Title: (5/5)

Your title wasn't 100% perfect, but I really loved it! As I see it, there is nothing critical enough to subtract points for.

"Ludos" is definitely a peculiar word for a title, and that alone is enough to make it pop out when scrolling through fanfics. Of course, not many people (including myself) would know the meaning of ludos off the top of their heads, but I suppose that only strengthens curiosity about the story - and makes it seem very mysterious. It's clearly not a title that you could randomly pull out of a hat; it takes knowledge and research to come up with such a unique term. And, after reading the very beginning of your description, one will immediately understand what the word means and be able to make accurate inferences about the storyline. Nicely done!

The mysterious factor in such a word matched the dark, starry theme of your description/foreword and poster very well, giving the whole story a very mystical - and almost angsty - feeling to it. This made it clash a bit with the plot, but I'll get more into that later. 

Another kink about the title is a very small one (and I'm not sure if such a minor change is worth it to make). The word "ludos" is only an interpretation of the actual word "ludus" which, in Latin, means a game or sport. Now, there are a few people who prefer to spell it with an 'o' rather than a 'u' - so, technically speaking, it's not a mispelling. I just want to let you know that the actual (and more commonly-used) spelling is "ludus" whether you're talking about the Latin word or the romantic philosophy. (Just search ludos and ludus separately in Google and you'll see the different results.)

Overall, this is my first time giving a 5/5 for a title, and you certainly deserved it for being so creative!

Description/Foreword: (6/10)

Your description, to put it bluntly, was all over the place. There were some things that I liked about it, but also many things that could be eliminated or rearranged to make it better..

First of all, I will begin by adding onto something that I briefly mentioned in the "Title" section. The whole theme of your story appears to be very angsty with all of the stars and dark poster. At first, I actually believed that the story would follow a tragic plot. Although it definitely wasn't a rom-com-based or fluff-driven plot, I do feel that the appearance of the fanfic was much too dark; it clashed with the plot. Perhaps if you'd still like it to be a somber color, you could choose a shade of grey or something less night-themed.

This brings me to my next point: the stars. Seeing so many stars on the poster and the background, I naturally assumed that stargazing or nighttime would play a larger role in the storyline. While reading any fanfic, the background is the image that readers will unconsciously have in their heads to reflect the entire plot. So, with your story, I had a dark image of the night sky in the back of my mind the entire time. The was a part of the story where Violet and Kai went stargazing together near the beginning of the story, but that was the only area where I saw a real connection between the story and background. Overall, I just didn't find it to be that relevant.

Lastly, regarding the appearance of the description, you should try to use one font and one font size, unless there is something that absolutely needs to be accentuated. The way it is right now, with alternating fonts and sizes, makes everything look extremely messy.

Next, I'll address the acutal content of the description.

First, why is the part about John Lee in quotation marks? When punctuated like that, it suggests that the text is either a direct quote from an external source, or an excerpt from part of the story. If it is a quote from somewhere, then you must mention where it is from underneath the text. And, since I didn't see it in the story anywhere, I know that it's not an excerpt. If you wrote it yourself (which it seems like you did), then there's simply no need for quotation marks.

Another little mistake that I caught was this:

Incorrect: John Lee, a psychologist in his book The Colors of Love, compared styles of love to the color wheel.

Correct: In his book The Colors of Love, a psychologist named John Lee compared styles of love to the color wheel.

Perhaps this is just personal preference, but I feel as though when you say "a psychologist in his book" you are inferring that John Lee is a character in the book, rather than the author. Because of this, I am favorable of the second, "correct" if you will, version of the sentence. Also, since The Colors of Love is the title of a book, it has to be underlined.

Aside from these errors, I did love the idea. You explained the term "Ludos" extremely smoothly - as if telling a story - rather than just making a blatant statement. I was immediately hooked into your fanfic from this quote; and, after finishing the story, I can see that it accurately defined the plot in a flawless way. Beautifully done!

[I'm really craving for some black coffee right now OTL I can't think straight]

The rest of your description (after the John Lee quote) really threw me off. I found that the pictures of the characters looked nice the first time, but you honestly shouldn't be using them to split the text into sections. It looks a tad unprofessional, and is very distracting.

While reading the rest of your description, I only found myself becoming more and more confused. It seems as though the majority of what you wrote is only comprehendable to those who have finished the story; and, in the beginning, it really confused me as a new reader.

First of all, the Him/Her/Them part was difficult to understand because of this sentence: "Because when your bestfriend betrays you, the only way to get back at her is to make her crush your boyfriend." No matter how many times I read it, it still makes no sense. This is the meaning that I got out of it: "When your best friend betrays you, you have to get back at her by making her hurt your boyfriend." I really want to help you correct it right now, but I'm honestly not sure what you are trying to say.

Additionally, the excerpts that you selected do not showcase anything about the plot; they do tell a little bit about the main character, but demonstrate nothing about what you previously stated in the other sections. When choosing an excerpt, you must be sure that it is in context with the rest of the description. For instance, if I wrote a description about the different colognes that the main character's boyfriend wore, and then included an excerpt focused on what she had for breakfast one day - that would make no sense. You need to embed a quote about games, about Ludos - not about Violet's physical attraction to Kris and Kai.

The "dont break anything" quote was a nice touch of drama to add onto the end.

Overall, you had way too much content in your description; it became very burdensome and confusing to understand it all. Personally, I believe that if you only had the "Ludos" part and one other section (the Him/Her/Them, the "When he asks," or the "don't break anything" part), it would be much simpler and easier to read.

Finally, I want to say that I love your method of crediting review shops. The idea was just so creative and fresh, not to mention you chose the perfect quotes. Seeing the positive feedback that your story received from critics made me, as a reader, feel compelled to read the story. However, the text size was way too large. I will admit that I read the first couple quotes, but the rest were simply a burden to scroll through because there were just too many. I don't want to suggest for you to eliminate any of them, but I would certainly recommend trying a smaller font.

Okie dokie, I really hope that made sense OTL blame the coffee if it didn't.

Plot/Originality: (16/20)

In the beginning, your plot appeared to be very cliché and light - which surprised me a lot, especially considering the dark, starry background/appearance of the story. As I kept reading, though, I found myself beginning to fall deeply in love with the plot.

The majority of it was quite down-to-earth and easy to imagine in my mind, mainly because the plot flows in a very logical order. However, there were a few things that I found to be less realistic. For example: How did Amy get into the Octagon? I understand that it is Chanyeol's sister's bar, so she lets EXO and Violet slip in underage. But, how did Amy get in without connections? Additionally, why would Chanyeol's sister even allow her little brother to enter a bar in the first place? Bars are extremely dangerous places for those who are underage: there are erts, angry drunken men, and bottles of alcohol all over the place. If she cared for her little brother, she'd want to protect him and keep him out of the club - not let him in. This was only a small part, however, and I'm probably making a bigger deal out of it than it actually is - but I wanted to point it out because it does cause the majority of the problems at the end of the story.

A second unrealistic part of the story was one episode of the Amy & Violet Feud: the paint scene. I found it to be unaturally immature and low for Amy to dump a bucket of paint on her ex-friend. Paint can be lethal, and I'm no expert, but I do suspect that it could have done something terrible to her if it got into her nose or mouth - or if her pores were clogged. I know that I may be reading too much into it but that part bothered me especially. If Amy wanted to pour a small bit of the paint onto her friend, and then tripped, accidentally spilling the whole thing (and falling off the railing, of course) then I'd accept it. But, plotting to dump a whole bucket of an industrial toxic substance onto Violet? Amy's so much better than that.

A third part of the plot that I found unrealistic is probably just me being unecessarily picky. Actually, scratch that, it is me being unecessarily picky. But, I still believe that it should be fixed. In chapter 49, you stated "Kai made sure he has already added her on her every social network profile, be it Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, even her YouTube account." They're in Korea, aren't they? So, why does she only have American social networking accounts? I understand that other countries are starting to use American sites more often these days, but shouldn't she have at least one account in her native language? At least mention KakaoTalk or LINE.

A fourth part of the story that I found to be unrealistic - and this is the one that bothered me the most - was the domestic ual assault that Kai faced. ual harassment is a very traumatic thing that is not to be taken lightly; and I believe that it should have affected him much, much more than the story demonstrates. I will go more in depth about this within the characterization section, though.

Other than those four aspects of the plot, I honestly found that every other detail in the story was perfectly realistic. The sensibleness of it made me feel much more connected to the storyline, due to the fact that I was nearly able to picture it actually happening. I found myself induldged in the storyline, savoring the plot as it flowed past - almost as though I was watching a drama. (In chapter 11, when Kai kissed Violet for the first time, I literally couldn't help myself from smiling. It was just so perfectly timed and executed - so real.)

As for the originality, I already mentioned that it seemed a bit cliché at first - and this was mainly due to the highschool set up. The player/bet idea is used more often than you'd think. However, I let that pass for this story, because you gave it all an alternative meaning: Ludos. When I read this fanfic, I was no longer just reading about a player's game; I was reading about a philosopher's Ludos. This gave the story a whole new dimension, and allowed me to me perceive it in a new way.

The surprising plot twists changed my mind on the originality of the plot as well. For example: the ual assault, the number 1437, how Kai ended up going to London and, even in the very beginning, I didn't expect to see Amy and Hyori to become antagonists. The general base of the storyline was banal; but the "Ludos" setup and plot twists were not. It was carried outvery well; and I ended up really loving it.

The last complaint that I would have concerning the plot is about the Epilogue. An epilogue is not - and never has been - the same thing as a final chapter. It is meant to tie up any loose ends, or give the readers some vague closure on what happens after the ending of the story. For example, in this story, a snippet of Violet and Kai's married life ten years in the future would be considered an epilogue.

In any case, however, an epilogue is never supposed to include any unnecessary plot twists (like the Taemin part) or have more than one or two scenes. So, your epilogue was not an epilogue; it was a final chapter. And, to be quite honest, I feel as though it wasn't as great as it could have been. Perhaps this is just my opinion, but I felt as though you were dragging the story on much longer than it needed to be by adding in filler scenes. For example: the Taemin part, the emails, and the make out scene. I know that it must have been fun to write with all of that cheesiness (because who doesn't love a corny ending) - but it just felt so superfluous. If you'd just ended it with the doorbell ringing, and Violet hugging Kai affectionately, I think it would have been a whole lot better.

And, lastly, I have a random note that I couldn't find the proper space to incorporate: In chapter 49, I absolutely loved how you included the portion that talked about how Violet and Kai "played games with each other, offering deals and bets every chance possible" because it was a perfect part of the story for me to say "Oh, that's an allusion to the title about Ludus!" Whenever I reach points in a story similar to that, it demonstrates how much thought the author put into the plot and title. Really nice job!

Characterization: (15/20)

The characterization, overall, was well done. There were a few kinks but, looking over my notes, I do think that you did a generally decent job in this field.

The English names really surprised me when I first began the story! On AFF, I am so closely accustomed to seeing Asian names that the change was difficult to adjust to at first. However, as the plot kept going, I became used to seeing "Violet," "Amy," and "Kim." I really did enjoy the creativity; however, there was one small thing that irked me. I don't mind if you want your OCs to have American names (it was actually much easier for me to keep track of them that way). However, why was Hyori - the girl from America - the only original character with a Korean name? You need to stay consistent with your styles.

Now, I will go ahead and split this section into three sub-parts: Kai, Violet, and the other characters.

Kai

I shall begin with Kai's character. From the very first chapter, he surprised me with this line: "I don’t actually mind all the gossips and whisperings, it makes me feel wanted." You didn't start off by presenting Kai as the stereotypical playboy who is annoyed by all the girls that swarm around him; but, rather, a normal boy who liked to feel wanted. I suppose this is why he held a special place in my heart throughout the story; it was a new and realistic approach to the usual "playboy" persona.

In the beginning of the story, I interpreted that Kai was just a sensitive boy who wanted to be accepted - but concealed it with a "tough boy" exterior. As time passed by, however, he slowly began to open up and reveal his true inner self to Violet. The process of opening up was reasonably gradual and not entirely noticeable when reading the story but, looking from the first chapter to the last one, he did slowly change a lot. His demeanor at the beginning was headstrong, blunt and direct - knowing exactly how to get what he wanted; but, at the end, I liked him even more: romantic, caring - overprotective and jealous at times - but still knowing exactly what to say.

There were a couple points that I didn''t like so much about his character, though. First of all, he had no true flaws. Of course, there was the fact that he didn't like intimate touching, but there was a specific reason behind that; so it can't really be considered as a flaw of his character. There was nothing wrong with him; there was just something wrong with the way that he was influenced. He also became quite jealous and upset from time to time; but I wouldn't really consider that to be a real flaw either - it happens with every single other boyfriend on Earth too. There was absolutely nothing bad or impure about his personality at all; and his absolute perfection was almost inhumane.

Second, I liked the heartbreaking plot twist that dealt with domestic ual harassment: it was such a surprise! However, I think it could have been carried out a bit better. It should have taken a much longer time for him to be "healed." Being harassed ually by one's very own mother, a person who we are taught to trust and respect, for an entire year should have left a larger disruption in the brain. Maybe if it only happened once or twice, he would have been able to get through it with Violet beside him. But, if it went on for 365 days, he should need intense therapy. There can be no such thing as a little boy strong enough to endure that for so long without being severely disturbed for life.

The very last thing that I would like to address about Kai is a specific part in chapter 44. He starts to get extremely irritated at Violet and says "We don't even talk about us anymore." However, you didn't develop the plot enough before this. Violet only ignored him once, and he lashed out on her. The outburst just seems way too sudden. If you showed more scenes of her ignoring him, then it would have made much more sense. However, with the way it is, Kai just looks like he's overreacting - and it doesn't fit his character.

Violet

In the beginning, I found Violet's persona to be a bit cliché. She just seemed to blend in with all of the other OCs I've come across: perfect at everything physcial (such as gym and dance), but average when it came to academics. Her demeanor was also quite sassy at first, making her character seem like the heroine of a romcom. But, all of these banal impressions dispersed as the story continued - and she developed into a female protagonist that I found myself rooting for.

She was flawed, which I really liked about her. First, she was a sore loser when it came to loosing bets made with Kai - and this made their games even more interesting. If she accepted defeat easily, then the bets wouldn't be nearly as intense to perceive. Her second flaw - which was also my favorite - is that she often said or did the wrong things at the wrong times. For instance, when she started to ignore Kai because she got much too involved with the Amy Feud. She would blow him off without considering his feelings at times in the beginning as well - and I loved that about her. It created more drama in the plot, and made everything so much more intriguing.

Don't get me wrong; Violet had many good qualities as well. My absolute favorite example of this is that little boy named Jihoo in the hospital. His cancer sidestory was so heartwrenching (I swear, if he died within the story, I would have cried a river). Also, she was the first to apologize to Amy about their childplay in the end. All of the little things like these that Violet did really showed that she was a good person. Her persona wasn't irritatingly angelic - but still selfless and kind-hearted.

However, there was one thing that I didn't understand: her anger towards Amy. Hyori was the girl who stepped in and ruined their friendship - but Violet and Kim somehow decided that Amy was the bad guy. Shouldn't they have been furious with Hyori instead? Additionally, I think that she was overreacting way too much. From my understanding, Hyori cheated off Kim on a test, and Amy simply stepped in to defend the girl that she'd known since she was little. No matter how you look at it, you can't blame her for acting the way she did in such a situation.

Sure, Amy spilled the forbidden Minhyuk secret to Hyori as well but, honestly, it was Hyori's fault for choosing to use it against Violet. Besides, Violet had her heart broken by a boy named Minhyuk, so shouldn't she know how much it hurts to have your heart played around with? So, why would she want to put Amy through all of that using Kai - just because of two little incidents? Hyori was the real bad guy, and I found it extremely immature for Violet to go against Amy instead, especially using a method that she knew was incredibly cruel. I really would have preferred Hyori to be the main antagonist, rather than Amy.

The last thing that I will address about Violet is that she was incredibly realistic. You portrayed her in a very down-to-earth manner. In chapter 41, after figuring out that Kai was ually abused, you described that she was "scared to death" and wishing to have a "normal boyfriend." With that, I realized that she was just so perfectly imperfect. The scene was a beautiful showcase of how difficult it would be to accept such an unsettling situation.

Additional Characters

There are some characters in the story who I felt were just misunderstood. One of these characters was, of course, Amy and the other was Kai's stepmom. Perhaps I try too hard to look for good qualities in characters, but I really did sympathize with Amy and Ms. Kim. I believe that I previously explained enough about Amy, but I'd like to say a little bit about Ms. Kim. Don't get me wrong; there is absolutely nothing that can excuse ual abuse. However, although her actions and cold mask didn't demonstrate this, I really think that she was a good person deep down. She'd fallen in love with a boy at a young age and was torn away from him, only to be sold to an older man she didn't know. Of course, her choice of venting frustration was in no way a good one - but there was reason behind it.

As for Kris's character, well, I have nothing to say; he was portrayed perfectly.

Flow: (18/20)

The story was set at a generally smooth pace and, for the most part, I could keep up with everything very well. There were a few minor details that I will address, though.

First of all, I would've liked to see more description of settings in your story. It wouldn't have to be huge paragraphs full of dense wording - but just a brief description of the scenes would certainly help form a better picture in the readers' minds. For example, what exactly does the school building look like? They're all quite wealthy in the story; so does that mean that they attend a rich private school? Or an average public one?  Your plot was driven by action, emotions, and dialogue; so I understand that describing the scenes isn't incredibly important. However, as I mentioned before, it would certainly help to form a much more vivid picture of the surroundings in readers' minds.

Also, at the very beginning of the story, I felt as though Kai started to hate Violet much too quickly. He'd only bumped into her one time, and already wanted to "teach her a lesson." If something more had happened between the two of them, it would've seemed a lot less choppy and sudden.

Another part of the story that came much too suddenly was at the end of chapter five. You must remember that you are writing for the readers - not the characters. So, even if Violet and Kim know that Amy has a friend in America named Hyori, the readers still don't. Foreshadowing in previous chapters by having Amy mention Hyori would make it seem much less random and abrupt. Additionally, the section should have been placed in the next chapter; three lines of dialogue is not nearly enough to be considered a scene, and seems out of place at the end of the chapter.

In Chapter 1:

Incorrect: Violet chuckles and the boy giggles with her.

Correct: Violet giggles, and the boy chuckles with her.

This is something that I noticed often in your story, but it wasn't a huge problem. The word 'giggle' is normally associated with girls and the word 'chuckle' should be used for boys. Of course, you'll occasionally see in stories that young boys or immature men "giggle," but it is not used with the male gender to describe a normal laugh.

In Chapter 41:

Incorrect: Another bright smile creeps upon his pretty face.

Correct: Another bright smile appears upon his pretty face.

This was just faulty word choice. "Creep" is a word used by native English speakers to describe disturbing or frightning things - not bright smiles. 

I won't go through any more specific flow errors because I've already written too much, but I suspect that hiring a beta reader would certainly benefit you. I would also recommend using a thesaurus to avoid repetitive language.

Writing Conventions: (10/15)

From reading this fanfic, I could tell that English is not your first language. As I continued to read the story, I got used to your non-fluent style of grammar. However, there are many native readers out there who are not nearly as patient, and will not take the time to read your story if the grammar is off. Because of that, I would highly suggest finding a beta reader (I know a girl on this website who would be perfect for the job - once in a while, I ask her questions about grammar and punctuation when I'm confused. If you'd like me to ask her, just let me know.) Anyways, I will take this time to address your two most common errors. Even though I'm explaining some grammar to you, getting a beta reader would still ensure the details (punctuation, incorrect wording, etc.) to be fixed because I can't go through all of the errors here.

Tense/Verb Form

In Chapter 1:

Incorrect: If she says she is looking at an angel she will be exaggerating.

Correct: If she said she was looking at an angel, she would be exaggerating.

I can tell that you tried to put the sentence into the present tense to match the rest of the story; and I'm glad for that! However, because this particular sentence begins with the word "If," it needs to be written in a different verb form: the conditional. The conditional tells what would happen IF something else happens (and thus always contains the word "if"). Here is a webpage that explains it very well: x

Spelling

In Chapter 14:

Incorrect: I don’t know where to put myself, seriously tho.

Correct: I don't know where to put myself, seriously though.

"Tho" is not a word. It's an abbreviation used when texting instead of saying "though" (just like how "LOL" stands for Laugh Out Loud). Never use texting language in the middle of a story; it's extremely unprofessional.

In the Epilogue:

Incorrect: Because after all, they’re just kids inlove. 

Correct: Because after all, they're just kids in love.

"Inlove" is two words.

 Personal Enjoyment: (5/5) 

This is the first long fanfiction I've ever finished (similar to how I've never gotten past the sixth episode of a drama). I've also never come across a highschool-centered fanfiction that I wanted to read. However, with "Ludos," I found myself willingly reading 2-3 chapters every day (which is a lot for me; I usually can't focus for that long), and looked forward to it each afternoon. It was your ability to add a new dimesion to the clichés that I admired the most.

And, I'll just go ahead and admit it: Though it wasn't my favorite story ever, I am quite a er for drama, jealousy, and miscommunication between couples in fanfics. You incorporated all three in a way that made me fall in love with the story. Although the ending did drag on a little bit too long for my taste, I had a generally enjoyable time reading each chapter :D

Total: (75/100)