Survivors’ Heart-SHINeeCookie

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/387844

Story title (3.5/5):

Uh, yeah.  Believe me; I like the title, very eye-catching and spot-on. I really like how creative the title is. It does perk one’s curiosity and lures people in.  I like the fact that the title somehow ties to the plot and how the survivors’ heart will deal of the controversial things they are in now. Very creative and I could sense the vibe that is emitting out of it.

 

I still couldn’t see how it contributed to the plot, but I’m expecting it soon.

 

Appearance (6.5/10):

Let me take care of the poster first, but let’s talk about the genre’s first shall we?

 

Genres: Violence, Angst, Supernatural, Romance, Drama and others. I’ve noticed that in the first few chapters, you’ve dealt with violence and supernatural and slight fluff or romance. Then when it reached chapter 3, supernatural and violence left and was replaced with mild angst and romance.

 

Okay, I see.

 

Moving on…

 

Hue: The hue of the current poster is eye-straining, ah no, it’s not eye-straining but it’s somehow didn’t fully bring out the genres you’ve created. Red and Black is so common, you might want to use other colours also? Since the genres are angst, supernatural, violence and others, you might want to use the hue of dark blue crossed with orange and light hint of red and black?

 

Pictures: The pictures could have been better. Yes, it’s great but it could have been better. The other pictures are okay but it would be nice if the blending is right.

 

Title: The title font is okay…it suits the poster and all, but the double built up shadow could be taken off. I love how you expressed the heart in a different manner. Truly glinting in mischief I must say.

 

Collision of everything: I must say that it’s okay. The poster was fine but could have been better. A few more tweaks and blending and stuffs, it’s good. The problem though is that your poster isn’t that attractive to begin with, I mean it’s not alluring. It doesn’t fully bring out the vibe of the story that is needed to be released. It’s great as I have said, but it could have been better.

 

As for the writing style, your writing style is okay and very much appreciated. I could see that you have a descriptive style and that somehow it turns out to be good since angst was credited and so were the others. I like the fact that you’ve described even small things even though it doesn’t need to.

 

You don’t need to describe every single action to begin with because too much description could sometimes ruin the flow of the plot of how the readers read your story. The structure of the plot is fine and I guess that wraps it.

 

Description (7/10):

Description is okay but I found the others like credits, A/N and other stuffs completely inappropriate in the description part. Well it’s not a harm to do that but you could have just put it in the foreword after the short preview and make it slightly visible. It’s bad to make it attention-seeker than the description itself. You have to minimize those.

 

Description is to lure in people, well if not the description, might as well the foreword. The description isn’t that alluring and somehow the description throws some of the plot, but other than that, it’s good.

 

Characters (12/15):

Let me break it down one by one:

 

Taemin: Err, so he lost his memories, okay I understood that. He learned how to fight and was completely opposite the way he was before the explosion and such. I find slight off in his character. He was cold and I could find him threatingly not friendly except for Jinki but when it came to Minho, he’s fierce and overly not in good terms with him when they first met. Since he was given out that personality, why things suddenly changed? He easily accepted the fact that it might be good to be warm around Minho and accept him. If that was the case of being an amnesiac person, why didn’t he think the possibility that he may knew Minho before and they are really connected for such than Jinki? He was confusing yet I somehow understood him a bit.

 

Minho: Err, right. Minho is okay, he dealt things fine and I completely understood how he was desperate to see Taemin and how he wish for this to end. I was quite glad that he even has the nerve to create a light atmosphere when they were in a war, that’s okay. I understood how he felt when Jinki came, I understood how he had the right to be jealous when he saw Taemin and Jinki kissing, but dear, you have no right. Taemin doesn’t remember you, so why feel jealous? Ah, I forgot, love. Love takes it measure. It’s fine to be jealous and as I have said, I understood that he has the right to be jealous and that he didn’t vent out his frustrations to Jinki and Taemin but instead outside and stuffs.

 

Jinki: WHY? Why must you appear when they were so close!!! Wae?! So, yeah…I’ve had least comment for Jinki. Sorry about that. Well, I understood somehow some few parts about Jinki about having fallen for Taemin and such and that he slightly didn’t know that Taemin had a past with Minho. That’s understandable since Taemin had amnesia to begin with so he wasn’t able to tell him.

 

Doctor, Minho’s father and others: They’re okay I guess but they lacked the reaction they should really bring out. The zombies are a bit off since they still somehow had contained their human senses a bit like hearing or stuffs.

 

Overall, the characters you have developed are fine in the story and I wish to see how things would turn out.

 

Originality/Plot (12/20):

The plot is fine but typical. Yeah, it’s typical to have the zombies, the love triangles, amnesia and separation; they were screaming ‘cliché’ to begin with. I could see that it’s unavoidable and it must have been typical to say you must create the twist in order to make it up for the originality of the plot. But setting aside the originality first, let me talk about the plot.

 

The plot is truly exciting and I love how you played out the scene and how they look like. You’ve played the story well even though it’s quite confusing whose POV it is, but still it was fun to read and how things will turn out. You leave cliff hangers and they were completely frustrating since I was likely anticipating what will happen next and bam, cliff hanger. ;A; *sulk*

 

About the originality, you must already know right? The typical story…yeah, won’t mention it anymore and I wish to see some !!! Where Tae would remember and would choose whoever he likes….and everything suddenly poof and gone. Everything’s back to normal. (Unrealistic, I know)

 

So anyways, I wish to see how things would turn out and what the end would be after all the confusing love triangles, fights and stuffs.

 

Flow (12/20):

Flow…the flow….I’m confused, to be honest. I don’t know what to do with your flow. Well, you see the flow of the chapters is so confusing. What I meant is who is who talking. I would only find it out when someone or somehow spoke the other then I would know. Would you kindly write someone’s POV at least?  It’s really confusing to read who is who but setting that aside, let me deal with the collision of sentences and stuffs.

 

The collision of sentences is fine and no problems at all. The flow of the story is okay, but the problem is around when Jinki appeared. When he appeared, all things about the zombies and stuffs are gone or were it a slight time when zombies haven’t appeared yet?

 

I’m guessing that you want to point out the relationship they had and how things are after the bombing.  And then I noticed about some situations when they were in a war-cry between humans and zombies then there’s fluff. You know the part where Taemin is oh-so-prettily dangling from the tree. Then Minho says in a teasingly manner ‘Please oppa, help me up.’ Okay I found that extremely funny and I almost forgot they were in a war with the zombies.

 

 And seriously, cooking on top of a tree? LOL. I found disruptions in the flow a lot especially in the reactions they give out. On the prologue part, I find it funny that Minho and the father didn’t do anything except for being stunned and dumbfounded and that Taemin who is not even blood-related has to react in an overreacting manner. There are still some others, but I wouldn’t mention it anymore.

 

Just a little tip, might want to add a POV?

 

Spelling (11/15):

So, I’ve found some inappropriate letters between some words, punctuations and grammar. Just some errors there and there, nothing major.

 

Enjoyment (4/5):

Heyo~ So yep, I’m here. Let me tell you that I lub you~ Haha, sorry. So, I’ve enjoyed your story and all and I’m expecting what will happen between them. Ontae and 2min….Oh gosh….I don’t know anymore. So yep, Fighting in your story!

 

Total: 68 out of 100=68%

 

Extra Comments:

Hello~ Cherry here! Sorry if it took so long! *bows* I hope my review has fulfilled your expectations, if not…I’m sorry. Thank you and have a nice day! Thank you for requesting and hope you’ll come back again.