lachrymose Sequel   Taemin is 7 when he first finds the letter, hidden in the drawer next to the oven. It says To Kim Eunsook in shaky handwriting. Taemin takes one look at it and then forgets it as he goes to find his mother who is still sleeping despite it being her birthday. He pounces on her and snuggles into her when she groans. The letter is gone in the evening when Taemin opens the drawer again to find the lighter.



The next year there is an identical letter with the same shaky handwriting addressed to Kim Eunsook in the drawer. Taemin lifts it and looks at it before he shrugs and puts it back. He never really cared much for her letters and maybe they’re just sending it to the wrong person anyway. It has to be a coincidence. His mother never mentions the letter and it is gone in the evening just like last year and Taemin doesn’t dwell on it. He sends his mother a wide smile and gives her a hug and tells her he loves her before he goes to bed.



The letters are there every year. Every year on his mother’s birthday there is a white envelope, unopened and hidden in the drawer. When Taemin turns 12, he becomes curious. He takes a sneak peak on the letter the day before and tries to copy the shaky handwriting so he can steal the actual letter. He doesn’t dare to actually open it, however, and Eunsook looks right through him and asks him not to look through her stuff. This only piques his interest more.



“I’m checking the mail box,” he says and hurries out of the front door when Eunsook enters. She looks after her son and shrugs a little, groceries in hand.

When Taemin stands in front of the mailbox he turns to make sure Eunsook isn’t looking. The letter is there, waiting for him and he folds it into his pocket. He hands over the rest of the mail and lets his mother look through it. Taemin is reading when his mother finds him and asks if that was all there was in the mailbox. He nods and feels a little guilty but he’s too curious and he needs to know what it is that she’s hiding from him.

They eat dinner like normal and he watches her tired eyes and feels sad. Taemin loves his mother more than anything in the world. It hurts him to see her exhausted and lonely but every time he mentions his concerns, she tells him not to worry. It’s always worse in December and Taemin is too old not to notice by now. She smiles at him and asks him about his tests and Taemin shrugs. Eunsook raises an eyebrow and Taemin laughs a little.

“I’m fine, mom!” he says. “You look really tired, though.”

Eunsook just shrugs a little and then nods.

“Mmh, we’re busy with Christmas preparations in class. Look, you haven’t even helped me decorate the house, you rascal,” she says and nudges him with fake accusation. Taemin laughs a little.

“We always decorate together on your birthday, though. I’m waiting for you.”

She smiles and Taemin smiles as well.

“Are you gonna help me with the dishes?” she asks after a few seconds and Taemin nods.

“Of course!”



Taemin is proud of his mother. She’s a single mother and has raised him all on her own. He knows that his father was practically a douche and he strives very much to be like his mother and not like his father. That’s all he knows, however. Taemin doesn’t know anything about his grandparents and Eunsook refuses to tell him.

Taemin has three letters collected so far but he hasn’t dared open them yet. They’re hidden away under his mattress where he knows Eunsook never comes.

He feels a little like he’s betraying her trust and love, but he really wants to know who writes her these letters. Somewhere deep inside, he hopes it’s his father. Taemin is mad at him for leaving his mother behind, but still, he wants to be loved, wants to be desired. Taemin wants to meet his father. But even if it isn’t his father, Taemin hopes it’s another man, someone who wants to love Eunsook the way she deserves to be loved.

He knows she hasn’t been dating anyone ever since he was born because there is no sign of anyone but the two of them in his life. There has never been a step-father, not even for a short while. There are no pictures of him with another man, of her with another man, and Taemin really wants it for her.

He wants her to be happy and even though he will do everything he can to make her happy, he is only her son and can’t possibly give her the adult love she deserves.



“Taemin!” Eunsook calls and Taemin hurriedly stashes the letters back under the mattress, crumbling them in the process.

“What?” he shouts back before he gets up from his bed.

“I need your help!”

Taemin hurries from his bedroom, slamming the door behind him, and into the living room where he finds his mother trying to balance a large picture while standing on the couch. The sight has him laughing and he backhugs her with a chuckle. Eunsook just shakes her head at her son.

“Could you hold this picture up for me so I can see if it would fit here?” she asks and Taemin releases her so he can nod.

“Sure.”

They shift positions, Taemin standing in the couch, holding the picture against the wall while Eunsook stands a few feet behind him and stares at the wall, directing Taemin to move the picture a few inches to the left and a few inches to the right. When she’s finally satisfied, she thanks him for the help and goes to find the hammer. Taemin looks after her.

“Don’t you need a man to do that?” he asks when she re-enters with nails and a hammer. Eunsook raises an eyebrow.

“Are you going to do it?” she asks and Taemin shakes his head. That’s not what he meant. “Then I’ll have to do it myself. Don’t worry, I have done this plenty of times.”

Taemin gets up from the couch and walks into the kitchen. He counts the seconds before he hears her swearing and he chuckles a little. It’s the same every time. Maybe he should help next time.



When Taemin does open the letter, he’s faced with a small piece of paper with the same shaky handwriting. The letter is simple, the words Happy birthday sweetheart. I’m sorry. - Dad written on the paper. Taemin reads it over a few times before his eyes settle on the word