When the First Snow Fell-falliblefantasy

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/356223/

Story title (3/5): It sounds nice, very poetic –like and somehow pleasing yet sentimental for the ears. It gives off the impression of sad and melancholic. Even though it’s eye-catching, it isn’t a spot one, but the title did its best to catch my interest. It’s not strong like any other title out there, but likely it has some ways to catch my attention. It’s a simple title, basing the plot with it and the title has shared its contribution well in the story.

Appearance (9/10): The genres are displayed throughout, mild angst and melancholic. The vibe is nice, simple, enough and mild. Not too strong and thick that perfectly suits the story itself. The slice of life has been portrayed very well, giving off the moral and reality of life to the readers which definitely served its purpose very well. The poster is nice, simple and very creative. Very simple poster, but could have been better, in my opinion. The poster reflects the story, emphasizing one and two of the things that are important in the story. Simple and nice. The appearance of the story is neat and nothing seems to be  ut of the ordinary. Your writing style is very nice, placing more focus on narration, letting out the beauty of the genres and story through the narration. The dialogues are fine, complimenting the narration a lot, which I have no problem at all.

Description (8/10): The description is nice,; simple and alluring. The description didn’t say it all, but gave few hints which are fine. It’s simple and kind of poetic-like. Even though I find it a bit too simple, the description is really good. I would have liked it if there would be mysteriousness wrapping around the description to completely mark it off.

Characters (13/15): The characters are okay, in my opinion. Though the character of Myungsoo’s father is quite vague in my opinion, but  I definitely understand what he is trying to do throughout the story. He had done a lot of things in the past, horrible and bad ones, and for some matter, he is repenting on it. And due to Myungsoo’s knowing of Suzy and turns out to be the victim of Myungsoo’s father, I understand the hanging up phone, ignoring and such, because he doesn’t want to face it. I’m just curious of how had become. Suzy’s character is indeed like a feral child. The trauma she had when she was young truly affected her throughout and I understand that. Myungsoo’s character is so…casual, cool and calm. Totally the type of person to forgive and such and a bit sentimental. Mrs. Bae is definitely a mother who knows everything yet let everything flow and didn’t intervene with any and I really like her character here together with Sungjong. Their interactions together were great, except the father, but still great.

Originality/Plot (17/20): The plot is nice, simple and melancholic. Even though I found some similar plotline, your story had its impact that attracted the characters. You’ve emphasized some things that turned out to be an important thing throughout the story. Very heart-wrenching, completely a shock to me when I read it. All seems to be hurtful, pained and broken and you did a great job maintaining those until the end. Their love with each other is like strands of string, not a rope. Even though they met years back then, and seeing each other again after how many years and saying that the once feelings are still there, I find it a bit, fictional-like. Even though I’ve seen and heard that those are true, I believed, but the way how you portrayed it, I can’t somehow see the relation of their love between each other. I know you’ve tried to make it real and work it off, but for my opinion, it’s subtle. The father’s presence in the story seems odd throughout, but definitely had a purpose but his presence is quite off, really. And Myungsoo finding out things (all) through the laptop so fast, is just seems so unrealistic, don’t you think? But other than that, the plot definitely tied with the title and the ending, tying it altogether.

Flow (14/20): The flow of the story is fast, I admit. Everything seems to take place so fast. When Myungsoo found out what his father had done in the past definitely marked it. The others are fine, filling in the holes with the recap of the past to let us know what happened to Suzy and so. The sudden death of Suzy is okay, marking the end of the story with hers and Myungsoo in the crowd with his song for her. Truly nice even without the appearance of time skip, the line served its purpose for it which I find it simple and nice. The interactions between characters are fine, flowing perfectly together with the genres.

Spelling (13/15): I noticed that you lacked punctuations; periods, commas and semi-colon. Tenses are also the problem, switching the present with past or vice-versa. Together with some misspellings and such, but other than that, your vocabulary is okay. Understandable and clear enough.

Enjoyment (5/5): Despite all, I definitely enjoyed the story, loving the fact that they knew each other in the past and yet, has to separate ways in the end when it’s all too late when all is clear and well. Definitely loved the story and I wish you make more ^^

Total: 82/100= 82%

Extra Comment: Hello!  Hope this satisfies your expectation. If not, I’m really sorry. Thank you for requesting and hope you’ll come back again.