Colours

Written by shawolistic & Reviewed by BringingyBaek

 

Title: 12/15

Your title was just so fitting for your story. It matched the plot and the mood of your story, but for some reason, it didn't exactly pull me into the story. It wasn't exactly something I would click on right away, but I suppose I would click on it if I was looking for something to read. To be perfectly honest, I can not think of any other title that would fit this story better, so I can't exactly say that much about your title.

I must say though, it's a very pretty title that turns out to be a lot more deep and meaningful then one would originally think.

 

Description & Foreword: 10/10

Your description and foreword was just absolutely perfect. It was vague, but told just enough to get people really interested. And when I say "really interested", I mean really interested. When I read your description and foreword, I was just like, "Oh my God" the entire time I was reading it. Your description and foreword may have been really short, but I'm pretty sure that I went "Oh my God" at least 5 times. I was just clicking on the "Next" button as fast as I could, absolutely eager to read your story. The foreword you written was just so beautiful that I actually thought that it was a poem or maybe a quote!

Admittedly, I was first a bit confused when I read your description and foreword. I just assumed that the main character was so sick that he couldn't even lift a paintbrush or something, but that was just me being weird and all.

 

Plot: 25 points from two categories

• Originality: 15/15

Obviously, your story is very original. Never before have I seen a drama, movie, manga, or story anything similar to your story. When I first read your description, I was pretty sure that I've read a story similar to yours before, but turns out, the way I pictured your story to be from your description was completely different from how your story actually turned out to be, so never mind about that.

• Believability: 10/10

Everything seemed believable to me and I didn't think that anything was too unrealistic or impossible. I'm honestly a bit confused about the colours that Yixing were seeing; were they his hallucinations or were they really the other characters (Jessica, Kris, etc.)? I personally think that they were actually the other characters, but just in case they were hallucinations or something like that, I won't take off any points because it would just be really unfair of me to do so.

 

Presentation: 10/10

There was absolutely nothing wrong with the way you presented or formatted your story, so full marks for that. Everything was neat, easy to read, and you obviously didn't abuse the colours or font sizes.

 

Characters: 15/15

Hmm... Now it's finally time for me to talk about the characters. I'm just going to be honest and tell you that this category was honestly the most difficult for me to write among all the other categories. Heck, your characters are by far the most difficult for me to write among all of my other reviews! I'm not saying that it was bad or that I didn't enjoy writing about your characters, because I actually really had quite a lot of fun reading and writing about them.

To be frank, I was rather confused about your characters and all. I wasn't sure if your characters were the balls of colour that Yixing saw or actual people that came to visit him in the hospital. I suppose that some people might actually dock off some points for that, but this is an abstract story and I personally think that there are a few different ways you can look at the characters, so I won't be taking off any marks.

If the characters were actually the little balls of colour, I thought that the way you portrayed the characters was just beautiful. I really loved how you described their colours based on their personalities. Red for Kris, Pink for Jessica, and Blue for Eunji. I felt like the colours really did suit the characters well, like how Pink was the much softer and calmer version of Red and how Pink was a feminine colour and it really suited Jessica because she's very feminine and all and how you described Red as the aggressive and dominating "dragon" flame.

If your characters were the actual people in the story, then I can't say that much because not much was revealed about them. However, I'll just write the review for this part of the criteria based on the little things I've learned about your characters as I read your story. I won't say anything about Eunji and Jessica because they only appeared twice and I'll be saying something very short about Kris.

So, I'm under the impression Kris is the "strong" guy in the story. He's the one that Jessica goes to for support and comfort and I can see that he tries hard to mask his sadness when I read the part where the tears that were clinging onto his eyelashes finally trailed down his cheeks. He seems like the kind of person that will act strong even when he's sad.

 

Spelling & Grammar: 9.5/10

Your spelling and grammar was almost perfect. I didn't find many mistakes as I read your story, which was really good because I tend to get really distracted when I spot mistakes in a story and end up having to reread the entire thing. Your choice of vocabulary really impressed me as well. Honestly, I couldn't help but wonder if most people were able to actually understand what you were writing. I personally don't mind your choice of vocabulary, but I'm fairly sure that there are quite a lot of people on AFF who probably won't understand a few of the words.

And no, I'm not telling you to use simpler words! The words you used for your story actually made it even more beautiful and it probably wouldn't have the same feel if different words were used.

Your mistakes were on punctuation and they were very minor, so don't worry about it too much! I'm fairly sure that these mistakes are not typos either, since you've written them incorrectly a few times in your story.

[How it was written] Kris his knuckles and lips had turned a ghostly white!

[How it should be written] Kris, his knuckles and lips had turned a ghostly white!

That was honestly the only mistake I could find in your entire story, and it was a very very minor mistake, so don't worry! I wasn't sure if I should take off a mark for that or not, but it was still a mistake, and even though it was minor, it was still a mistake.

 

Writing Style: 10/10

Your writing style was perfect. It was descriptive, beautiful, and I just love reading stories with writing styles like yours! The way you conveyed Yixing's emotions and described everything made the words come alive and I could just picture every single scene. I actually felt sad as I read your story and I could totally picture Yixing sick and all that. It made me feel sad because I don't like reading about anyone from EXO dying, especially Yixing because he gets injured the most and I've seen too many pictures of him getting hurt.

Your writing style is a writing style that I would like to see more of and I really just loved it. It was poetic and beautiful.

 

Flow: 10/10

It didn't feel rushed nor did it feel like it was dragging on. I know that the entire story was just set in one area and time, but because of all the descriptions and all, it made everything seem longer. The flow was just perfect. 

 

Enjoyment: 15/15

Obviously, I enjoyed your story very much. I will really look at more of your stories and subscribe to them if I like them, because your story was just so amazing and breathtaking. I actually subscribed to it even though it's finished already!

 

Bonus: 5/5

You deserve bonus points because of your gorgeous writing style and your characters and your genius. 

 

Total Score: 121.5/125= 97.2%

 

Extra: I'm really sorry for taking such a long time to get your review done! I was pretty busy and it took some time for me to think of what to write, so I sincerely hope that you enjoyed this review.

Thank you for requesting, have a nice day, and congratulations on getting featured!