Rightful Regret- dokyungsoo7491

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/321747

Reviewer’s Note: I’ve taken up measure and this is mild criticism.

Title (7/10): I don’t think the title fits the story at all. Even though it could have been regret, it does not suit a story that is bound with Comedy. Angst with Comedy. Nope. Definitely no. The title could have been better. It could have been Paint since I noticed how it focuses on paint. And definitely at the ending ‘Paint’ and Vera.

Design (5/10): Design? Poster? Okay, seriously…the poster is not that great. Really. I like it, but it doesn’t perk up my interest. The pictures could have been better and all of it could have been better. I’m not saying that your poster is bad. I’m just saying that it could have been better.

Suggestion: Get a poster from a poster/graphicshop?

As for your style, it definitely suited the comedy genre. It really is funny and great.

Oh yeah, the genres doesn’t combine well in your story.  Angst shouldn’t be there. A low angst could be there but normal angst isn’t supposed to be there. It could be perfectly comedy, low angst, romance and yeah.

Mechanics [Spelling, Grammar, Structures] (10/15): Okay, I’m going to be frank. I just really saw a lot of errors. Misspellings, Grammar, Tenses. Okay. I know that your dialect is Tagalog and all since I’m one also. Please, oh please, use Microsoft Word. If Microsoft Word don’t work (since it only fix up mistakes, please hire a beta-reader or whatsoever. I can’t give you any examples because there are a lot of them to point out.

Plot (16/20):  The plot...it's fine. Though, really it may have been typical and so...it's really funny. How the characters are so void of emotions and how they are so calm about it. I really liked the plot even though it is typical of break-up and how stupid Kai is. (No pun intended. Nope sorry.)

Characters (11/15): The characters are good. Except that they are epic and so void of emotions and that they really took in the situation calmly as if it were the perfect normal things to happen. I mean really…Kai. How could you be so dumb and naïve? Well, I guess that’s part of the story.

So what I’m saying is that I couldn’t see any personal background. How did Kai get to know Ana? Who is Ana? How did she become Kai’s girlfriend?

So yeah, just fix  the characters up a little more or maybe bring a prequel.

Flow (6/10): Okay. The flow is fast. Fast that I cannot pick-up the information well and can’t digest it in very well. I mean, after the last scene it will switch to the other and the next thing I know is, bam. Vera and Kai. Then Doomsville come and Ana is in the hospital and yep. Epic.

My suggestion to you is that you write more scenes so that it’ll be clearer than confusing. And so that the readers might catch up to what is happening.

Overall Enjoyment (9/10):  I enjoyed it okay? Despite the fast pacing and all, I really enjoyed the story. Oh, I also read the sequel and it was epic as this one. You did a great job in making us laugh XD

Ending (8/10): I really find the ending epic, especially Chanyeol and Kris. Their interruption was epic and paint. Seriously paint? Poison paint? And Chanyeol…Aish. You…ugh.

Overall: (72/100)= 72%

Extra Comments: Don’t be dishearten with the score, okay? I’m quite impressed that it’s your first fanfiction. Your English is well-built despite the fact of your misspellings and all. You’ll get a hang of it, don’t worry. I’ll be cheering for you :) You gave me a hearty laugh and I’m pleased to read your fic. Thank you for requesting and hope you’ll come back again :)