Chapter 1: catwalk (first kiss)

[Flashback 2years  ago]

 

Yoon JeongHan fingers wrap around mine as he pulls me up onto the catwalk, and I stumble a little, having underestimated the gap between the ladder and the platform. JeongHan steadies me with a somewhat nervous chuckle, and I smile back as I turn to look down through the opening in the floor.

 

"Wow," I whisper in awe, looking down at the stage, so far below us. The light from the theater, combined with the glow from the sun in the hallway outside the open door, bring some light to what would otherwise be a completely dark space, and for that I am grateful; I am nervous enough as it is, alone here with him, without it being pitch-black.

 

"Yeah," JeongHan grees quietly. "You've really never been up here?"

 

I shake my head, glancing around the catwalk. "It's a little scary," I say, half-joking.

 

"Are you afraid of heights?"

 

"Not really." My eyes lock with JeongHan, and my stomach flips. "My heart is absolutely pounding," I admit breathlessly, laughing.

 

JeongHan grins. "So is mine," he says, taking my wrist and placing my hand on his chest.

 

"I can't feel it." I move my hand a little, searching.

 

"You can't –" JeongHan begins, puzzled.

 

"No, wait. Never mind." JeongHan heartbeat pulses fast under my palm. "Geez," I say, removing my hand, but secretly I am glad to know that he seems to be as nervous as I am.

 

JeongHan shrugs, looking faintly embarrassed.

 

"Feel mine," I say, guiding his hand to my jaw. His fingertips press against my pulse point, and after a moment his eyes widen.

 

"Well, someone's nervous," he comments with a little grin, his hand falling back to his side.

 

I giggle. "I'm not the only one."

 

There's a moment of silence, then I take a deep breath and speak again. "So, did you bring me up here so we could…" I trail off, glancing meaningfully at his lips.

 

JeongHan cheeks color slightly. "That's one of the many reasons, yes."

 

I fight back a nervous laugh. "Oh," I say. If I thought my heart was racing before, it definitely is now. The fluttering in my stomach is making me feel almost sick, but it's not entirely unpleasant, either.

 

"So, do you… want to?" JeongHan asks.

 

I look at the ladder heading back down to the hallway, avoiding his gaze. "Well, it's as good a place as any," I say hesitantly.

 

JeongHan huffs out a laugh. "This is so awkward."

 

"I'm sorry," I mumble. "You know, we don't have to do this if it's too awkward."

 

JeongHan places his hands on my shoulders, and I look up at him, startled. "Do you want to? Be honest," he says, smiling at me in spite of himself.

 

My eyes flick away, then return to him. "Yes," I say quietly. "I'm just so nervous."

 

"So am I," JeongHan says, chuckling self-consciously as he slides his hands off my shoulders. "Are you ready?"

 

"No" is what I want to say. I can hear my heart roaring in my ears. But I will not refuse. I can do this, and I will.

 

"Yes," I say, meeting JeongHan eyes. They are green in this light, with shades of blue from his T-shirt.

 

JeongHan takes a quick breath, his shoulders jerking. "Here goes nothing," he says, taking my trembling hands in his and moving a small step closer.

 

As JeongHan leans down toward me, I swallow hard and let my eyes close. Then – I sense it rather than see it – he tilts his head and leans in, and our lips touch.

 

His lips are soft, softer than I had expected, and slightly chapped. The kiss is warm and sweet, and he pulls back after only a few seconds, his eyes opening.

 

"How was it?" JeongHan asks anxiously, his thumb rubbing over my knuckles gently.

 

I laugh, my cheeks like fire. "It was good," I say.

 

My first kiss. Yes, I think as JeongHan and I climb down from the catwalk, it was good. It was not like the movies, with fireworks and sparks flying, but it was sweet, warm and soft. And for me, good is perfect.