Beyond Repair- chocolatec

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/359451/beyond-repair-angst-boa-changmin-homin-kyuhyun-yunho-kidnapping

Title (10/10):  Okay, I must admit. The first glance that I gave to your title was the moment when my brain screamed to me to check it out. Seriously, your title is such a hooker! It’s really eye-catching and captivating to the reader’s eyes. I couldn’t imagine how my brain and heart tells me to go and read the story. And I’m glad that I listened to them both.

I’m pleased to have listened to my mind because the title didn’t fail to impress me. It didn’t make me disappointed. The title did its job tying the whole story together and how it is so beyond repair to fix someone. The title was creative and gives off the feeling of angst, drama, psychological and others. The title of yours is screaming or should I say begging to be read.

Design (6/10): Firstly, I’ll focus on your style of writing. Your style of writing is beautiful. Moderate description and moderate dialogue. You’ve balanced the two there greatly and I wish to see you upgrade? A little more in the description to aggravate your genres. What I meant is to give credit for your genres, to let the readers feel the immense pain and how things are not easy to deal with. I felt the emotions alright, but I felt that it lacking with the vibe throughout the chapters by the lack of description a little. Just a tiny bit.

You’ve already done a great job constructing the plot with your writing style and how you evoke the emotion through your style. I just suggest that it’ll be good if you add more description for it and how it’ll affect the readers more so that they’ll realize how it is so hard for someone to recover. (Experienced it, sigh.) Just that though, the fonts and sizes are okay and doesn’t need to change but the emphasis could be checked on a bit more. You also have to emphasize things a little more to create an emotional sting on the reader’s chest, heart or eyes.

But other than that, your design was great.

And as for the poster, it’s fine and I would highly (or have you done it, already?) recommend you to get a poster for this story. It would be great to have you a proper poster for this story. But if you don’t want, its okay since Changmin’s picture is a already a good sign of poster. So the only problem is that is that the poster lacks the main points for design.

Overall, everything is great. #^_^#

Mechanics [Spelling, Grammar, Structures] (14/15): Being focused too much on your story, I almost didn’t see any errors. Just barely though, I couldn’t even point out what is wrong until I reread it again; just a few punctuations there and a one or two grammar. You’ve constructed the sentences greatly and how they are easily to picture out in the mind. You have great choice of words and wow…I couldn’t even tell if there was really a error in your story. (Yes, I’m doubting my first few sentences)  Yeah. So I don’t know what to say anymore….so let’s move one shall we?

Plot (17/20): For one year, four months, a week and two days Changmin has been missing. You could totally see how it ties to the title. The plot is very creative and well-planned. You could see how it is so hard for someone who has been in hell to recover or even be repaired for his damaged soul and being. That it is not easy to recover from all of it after he has gone to hell and abyss.

My heart broke in every chapter and I almost lost my heart at the latest chapter. The plot’s originality is creative and well-thought. There may be other stories that have this similar plot, but the way how you turn the events into an exciting one, I could totally say that you did a great job there.

The plot is very convincing and my jaws slacken every time I see Changmin having his post-traumatic order and his disappearances. For a moment I thought that this story might as well be a movie or something because it’s good and with every chapter you always make the readers have the anticipation and excitement to know what will happen in the next chapter. \

You don’t have any idea how I adore how you played the plot. How you creates such light things then turn it into chaos. I loved how you could easily play the plot like it is a movie or something and how you were able to let us the pain and the emotions that the story is giving out.

Truly incredible. *claps hand*

Characters (15/15): You could say I’m practically in love how you dealt with your characters. You showed the readers how it is so related or even how real it is to reality. How people who have gone through would really do in the story. You showed how Changmin would react and the possibilities damaged he had. You also showed to the readers how it is not so easy to deal with things like this and telling the victim that it’s okay? I don’t think so. You’ve showed it through the story how Yunho would doubt sometimes his words if everything is going to be okay in the way Changmin is acting.

On the other hand, Changmin would completely lost himself in abyss every time something even the tiniest thing occurs to him or when he remembers something or whenever he familiars something that would lead immediately to the hell he had gone through.

You’ve portrayed Yunho very well as you have showed how he could be half-weak and half-strong in each situation. How he couldn’t held all the emotions (which Kyuhyun added more) that even led him seeing a therapist. You’ve played Yunho’s character very well throughout the story.  You’ve showed us how he couldn’t also control things from time to time but immediately will get on the work on it. I loved how Yunho how could be so considerate yet maintain his authority and do what he must do even though Changmin tells him not to.  Well, who wouldn’t? I mean, Yunho was the last one who saw Changmin that day! And he suffered a year and a quarter because of it. He strives and does his best to help Changmin and vows to kill the man who kidnapped him and made his dongsaeng the way he is now.

As for Kyuhyun, I understand what his intention before when Changmin was kidnapped. I understand how his anger got the hold on him laced with devastation and wreck. I understand that he blamed Yunho for everything, how things went worse and that it’s his entire fault. I understand how Kyuhyun didn’t hold back then, but sooner or later he realized how it much painful for Yunho than him. How painful it is for him when he was the one who last saw Changmin and how devastated and wreck he could be.

As for the others, I’m pleased to see how they are so considerate and how they are also affected by the situation. (Well, duh. Who wouldn’t be?) But what I’m saying is that they are will to do everything for Changmin and that they will do anything to let Changmin recover and be himself again one day.

Overall, I’m pleased to see how you have developed your characters in the story and how they help each other during the times they need each other.

Flow (10/10): Everything flowed smoothly. Everything! The sentences collide and flowed smoothly without any hurdle at all. The time elapse is great and how they are able to deliver out the emotion beautifully without leaving anything. The flow of the story is great and it’s on tempo. Even though there are still missing puzzles about what happened to Changmin, I totally understand that you need to draw the plot and let us know slowly what happened and how things are going to connect in the end and what the sick monster wanted from the people he kidnapped.

A beautiful note on the right beat.

Overall Enjoyment (10/10): I truly enjoyed the story and how everything flowed smoothly. I loved how you were able to give half of angst through the 8 chapters. I felt the emotional pain and I understand how they are coping things up. You don’t know how much I wanted to tell you the things I love about this story. Everything, I guess? #><# Anyways, I love your story and will be looking for the future chapters :)

Ending (/10): I won’t be marking this down.

Overall: (82/90)= 91%

Extra Comments: Hello! Cherry here! Sorry for the late review! I was busy taking my time to write down a review for your story and contemplating whether to put all my thoughts in it. And I decided to give half of it. *cheeky grin* Anyways, hope you like the review and thank you for requesting! Come back again! #^_^#