I feel like this is becoming a cycle of indecisiveness. Problems with boys. High school should be changed to relationship central, because it seems like everyone is in a relationship, just got out of a relationship, or is looking for a relationship. All my friends have boyfriends and I wanted one two. Well, that got me into a sticky situation.

There's this boy that is in my school's marching band with me. He asked me out about a month ago and kept pestering me for an answer. A month later (present time) for some stupid reason I said Yes. A week has gone past and today was the first time we saw since I agreed due to exams and snowdays. To be honest I was dreading this day. I knew things would change and they did. He was all over me, wanting me to talk to only him at lunch, taking my things, poking at me. In other words: he was annoying. I realized that he was always like that and I didn't like it. I was talking it over with my friends. Most said I should go for it but one told me something significant: What does your heart feel??

It wouldn't be fair to go with someone just because they asked you to. It wouldn't be fair to him or me. So I told him that you are looking for a relationship and I am not. I feel like I broke his heart by saying it but I had to. I kinda feel like a bad person. I should've told him up front No which I regret but I didn't want to be mean. In the end it was worst doing things this way. But what really matters is that the relationship wasn't going to work.

But my heart is calling for another boy. And I think I realize this after all this went down. I've known him for years and he is one of my closest guy friends. We went out briefly in middle school but broke up because of a stupid reason I can't even remember. We are older now and more mature. I don't know if he still likes me though. I can't really tell. He doesn't flirt or mess with me. All my friends have been telling me for years we would look cute together but I might've waited too long. I don't know if he's still intererested. I kinda hope he is. This is a crush that never officially left my mind.

Maybe I should just grow some balls and go right in. The worst that can happen is that he says No, right??

SapphireKpop~