All I Could Ever Wish For

Written by --peanutbutter & Reviewed by BringingyBaek

 

Title: 15/15 points

I loved your title, because it matched the plot of your story perfectly and it had a romantic and sad feel to it, which were exactly the two moods I got from your story. Your title was eye-catching and I was definitely lured in by it. It's a simple title, but it got me thinking, "What were you wishing for?" and "Why are you wishing for something?". It got me curious enough to actually click on this story and read it if I saw it on AFF, which is very important. Everything was capitalized properly, and while some people may think that you shouldn't have capitalized the word "for", you were actually correct because you have to capitalize the first alphabet for the first and last word of the title.

I really, really like this title, and I don't think I can explain how I feel.

...Just like EXO and how they can't explain what they feel.

It's actually quite a pretty title and I can actually see it as a title for a song about unrequited love, so good job on picking out a great title!

 

Description & Foreword: 10/10 points

The way I feel about your description and foreword is exactly the same way I feel about your title; it's absolutely perfect. Personally, I'm a big fan of having very short and simple descriptions for stories, and I was delighted to see what you had for your description. You see, the reason why I like seeing short descriptions for stories is because it won't reveal too much of the story and it will reveal just enough to get readers curious. Let me tell you something: your description is exactly why I like seeing short descriptions.

Reading it, I immediately knew that I was going to read a sad and romantic story. It was just such a bittersweet description, and just like your title, it fit the mood of your story very well. 

Your description was very short and very simple, but it was just perfect.

 

Plot: 25 points from two categories

• Originality: 15/15 points

Your story seems very original to me, because honestly, I can't tell you when was the last time I read a story with someone being in love with another person, learning that he's in love with someone else, and then slowly getting over the fact that she'll never be with him without having to fall for another guy. I think this is because many author's don't like sad endings. They don't like their characters not ending up with the person they love, but sometimes, that's life for you and you have to learn to accept it.

• Believability: 8/10

There's nothing bizarre or crazy about this fan fiction so everything is believable to me, but I personally think that it's a bit weird how Baekhyun didn't realize that the girl had a crush on him. I mean, they were supposed to be very close friends, so I expected Baekhyun to be suspicious or maybe he might notice something or just anything really. The fact that Baekhyun had no suspicions at all is a bit unrealistic. I think you should've wrote that Baekhyun had his suspicions for a while, but didn't think too much about them or he simply just dismissed them altogether.

 

Presentation: 10/10 points

Everything was simply formatted and you didn't change any font sizes or colors. Also, I love the font you used, but maybe it's just because I'm using it as well.

 

Characters: 15 points

I can't judge the other characters because pretty much nothing was revealed about them, so I'll just try to focus on the main character, the girl who had her heart broken but decided to accept the fact that the man she loved didn't love her back.

Like the other characters, not much was revealed about the girl, so I can't really say anything about her personality or whether or not she's a Mary Sue, but in this case, characterization isn't what matters, because what matters is the actual plot of the story and the process of the girl accepting Baekhyun's wife and moving on. The girl could be a huge Mary Sue, but it wouldn't really matter because the focus of the story is about her moving on and accepting the fact that Baekhyun didn't love her back.

Basically, characterization doesn't really play a big role in your story, but I just wrote a review about your characters when I have absolutely nothing to say but, "I can totally picture Baek in a suit, and oh my God, he would look hot."

 

Spelling & Grammar: 8/10

Your spelling was perfect, but you had quite a few grammar mistakes. There weren't many mistakes, and there weren't any mistakes on tenses or plural and singular nouns, but I think you just misplaced a few words here and there, which made reading a bit confusing at times. Also, the way you worded some of your sentences sounded a bit weird, and I couldn't help but feel like you could've worded them differently.

[How it was written] Everywhere was decorated so beautifully.

[How it should be written] Everything was decorated so beautifully.

 

[How it was written] Beside each bench was neatly placed a bouquet of white roses,

[How it should be written] Beside each bench was a neatly placed bouquet of white roses,

 

Writing Style: 10/10 points

Your writing style does indeed match the mood of your story, and I personally love your writing style because it's very simple and descriptive at the same time. The way you described the people in the story and the location of the wedding made me feel as if I was actually there, because I could just picture everything perfectly. To put it simply, I just loved your writing style.

 

Flow: 10/10

It didn't feel like it was dragging out, nor did it feel like it was rushed. Perhaps this was because your entire story was set in one place?

 

Enjoyment: 15/15

I enjoyed your story very much. I loved your writing style, the plot, and at one point I actually had tears in my eyes because I just felt so bad for the girl. I loved how she moved on in the end, I loved how she actually felt happy for the couple, and I just loved your story.

 

Bonus: 5/5

You deserve bonus points because you're an amazing writer and I loved your story.

 

Total Score: 106/125 110= 96.4%

 

Extra: Congratulations on getting featured~

I definitely look forward to seeing more of your work! I hope that you'll send in more of your stories to be reviewed, because I'll definitely be looking forward to them!