Kissing the Sun, Kissing the Moon-072013

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/342316/

Title: (13/15)

-The title has a deep meaning to it. It gave away the vibe of curiosity and got me hooked up. It made me ask what the story will be and how it’ll turn out. The title is simple and sweet and is definitely eye-catching to the reader’s eyes. The title gave its contribution very well to the plot. 

-My problem, though, is that when you look further more at the title, it somehow, gives off the clue to what the story is about. (I’m not sure if the readers do that, but I do, sorry.)Anyways, the title becomes more of the description rather than a title. And you’ll just have to see who the sun is and who the moon is because you already know what the title is about.

-But don’t worry. The title is definitely captivating and eye-catching to the readers.

Description & Foreword: (7/10)

-In my opinion, the description didn’t captivate me very much. Even though it’s a sequel, there must be a thing or two for it to be eye-catching and likeable, but, it least captivated me.  The few sentences that you put in your description is nice and doesn’t give away a lot information to the readers. It gave the right amount of information, yet, I felt something that is lacking; some vibe of the genre of the description. Description depicts also the feeling of the genre, but, when I read yours, I can’t feel it nor was I able to get into the ride of excitement of what the plot will be.

-Try adding a bit more. A poem or something that’ll give a feeling of romance and a bit drama and will add to the beauty of the story also, but, be sure not to put any clue in it.

-Quotation is okay, but, a poem or song is more suitable.

Plot: (19/ 25)

• Originality: (11/15)

-To be honest, I’ve seen some stories that have some similarity with your plot. Science and Love. Wow. The plot where the moon/sun describes the other as a star/moon/sun/sky and others. The typical story of describing one another, but, I loved those kind of story, yet, the originality of the story is not that great. It’s great to see that you have a twist in your story to make up for the originality of your story.

• Believability: (8/10)

-Believable enough. You can see some hints on it and the connection on the end after those hints. Yeah, the typical love life.  The facts were good and quite hilarious. You’ve done a great job adding science to the conversation :) And so…it’s not ridiculous or boring, in fact it’s great :) 

Presentation: (8/10)

-Ayy…Let me see…the genre is romance. You’ve portrayed it very well, and I could sense the vibe of romance even though it’s a little. And I could sense the feeling of drama. A very little drama. Yep. The fonts were okay and the keys are okay. Yep. The presentation is good, but, lacked in the romance genre a bit.

Characters: (13/15)

-Ahh, characters section. How good it is to be here. The characters are fine and they were developed in the story very well. 2 points off for some lacking background and information of the characters, but, you definitely portrayed them very well with their characters, not like other stories out there.

Spelling & Grammar: (10/10)

-Ah…so I’m here in this section…Well, when I have read your story twice, :

*Spelling [None]

*Adverbs and Adjectives [None]

*Punctuations [None]

*Grammar [Some]

*Choice of words {Great}

-I found some errors, but, nah. It’s small that it can’t be seen anyways XD Bingo. Ten points :)

Writing Style: (8/10)

-Your writing style is very descriptive which improved the plot very well. Concerning to the title, it must really be descriptive to portray simple words into a great words. Even though, I’ve seen a lot of authors with your style, I liked the way how you never get lost too much in describing every detail, because some authors tend to get in too much in describing such simple scene into a great one, even though it is not needed.

Flow: (8/10)

-The flow of the story is well-balanced. The chapters didn’t go too far nor fall back. The pacing is on beat and well-tracked on the scenes. There were no unnecessary scenes placed in the plot and every scene was important to one another.  

Enjoyment: (12/15)

-I liked the story very much, in fact, I enjoyed it. The story simple gives out the blooming romance of two best friends in the end. While I read the chapter three, around the ending part, I remember a quotation that said, “A bud doesn’t bloom to the sky because it knows it’s not the right time yet, but, it’ll soon bloom when it knows when the right time is.” And ‘ahh’, a sudden realization struck me when I remembered that quote. I also loved how Key talked about gravity and love and how he talks about the famous scientists, is just great!

Bonus: (3/5)

-You have a great story, so yep. 3 points.

Total Score: 101/125=81%

Extra: ;A; Sorry for the low score. Thanks you for responding back to mellissa! I’ve taken measure and revised my whole review. Hehe. Thank you so much for requesting and hope you’ll come back again! Thank you for letting me review your story. It’s an honour. Thank you!! <3