Apologies ahoy to my subscribers and fans. I did something really stupid, and that is why this chapter is so late. I don't know if you recall, but I told you guys before that I write on both my phone and computer. So, I copied an pasted the chapter from my Word unto the site, but didn't save it, and left for work. Then I opened it on my phone while at work and refreshed the page. I don't know why but some how it hadn't saved on the computer, so I essentially erased the whole chapter, except for a few lines I'd previously written. And to make matters worse, I didn't save it on my computer because I figured it was saved on the site... Long story short, I almost jumped off the roof of my building. (If you've ever lost your files then you know that feeling. Anywho, here it is again. Tried to make it as close original as possible. 

I'll update you guys on where I stand with the whole Kindle thing soon enough, I'm too tired right now to think straight. Enjoy and goodnight. 

+++++

They didn’t make it to the bed. They kissed, and hugged and cried, and kissed some more. All the while moving from the couch to the sofa then to the bottom of the stairs, then the top, before ending at the doorway leading into the bedroom. In each other’s arms, the tiled floor couldn’t have felt any softer. In each other’s arms, they might as well have been laying on the softest spread ever woven. However, physicality and psychology don’t always align, henceforth, when Ngern woke up from his morning of slumber, the aching of his body rang contradictory with the joy in his heart.

 The buzzing of his phone in his trousers alerted him to where the beeping was coming from. His alarm. Hurriedly digging his fingers into his pocket to retrieve and silence the alarm, Ngern noticed that August was stirring next to him.

 With a swipe of his finger against the screen, the phone went silent, but the damage had already been done.

 “Good morning…” Ngern said, sitting up, and leaning against the open door. “Sorry, I forgot I’d set my alarm in advance for the rest of the week…”

 “It’s okay…” August drawled sleepily, giving Ngern a small smile.

 “I—Uh, I guess I’ll go get ready now.” Ngern said, grimacing at the sound of his cracking bones, as he pushed himself off the tiled floor, and walked into the bathroom. It all felt like a dream waking up next to August again, as he had told himself that was one luxury he would never have the opportunity to experience after his disappearance. However, now that August was back, the film star wasn’t sure how to react. He was ecstatic no doubt, but after the past few days of working hard to forget that the other boy ever existed or played any part in his life, he suddenly had to go back to acting like everything was normal between them.

 And had anything ever really been normal between them? He’d been pining for August for years, and even after the freak accident that brought them back together, his heart had been one step ahead of his head, filling his imagination with fantasies of intimacies and love. But that was all they had been back then. Fantasies. This was real. August was right there on his tiled floor to his bedroom doorway. Halfway in and halfway out. And Ngern had woken up right next to him.

 Ngern had woken up right next to him.

 It was all too real.

But what now? They felt for each other as he’d hoped and prayed that they would. They’d professed their fondness of each other and had fallen asleep tangled in each other’s arms. Yes, it was all too real, but so what? Where did they go from here? Do they go public? Do they stay closeted?

 And how the heck do they hide their likeness for each other when Ngern was now restraining every muscle in his body not to walk out of his shower stall, back into that room, back unto that tiled floor and shove his tongue so far down August’s throat that the other boy would gag?

 . I’m doomed. How else could he sum up the intensity of all the jumbled up feelings in his chest? On one had he was so far up in cloud nine that even Elijah on his heaven sent Chariot of Fire couldn’t touch him, but on the other, was that impending fear of discovery. Of some random someone knowing a little too much about their relationship and taking it to the press. Worse yet, the press finding out directly of the nature of their relationship.  What would that mean for his career? What would that mean for his family? What would that mean for August? He was Ngern Anupart, the golden boy. What would it mean for him to no longer be that? The thought was almost as sickening as walking away from August to preserve himself from the risks. Almost.

 By the time Ngern was all cleaned up and ready to start his day, he was surprised to find August wide awake, sited on the edge of the bed.

 “G-goodmorning.” August blushed, clearly struggling through the awkwardness as Ngern was. It didn’t help that the other boy had walked out of the bathroom not fully dried, and with only his towel around his waist. “You’re done showering?”

 “Yeah, d-did you want to use the bathroom? Sorry if I was in there too long.”

 "No, no worries. I don’t really have to use the bathroom. I-I mean, I need to pee but it’s not so bad that I’m going to piss myself if I don’t run in there and do it, or anything, you know.” August’s face grew redder as he tried to conceal his nervousness.

 Ngern on the other hand couldn’t hide his. He giggled profusely.

 “W-what’s so funny?” Where had all that confidence he’d shown yesterday gone to? Ngern felt bad laughing at August, but he couldn’t stop himself.  

 “Sorry, I couldn’t help it.” Ngern continued, finally being able to calm himself. “I’m just relieved to see you’re as nervous about all this as I am.” Ngern said siting down on the bed, next to August.

 “That’s good, at least we’re nervous together.” August muttered, leaning sideways to rest his head on Ngern’s shoulder. They stayed that way, in companionable silence, for a minute or five before Ngern became acutely aware of the fact that time was flying by and he had to be on set.

 “Aw, who knew you could be this clingy?” Ngern teased, nudging August off his shoulder. “Where did that smart-@ss from yesterday go?”

 “Hey! Who are you calling clingy?” August countered, irritated, punching Ngern’s arm.

 “Ow! Sorry, sorry. I was just joking around.” Ngern said, rubbing the sore spot as he laughed. “It’s just that I am scheduled for a full day of filming today, and after what happened on Monday, P’Kim would bury me if I’m not on my best behavior.”

 “Whah? What happened on Monday?” August asked. 

“Uh—Nothing for you to worry about.” Ngern muttered, quickly getting up and turning around to hide his skepticism from August.

“What does that even mean?” August persisted, walking behind him as he headed towards his closet, surprised to find that unlike before when Ngern’s clothes were all over the room, now, there were only a few splayed around. “What are you hiding from me?”

“It’s just some stuff happened on set. Nothing for you to worry about.” Ngern said, pushing open the door to his walk-in closet and leading August in. 

“Woah!” August gasped looking around at the neatly arranged space. Poked his head in it before ofcourse, when he’d just moved in with Ngern, but back then it was completely empty. But with articles of clothing hanging from every cabinet, and shoes and belts color coordinated the way it now was, it might as well have been a completely different room. “I’m gone for a few days and you turn the house into a freaking palace?”

 “I didn’t do anything; it was all P’Kim. She didn’t even tell me she was going to do any of this.” Ngern said with a satisfied grin. He loved compliments. He loved compliments from August even more.

 “I figured. There’s no way your lazy @ss could have done all in a matter of days.” August said, taking a seat on the armless chair that stood next to the island dresser that decorated the rest of the room.  

 “Lazy? Pfft! I’m the hardest working person you’ve probably ever met. I’ve attended two press conferences, a photo-shoot and travelled between two countries within the past twenty-four hours.” Ngern announced proudly wandering around his closet as if in deep thought as to what to wear. In actuality, it really didn’t matter what he wore as he’d be changing as soon as he got on set anyways. But, he was suddenly very conscious of the fact that all he had on was his towel and in order to get dressed he’d first have to undress. Not that the other boy hadn’t already seen his goods or anything, considering they had showered together on Ariara, but this was different. Back then he was on a confidence high… and see where that had led them. Ngern shuddered at the remembrance of that one night they had shared.

 “Oh, right! The new movie. I saw that yesterday after P’Kim left my apartment…” August immediately clasped his lips firmly together, remembering he’d told himself not to bring it up to Ngern after Ngern had shown that he had not in fact sent P’Kim to try bribing him to keep silent about their feelings for each other. 

“You met P’Kim yesterday?” Ngern said, moving to stand infront of August who refused to meet his eyes. “Why? What did she say to you? What did you guys talk about?” Even if August hadn’t blurted it out, Ngern had already made a mental note to ask him later what he’d meant when he’d spoken about Kim the night before.

“Oh... uh… nothing for you to worry about…” August stuttered, still refusing to meet Ngern’s gaze.

“August! What are you hiding from me? What did P’Kim say to you?” Ngern’s scowled.

“Uh…I—You first!” August said, trying to divert the attention back to Ngern in an effort to buy himself some time to edit his memories so as not to say the wrong thing to Ngern. August was happy to be back in Ngern’s life, and he knew how fiercely loyal Kim was to him, and he was to her. They had an odd dependent relationship that he couldn’t wrap his head around, but he knew if he wanted to live happily with Ngern, that meant tolerating Kim. And the only way for him to do so would be in getting Kim to tolerate him. And nothing spelt intolerant like stirring up a mere few hours after their reunion. Ngern needed Kim to be on his good side, and August had to be on Kim’s good side for that to happen.

Ah, the politics of a newly established love affair.

“Ugh! Fine! But only if you promise to tell me what happened between you and P’Kim.” Ngern said, arms folded.  August nodded in agreement. “I want to hear you say it, Gust.”

“Okay, okay! Fine! I promise. Now, talk.”

“I—Uh… the past two few days were a bit hard on me. It’s safe to say I didn’t take you leaving too well, and I did some really terrible things.” Ngern said, his face down-cast. 

“Terrible things like…”

“I freaked out on everybody on set, and caused a huge scene…”

“And…” August could tell there was more. 

“And I fired P’Kim.”

“You what?!” If this had been a movie, that would have definitely been one of those spits-the-drink-out-of-his-mouth-in-shock- scenes, because August couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 

“Yeah, yeah. I know, I ed up big time. It’s just… I don’t know. Something came over me. I felt so small, so irrelevant, after you left like that. I just… I don’t know. It was all just too much, and I snapped. I’ve never snapped like that before. I don’t know what came over me.” And he did look small, standing there, arms crossed protectively against his chest, with his eyes downcast. Thailand’s buff, smexy, symbol did look to be only a shadow of himself in that moment.

“I-I’m so sorry Ngern. I didn’t mean to cause so much commotion in your life…” August said, standing up so that he was at eye level with the other boy.

“No, don’t do that. Don’t blame yourself. That wasn’t your fault. I had no right to act like that. I should have known better. My parents raised me better. Being heartbroken is not a valid excuse to be an @ss.” Ngern said, “God, you should have seen the way I acted, heard the things I said. I was so horrible to everyone, it’s a surprise P’Kim forgave me after what I said to her. I-I…I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? I should be the one saying sorry. I know I did yesterday, but I didn’t anticipate how badly I hurt you. I was being too selfish to have just left without a word.  You deserved so much better.” August said, unfolding Ngern’s arms, and tangling their fingers together. 

“So, you don’t think any less of me after all the sh*tty stuff I did?” Ngern muttered, holding his breath in anticipation for August’s response. 

“Ngern Anupart…” August said, pushing Ngern’s forehead upwards so that his bent head was not slightly erect and their eyes were staring right into each other. “I don’t think there is anything in this world that you could ever do to make me think any less of you.” 

Ngern took shallow breaths as the words sunk into his consciousness. He’d hoped August would never find out about that evil side of him that had emerged, but now that it was out in the open and the other boy still felt just as strongly for him as before, Ngern wondered why he’d ever been so worried about it in the first place.

“I don’t know if that’s a good think or…” Ngern began to say, in an attempt at a joke, but August’s soft pout met his and put an immediate stop to his words. Damn it, did August’s lips taste good. 

So so good. 

So so… hard? 

Ngern pulled away, leaving August with wet puckered lips. 

“Gust, we need to stop.” He huffed.

“Why?” August groaned, eyes still closed, lips still puckered as he captured Ngern’s mouth in his again for a few seconds before Ngern pulled away. “What is wrong?”

“I’m… uh…” Ngern stammered, embarrassed by his inability to control his urges. August must have felt it because he opened his eyes and looked down to the point where their bodies touched. 

“Oh!” August muttered, stifling a snicker. Yup, Ngern’s body was doing that thing again where it completely ignored his mind and reacted whichever way it wanted. “That looks a bit… tense.” 

“You have no idea.” Ngern said, blushing and taking a step back, if anything as a means to stop himself from getting any ideas of the hundreds of ways he could take August be it on the floor, over the island dresser, the armless chair, or the ample spaces of the cabinetries. “I-I should get dressed. I have to be on set soon.” 

“Yeah, okay.” August said, hovering a few seconds longer than Ngern would have liked before making his exit. It took all of the muscular boys will power not to pull him back in and shove him to his knees.

***

It wasn’t until Ngern was halfway to the set and his d*ck finally softened that he realized he’d gotten the shorter end of the stick. August hadn’t told him what happened between him and Kim. He grunted, as he leaned back into his leather seat. Thankfully, the weekday traffic rush was still yet to commence as it was still before six, and the sun had just broken through the horizon in its upward attempt to graze the skies. 

It felt like two years, rather than two days since his last drive to the studio, as the world suddenly seemed brighter, especially if compared to how dull everything had seemed before. August was back, they had made up, they had professed their lo—likeness for each other. All was well with the world. 

When the chauffeured vehicle pulled into the lot, Ngern was surprised to find that Kim's slick blue Nissan 370z was parked in the space next to his designated parking spot. 

"P'Kim, what are you doing here?" Ngern asked, getting out of the car. Had they made an appointment he'd forgotten?
"What do you think?" Kim said climbing out of hers as well, handbag, cellphone and tablet in-hands. "I'm here to keep an eye on you, of course."
After what had gone down earlier this week, August wasn't too surprised to hear Kim say that.
"But most importantly, I'm here to keep an eye on Heard." She concluded.
"P'Heard? Why?" Ngern could understand her feeling like she needed to babysit him, but why Heard? What had he done this time?
"After the stunt you pulled on Monday, you've no doubt gotten a few people on this set irked, if anything because you're the one too star they've come to rely on to provide a peaceful filming experience."
"I know, I know. I've been thinking about what I did and I know it was really sh*tty, so, I'm going to be apologizing to everyone for the way I acted, today."
"Like hell you will." Kim retorted. "I'd be damned if I let that happen on my watch."
Ngern furrowed his brows in confusion.
"I--I don't understand. Isn't that a good thing? For me to apologize to everyone?"
"No! Absolutely not. The only people you owe any explanations to are Oak, Heard and yours truly. And that's only if they demand for one, in which case, I'll be the medium between you and them. Under no circumstances should any of these cultures see you in a weakened state, lest they get any ideas of holding in over your head for the rest of your career.
"I don't understand..."
"Listen, Ngern, all you need to do is show up on time, do your job to the best of your abilities and get your @ss back home at the end of the day. You're not the first artist to have an emotional breakdown and you're most definitely not going to be the last. They know this. But if you show any signs of remorse, best believe the next contract you sign, half of your salary would have been cut down. Next would be the confiscation of the other perks they have been giving you like the private jets and back-end deals. They will devour you at the first sign of weakness Ngern, so don't show any. The best way to apologize is to be irreplaceable. Leave the rest to me." Ngern didn't get the whole logic behind it, but he trusted P'Kim enough not to question her knowledge on maneuvering through career loopholes. "And Ngern... If you're going to be a diva, then be one all the way. This industry does not have room for half-@ssed queens no matter how good looking they are. You understand me?"
No, not really. Ngern nodded.

+++++

August was happy to see that amongst the new stock brought in to the Ngern's apartment, Kim had made sure to order more towels. Not that it mattered now anyways. He didn't want to use the other towels. He wanted to use Ngern's. It was still damp from his usage, but that didn't bother August none. Two weeks ago he'd refrained himself from showering for two days because he didn't want to 'interrupt' and invade Ngern's life. Now he was wiping himself with the other boys towel and taking great pleasure in it. Just the fact that the piece of thick clothe had been all over Ngern, in places he'd spent the last few days dreaming about being, made him grow light headed. Desire washed over his body, and it grew warm and pink.
After replacing the towel from its hangar, August walked out of the bathroom and into the closet to find something to wear. His sudden change and comfort in and around Ngern's space surprised even August, himself, as it dawned on him that he was now starting to think of the duplex as his home. His main residence.
Almost the exact same way he'd felt when he packed up his belongings and moved in with Aim. Almost. This was different with Ngern though. With Aim he'd been running away from something. He'd been running away from himself, his truth. But with Ngern that was not the case. If anything it couldn't have been more different. Being here in this space where Ngern lived cou

Lived, August couldn’t feel any closer to home.

Ding Dong! Went the bell, signaling him to hurry to the door down stairs. August hurried into the dressing closet, and threw on a pair of light brown shorts and a white V-neck tee before rushing out of the room and making his way down the stairs, barefooted.

When he peeked through the spy-hole, he was immediately relieved to see who it was.

“Palm.” He said, pulling the door open and stepping aside for the other young man to wheel his cart in. It now felt strange seeing Palm in a subservient light after all he’d done for him. The lanky boy in his slightly oversized formal wear smiled brightly as he passed August, wheeling the cart to the newly furnished dining area which stood between the kitchen and the living room.

“When Mr. Anupart instructed the concierge to bring up breakfast today, I figured you’d spent the night.” Palm said, placing the several platters of food on the dining room table, before shooting a glance towards August, eying him from head to toe. “Seeing as you’re wearing his clothes; I guess you did.”

August wasn’t sure if he was just imagining it or if there was in fact an edge to the last sentence. “Y-Yes, we slept together—I—I mean, I slept over, here, but not in the living room. I mean, here, in the house. But, not together-together. I slept—he had the bed, and I slept on the—downstairs bed.”

“Uh-huh.” Palm dragged, rolling his eyes. “I didn’t ask you to narrate your whole night to me, you know… But, since we’re on the matter—I take it you guys, like, made up… or something.” The last words were barely audible to August, and he wondered if Palm could see through the façade of their “friendship” since the other boy refused to look him straight in the eye as he said the words.

“Made up? D-did I ever tell you we had any problems?” August said, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible as he walked closer to where Palm stood by the dining room table. Palms scowling face and folding arms told him it wasn’t working to well, so August became more anxious to change the subject. “Thanks for letting me in yesterday, though. I hope I didn’t get you in trouble.”

“Nah, I just lied and told them Mr. Anupart informed me you’d be stopping by.” Palm muttered, still wearing that irritated frown on his face. August was having a hard time keeping up with Palm’s mood swings. One minute the skinny boy was happy and jovial, and laughing up a storm, and the next he looked like scornful jilted lover.

“W-well, thanks anyways.” The awkwardness hung in the air a few seconds more before August spoke again, “Aish! That idiot ordered so much food for just one person? Here, sit and eat with me.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Mr. Anupart might not like that very much.” Palm’s mood was becoming a real damper on August’s. He couldn’t wrap his head around what exactly it was hovering over their heads that made him feel so self-conscious around the boy.

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” August said cheekily pulling out one of the armless chairs and pushing down on palm’s shoulders so that he’d sit in it. “Besides, I think he’d be madder if I got a tummy ache from eating all this food alone.”

“Aish, how is it my fault if you decide to be a glutton and eat more than you can handle?” Palm retorted, his irritation visibly wearing off.

“Beats me, but believe me, that muscle head will find a way to make your life miserable if I told him I got sick from the food you gave me.” Most startling part about those words were August in some way believed them, even though he’d only meant them jokingly. “So, I guess you’re screwed either way, buddy.”

That earned a few seconds of giggling from Palm who finally dropped the irritated act. This was the Palm August liked. The care free, friendly, silver lining friend who only ever managed to see the good through the bad. August had been nervous when he’d been stopped at the gate before by the security who insisted they didn’t know who he was. If it wasn’t for his quick reasoning to beg them to contact Palm then he and Ngern wouldn’t have had that beautiful, vulnerable moment the night before. Especially considering how they’d departed two days earlier, after the fan meeting. When August had mistakenly accused him of being a sell-out to his dreams and passion, and Palm had turned the spotlight to his own hypocrisy.  It was thanks to Palm that he was now still trending on several different social platforms. It was thanks to Palm that he had had the courage to walk away from home, yet again, but this time into the unknown. And most importantly, it was thanks to Palm that he’d spent the night squeezed up against Ngern on the titled entryway to his bedroom. Speaking of which…

“Ouch.” August murmured as he massaged his shoulder which still ached from spending all night comfortably-uncomfortably tangled up in his lover’s chest.

“What’s wrong? What happened to your neck?” Palm asked August through a mouthful of a scrambled egg sandwich.

“I—I was just in a weird position yesterday, that’s all.”  Palms eyes grew wide at that, and his mouth hung open, allowing an already chewed piece of sandwich to fall out. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

Palm’s face grew red, as he pushed back his chair and stood up, coughing all along as he struggled to swallow.

“Palm, are you okay? What’s wrong?” August asked, now concerned.

“Y-Yes, I just… I have to get back to work.” Palm said, rushing to the door, August at his heel.

“Wait, Palm. Wait!” August said, grabbing a hold of Palm’s arm and pulling him back. “What is with you? Why are you always getting upset with me for no reason? Are you still mad because of what I said the other day? I’m sorry, okay? I wasn’t trying to get you upset. It wasn’t in my place to say anything, and I should have just kept my mouth shut.”

“W-What’re you even talking about? This has nothing to do with what happened two days ago. I’m not that petty.” Palm said, turning around to face August.

“No? Then what’s with the attitude?”

“I’m just...What if he knew?”

“What? Who knew what? What are you talking about Palm?”

“Ngern!” The way he spat out the word made August step back as if shoved. This was the first time Palm was calling Ngern by his first name, and that made the hairs on the back of August’s head stand at attention. “Earlier, you said what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” Palm continued, after taking a deep breath to calm himself down. “So, what if he knows? What if he found out that I came in here and sat with you and shared a meal, then what?”

“I just said that as a joke, Palm, why are you getting upset by it?”

“I’m not! I’m just… I don’t think it’s fair. He disappears when you’re having a breakdown and you need someone to support you, and when I do all the work and piece you back together, he comes swooping in like a ing knight in sh*tty armor.”

“I-I don’t understand, Palm, where is all this coming from?”

“Here!” Palm said, beating his fist against his chest. “Right here, and you know what the saddest part of all this is? You still don’t even understand any of what I’ve just said.”

Palm was halfway out the door when he turned around to deliver his last blow. “You think he loves you? He doesn’t. Do you know the first thing he did when he got back? He went to some girl’s apartment and screwed the sh*t out of her. So next time he’s putting you in awkward positions that make your neck hurt, remind yourself that you’re not the only one."

With that, he slammed the door behind him, leaving August completely and utterly lost for words. But the one word he couldn't seem to escape seemed tobe the least oblivious to intercept. 

How?

How did he know? Not that he was right anyways, because all they had done the night before was sleep. But August was no fool. What was that term Kim had used the night before? 'Read between the lines'. Right. August could do that too. He was good at it. And he did not need a soothsayer to point out the obvious. Palm's insinuations were loud enough. 

But how did he know? How had he figured out that they were more than friends? Were they that obvious? had Palm heard or seen something he wasn't supposed to? 

And a girl? What girl? Had Ngern brought a girl home with him? had they rolled aorund in the bed that they'd shared? How else would Palm have known, otherwise?

August's head was swirling with questions as he walked back to the dining table, but realizing that he seemed to have lost his appetite, the young man made a detour and headed up the stairs instead. His plans for the day included stopping by at his old management firm and relisting the agency's help in trying to get his career back on track. However, the confidence that had been building within him the last few days was quickly wearing off, and he was starting to feel like his old self again.

Was Ngern cheating on him? Could it even be considered cheating if they'd just started dating the night before? Where they dating? Did he have someone else he cared for as much as he did for him? Were they lingering feelings from an ex lover still playing in his head? Or had Palm just said that to piss him the off? Nah, that didn't seem like him. He was so not the kind of person to hold grudges.

By why else would he say those things? 

The doubt spread through Ngern's entire body, causing goosebumps to flesh out of his arms, chest and back. He couldn't shake the fear of once again being played by someone he loved. He wouldn't be able to bear it. Not this time, not from Ngern. 

+++++

"You talked to Gust?" Ngern said mouth half-ful, turning to peer at Kim who fidgeted away at her phone. He had already promised himself that he would not let his emotions get the best of him like they usually did when it came to matters of the heart, especially after his last outburst that had led him to making a mockery of a great friend. Besides, Kim had done him a major favor by lurking around on set all day, because as she had predicted, Heard had been insufferable to work with. He barely said a word, but managed to be the loudest in the room. His disapproving grunts and dead glares would have definitely been too overwhelming for Ngern had he not had Kim by his side. He knew her pressence was the only thing keeping him from erupting like a volcano like he usually did when in a foul mood. And it wasn't just Heard that was throwing strange vibes his way, the other crew members were as well. Not necessarily negative vibes though, just... awkward. As if they didn't know how to act around him anymore, and like they were expecting another boil over.

"Yes..." Kim said, barely audibly, as if not paying any attention to Ngern.

"Why? What'd you two talk about? Did you say anything to hurt his feelings?--P'Kim please put down the phone and talkt to me." Ngern was trying and failing miserably hard at concealing his raging curiosity. 

"Nothing much, just some prospects of working together to re-launch his career." Kim said, still failing to meet Ngern's eyes.

"Relaunch his career? Since when did you start considering him as a client?" Ngern wasn't buying it. Kim had a keen eye no doubt, but she wouldn't go out of her way to sign an artist personally when their popularity was not on the rise. Even when she signed him, he was well on his way to superstardom, and with her help he had become a force to be reckoned with in the ASEAN market. What would she want with August? Ngern may be head over heels for the boy but he wasn't daft to the reality of his present circumstances.

"Why wouldn't I? It's been two days and that video of his is still trending. Heck, it's now the most searched title in Thailand. Every management firm would be trying to get their hands on him now and for good reason. Why shouldn't I, too?"

"What video? Trending? I haven't seen any video." Finally Kim looked up and at him, but the glance she gave him made the young boy sink into his chair. It was like she had never heard anything more stupid in all her life.

"What video?! His fan-meeting ofcourse...Have you not seen it?"

"No, I have not seen it, P'Kim, if I had I wouldn't be asking. Now, please can you tell me what's going on?"

"Well, I guess since you just came back from Beijing.. But, still, he didn't mention anything to you yesterday or this morning?"

"No! We didn't talk about the video... well, we didn't really do much talkin--Wait, how do  you know I saw him last night?"

"Who did you think sent him over?" Kim said smiling mischeviously. "When are you men going to realize, we girls are always two steps ahead of you?"

"P'Kim what did you do?"

"Just gave him a map, I swear. He found his way back to you all on his own." With that Kim winked and returned to fidgeting with her phone as if Ngern wasn't even in the room. 

Confused, Ngern dumped his sandwich onto it's platter and picked up his cell which he'd placed on the table. He still had over half an hour while they re-arranged the set for the next scene, so he and Kim were kicking it in his dressing room. It only took a few seconds for him to be instantaneously bombarded with information after a few seconds of typing August's name into the search engine. From the dates of all the top results, none were over a day old, and all seemed to have similar headings like FORMER TEENSTAR MAKES BIG COMEBACK, or WHERE HAS AUGUST VACHIRAVIT BEEN ALL THESE YEARS? 

But it was the youtube link at the top of the search engine that caught his attention the most. 

Ngern tapped on it. 

****

Ngern could barely contain himself as he stepped out of his chauffered car. He'd watched the video all through the day, every chance he got, and was surprised by how it was possible that so much would have happened without his knowledge. Why hadn't August told him that such an amazing thing was happening to him? Granted, the activities of the night before had not really left much room for chit-chat, but what about this morning?

He burst into the living room, head swinging side to side, and seeing no one, he dashed up the stairs. He wanted to kiss August, hug August, congratulate him on his big win and tell him how proud he was of him. He wanted to make August understand that there was no reason for him to keep any part of his life away from him because there was nothing under the sun that could put a damper on how they felt for eachother. But when he opened the door and looked around the bedroom and found that there were no occupant present, a damning chill blew up his spine.

"A-August?" He called out, his voice shaky as memories of the last weekend they had spent together came flooding back through every hole of insecurity his brain was hiding. August who'd spent all day sweating under the heat of the set ligths during filming again broke into a sweat. But a cold sweat this time. A kind that warned of a mental breakdown before it happened. 

He had left again, hadn't he? He had run off again and left Ngern high and sprung. He had betrayed his word and broken Ngern's heart once again--

"You're back." August said, leaning against the bathroom doorframe he'd just stepped out of. If not for the relief flooding every inch of Ngern, he would have noticed that August had a frown on his face and his arms were crossed. 

"Oh my God, you're still here." Ngern rushed over and wrapped August in his arms, completely taking him by surprise. 

"O-ofcourse I'm here, where did you think I was going to?" 

"I--I just thought..." Ngern's face was buried in August's neck, so the words came out muffled, but the emotions behind them resonated clearly. The realization led to pity, which led to guilt which made it harder for August to keep up the confrontational wall he'd spent all day building in anticipation for this moment. 

"I just went in to wash my face before bed...Ngern, you're going to break me if you squeez any tighter." At that, Ngern stepped back quickly, bowing his head in embarassment. 

"Oh, sorry."

"It's okay... I liked it." August admitted, blushing slightly. "Even though you smell like a pig."

"Aw, sorry. You know how hot those set lights are, I was sweating like buckets." Ngern giggled, looking up.

"I'll go take a shower right after you explain yourself." Ngern said.

"Me? Explain myself? Why?"

"Uh--the video? The trending topic every one is talking about? Why didn't you tell me about it? You had all yesterday and this morning. I had to find out from P'Kim today on set!" Ngern said, quickly recooperating his cocky demeanor.

"Oh, that. I just forgot, I guess..." 

"You just forgot? Gust this is HUGE! Like, you knocked my announcement of Malicious to second place, and I don't know if you've noticed, but that's not an easy thing to do, my superstar status considered, and all." Yup, the ego was back.

"Aish! You're so fool of yourself." August scolded, fighting back a smile. He was trying to be serious but that was proving to be a lot harder than he'd ever anticipated.

"All jokes aside, I really wish you told me. I would have rather heard this from you than from anyone else.I-I can't help feeling a bit... jealous, that everyone knows something about you that I don't. I don't like the feeling of us having things unsaid. 

"No, it's nothing like that Ngern. I really just didn't think about it. It's not like we did much talking last night... and this morning, well, I guess it just didn't come to mind."

"So... are you going to do it?"

"Do what?"

"Sign with P'Kim's agency, ofcourse. She told me she offered you an exclusivity contract with her firm." 

"I-I don't know yet... I'm still thinking about it." August walked said walking past Ngern and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"What's there to think about? She's one of the best in the game...and you know these moment won't last for even."

"Well, I... I was going to run through my options today, amongst other things, but then something happened and I haven't been able to focus on anything else." August said honestly.

"Aw, what happened? Are you okay?"

"Y-yes... actually, no. No, I'm not, Ngern." August patted the empty space on the the bed next to him for Ngern to join him.

"What's wrong, Gust?" Ngern asked, concerned, occupying the seat next to August. 

August opened his mouth to speak, then doubt flashed in his eyes and he closed it back. This happened a few more times, building the tension within Ngern even more with each round.

"Talk to me, what's on your mind?"

Beat. 

"Are you seeing someone?"

"Whah?!"

"A girl, Ngern. Are you like, dating some girl? Are you two like together-together, or was it just ?"

"Gust, I don't understand... what are you talking about?" Ngern said, hoping it wasn't what and with whom he was thinking to himself. No, it couldn't be. How would he even know that? Did he see something? Did he say something? Did that crazy b*tch stop by at his duplex while he was on set and tell August of their two-night stand? 

"I swear, Ngern, if you even think about lying to me I'll punch you in the mouth." August scowled. "Or better still I'll walk out of this apartment and never look back. As if it wasn't humiliating enough that I had to hear about it from someone else, now you want to seat there and lie to my face?"

'I--Okay, okay!" Inhale, exhale. "Yes. But it was just supposed to happen only once."

"Supposed to?!"

"Yeah... the first time was before he even got re-acquianted." Please don't ask about the ask about the second time. Please don't ask about the second time. Please don't ask about the second time. Please--

"And... the next times?"

Damn it!

"I had just gotten back, and I was hurt, and I was confused and..." Ngern had hoped this was one conversation they would never have. Talking about infedelities less than twenty-four hours after a confession did not a successful relationship make.

"And..."

"And I went to her place and we-we..."

"Damn it, Ngern!" August said, getting off the bed and towering over the other boy. "What, we're seperated for two days and the first thing you can think of doing is going to stick your big fat c0ck into some slvt?!"

"It wasn't like that, August. I was just confused, and I thought that maybe I could find some kind of comfort in her and...And you're not being fair, Gust! You're the one who left me. You walked away without saying a word and made me go through hell..."

"Don't you think I know that?!" August yelled pushing himself off the bed. "Don't you think I realize that it was because of me? Because I walked away from a good thing? Don't you think I'm regretting it until now? I hate that I broke your heart, Ngern. I hate that I hurt you so bad. But most of all I hate that I'm so furious at you right now even though I know I am the one to blame for it."

"No, don't do that. Don't blame yourself. I had a hand in this too. I had a choice and I made the wrong one, I took the easy way out. I tried to numb myself and in the process used another person like I would a object. I've done things I'm not proud of August, and almost all of it doesn't boil down to you."

Eyes locked on eachother, they took ragged breaths to calm themselves. August plopped back unto the bed, weighed by the sudden rush of emotions.

"I swear I didn't do it to hurt you. It wasn't revenge on you or anything like that. I was just so lost within myself and trying to find a way out of my head." Ngern said.

"I know. I know you wouldn't try to hurt me Ngern... but that's not even what bothers me the most about this whole thing." August said, then paused as he tried to find the right words to profess the words running around in his head. "I'm scared, Ngern. I'm scared of you, and I'm scared of me. I'm scared of the fact that after our night together I ran away from you, and I'm scared that you ran into the arms of someone else barely days after we seperated. Is this how it's going to be for us? Am I going to run away everytime and unexpected obstacle pops up during this-r-relationship? And are you going to emotionally shut down when we fight? I don't want to be like her, you know. My mother. I don't want to stay up waiting for you to come back home after every time we have an argument, and thinking of all things and people you could be getting into. I don't want to be that guy. I can't be that guy, Ngern, I'd go crazy."

"Gust, don't talk like that. We can fix this, we can make it work..."

"How?! I run when I'm scared, and you do the same. How do make it work when we're running in two opposite directions?" August managed as his throat closed up.

"We don't!" Ngern said, reaching over to take August's hand with his, and forcing open his fisted palm to interlace their fingers together. "We hold on to eachother tightly, and we don't let go. That way, even if we start running, we have no choice but to run together." This time it was Ngern's turn to choke up as he spoke, his eyes watering with every word. "I love you so much August."

"I-I think I love you too, Ngern... But,that's not all it takes to make a healthy relationship work. We are the exception to the rule, you know. The minority. Most people beyond these walls won't see any beauty in this. They won't understand it. They won't even try to. Love doesn't last forever."

"Ours will!"

"Are you willing to bet your career on that? Your life? Your family and friends?" That stung Ngern. It was a question he'd been asking himself since he started coming to terms with his own uality.

"Honestly, I don't know." Ngern hated the way the words tasted against his tongue, but this was a moment for honesty, and he wouldn't disrespect August anymore than he already had by putting up pretense and making promising he wasn't sure he would eventually keep."But I know that I love you. And I know that you love me too. And I know that love is the most important part of making this work. It's not all it takes, but it's half the battle. I've got a lot to learn about how this should work, but I'm willing to try anything. I don't want to lose you August. I don't think I can go through that again."

"Good." August said, leaning in closer. "Because I don't want to lose you either, Ngern."

Then their lips touched. And August didn't mind that Ngern's mouth tasted salty and he smelt of a days worth of hardwork. He didn't mind that those lips might have been all over someone else just a few days ago. They were his now, and he'd be damned if he let them go without a proper fight. 

+++++

It was just as they had told him. Ngern Anupart was a user. He was anything but sweet and nice and easy going like he played on all his interviews. He was a self-centerd brat who only cared about himself, and what he could get out of others. Too bad August couldn't see that. But he could. He saw Ngern for exactly who he was now. He saw that Ngern was taking advantage of August. His August, and it hurt him more than words could say. How could August not see it? What excuse had that bastard cooked up to feed and blind him? Yes, Ngern Anupart was a user, and he was going to expose his true colors for the whole world to see.

But, first things first. He took out his outdated flip phone and worked his way to  his contact list. What was the name Por had told him he'd saved that girls name under?...Oh, right, there it was right at the top.

Aim.

With a single press of a button he dialed, and waited for the other line to be picked up. 

"Hello?" The voice was sweet, and feminine and y. Too bad, it wan't his cup of tea.

"Yes, it's Palm. Por gave me your number."

"Oh, right. I've been waiting for your call for quite sometime. I thought you weren't interested in my proposition."

"I wasn't. But I am now. I'm all in."