up so effectively this past few years?” said Youngbae teasingly.

Jiyong then laughed a little hysterically to cover up his awe at the fact that he just realized that he almost never talked about girls with Youngbae since their pre-debut. His mind countered at him though: “Well you have been in love with your Maknae and you can’t really tell Youngbae that now, can you?” Trying to distract himself from his thoughts, Jiyong just smirked at Youngbae and said: “She’s just a girl. But a very special girl”.

Youngbae laughed and started ruffling Ji’s hair. “Ooh. Jiyong’s in love!”, Youngbae said, his voice teasing and full of mirth.

Suddenly, Youngbae’s laughter was broken by a loud: “What?” said by a very familiar voice. All members suddenly turned around at the voice. Youngbae left Jiyong’s side to run to his Maknae and hold the other in a headlock. Top and Daesung yelled out: “Seungri!”, but Jiyong could only muster a “Welcome back Ri-ah!”. His heart was very happy to see Seungri especially because he hasn’t seen him in a while but there was this hollow feeling inside of him that he couldn’t quite place that made him gulp the saliva that instantaneously pooled at his mouth, shift his feet restlessly, and making him unable to look his dongsaeng in the eyes.

Youngbae, after abusing Seungri’s head by putting in disarray what used to be Ri’s neat hairstyle, said jokingly: “Our leader was just telling us about the girl that’s gotten him in cloud nine just by a text. Come on Ji, tell us about her”.

Ji finally found the courage to look at Seungri. Seungri’s entire body language and face looked relaxed  but maybe because it was only the fact that Jiyong knew Seungri so well that he caught the glint of hurt in Seungri’s eyes as he said: “Yes hyung. Do tell”.

Put on the spot, Jiyong relayed what had happened. The other members except Seungri crowded around him and insisted on seeing the girl’s text.

During the commotion, Seungri’s voice could be heard: “I’ll just drop off my things and rest for a bit. I’ll be back later this afternoon to join in the practice. See you later hyungs!”

It was only upon staring at Seungri’s retreating back that Jiyong finally figured out what the hollow feeling spreading throughout his body was. It was guilt. And it weighed more and more heavily with each step that Seungri took away from them.

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As the weeks passed, Jiyong continued talking to Anna, the girl he met in the café. The more he knew of her, the more he found her likeable. He was in awe of her simple beauty. He liked the fact that she was strong-willed and independent, but that he could see that beneath the tough exterior was a girl trying to bravely muscle her way through an unforgiving world. She had little in life but was driven to succeed for her family. She was smart, funny, weird, and she wasn’t afraid to be herself even around Jiyong. But also, the more he knew of her, the more she reminded him of Seungri. The Seungri of yesteryears though. The Seungri that was still innocent and focused on his dream. The Seungri who was earnest and didn’t play games with anyone. The Seungri that looked at the world with bright, cheerful eyes. The Seungri that made Jiyong fall for him all those years ago.

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One night, Jiyong’s phone rang in earnest, the sound of Strong Baby permeating the otherwise silent room. Jiyong could only sigh as he could sense what this call was about. Feeling reluctant, but being unable to ignore the incessant ringing, Jiyong picked it up.

“Hyung!”, Seungri’s slurred voice rang out. “Guess who I’m with? I’m with an up and coming model. Remember the model for Gmarket? She’s so pretty right? I’m with her right now!”

Jiyong could only sigh as he felt another sting to his already weary heart. He could feel the tears prickling from his eyes and threatening to fall down. He cleared his throat, uttered a very low: “Hwaiting!” and cancelled the phone call.

With the beep signalling the end of the phone call came the crash of tears from Jiyong’s eyes and into his lap. He wanted to fight it because Gdragon never cried, but maybe Jiyong was too hurt already. It was like the years of accumulated hurt had already reached their peak and came pouring out from him, expressing themselves through tears. He realized that it was futile to resist and allowed himself to feel all the emotions and turmoil inside of him. Maybe this was too much already. Maybe he was too tired to play Seungri’s game anymore. Maybe he was too tired to play make believe. And maybe he was too tired from pretending that he doesn’t have a heart and that he’s unable to love. Because Jiyong does love and he loves freely and wholeheartedly. But experience has taught him to be careful to not let others know of this fact. But if being heartless was supposed to protect him from being hurt, why was he now crying all alone, feeling as though his heart was slowly tearing itself apart. If keeping things with Seungri casual was supposed to prevent him from falling further, then why was Seungri still his first and foremost thought and priority?

It was only now that Jiyong could finally admit something that he has known all along but refused to acknowledge. Everything he did so far in his quest to avoid love was ineffective. One can never escape from love even if one puts every measure known to man against it. The heart falls for who it loves. It is indiscriminating. It is constant. The mind cannot control it. The heart will beat for who it wants to beat for.

A message notification sounded interrupting Jiyong’s train of thought. It was a message from Anna. As the light from his cellphone illuminated the room, the light of an idea illuminated his head. He grasped at his phone like it was a buoy that was going to save him from drowning. And maybe it will, as the idea he was thinking of made more and more sense with him. Maybe, just maybe Anna was sent to save him from drowning in a sea of his own tears.

Maybe the reason why the universe sent him someone who reminded him so much of Seungri was that he could learn to love another. Maybe, as ed up as the universe is, it understood that Jiyong had too much feelings for Seungri that it would take someone like his Maknae to make him fall in love again. And wasn’t it convenient that she was a girl? Maybe the universe took pity on him and gave him an opt out in the way that even if he was with her, it wouldn’t affect the band’s future. But most importantly, maybe the universe sent her because things with Seungri were too complicated and messed up already, and maybe the only chance he has at a functional normal relationship was with someone who he had a clean slate with. And maybe, just maybe, she was sent so he could finally let go of Seungri.

With these thoughts brewing through his head, Jiyong made the appropriate calls and prepared everything. For the first time in a long time he felt at peace, but niggling at the back of his mind was the thought that maybe this was just the calm before the storm.

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Jiyong brought his companion along with him who was happily ogling the various rooms and studios they passed by. He stared at her, infected with her fascination and giddiness. The YG building that was normal and uninteresting to him because of the passage of years of being and staying there was colored anew and coated with charm as he tried to see his usual world in her eyes. The light feeling she brought to him however started disappearing as they grew nearer and nearer to their destination. Upon reaching it, he stopped at the door, staring at the knob, feeling a semblance of fear shot through him. It was only when he felt her hand squeezing his that he finally found the courage to turn the knob, open the door, and into battle.

The 4 people dancing abruptly stopped and stared as their leader entered the room. Gasps and questioning glances were thrown when they saw that there was a girl with him.

Jiyong smiled one-by-one at s, saving the person he loved, or he used to love his mind corrected, for last. Upon reaching Seungri however and seeing the latter’s stoic face directed at him, Jiyong’s smile faltered a little. He turned to look at the woman beside him and gained confidence from her presence.

“Hi guys. I wanted you to be the first ones to know. I finally have a girlfriend after a long while! This is Anna. The girl I was talking to you about!” said Jiyong, as he put his arms around Anna’s waist.

“Annyeong haseyo!” said Anna as she bowed towards the other members of Bigbang.

Youngbae smiled at her as he said teasingly: “Ommo! How did he get such a nice pretty girl? Are you sure you didn’t hit your head Anna? Why did you say yes to him?”

Anna laughed, and with her laugh, the tension in the room dropped. Youngbae, TOP and Daesung went towards her, hurling questions at her and making witty remarks about Jiyong.

“Everything will be fine”, Jiyong repeated in his head, like a mantra, as he tried to keep his eyes on his girlfriend who was still being interrogated and teased by the three older members. But in a split second, his resolve failed and he took a sneak to the place where Seungri was at earlier. And all he could see was Seungri’s back as the latter went out of the room. Jiyong pretended as though he hadn’t noticed Seungri leaving.

Seungri went back an hour later, and it was a blessing that Jiyong had already had his driver drive Anna home. Seungri pretended as though nothing had happened and changed. And Jiyong pretended that he didn’t notice the redness in his dongsaeng’s eyes.

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Months had passed from that announcement. During that time, Seungri had avoided Jiyong like he had the plague. Jiyong was hurting and saddened because of this but he was always rationalizing that it was for the best. After all, this was what he wanted right? A stable, normal relationship. And Seungri could do whatever he wanted. Not that Jiyong checked. Okay he did. But he was trying his best not to be a hindrance to Seungri anymore. And only got information about him through others without interacting at all with his Maknae.

The strained relations between Jiyong and Seungri was not lost on the other group members. But since they didn’t know about Seungri and Jiyong’s prior status, they could not pinpoint the cause of the rift. Repeated attempts at getting information from either were just answered with “Everything is fine” and “We’re okay”. Countless attempts at getting the two to talk whatever it is out just resulted in either silences or the shifting of topic. However, both were professionals and were able to hide the rift effectively. They still did fanservice and were still touchy with each other when the cameras were around. They still occasionally mentioned each other in their SNS. They didn’t do anything that would arouse the suspicions of even the most eagle-eyed NyongTory fans. They still did well with variety shows, having years of knowledge and anecdotes about each other that got them through interviews together. People just didn’t notice that all of the things they said were stories from long long ago. It got to the point that the other members were already at a loss at what to do and just let things be since it wasn’t externally affecting the group.

Jiyong’s plan was finally working and he should have been at his happiest. Things with Anna were great and smooth-flowing more than it could ever be with anyone else. But Jiyong could not be truly happy because there was still this gaping hole in his chest that Seungri left that Jiyong still couldn’t quite fill out even with music, friends, and even Anna. But it was Jiyong’s choice and he was going to live with it. After all, he has chosen the right path now, hasn’t he?

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A/N: Uhm... So I know I promised that it will end with part 3... But there's just something about the way I envisioned the story and actually writing it that prevents me from making it shorter. Mianhe. This goes to show that basically I'm bad at estimating stuff. T-T There will be a part 4. But I promise, and this time I'll hold myself to it, that it's going to be the last chapter for this story. :)

I'm sorry if this is not up to the usual standard. I know I wasn't able to capture their emotions and confusion well. The only excuse I have is that I wrote it after a week of almost no sleep because of school-stuff. But I couldn't just not post this week. I'm not actually sure if people will still read this or not, but if you do, and if you have a comment about it, you can tell me honestly in the comment section below. I'm open to criticisms and suggestions. ^^

Sorry if there's no y times here. XD It's finally being the angst I envisioned it to be from the start but unfortunately I wrote the most decisive chapter (this) when I'm not in my prime physical state. I hope that I can do better during the last part. So please stick with me and I'll really try to deliver the goods (which is feels). xD

I'm also sorry that there's very minimal Seungri in this chapter. You'll understand during the last chapter as to why I had to make Seungri scarce. It pained me though. I love writing about Ri. He's my bias. T-T

On another note, how precious was the GRi hug during the Macao concert? I laughed my off at the fact that they were supposed to comfort Tabi but instead comforted each other. Aurgh. Those two will be the death of me. Til next week. ^^

*whispers* Hope someone will still read this. T-T