Title: (4/5)

All in all, your title was phenomenal. There were many good points (which I will address), but there were one or two kinks as well. I will point all of these out, and give you the best advice I can so that titles you choose for other stories in the future will be even better.

First, I must say that the "opposite" component of your title was very eye-catching. Even to someone who didn't know which definition of "indifference" you were using (like me), we still see the words "same" and "different" next to each other. That's a perfect example of an oxymoron: a figure of speech where contradicting words appear side by side. Using figures of speech in story titles is an effective technique; as it appears simple, yet eye-catching. This raises curiosity about the title's connection to the plot, and what it will be about. If I were scrolling through tags and saw your fanfic, I would definitely click on it to find out more.

Next, I want to say that the genre was hinted well. Sure, "Same Indifference" doesn't have to be romcom. But, it did have a bit of a comedy feel to it (possibly because the oxymoron in the title was so ironic). So, nice job!

However, one negative thing that I need to address about your title is the usage of the term "indifference." Yes; I understand that there are two meanings to the word. However, the meaning that you used is archaic (a fancy word that means 'no longer in use'). If you look up the definition of indifference in any online dictionary, "lack of difference or distinction between two or more things" will not be there -- simply because it is not a valid definition anymore. Since nobody on this website will be familiar with that particular meaning of the word, it will mislead them to false assumptions about your plot before clicking on the story.

I could see some relevance to your story from the title. The way that you utlised the words basically meant "same similarities" (since indifference meant 'lack of difference'). I suppose that this was referring to the fact that they're twins, right? Because they're twins they have the same face, the same parents, the same lockets, etc. However, there are many things that were different about them too; and that's what confused me. For example, their personalities were entirely distinct from one another, and so were their styles (before they got makeovers, of course). I mean, "same similarities" does make partial sense - but it would be a stretch for me to say that it made complete sense.

There were so many things that I loved about your title. On AFF, there are thousands of fanfics; so, it's very difficult to come up with a nice title that's completely original. However, your story is the only one on the website that has the title "Same Indifference." This really impressed me, and proved that you probably put a lot of thought into it. Well done!

Description/Foreword (7/10)

All in all, it was a so-so introduction to your story. There were some things that I liked, but parts of it irked me as well.

First of all, I liked the colors in your appearance. From the poster to the text to the background; it matched well, and was pleasing to the eye. Also, the baby blue set a light mood -- which was a very appropriate match for your comedy plot. However, even though the colors were selected nicely, I didn't like the appearance of your fonts. I highly suggest un-bolding the Author's Note, and changing it to the same font as the beginning of your description. Making the font sizes the same would look better as well (14 or 16 will most likely look neater than 18). Since the Author's Note is already a lighter color than the description, you don't need it to be smaller as well.

The next thing about your appearance that didn't particularly catch my eye was the order of things. You need to put everything in order of interest for the reader. And, quite frankly, they will be much more interested with what definition of "indifference" you used in your title than the A/N. You should seperate it so that it follows this order: description, definition, author's note, credits.

The next aspects of your Description/Foreword that I will address are entirely related to flow and grammar. I will not go deep into the technical stuff yet; but will touch base on what needs to be corrected.

First of all, in your description, it seemed as though you seperated the lines randomly instead of where it would have made sense. Putting a phrase on a second line creates a pause in the flow. For example, "mother" and "father" are two related terms, so an awkward hesistation developed when they were separated. This was not blatantly noticeable -- leaving it the way it is wouldn't hurt. Pointing it out was necessary, however, so you will know to avoid it in future stories.

Next, I want to address the problems that you faced regarding grammar. Your overall grammar was quite good, but there were some things that completely threw me off. For example, what does "The difference at both" mean? Because, honestly, I have no idea.

Incorrect: But the truth was, they didn’t know about each other. And when they did, they decided to exchange places.

Correct: But, the truth was, they didn't know about each other. And, when they found out, they decided to exchange places.

One last note that I need to make may be a personal preference, as I'm not sure whether it is something that others have noticed. In the description, you tended to repeat the word "they" quite often. I understand that, in the first part, repetitiveness was used as a hook/technique. However, it was a bit overdone in the last two lines. I would highly suggest rewording it:

Reworded: But, the truth was, the two of them didn't know about each other. And, when they found out, they decided to exchange places.

Overall, I thought that you had a nice idea going for you with this description; but you do need to work on ordering and grammar.

Plot/Originality: (15/20)

When I began to look over your description, I was overcome with a strong feeling of déjà-vu. After reading your Author's Note, however, I was reminded that everything was connected to "The Parent Trap"! Since I am so familiar with the movie, beginning to read your story was very exciting for me. I may be a bit biased as I say this, but it served as a component for me to feel compelled to continue reading your story - a hook, if you will. Since I love the movie, I was interested to see what twists you would add and how k-pop would become incorporated to the story. If I look at it from an objective point, however, it would still be quite interesting for someone who has never seen that movie, since the plot is very unique.

One thing that I especially appreciated about your plot was the pace. Since all of the events were set at a reasonable rate in the storyline, it was very fun to read. It was written so that nothing was rushed; but nothing was too slow either.

My main complaint, however, is that your story was exactly like "The Parent Trap." There is a distinct line between inspiration and imitation. Inspiration is when something stimulates your creavtivity and compells you to develop your own ideas. For example, if I saw a movie with a tree in it and wrote a story about the life of a tree; that's inspiration. However, when you copy something, it's when you take that thing and imitate it. So, if I saw a movie about a tree and wrote a story about that followed the same exact plot; that's plagarism. Before you get confused, however, I'm not accusing you of plagarising. What you did was halfway between inspiration and imitation, and I can say this at an objective point - even though I have watched the movie before.

In your story, you began it with the two twins finding each other. That was the first similarity between your story and the movie; but I can clearly see how it was necessary. (It's what the whole story revolves around, after all.) However, it irked me a bit how your story slowly began to follow the same plot: they figure out that they're twins because of pictures they carry around, then they decide to switch places so that their parents will get back together, etc. The reason why I am not counting this as plagarism is that you do have your own little twists in the plot, and you gave your characters their own personalities. Next time, I would just suggest taking just one aspect of the film (such as the fact that they are switching places) and make the rest up according to your imagination. For example: you didn't have to make them try to get their parents back together. They could be switching places for [insert reason here] instead.

You did a good job with the twists that you did add in, though. I can tell that you have big plans for this story (maybe I'm wrong, but it seems this way), as you are including little hints along the way about what will happen in the future. For example, in chapter six, I see that one of my notes included that little part about Baekhyun (I'm super curious about this part btw): "...a little freaked out at how her face just changed into a bright expression when she heard about Baekhyun." It's the little things like this that make me really happy; it shows that you thought your story out a little bit, and aren't solely writing as you go.

Characterization: (12/20)

Since your story is not complete, I won't be too harsh in this section. It's absolutely impossible to develop your characters entirely if you haven't finished telling their stories. So, I want to just give a brief overview of what I think so far - and some tips for future chapters.

My first impression of Haeyoung was bubbly, friendly, and really dramatic. I suppose this type of personality is perfect for rom-com, right? She's pretty, she's athletic, she loves to eat, she's nice to her staff, and she acts really cute. However, although these qualities are very endearing, you need to remember that she should still be human. Humans are never as perfect as she is. I understand that you wanted her to be portrayed as the "popular" twin of the two; but that doesn't mean that she should be a Mary Sue. I mean, there must be something that she isn't perfect at (at least I hope so). I do appreciate some things about her, however, such as how her hobby is running (as opposed to something in the arts like drawing, dancing, or singing) but she's just too surreal.

Another aspect of Haeyoung that I found to be a bit odd was how much her image changed. When you set a certain image for your character, you need to maintain it. With Haeyoung -- she was too unpredictable. In the very first chapter, she is introduced as a bit of an airhead, and drama queen. So when she saw Minyoung, a girl who looked exactly the same as her, I expected her to jump out and immediately begin questioning. The fact that she followed behind silently really confused me, because it changed her image from outgoing to shy. This is only my personal opinion, though, and since I'm a reviewer I tend to look into things too much. Though it had happened quite a few times, I'm not sure that a reader would take notice of somethings so small. The only reason I am pointing this out now is so that you can take notice of it before it becomes a larger problem in future chapters. Just remember that you need your character's personality to remain steady throughout the story (unless something big happens to change it).

Onto Minyong's character. I took her to be more on the smarter, quieter side in contrast to her sister. She was much more soft-spoken (perhaps because she was less rich?) than her sister. Her composed personality opened up once she became closer to Haeyoung, though. The only complaint that I have about her is: She's a Mary Sue, just like her sister. I'll throw in a quote from urban dictionary now: "Usually, the Mary Sue doesn't start out as inhumanly beautiful, but winds up getting a makeover and finding out she had the potential to be a guy-magnet (or girl-magnet, depending on the genre) all along." This is what happens, correct? People even ask if she (well, Haeyoung) got plastic surgery. Plus, it added onto her Mary-Sue personality when we figured out how much she loves books. I understand that the stereotypical nerd enjoys reading and schoolwork; but there must be something more to her than books and working at her mother's restaurant...right?

Now, I'm very sad to say that I don't know enough to analyze the side-characters. When they began to appear in the story, I was very excited. I found that the idols had unique personalities in contrast to the twins. For example, how Chanyeol is so happy and energetic all of the time; it's a commonly seen character trait, but you exaggerated it so much that it became different. (I also thought it was a cute little detail how he was always fighting with his sister; that sort of reminded me of my relationship with my older brother).

As for Joonyoung and CNU, I love their personalities so much (I'm talking about them together because their personalities are extremely similar). There is so much mystery and information just waiting to be revealed, regarding them and their backgrounds. I can't make much sense of it at the moment because I don't know much, though.

There are, of course, the characters like Kai and his girlfriend too. But, I really don't have much to say about them yet. I wrote down a few notes, but it's too early in the story to make assumptions; so I chose to hold my tongue and wait to see how everything unfolds.

Flow: (10/20)

This is something that I often say while typing reviews: You need to write for the readers, not for the characters. By this, I mean that you need to write so that everything you say makes sense from a reader's perspective, not a characters perspective. At times, this means writing the scene as it would happen in the real world. But, it can also mean cutting out some parts that would happen in real life. Still confused? Don't worry, I have many examples to talk about:

First of all, at the very beginning of the story (I literally mean the first line of dialogue), Haeyoung basically says the same thing in different sentences. "You're going to Taipei?!" and "You're going to leave me this summer?" are exactly the same thing. People may talk like this in the real world, but writing it out is unecessary. In the next piece of dialogue too, Chanyeol says: "And so we're going to Taipei." Once again, Haeyoung just mentioned Taipei when she spoke - so we do not need to hear Chanyeol say it too (even if this is how people talk in real life). When you write it all out, you're writing it for the character, not the reader.

You also need to write for the readers when it comes to description. When I began the story, I honestly pictured Haeyoung and Chanyeol in an apartment, or normal-sized room. So, when a butler was brought into the scene -- I had no idea what was going on. From a character's point of view, the room would be easy to visualize. The readers have no idea what it looks like, though. Setting the scene is extremely important to every story - it contributes heavily to the way people see your piece.

Next, I must point out that you were a bit repetitive at times. This is something that I come across frequently in fanfictions on AFF; and it always breaches the flow. Not only do repetitive parts sound unprofessional, but they often make readers double-take the section; thus taking attention away from the story itself. Here is a demonstration of this from chapter three: "A few of the maids' eyes widened when they saw me. Their eyes were going back and forth between Haeyoung and me." You end both of the sentences with the word "me" and use the word "eyes" twice as well. A better way to say this could be: "The maids' eyes widened, darting back and forth between Haeyoung and me."

Another example of your repetitiveness takes place on the very first paragraph of chapter four. Not only were you repetitive with the ideas (every sentence said pretty much the same thing); but you wrote the word "sister" way too much. I would highly suggest combining some of the sentences, or even cutting some out.

The last point I'd like to make is about A/Ns. This was not a reoccuring problem; in fact, it only came up once or twice. Bringing it up is necessary, however,  because I don't want you to make the same mistake again. When you put A/Ns in the midst of chapters, it takes the readers' attention away from the story. Personally, this is one of my largest pet peeves. When I am reading a fanfiction, I love to get lost in the story and visualize all of the scenes in my head. But, when you put an A/N in the middle of a chapter, I am taken out of the story and brought back into the real world; usually for something that isn't even important. I love reading Author Notes, but they belong at the end of the chapters.

Writing Conventions: (14/15)

Overall, you did extremely well with punctuation, sentence structure, and grammar. The points that will be addressed in this section are only problems that came up once or twice -- nothing to worry too much about. I just want you to keep these things in mind for the future:

Repeat after me: Commas are overrated. There has not yet been a fanfiction I've read where the author didn't overuse commas. In your case, I noticed that you often turned to commas where semi-colons, colons, or dashes belonged instead. This probably seems quite trivial; but to readers as grammar-particular as I am (or maybe it's just me LOL) it's very noticeable -- and a bit irritating. An example that I will use to demonstrate this from your story occured in chapter three:

Incorrect: We had just gotten inside her car, which was a big, big surprise because it was a limo.

The comma must be changed to a dash:

Correct: We had just gotten inside her car -- which was a big, big surprise because it was a limo.

Dashes can be put to use for adding extra material to the end of a phrase when there is a distinct break of continuity. In other words, "We had just got inside her car." could be a sentence on it's own. Saying that it was a big limo is "adding extra material" to the sentence and therefore breaking it's "continuity". Using a comma here creates a comma splice (which you don't want); so you have to use a dash. Here is a webpage that may help explain further (look under the heading  that says "Adding Words to the End of a Sentence"): x

Other than comma usage, there weren't too many mistakes. There were a couple mispellings here and there, or incorrect verb usage; but none of it was excessively noticeable. So, nice job!

Personal Enjoyment: (4/5)

Honestly, at the beginning of the story, I didn't like it so much because it was too similar to the Parent Trap. However, as I kept reading, I found that it was getting better. When male characters began to come in, it became more interesting and I was compelled to read more: not for the sake of reviewing, but just for the sake of enjoyment. I'm honestly now curious as to what will happen in the future.

Your story was good, but it wasn't great; you still need to fix the kinks. Mostly, I want to see Haeyoung and Minyoung's characters be added onto. Take them out of the Mary Sue phase and give them personalities. Also: remember to write for the readers, not the characters. I see potential in this story, but your overall style can still be improved c:

Keep writing, chingu!

Total: 66/100