So here’s the thing. I suffer from anxiety and depression.

Last year I went through a very tough time and lost the only friends that cared enough to be there every day. I made mistakes and they made mistakes, so it wasn’t just one person in particular that started anything.

Upon losing those friends, I went through a very deep depression. I thought that, other than family, I was alone in the world. In a way, I was. I had someone who was willing to hang out with me, but she was really just using me as a person to keep her entertained. Yes, friends keep you entertained when you are bored, but they are there for so much more than that. 

For almost two months, I was constantly thinking “am I even worth the air I breathe?” and decided to think back to happier times. This led me to remember a friend from high school who tried to teach me about the Japanese culture. I remembered her teaching me about The GazettE and some other Japanese bands. Eventually she showed me some KPOP. (Big Bang and UKISS)

I decided to contact her and remind her of the good ol’ days when we were actually pretty close. 

She had told me about her KPOP concert experiences and she was so enthusiastic about it that I just HAD to see for myself. So I asked her to enlighten me on a few songs.

First song she introduced me to was B.A.P.’s One Shot. I was hooked. I kept asking her more about them and decided I wanted to learn the members.

After three days, I had the members down and after a week, I decided to learn more KPOP. 

I have been into KPOP for six months and have sadly only learned a handful of groups. (B.A.P., VIXX, B1A4, UKISS, Super Junior, Teen Top, and EXO in that order) I do listen to more than that, but those are the groups I know the members of.

However, I am grateful to these 7 groups and My good friend Yurina93. 

If my friend had not been willing to talk to me after 2 years, I don’t know exactly where I would be in life right now, but there’s a feeling inside of me that says that I wouldn’t be in the best shape. 

Having this amazing friend and KPOP to remind me that it’s not as bad as it seems is very comforting. I have realized, with the help of my friend, all these amazing songs, the gorgeous idols, and some pretty interesting KDramas, that I am worth the air I breathe. No one has said it to me directly, but the love I feel from all of these things, all the hard work put in, has put that spirit back into my life.

The music has given me a sort of purpose. I hope to learn enough Korean that I can at least understand most of the songs I listen to. Maybe even travel. 

It has also helped me become a tad bit more social. I have added at least 10 new friends on Facebook and I actually talk to some of them. You see, I’m not good with talking to new people so I tend to stick to myself and the people I already know. That’s the anxiety part in me. I get scared and clam up. But I want to learn and there is only so much one friend can teach me before she gets bored right? lol

I know that none of the KPOP idols know I exist, but I am 100% okay with that. They still comfort me during the times where I want nothing more than to break down an cry. 

I also know that the idols won’t see this, but I want to thank each and everyone of them, even the idols I don’t know of, for everything they do. All the hard work they go through. The long hours. Everything. Because every second they work their asses off, they are giving SOMEONE hope. Or courage. Strength. The ability to see beyond the bad. And to someone like me, even a small slice of any of those things is a reason to smile. 

I know this is a long post and I hope I didn’t bore any of you who actually read this, but I also want to thank you guys. All of my new friends/followers. Even if we don’t talk, just the fact that you are there is enough. 

Thank you Yurina93 for being one of the best friends anyone could ever ask for. Thank you mlm4ever for being the most awesome KPOP fan who is older than me. Thank you yukichan1000 for being the first KPOP friend I added other than Yurina93. Thank you niichan222 for being so willing to talk to me. And thank you whysehunwhy for being the first Tumblr user to follow me without knowing me. XD

I hope you all have a wonderful day and smile lots. :)