To , or not to . That was the burning question neither August nor Ngern could seem to come to a conclusion to. It had been days now since they’d started living together again, and though they’d spent so many hours wrapped in each other’s arms, tongues assaulting each other’s mouths, Ngern was still unable to figure out how to bring the topic up to August. Worse yet, he wasn’t even sure if August wanted to try. He’d spent the past three days reading through every article and blog he could find on the topic of male-on-male , and from what he found, there was definitely a few immense moments of discomfort coming August’s way.

 For the first time, Ngern found himself wishing he wasn’t so… big?

“What are you thinking about?” August’s voice pulled him away from his daydream and back into their reality.

 “Huh?” Ngern said, raising his head slightly to peek at the other boy’s face. “I thought you were already sleeping?”

  August shook his head into the pillow, exhausted. “Can’t.

 “Aw, why? What’s wrong?” Ngern asked concerned.

  “How can I sleep when your hard-on is pressing into my @ss?”

  “Huh?” It took a few seconds for Ngern to realize he’d gone hard again, and he quickly scooted backwards. This was the first night of three that they hadn’t ended their day with their tongues down each other’s throats, and their bodies grinding against each-other’s ‘til they ed. They had decided to skip the to the spooning due to exhaustion as Ngern had just finalized shooting for Pirates, and August was having his very first session at the studio the next morning. Kim had been working with to the bone the past few days with vocal lessons, and public speaking coaching in preparation in anticipation for his first few interviews in years since his days as part of the Love Sick cast. Yes, August had decided to take Kim up on her offer to represent him. Well, her firm. He absolutely refused to work with her directly, and Ngern couldn’t figure out why? They were two of the most important people in his life, but clearly, there was some tension between them still. But as much as he really wished they could all just get along, in its own twisted way, Ngern liked that he was a prize the two of them were fighting over. It did wonders for his little ego. Not that he’d ever admit that of course. “Better now?”

                August replied with a shake of his head. “Now I’m hard too.”

                “Well, I can think of a few ways to take care of the at problem.” Ngern said headily, directly into August ear before flicking his tongue against the lobe. He’d come to find within their past few days of passion that his earlobes were one of August’s most sensitive spots, and he made a point to nibble on it the night before when he was close to cvming to drive August crazy, so he could release his load as well. They were a few seconds off, but Ngern knew in time, it could be achieved.

                “No, no. Ngern, not tonight, I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. And you’re tired, remember?” August protested, never looking back at Ngern.

                “Yes, but we’ll be even more exhausted tomorrow if we don’t get a good night’s rest today, because our hard-ons kept us up all night long.” Ngern countered, scouting closer and rubbing his stiff against August, who in turn released a wanton moan.

                “See? You want it too.” Ngern chuckled.

                “Whatever.” August sighed.

                “You’re really not going to turn around?” Ngern whined. Yes, he was exhausted, but not enough to not want to share an intimate moment with August.

                “Fine.” August muttered, turning around on the bed so that they were face to face. He leaned forward so that their lips met for a few seconds, then he leaned further to the side and hard against Ngern’s neck.

                “Argh!” Ngern moaned. No, he wasn’t the only one who had taken his time to find his partners weak spots. Just as much as he assaulted August’s earlobes, August molested his neck. On Wednesday during their moments of explorations, after August had figured out how much of a turn on that was for him, he’d lingered over it so much so that the next morning when Ngern had woken, he’d found the area was slightly swollen, and had a rather unsightly purple-ish tint. Thankfully, the make-up team had simply blended it into the rest of his skin, and refrained from asking any questions.

                Ngern felt August’s hand push past his trouser 

Of his boxers. Then he moaned as he felt August’s fingers wrap around his slippery stiffness. August gave his two firm tugs, sending waves of pleasure all over Ngern’s body, before pulling his hands back out from within his underwear.

“Why’d you stop?” Ngern huffed, barely able to formulate the words.

“Goodnight, Ngern.” Was August’s only explanation as he turned back around, his back to Ngern, and giggled into his pillow.

“That’s not fair, Gust!” Ngern exclaimed. When he noticed August made no efforts to face him, he to his back and banged his head in frustration against his pillow. “You’re such a ing tease you know that?”

“I know, and that’s why you love me.” August replied between a yawn. “Now shut up so I can get some sleep.

+++

August ran his fingers through his just blow-dried hair as he walked into the bedroom from the bath, and was relieved to find that Ngern had managed to sleep through all the noise. He looked better, already. Brighter. The dark circles under his eyes had receded, and so had the bagginess. It was a wonder he had still had enough energy to pester August the night before about , after the grueling work schedule he’d endure the past two days. Not that he minded, really. He loved listening to his husky adult voice which rang contradictory to his childish whining. It was a major turn on.

But the last thing August needed was to look like a zombie, walking into the studio on his first recording session with the two big shot producers, Kim had somehow managed to get to agree to work with him.

Leaning forward, he planted a light kiss on Ngern’s lips and was surprised when the other, supposedly sleeping, young man kissed him back.

“I thought you were sleeping.” August muttered, pulling away from Ngern’s soft lips.

“I’d have to be deaf to sleep through all that blow drying.” Ngern muttered, throwing his arms into the air, arching his back as he stretched. “What time is it?”

“Aw, sorry. I prayed the noise wouldn’t sip through the bathroom door.” August said.

“Well, it did, and you woke me up on the one day this whole week that I could actually sleep in.” Ngern chastised. “But—there is a way you can make it up to me.”

Jerking upwards, Ngern planted a soft kiss on August’s lips.

“You’re such a horn dog.” August chuckled. “No time for that this morning, I have to get going to the studio.”

“Already? You said your appointment isn’t until nine. What time is it right now?” Ngern’s arm shot out sideways as he patted around the bedside stand. Picking up his cellphone he pressed on the home button and the screen came alive. “It’s still just seven.”

“Exactly, if I leave now, I’ll get there on time.”

“If you leave now, you’ll get there one hour-thirty minutes before time.” Ngern countered.

“Same difference.”

“Ugh, you’re too uptight for your own good.” Ngern muttered grabbing August by the shoulder and forcing him onto the bed, the latter yelping at the sudden attack, before being muted by the kisses laid all over him.

“No, Ngern, you’re going to get my clothes all ruffled up.” August protested, in between fits of giggles, as they wrestled on the bed. Him in an effort to free himself, and Ngern, to keep him captured.

“You can just change into something else then, I have a whole closetful of really expensive , ya know.”

“Your clothes are all baggy on me.” August said, finally managing to push Ngern off him and climbing off the bed. “Besides, it’s always better to show up early, that way everyone can see that you’re serious and respect their time. Especially considering they’re doing me a favor.”

“Favor? What favor?”

“Working with an unknown like me.”

“You think you’re an unknown?” Ngern laughed, “You’ve obviously not been browsing the net a lot lately. Your video has like three million views already on YouTube, ya know.”

“That doesn’t count. That’s just social media. Here in the real world, in the real industry, I’m still an unknown. I have no presence on the charts, and no songs on the radio. I still can’t figure out why big producers like P’Pulp and P’Korn would agree to work with a nobody like me. Knowing P’Kim, she probably threatened to drop atomic bomb on their houses if they didn’t take me on…”

“Shh!” Ngern said, playing a firm finger on August’s lips to silence him.  It was obvious to him now that this was something August had been struggling with for days, and he hated that he was just now noticing the cracks in his ego. “First of all, breathe.”

Ngern watched as August took in three deep breaths.

“Good, now, let’s get a few things straight, first being, you’re a big deal. Maybe not in a month’s time, maybe not even in a week’s time, but for right now, in this moment, you’re a ing big deal, Gust. Which brings me to my second point on why Pulp and Saw are falling over themselves to work with you. They can see the potential in you. They can see the sparkle in your eyes, and hear the magic in your voice, and they know you’re going places. That is how this industry works. Don’t think for a second that they are going out of their ways to accommodate you. Once these two songs are done, and they hit the airwaves, they’ll be getting a big piece of the royalties too, and having an additional hit under their names helps them maintain their popularity and demand. To put it plainly. They’re using you to help their business. They’re exploiting you, just as much as you’re exploiting them. It’s no different from all the brands sending me free sh*t to wear to events, or paying me to endorse their products. Have you forgotten that’s how this industry works?

“And thirdly, if you’re going to talk about P’Kim then at least be accurate about it. There’s no way she’s just going to drop an atomic bomb on Pulp and Saw. More like, she’ll invent a time machine, travel back to the seconds before their dad’s nutted and got their mom’s pregnant, and drop the atomic bomb on them, ensuring they were never born in the first place. Yeah, that’s more her style.”

That last part got the intended reaction, as August’s head flew backwards with an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

“Funniest part is I can so totally see her doing some sh*t like that, too.” Ngern said, laughing along.

When their fits of laughter had lessened, August plopped next to Ngern on the bed, trying to catch his breath.

“Humph, I guess you’re right. Maybe I’m just over thinking everything like I always do.”

“Or, maybe you’re just being cautious because that’s what intelligent people always do.” Ngern said, entangling their fingers together as they both lay on the bed, facing the ceiling. “And there’s nothing wrong with that, August, as long as you don’t allow it to make you second guess everything about yourself. Caution is good, but too much takes the fun out of being alive.”

August couldn’t resist a shocked glance towards Ngern. “Who are you, and what have you done with my really y, always boyfriend?”

“Harh-harh, very funny.” Ngern said, rolling his eyes. “But, I’m being serious Gust. Never forget what I’ve just said. Most people you will meet in this industry will only try to get as much out of you as they can afford to squeeze. There are only a handful that will actually care and look after you. When you meet those, hold on tight and never let go.

August squeezed Ngern’s hand reassuringly, taking great comfort in the weight of his palm on his. “I already am.”

***

As much as he hated to admit it, Ngern was right. He really should have had something to eat before he left the house. Saw and Pulp were no joke. It was already three hours in, and they didn’t show any signs of slowing down. When Korn, his direct handler, had informed him that he would be recording his first two official singles, he’d figured he only had two songs to record for the day and be done with it.

Boy was he wrong.

He was now on his second of seven songs, to be recorded before their session was up, as they producers figured they’d try different sounds, from pop to R&B to soft rock—to really get a feel of what suited his voice best, and of all the recordings, pick out two to send to the radio stations. One would act as his official single, while the other would be given exclusively to his various fan sites as a sort of ‘thank you’ for their loyalty over the years, and to regenerate online traffic and interest before releasing it nationwide.

Music wasn’t exactly what he’d had in mind all those years of fantasizing about his come back, but as it stood, it was the only major door that had opened for him in years, and he’d be damned to just stand aside and watch it close without daring a step through. Besides, just because he was now focusing on his music, it did not mean that was all he had to do forever. Acting was where his heart truly laid, but that hadn’t exactly worked out too well for him. If he persisted, built up enough of a presence, and fan base, his transitioning would work out flawlessly. That much he was sure of. 

"Okay, let's try taking that again from the top. August, I really need you to put all your emotions into this one. It's a ballad about a broken heart. I need to feel that depseration, that yearning. I need to hear you carry that pain in your voice. Make me believe that you're hurting." 

But how?!  August wondered to himself. Fact is, he was not hurting. He was happy. He was elated. The nervousness he felt earlier had all but vanished after his execution of the first two songs, and after hearing great reviews from his producers about his first two songs had made him confident that he could do this. However, those had been more up-tempo songs. Fun and fast. This last one was anything but. It was slow and blue-sy and tugged at the heartstrings. 

"Okay P'Pulp, I'll try it again." August said, taking in a deep gulp of air to center himself, and waiting patiently for the beat to recommence. 

After two more tries and his inability to correctly capture the necessary emotions, Saw suggested they take a break. Disappointed with himeslf, August excused himself from the room, claiming he was headed for the bathroom. He ended up in the stairwells. August knew what he needed wasn't to piss. It was to hear Ngern's reassuring voice, reminding him of just how far he had already come. 

Patting down on his trousers, August pulled out the brand new smartphone Pulp had purchased for him from the initial investment of his artist start-up budget. Upon Kim's advice, August had decided not to pursue the traditional route of pitching different labels in search of representation because as she had explained to him, the contracts all went full circle back to her expertise. 

"No need signing with a label, boy. All they do is put some money down, and then hire managment teams to do the rest of the work. You do all the work, they take over half of everything you earn in the name of 'opening doors' for you. What's the point? You already got the management team, all the doors are already opened. Might as well cut out the middle man."

That's how she'd explained it to him, and he'd understood what had to be done. Cut out the middle man. So, now, he was an independent artist, and Kim's firm had made the initial investment to hire two of the best thai behind-the-scenes men to help him cut out his first two songs. That was why he had to be excellent today. His future in the industry depended heavily on how well his first single was recieved. He didn't want to let Ngern down. He didn't want to prove his parents right. But most importantly, August didn't want to dissapoint Kim who somehow had become his anchor to relevance.

"Hello?" August cheered up immediately upon hearing the other boy's voice on the other side of the phone line.

"Aw, did I wake you up?"

"Yes, right after I had just managed to fall asleep again." Ngern whined.

"Aw, so sorry, Ngern." He really was. "Just try to get back to sleep then, I'll call you later."

"No point, I'm already awake now. Might not be able to fall asleep again for the next ten hours even if I try." Way to rub salt on the guilt, Ngern. "So, you might as well just tell me why you called."

"It's nothing. I just wanted to tell you how awesome everything was going, that's all. P'Saw and P'Pulp are really nice, and they have all these cool tracks for me to record. I still can't believe I'm like, hanging around people like them! You know. Like, they have all these cool stories of all these big stars they've met and hung out with. It's like a dream just being able to chat with them. It's all so... cool."

"A dream?" Ngern whined. "What's so dreamy about that? You hang out with me everyday. You sleep in my bed. I'm a big shot too you know."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Everyone in the whole universe knows. But, this is different. You're, like, my boyfriend... and they are, well... not. I'm used to you." August could feel his face growing red at the sound of that word. Boyfriend. So simple. So dangerous. Instinctively, he looked around to make sure nobody else was coming up or down the stairwells. "Well, I have to go now. Tell you all about it when I get some. Try to get some more sleep, okay?"

With that, he quickly hung up before Ngern had a chance to respond. Yes, he was August Vachiravit, Ngern Anuparts boyfriend. And just as Ngern had managed all those years to build something for himself, and stand on his own two feet, August was going to do thesame.August was going to meet him halfway.

With renewed confident, he marched into the studio room.

"Where's P'Saw?" He asked looking around. 

"He went to go get us some snacks...Why is everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's just, I was wondering if we could try that song again. I've got some momentum going, and I want to lay it down before it wears off."

"Oh, okay, that was quick." Pulp said, sitting up quickly. "Which part do you want to take up?"

"From the bottom, all the way through. No breaks, please."

"Okay, take your place in the booth, let me know when you're ready."

August hurried into the recording booth, and through his headphones on. As soon as he gave the go ahead, the calm instrumentals came flooding through the earpieces into his system, and he allowed the wave to carry his conciousness along, back to that place he'd been in just three weeks ago. That place of desperation and sadness. All consuming fear of what his future held. And with that emotional turmoil coursing through his mind, August parted his lips...

And sang.

+++++

"! ! !" Ngern cussed as he dropped the pot he'd just picked up from the cooker with his gloveless hands. 
"Ow, that ing hurts." 

The pot of tomato basil sauce was now covering the floor of the kitchen--atleast, the little that was still left. Most of it stuck to the bottom of the pot, burned black. How had things taken such a sudden drastic turn? All he'd wanted to do was to give August a home cooked meal as a congratulation for his completing his first day towards his dreams. He'd ofcourse considered just ordering the meal from the kitchen, but felt August might appreciate the gesture more if it had been cooked by Ngern himself. Even if it was only spaghetti and tomato sauce.

So much for that thought. 

He held his finger under the faucet as he contemplated who to call first. P'Kim, to ask her to contact their lawyers and file a lawsuit against the building for not hanging a disclaimer over the kitchen to warn the clients before they purchased the condos that there lived small dragons somewhere within their electric stoves that could burn food in ten minutes of less--or to the downstairs kitchen to start preparing a meal so that by the time August gets back everything will be ready to go. 

He called the kitchen.

It took exactly one hour-thirteen minutes for the food to be brought up, and in the meantime, while he waited, Ngern got busy cleaning up the kitchen floor, then, starting his romantic put together. 

It was already almost four, and August's recording session should have been letting up within a few minutes. He still had forty-five to an hour left before August returned. Thankfully, his request for key duplicates for August had not yet been delivered, so the other boy would still need an invite to be allowed access in the building which could only be granted by the security calling him, Ngern, for confirmation. So, he'd know exactly when August arrived. 

That gave him more than sufficient enough time to arrange the flowers the way he'd original envisioned before going out shopping that day. Yes, while August had been blowing his vocal chords out in the studio, Ngern had taken a short trip around the local stores in search of decoration for the evening, and hadn't returned home until the roses, and candles were in toll.

He set about organizing the room, first by mixing the white and red rose petals which he trailed from the main door around the living room parlor and into the dining. From there he sprinkled them all over the table before pulling out the candles from his bag of knick-knacks. They weren't to be lit until August was at the gate. By the time he was through the doorbell rang, signaling him of the arrival of the meal from the kitchen.

The boy who brought them in looked familiar enough, and Ngern was sure he'd seen him somewhere before, but he was too preoccupied, thinking of all the ways to boost the ambience in the room that he didn't give it much thought. 

The lanky boy froze at the sight of the room, his eyes following the flower trail that led to the dining table. Then they darted back towards Ngern, and traced his whole body, lingering around his neck, where a now dull pinkness of the hickie still remained. 

"Careful!" Ngern scolded, suddenly feeling self concious under the lanky boys glance. He knew he must have just been imagining it, but there seemed to have been a second-long flash of anger in the boy's eyes before he snapped out of it. "Don't bring the cart in here, it's going to mess up the flower petals and make them look ugly. Can you bring them in by hand? Here, I'll help."

Walking around the glower trail, he picked up one of the platters from the food cart and made his way to the table. 

"Don't just stand there looking around, bring that stuff in, he's going to be here soon!" It wasn't until the words had escaped his lips that Ngern realized he'd said he and not she which was the more sensible thing to say all things considered. If the lanky concierge noticed, he didn't show it. 

As the boy worked on setting the table, Ngern focused on amplifying the ambience with the lights. It was clearly still very sunny outside, and he worried that it would offset the romanctic atmosphere he was going for.

"Hey, what do  you think? Is it better if I do it like this?" Ngern asked the conceirge, tapping away at the in-house tablet that controlled the lighting unit. Suddenly, the windows dimmed, and the room became much darker. It was unfortunate the beautiful views of high-rise Bangkok would be blurred out, but Ngern had already made up his mind on exactly what he wanted the room to look like, and he wasn't willing to compromise on that.

"Uh, it looks good, I guess sir." The guy said, already walking towards the door.

"You sure? Or is it better if I do this instead?" A few swipes against the screen and the flourescent lights turned a reddish glow, giving everything in the room a beautiful off hue. Ngern had never imagined he'd make much use of the many perks that came with having a smart home system, but he was quickly starting to see that it would come in handy.

He watched as the conceriges eyes widened in wonderment of how much of a difference the beauty of the room made, but just as before, there was a flash of something... not pleasant, on his face before he turned around and walked away, the door slamming behind him. 

"What's with him?" Ngern wondered to himself out loud. 

Noting he was quickly running short of time, Ngern made a mad dash for his bed room, and into the shower. 

++++

"So, what do you think?" The look on his face said it all, but Ngern still needed to hear the words. The affrimation. The gratitude. The verbalized adoration that validated his efforts. He still wanted August to say the words.

"N-Ngern... Whah... How... what's all this?" He looked around at the beautiful setting. The dim lighting with the orange hue. The flower petals he'd followed from the door all the way to the dinning area. The beautiful boquets of warm tones decorating the dinning room table. The feast. 

"I-I just thought since this is like your first big step towards everything it would be cool to celebrate together, and since we can't really go out I figured I could just bring the festivities to us instead. Besides, since we're like, you know, dating and stuff now, it's about time we have our first official date." Ngern said, his eyes darting to the floor coyly as he admitted his truth. Ngern had never dated anyone before. As in, never. They'd been crushes, and infatuations, but he'd never actually had a lover before. Not a serious one, anyways. It was all kind of backwards, actually, that he'd slept with so many people, but was yet to have actually gone on a date. It was one of the things he really wanted to try, and if he wasn't a superstar who's every move was being monitored, and barely ever had any free time, it was one thing he would have really enjoyed doing. Long walks on the beach, late dinners at fancy restaurants, and all day sleep ins of ty s3x that only halted for breakfast, lunch and dinner--in bed. 

"Woah, Ngern... this is so... How--I mean, when did you plan all this?"

"Just a few days ago... you like?" Ngern asked with a wavering grin.

"No." August said, shaking his head as he looked around.

"No?" Ngern's body grew tense, and his heart palpitated. 

"No... like? That's got to be the understatement of the year. Ngern, this is so beautiful. I-I love it."

Ngern's face lit up like a christmas tree. A stranger walking by, oblivious to the circumstances could have imagined he'd just won the lottery. 

"Good, because I love you. And will do anything in my power to ensure that you're always happy. I promise, August." He moved closer as he spoke until he was only a few inches away from August. He offered his hand. "Come, sit."

He led August all of the four steps it took to get to the dinning room table, only letting go of his hand when he had to pull out the chair for him. 

"Aish! Look at who's already acting like a good boyfriend." August said taking the seat Ngern had just pull out for him. "I should tease you more often if this is all of what I'd be getting back in return."

Smack!

"Ouch! What was that for?"

"Keep being a smart mouth and I'll swallow up all the food before you even finish chewing on your first bite." Ngern chuckled, walking to the other side of the table and seating down. "And if I'm the boyfriend, then that means you're the girl in the relationship, right?" 

"Pfft, as if. If you're looking for a girlfriend then I'm sorry to say you're barking up the wrong tree. Now stop talking, I need to concentrate on eatin gall this deliciousness that you ordered." August said reaching across the table to grab a slice of avocado-buttered toast.

:"Hey, what makes you think I didn't just make this meal myself?" Ngern countered.

"Pfft. This whole building would have been nothing but ash and rumble by the time I got back, if you had tried." August teased.

Ngern opened his mouth to deliver a snarky reply, but quickly shut it up again, remembering what had almost occured earlier. 

"Sh-shutup." Ngern said, his cheeks turning a slight shade of pink. "So, how was it? The recording session, I mean."

"IswazsoaightbuwhIhungry."

"Huh?" Ngern leaned forward straining to hear what August was saying. "Hey, slow down, the food isn't running to anywhere."

"Sorry, I'm just so hungry. Can you believe we sang right through the whole damn thing? They didn't even give me a lunch break." August said, using the back of his hand to wipe the residue from his mouth. 

"Aw. See, that's why I told you to eat first before  going. Didn't your mother ever tell you that breakfast is the most important meal of the day?" Ngern leaned over the table, picked up the knife and sliced through off a piece of the whole bronzed honey bbq chicken that sat on the table between them. Using a serving fork, he placed it on August's plate. "Here, have some chicken leg and here's some rice. Want some basil? How about some toast? Don't overstuff your mouth though, you'll choke."

"Yeah, yeah. Stop nagging, wifey." August said sniggering. It took a few minutes of him chowing down before he realized that Ngern hadn't thrown back a snarky response. "Hey, you okay? Why aren't you eating?"

"I'm not so hungry anymore, watching you eat seems to have filled me up."

"Aw, sorry. I'm being a pig aren't I? So much for a first date." August said, putting down his spoon and fork. 

"No no. It's okay. I don't mind, it's nice seeing you so out of character. You didn't even wash your hands when you came in today." Ngern said looking up his lashes at the other boy sitting opposite him. "It reminds me of that night..."

"What night?"

"You know, on the island, when you went all on me. It's like there's this other August inside you just begging to come out and I only get to see glimpses of him every now and then. It's fascinating."

"Aish! Don't try to psychoanalyze me. I was just--I was just really , and you got me all drunk." August's face grew hot at the memory of that night. His hunger to feel Ngern's hardness agains this own, to taste his sweat, and bask in his smell. 

"Ah, alcohol. Right! Why didn't I think of that last night? Matter of fact, why didn't I think of going and getting some earlier that way this evening could have a happy ending."

"It's not too late, you could call downstairs and have them bring it up..." August baited.

"No, I don't want you to be drunk during our first time going all the way, I want you to remember every single detail so that the next time you feel my d*ck pressing against you, you'll open right up." Ngern said wrinkling his brows mischeviously at August.

August on the otherhand might as well have turned into a tomato as his face and neck seemed to grow even redder.

The rest of the dinner went by with few words and lengthy flirtatious eye play. 

By the time August was done eating, all he wanted to do was take a long shower, and crawl into bed with Ngern. But when he went upstairs and and into the room, he was reminded yet again that the evening was still very young. Because of the tint on the living room glass wall, the room had been very dark, and August figured it was done to add to the feeling of the date. And as he stripped in the bathroom and climbed into the shower, Augsut was once again reminded of what it was about Ngern that had made him willing to risk everything in an attempt to make their relationship work. He was caring, and quick witted, and casual, but also stick, and goopey, but y as hell. An oxymoron of a young man, he was, and August admired every bit of him. 

When August exited that bathroom, a thick white bathrobe around his waist, he was surprised to find Ngern already plopped on his side of his bed.

"I thought you said you were going to clean up. what are you doing on the bed already?" August asked.

"Already done. When I said I was cleaning up I didn't mean I was cleaning up. I called the butler guy from the kitchen to come pick up the tray and platters, all I had to do was store the remaining food in the fridge." Ngern said cynically as if August shouldn't even have asked such a question. 

"What? Ngern, is that wise? What if they start to suspect us or something. I mean, anybody who sees the the living room would know that it was a romantic thing. What if they catch on to us and go and blabber to a news station?"

Ngern sat quiet as the words sunk in. "I-I actually thought of that earlier too, but, I had to get the food somehow, didn't I? I was originally going to just cook for us myself, but that didn't go too well." Sitting up on the bed he turned to face August. "Now that you talk about it, that guy was acting pretty strange earlier."

"What guy?"

"Uh, I can't remember his name, but he's the one who usually services us. Tall and skinny with bushy eye brows."

"Palm?"

"Yeah, something like that."

August stiffened, and wrung his hands together. 

"W-what's with you all of a sudden." Ngern asked, noticing August's composure.

"N-Nothing. I was just thinking--As much as I love what you did, and appreciate the effort... I think we should be a bit more cautious. You have this big movie coming up, and  it's best if  we keep a much lower profile now. We can't risk any of this getting out, not yet anyways." August bit down on his bottom lip to keep from telling Ngern not to worry too much about Palm, that he already suspected or maybe even knew there was something going on between them that went far beyond a platonic friendship. Despite his temperamental behaviour, August truly felt in his heart that even if Palm found out some how without having been told, he could still trust him to keep their secret in the dark. He was harmless. Alot of bark, but no bite. No need forcing him out of a job because he couldn't keep his mouth shut.

"I guess it's a good thing I'm leaving in two days time then." Ngern said, exasperated.

"You know I didn't mean it like that." August said, disappearing into the closet for a little over half a minute before re-emerging dressed in a pair of boxers and nothing else. "All I'm saying is that we have to be a bit more careful. I'm a recognizable face now too, you know. I can see the looks on the faces of the workers when I pass by. They know who I am. Especially the younger ones. If we're not careful, this might spiral out of our control very quickly. Which brings me to my next point... I'm going to move out."

"Whah?! Why?! What for?"

"Hear me out first before you lose you sh*t." August said hands raised. "I just think we're too new in this relationship thing to be living together already. It's all too early. And again, people are watching. I'm not saying I'm looking to move out immediately, no, I don't even have enough money to start thinking of doing that, but P'Kim's got some gigs already lined up for me, and a lot of appearances. So, I'll start apartment shopping before you're done filming in Beijing so that when you get back, I would be ready to get my own place. I think it's for the best that we tackle it this way. I love living with you, and there's no way the place I'd get would have the views or the amenities of this place, but the less attention we bring to ourselves the better."

"I guess you're right." Ngern said, sighing loudly. "It's just... we just got back together, and it's like there's another hurdle in our way to jump over. I just don't want you to start having any doubts."

"Me? Doubtt what?" August said, leaning against the wall, arms folded over his uncladed torso.

"This is MY first relationship. My first go at being commited. But you've done this before already, and I can't help but feel like it must have been a lot simpler with your ex than with me. It must have been so much easier to go out on dates, and walk around Siam Paragon holding hands without people giving you odd stares and blinding camera lights flashing. It's like--I can give you everything in the world except the things that are supposed to be free. Atleast not without having to shave off all my hair, getting plastic surgery and moving to the himalayas."

August giggled at the joke, though it fell flat even to Ngern himself, who had now leaned back into his pillow with both hands behind his head. 

"Listen, Ngern. Look at me." He waited until Ngern's eyes darted his way. "I need you to get this through your big @ss head, Ngern. I'm not going anywhere..." As he spoke, he walked to the bed and climbed under the bedding. "Unless you decide to stick your d*ck into some other , in which case, you'll really need that plastic surgery you were talking about earlier."

Suddenly, Ngern was ontop of him, his legs pressed against his sides and his hands pressing August's wrists into the headboard. 

"I really like when you make threats, you know that." He said, leaning in so close that his warm breath grazed the tip of August's nose. "You're so y when you get jealous, but you have no reason to be. Like I told you before, I'm not even remotely interested in anyone else but you."

"Good, 'cause if I let you put that ing thing in my mouth and you go sticking it into someone else after, I'm taking it with me when I move out." And there he went again, saying the damnest things, and throwing Ngern completely out of loop. 

"Whah, where did that even come from?" Ngern asked, releasing his hands as he sat up on his chest, making sure not to put too much of his body weight on August's gut.

"What? It's not like I said anything that you weren't already thinking about?" August said, struggling to maintain eye contact with Ngern. "I've thought about it, and I've read about it, and I though I've never done it before, I--I think I'm ready to try. I mean, it's the natural progression of intimacy, right? Kissing, touching, svcking then..."

"Then ing." Ngern finished for August, his d*ck reacting excitedly to the thought.

"I don't know about that part." 

"Aw, why not?" It could have felt strange talking about s3x so openly with another person, but theyhad both acknowledged that they were in unfamiliar territory, so in the spirit of honesty, they took the bite.

"God, have you seen that thing between their legs? I'm like three inches smaller and with alot less girth, and I still had a hard time getting it into--" He hadn't meant to say that out loud. Damn, how could he just let it slip out so easily. 

"You had a hard time getting it into...?" Ngern's jaw clenched and his brows furrowed.

"I-I... My ex and I... we often did it that way. F-from the back. She wanted to try it and  after a few goes she started enjoying it so...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring that up, it just came out."

"It's okay, it's not like I didn't know you had a life before." Ngern said, though his demeanor said anything but. He leaned sideways and fall onto the mattress in a heap next to August, his face to the ceiling and his hands behind his head, just as before. August was starting to suspect that was his 'In-deep-thought' pose.

"What I was trying to get at is, since I'm a bit smaller, and I have prior experience with, you know, entering from the back door, I should be the one doing the ing." August held his breath, half expecting the macho-maniac inside August to come spilling out like a roaring lion. Instead, Ngern took a few deep breathes, closed his eyes, for a second or ten, and when he reopened them, August could tell what his answer was going to be before he even said the words.

"Okay, that makes sense. Honestly, I've been reading alot about it too, these past few days, and I was a bit worried that I might be too... rough." 

Beat.

"Well, now that it's decided, can we get some sleep? I'm really tired and after all that food that I ate, I'm feeling very sluggish." August yawned, leaning in closer to Ngern so that their bodies touched. Instinctively, Ngern's hands reached over his body and engulfed him in a tight hug, their bare-chests pressing into eachother as their bodies molded into one. But before closing his eyes one last time that dusking evening, August had one more thing he had to get off his chest. "God, I love the way you smell."